But it's funny; neither of us drive a clown car. Our house is reasonable. Our commutes are reasonable. We have a good marriage. Our kids are great. Our jobs pay well. And we're still stressed.
Oh, so you’re human. Congrats. Who do you know lives a stress free life? I doubt anyone. If normal, relatively healthy and generally fine is the worst of your stress, you’re doing great. Maybe keep a gratitude journal to keep reminding yourself how good life is, while still trying to find tiny solutions to optimize and improve. It can always get better, just keep in perspective and if you ever lose that perspective, volunteer at a homeless shelter for a day.
I'm gonna go ahead and totally, completely, and utterly go against the sentiment behind your post.
I agree with the "oh, so you're human part", but that's because I think that almost any dual working couple with their kid in sports is likely to be bloody exhausted.
He can be grateful for how great his life is and still feel run down and shitty. In fact, I think it's this absurd mentality that being exhausted is normal that drives people to continue on in these lives that are possibly unnecessarily tiresome.
If that level of income and their daughter's sports truly are their very top priorities, then yeah, they need to suck it up and accept the costs of the trade offs they've chosen to make and be grateful for the opportunities to achieve their goals.
However, I doubt that someone posts a thread like this if they are truly on their best path and living their best life. If not, then sucking it up and focusing on gratitude can actually be tremendously bad for mental health.
No one needs to feel grateful for feeling shitty. That's illogical.
OP: If your wife could make an extra 60K working an extra 40 hours a week, would she? Would you think it unreasonable for her not to?
No! Obviously not!
So saying that she must, as a given, work the first 40 hours a week for the first 60K is an equally nonsense concept.
She only needs to work 40 hours a week if the trade off in terms of time/energy/money actually makes sense for your family. If it doesn't, then change it because it's a bad trade.
Everything is a trade off.
It's not that your wife "can't" quit, it's that you have collectively decided that her time and energy are worth the income. It's an active choice you've made, not a passive parameter within which you live.
The life you are living is exhausting *because* it's normal and normal life seems to be pretty exhausting. You may need to live exceptionally in order to overcome that normal reality, which is where I agree with MrThatsDifferent, because you shouldn't expect your life not to be exhausting. You've chosen a normal, exhausting life.
Don't fall into the knee-jerk reaction of thinking "oh no, we can't even consider that option because on the face it seems unreasonable" because sometimes, those trade offs are actually amazing deals.