When to quit and how to convince myself of the answer

[dougules]

It's odd how the universe sometimes aligns. As a realtor, there was NEVER a good time to leave. I always had buyers and/or sellers in the middle of a transaction. When I was ready to leave, I only had one transaction to settle...and oddly no other clients ready to buy or sell. I took it as a sign that it was time.

I think my fuck-it switch flipped from never a good time to leave to always a good time to leave. 

[dougules]

So I'm thinking it was a good sign that when I brought up the idea of quitting to DH after getting home from work that he immediately went to discussing responsibilities and practicalities like how we should divide up housework and how cash would flow.  I let him know I wasn't there yet, but it does seem like a good sign for him supporting this idea and for us communicating.   

I get the impression that he's somewhere halfway in between not wanting to get bored with no job and not wanting to give up the paycheck.  We'll see, though.  The best way to approach it may just be for me to quit and let him see what that looks like.  It was a good laugh, but the more I think about it the more I think that seriously after a few weeks of seeing me get to sleep in he'll be done too.  If not then maybe he's serious about staying.  He also mentioned that work would be easier if he could quit at any time. 

[Omy]

We've always kept everything in joint accounts. Post FIRE we created individual "slush" accounts because we anticipated wanting to spend money on different hobbies and didn't want to feel compelled to run hobby spending by the spouse.

So we seeded each account with $1000 and we add $100 each month to each account. We also agreed that 10% of any money we made individually would go into that individual's slush account...and if that person's "job" was covering health insurance they would get to add 20% of their monthly salary into their slush.

This is a goofy accounting game we play to give ourselves play money...and to "earn" rewards for bringing money into the household.

I don't know if this would be helpful in your situation...just an idea to keep the working spouse motivated!

[FLBiker]

Thank you very much for this thread!  It has been great to read and helped stir a lot of my own thoughts.

I'm in a similar boat in a way (in that we hit our FI number more quickly than expected due to the market and the timely selling of a house) but I feel very differently about my job.  I like it, I like the people, and it isn't stressful.  Plus, I work from home and am able to exercise pretty much everyday at lunch for 30-40 minutes, so I don't think it's bad for my health.  That being said, I can definitely relate to the fear around pulling the trigger.  I'm planning to ask to switch to part-time next summer.  I'm waiting until then because my employer recently (like 3 weeks ago) engaged a third party in order to provide me with benefits in Canada (where we moved last summer).  They had a bunch of costs associated with this, and I told them I'd give them 8 months at least if they did this.  If push came to shove, obviously, there's nothing binding in this, but like I said I like them and the job well enough.

As I've been trying to adjust to being FI, I've gone through a lot of the same psychological exercises -- from catastrophizing worst case scenarios to accepting that uncertainty is a fundamental truth, and that we would have a tremendous amount of time (no matter what) before we were broke and that DW and I are both very resourceful and employable.  Plus, DW does not seem very interested in staying at home.  She was working part-time, but has now lined up a basically full-time gig for the fall, and has a couple side gigs on top of it.  She doesn't earn very much (as a teacher) but she likes what she does and if she keeps this up she certainly earns enough when coupled with our stash.

If I'm honest there's also an element of "golden handcuffs" -- I don't earn as much as many on this forum ($80K USD) but it's way more than I ever expected to, so it's hard to walk away from.  I trained as an ESL teacher, and my first job paid like $38K (similar to what my wife makes).  Also, like OP's DH, I feel like I benefit from the structured accomplishments of work, and worry a bit about my mental health if I took that away completely.  Thus, my plan is to ease into it by going part-time for a year or so.  Maybe I'm just a chicken. :)

[thesis]

I would encourage OP to take the plunge and quit.

My situation is very different. I'm only about 25% toward FI, but I will be taking a year off next year. It makes me nervous, because most people who do this seem to be very close to their FI number, but as mentioned, sometimes things just fall together. Cheap rent, extremely few responsibilities, enough invested to (almost) technically pay my rent, and skills that are in demand and should fairly easily allow me to re-enter the workforce after that year. I had to realize that there will probably never be a better time to quit and take time off. My brain sometimes fights me, reminding me that I work with good people, that it'd be nice to have a larger stache, but I know what needs to happen. I know that if I don't do this, I will probably regret it for the rest of my life. I'm slowly mellowing out now that I have enough cash for both my monthly expenses and two big trips I'm planning, and I still have several months to earn more money. The time is right.

I would encourage anybody to be very attentive to that feeling, when the time is right.

[dougules]

There's some great insight here already but I just had to share my past year's experience working through this. I've taken some time off, gone down to PT and have managed to clear my head somewhat from the burnout and stress. It *did* take going a little Office Space on management: I no longer care about anything other than the day to day and getting my job done. Not surprisingly this has taken a lot of the BS, worry, and stress away. My daily tasks are not stressful - it was worrying about the bigger picture too much that was getting me down before. I didn't think I could stop caring about work, but I have prioritized what I do care about, and when the old stresses come up, I just let them go. I no longer get involved, and I don't really need to because my role is much smaller now.

I think my anxiety is too ingrained to go full Office Space, although I do find that I'm let go of it a little bit now that I feel like I can see the exit. 

The deeper thing I've noticed - and I am a meditator and have spent a lot of time watching my thoughts and trying to be sensitive and aware of how my mind works - is that my mind is constantly calculating things. Random things, important things, if A happens then B will be sure to happen, this kind of thing. The whole FIRE methodology fits perfectly into this: it gave my mind a lot of entertaining "toys" to chew on. Have to save till I get to a 4% WR. Oh now that WR is too high, I need to save to 3.5% because of *reasons.* We have X number of days to pay off the mortgage, and then I can save more and have X many years left. Calculations ad infinitum. This is what my mind likes to do. If I have a fear, any fear (not necessarily finance related), then my mind will come up with a way to calculate how I can avoid that fear, usually with very random and (ultimately) nonsensical measurements.

It's a total nerd thing, but sometimes I do use math as a distraction from thinking about things that might make me feel actual emotions and stuff.

Because this is the tendency of my mind, I've realized that no matter *what* WR I get to, I will find some reason to change the calculations. The nature of calculating risks based on All The Fears is - there will always be new fears, and there will always be new uncertainties in life. The nature of being alive is - life is unstable, everything is constantly changing and in flux. There is no stability - any sense of stability I have is an illusion. There is no amount of money in the world that would make me feel 100% safe and secure. That is just the nature of my mind - to look for signs of uncertainty, cracks in the fabric of it all, and to calculate how to fill them in and to make them seem more stable. It's an impossible and endless task.

This sounds very Buddhist, and it really clicks when you frame it that way.  I'm craving security, but life is inherently unable to satisfy the craving for that illusion.  It's better to let it go like a hot coal and bring my understanding, my effort,  and especially my livelihood in line with what helps me to do that.  That's actually a really helpful context. 

IMO this is very common and - the trickiest thing to realize is - I can't be free of worry or fears until I just let them go. In meditation especially, my mind eventually tires of chewing on any particular toy, and looks for another, and if I wait / watch / listen long enough, eventually the whole process gets tiring and my mind quiets down. It's not making future plans or trying to resolve anything. It's a huge relief, and very refreshing. It's a time when I feel most in tune and awake. Though it's temporary, I've learned to recognize the patterns, and not take any of these calculations too seriously. There is no magic SWR that will prevent mishaps in life.

Anyway, long story short - try to really notice your mental habits. Are you trying to hit a point until you feel secure? Do you believe you will ever hit such a point where you are 100% secure? Is there some part of you that enjoys the search for security, while knowing it will never get there? Can you give that part of you something else to chew on, or maybe even let it chill out?

I think I just randomly hit that point on Sunday night.  I think my biggest problem was just not trusting my future self to be able to deal with anything because I assume he'll be exhausted and overwhelmed, too. 

Meditation and mindfulness are something that falls of the plate when you're tired right along with exercise and healthy cooking. 

[Aethonan]

First, I have been really enjoying the irony of this thread and your previous comments on OMY's earlier thread. :)

Second, I'm genuinely really excited for you.  You're at this amazing turning point in your life and it's damn hard, but you're making an important choice for *you.* 

Third, thank you for having the guts to share your story and ask for help.  It's hard.  And it's inspiring me to think through some of my own choices in this regard.  I left my old job for a sabbatical, which has been interrupted by some unexpected PT work.  We all need to figure out our "why" not just for work, but for life... and sometimes work can be a handy distraction from that endeavor. :)

Best wishes.

[dougules]

So an update on the relationship front, I misjudged some things.  Apparently for several years he's been kind of viewing our retirement plan as a limit on his spending.  @Malcat was right as usual on the red flag.  He's mentioned it before, and I've tried to convince him that I'm not trying to limit anything.  If he wants it, we will fit it in.  But I clearly I did not communicate that effectively.  Maybe my tone or something contradicted me?  I don't know.  It doesn't help that the top thing he wants is a nice car, and I have a bit of an anti-car streak.  That's a whole other topic really that I've been trying to tone myself down on lately, but I think he also carried that over to thinking that it was about the money.  The car he wants is actually already figured into the numbers, and that ~3.16% was with that included.  We had a pretty emotional conversation about it Monday night, but what came out of that was that if he keeps working and I quit, I get my out and he can spend whatever he wants.  I don't even think he wants to spend all that much more than I'm already planning for, but I think it's more just that he felt constrained. 

As far as I can tell (hard to read) he's be in a pretty good mood about it since Tuesday.  He actually said it made him feel free.  Maybe this is the right path then, assuming he truly is feeling better about his job.  He definitely is in a better work situation than he was a few years ago.  Clearly we should have had this conversation a few years ago after he got out of that situation.  One way or the other, this is a sign that I'm going to have to be very careful to work on communication.  I'm hoping that will get less difficult as I decompress.  I think it's a good sign that before I quit he wants us go through specific expectations for the future.  Also, the new therapist I saw yesterday said we could come in together if needed.   

After the switch flipped on Sunday night I'm just realizing more every day that this needs to happen.  I've been going around and around from being on cloud 9, to breaking into tears out of shear relief, to it not being real, to focusing on work since it has been busy recently.  It's exhausting, but a lot easier to push through when the light at the end of the tunnel is close.  Nothing is fully decided yet, but I will probably out be some time in late October or November.  I've been too drained to start hashing out the nitty gritty details with DH yet.  Hopefully this weekend. 

First, I have been really enjoying the irony of this thread and your previous comments on OMY's earlier thread. :)

Totally.  I kind of had a suspicion I'd need a little bit of a kick myself, though.

Third, thank you for having the guts to share your story and ask for help.  It's hard.  And it's inspiring me to think through some of my own choices in this regard.  I left my old job for a sabbatical, which has been interrupted by some unexpected PT work.  We all need to figure out our "why" not just for work, but for life... and sometimes work can be a handy distraction from that endeavor. :)

Thank you.  It helps me out to know that you managed to find work again so easily.  It really helps to take the leap when I get encouragement that I am capable of recovering if my FIRE plans were to fall through. 

[Aethonan]

So an update on the relationship front, I misjudged some things.  Apparently for several years he's been kind of viewing our retirement plan as a limit on his spending. 

Ha, you're not alone!  We had a similar conversation after I left my job.  I'd thought I'd been SUPER clear that I did not want to feel "pinched" financially, and was not comfortable leaving my well-paying career if we were relying on a tight budget to make it work.  Nonetheless, about three weeks in, queue the conversation about how we should probably "tighten the belt."  I (very quietly, in my head) freaked out, before (very calmly, if I do say so myself) talking it over with DH.  We sorted it out and confirmed that, yes, actually, we're in a perfectly good financial situation and, yes, we can continue to live our semi-frugal/but-really-super-comfortable lifestyle without changing a thing.  It just required walking through the numbers, looking at the spreadsheets, and getting back on the same page.

I share this because I think sometimes it can be terrifyingly lonely to feel like all of a sudden (or so it seems), even when you thought you and your partner were walking in the same direction, you realize that you've actually been walking slightly divergent paths without realizing it.  It's ok.  It's actually really no big deal.  You can have a really fantastic relationship and still feel those moments.  We're separate humans, after all. :)

[dougules]

So an update on the relationship front, I misjudged some things.  Apparently for several years he's been kind of viewing our retirement plan as a limit on his spending. 

Ha, you're not alone!  We had a similar conversation after I left my job.  I'd thought I'd been SUPER clear that I did not want to feel "pinched" financially, and was not comfortable leaving my well-paying career if we were relying on a tight budget to make it work.  Nonetheless, about three weeks in, queue the conversation about how we should probably "tighten the belt."  I (very quietly, in my head) freaked out, before (very calmly, if I do say so myself) talking it over with DH.  We sorted it out and confirmed that, yes, actually, we're in a perfectly good financial situation and, yes, we can continue to live our semi-frugal/but-really-super-comfortable lifestyle without changing a thing.  It just required walking through the numbers, looking at the spreadsheets, and getting back on the same page.

I share this because I think sometimes it can be terrifyingly lonely to feel like all of a sudden (or so it seems), even when you thought you and your partner were walking in the same direction, you realize that you've actually been walking slightly divergent paths without realizing it.  It's ok.  It's actually really no big deal.  You can have a really fantastic relationship and still feel those moments.  We're separate humans, after all. :)

Yes.  It did worry me too after realizing how far we had diverged in how we see pursuing FIRE. 

We've been talking a little bit about it every night, and I'm feeling a little more comfortable that we're both pretty happy and maybe even excited with this plan as long as I'm willing to pick up more of the housework and errands while he's still working.  That's fair because I've been so exhausted that he's been doing more of that than I have up until now.  He said he's looking forward to me being less grumpy and us having a cleaner house.  I clearly need to make a point of getting him to tell me how he's feeling in the future, but I don't think this is quite as big a deal as I was worried it was. 

I just hope he's being honest with himself that he really doesn't mind working longer.  It is very true that he's changed to a position that's much less stressful than when we started towards saving for FIRE.  It's also true that he gets bored a lot easier than I do outside work.  Then he's good at his job, and I think he derives at least a little satisfaction from being an expert in his field.  Still I think there's not a small chance that he's going to say he wants out after he's seen me sleep in until 9 for 2 weeks.  If he doesn't mind the risk of using 4% in this market, we're only a stone's throw away from fat FIRE as it stands now. 

[Aethonan]

You can consider it your gift to him that you'll be more fun to be around ;)

[Metalcat]

So an update on the relationship front, I misjudged some things.  Apparently for several years he's been kind of viewing our retirement plan as a limit on his spending. 

Ha, you're not alone!  We had a similar conversation after I left my job.  I'd thought I'd been SUPER clear that I did not want to feel "pinched" financially, and was not comfortable leaving my well-paying career if we were relying on a tight budget to make it work.  Nonetheless, about three weeks in, queue the conversation about how we should probably "tighten the belt."  I (very quietly, in my head) freaked out, before (very calmly, if I do say so myself) talking it over with DH.  We sorted it out and confirmed that, yes, actually, we're in a perfectly good financial situation and, yes, we can continue to live our semi-frugal/but-really-super-comfortable lifestyle without changing a thing.  It just required walking through the numbers, looking at the spreadsheets, and getting back on the same page.

I share this because I think sometimes it can be terrifyingly lonely to feel like all of a sudden (or so it seems), even when you thought you and your partner were walking in the same direction, you realize that you've actually been walking slightly divergent paths without realizing it.  It's ok.  It's actually really no big deal.  You can have a really fantastic relationship and still feel those moments.  We're separate humans, after all. :)

Yes.  It did worry me too after realizing how far we had diverged in how we see pursuing FIRE. 

We've been talking a little bit about it every night, and I'm feeling a little more comfortable that we're both pretty happy and maybe even excited with this plan as long as I'm willing to pick up more of the housework and errands while he's still working.  That's fair because I've been so exhausted that he's been doing more of that than I have up until now.  He said he's looking forward to me being less grumpy and us having a cleaner house.  I clearly need to make a point of getting him to tell me how he's feeling in the future, but I don't think this is quite as big a deal as I was worried it was. 

I just hope he's being honest with himself that he really doesn't mind working longer.  It is very true that he's changed to a position that's much less stressful than when we started towards saving for FIRE.  It's also true that he gets bored a lot easier than I do outside work.  Then he's good at his job, and I think he derives at least a little satisfaction from being an expert in his field.  Still I think there's not a small chance that he's going to say he wants out after he's seen me sleep in until 9 for 2 weeks.  If he doesn't mind the risk of using 4% in this market, we're only a stone's throw away from fat FIRE as it stands now.

Have you said these things *to* him?

[reeshau]

We've been talking a little bit about it every night, and I'm feeling a little more comfortable that we're both pretty happy and maybe even excited with this plan as long as I'm willing to pick up more of the housework and errands while he's still working. 

Just a small point that running errands, when retired, are night-and-day different.  Grocery stores have room to maneuver, and are stocked (at least, if you don't go on Monday)  There is parking.  The workers have more time to help you.  Just know your rush hours, including school pickup, and don't forget lunch rush at many places, too--like the post office.  Plenty of time between those zones, though.

Maybe running errands will never be fun, but It's as different inside the stores as it is driving midday vs. commuting at rush hour.

[Metalcat]

We've been talking a little bit about it every night, and I'm feeling a little more comfortable that we're both pretty happy and maybe even excited with this plan as long as I'm willing to pick up more of the housework and errands while he's still working. 

Just a small point that running errands, when retired, are night-and-day different.  Grocery stores have room to maneuver, and are stocked (at least, if you don't go on Monday)  There is parking.  The workers have more time to help you.  Just know your rush hours, including school pickup, and don't forget lunch rush at many places, too--like the post office.  Plenty of time between those zones, though.

Maybe running errands will never be fun, but It's as different inside the stores as it is driving midday vs. commuting at rush hour.

This is sooooo true.

I despised grocery shopping, and now I quite enjoy it. Sometimes it's just fun to have an excuse to take the car out.

[dougules]

Yes.  It did worry me too after realizing how far we had diverged in how we see pursuing FIRE. 

We've been talking a little bit about it every night, and I'm feeling a little more comfortable that we're both pretty happy and maybe even excited with this plan as long as I'm willing to pick up more of the housework and errands while he's still working.  That's fair because I've been so exhausted that he's been doing more of that than I have up until now.  He said he's looking forward to me being less grumpy and us having a cleaner house.  I clearly need to make a point of getting him to tell me how he's feeling in the future, but I don't think this is quite as big a deal as I was worried it was. 

I just hope he's being honest with himself that he really doesn't mind working longer.  It is very true that he's changed to a position that's much less stressful than when we started towards saving for FIRE.  It's also true that he gets bored a lot easier than I do outside work.  Then he's good at his job, and I think he derives at least a little satisfaction from being an expert in his field.  Still I think there's not a small chance that he's going to say he wants out after he's seen me sleep in until 9 for 2 weeks.  If he doesn't mind the risk of using 4% in this market, we're only a stone's throw away from fat FIRE as it stands now.

Have you said these things *to* him?

I think so?  I guess I should make sure and also make sure he understood it the way I meant it.  We have very different communication styles. 

We've been talking a little bit about it every night, and I'm feeling a little more comfortable that we're both pretty happy and maybe even excited with this plan as long as I'm willing to pick up more of the housework and errands while he's still working. 

Just a small point that running errands, when retired, are night-and-day different.  Grocery stores have room to maneuver, and are stocked (at least, if you don't go on Monday)  There is parking.  The workers have more time to help you.  Just know your rush hours, including school pickup, and don't forget lunch rush at many places, too--like the post office.  Plenty of time between those zones, though.

Maybe running errands will never be fun, but It's as different inside the stores as it is driving midday vs. commuting at rush hour.

This is sooooo true.

I despised grocery shopping, and now I quite enjoy it. Sometimes it's just fun to have an excuse to take the car out.

I think for me personally it will be about the mode I'm in.  When I'm tired, rushed, or stressed, I hate leaving the house, and I hate dealing with crowds.  When I'm in a good mood, rested, and relaxed I enjoy getting out, and I kind of prefer there to be a little bit of activity.  It's a little depressing to me when places are too quiet.  But it totally depends on what mood I'm in.  I'm hoping that being able to take life at my own pace will improve this. 

[Bird In Hand]

Just a small point that running errands, when retired, are night-and-day different.  Grocery stores have room to maneuver, and are stocked (at least, if you don't go on Monday)  There is parking.  The workers have more time to help you.  Just know your rush hours, including school pickup, and don't forget lunch rush at many places, too--like the post office.  Plenty of time between those zones, though.

Maybe running errands will never be fun, but It's as different inside the stores as it is driving midday vs. commuting at rush hour.

This hasn't been my experience at the grocery store.  I'm not retired, but I've gone to the grocery store countless times during the day, at all different times and days.

At least where I live, the very best time to go grocery shopping is at night, about an hour before the store closes.  Especially on a Friday or Saturday night.  The store has almost no customers at this time.  9/10 times there is no waiting for a checkout lane, even though there are typically only 1-2 lanes open.  If I push it a little too late I'll have to negotiate the staff who are stocking and organizing shelves, but this is far less aggravating than negotiating aisles packed with customers.

I suspect demographics plays a large role in how busy stores are at various times.  Here, the stores are packed with seniors in the morning, and a mix of seniors and (presumably) SAHP's a little later in the day.  Apparently those groups are all at home after about 7-8PM.

These days I do all my grocery shopping at 8PM Saturdays, and it's the best thing ever.

For other stores it varies.  I've also had good luck at hardware stores just before close.  Sometimes it's fine during the day, but many times it's very busy with contractors.

[mspym]

Yeah, the late night hours are absolutely the best time for grocery shopping around here for the same reasons as @Bird In Hand cites - OAPs and SAHPs. It's very calm after 7pm though.

[dougules]

I like to shop at night just because I'm a night owl, but night is definitely the best if you don't want crowds.  But here again having some freedom is good because you don't have to worry about bedtime so you can be ready to get up for work the next morning. 

[dougules]

Not sure if this is the right place for this question, but when you quit, how long does your health insurance coverage generally go past your quit date?  What's the best question to ask HR on this one?  I'm trying to figure out how to make the dates line up for the transition onto DH's insurance.  I'm probably way overthinking it. 

[StarBright]

Not sure if this is the right place for this question, but when you quit, how long does your health insurance coverage generally go past your quit date?  What's the best question to ask HR on this one?  I'm trying to figure out how to make the dates line up for the transition onto DH's insurance.  I'm probably way overthinking it.

I've seen two things: by far the most common is end of the month that you give your notice. At my company September 1 or September 20 last days would be both have an insurance cut off of September 30th.

I've also seen it end at a paycheck period (so two weeks from the last paycheck deduction) - I'm honestly not sure if that is legal anymore under the ACA though.

[reeshau]

I agree with what @StarBright said.  Just to add, if you are worried that you need it to go longer for some reason, you can always use COBRA in the meantime.  You will pay the full cost of the insurance, but you can bridge up to 18 months, so there will not be a gap.

[Omy]

And COBRA (if I remember correctly) can be paid up to 60 days after you quit. So if you can't get the timing exactly right with hubby's insurance, you are still "covered" without paying.

[dougules]

Ok thanks.  I figured I was overthinking this.  It sounds like a non-factor. 

[dougules]

Me and DH agreed on a date tonight.  25 October 2021.  I just finished writing up my resignation email to send tomorrow after talking to my supervisor and lead.  This doesn't feel real at all.  I've been there for almost 11 years.  I'm feeling every emotion in the book, good and bad, right now. 

[mspym]

Woah, congratulations. That's really great.

Re things settling/feeling real: it only really start becoming settled for me last/this week, which is ~11 weeks since I finished up.

[Trifle]

Wow @dougules -- Congratulations on setting the date!  That's fantastic.  Yes it does feel very surreal for a while.  You'll be ok!

[Retire-Canada]

Me and DH agreed on a date tonight.  25 October 2021.  I just finished writing up my resignation email to send tomorrow after talking to my supervisor and lead.  This doesn't feel real at all.  I've been there for almost 11 years.  I'm feeling every emotion in the book, good and bad, right now.

Awesome. Congrats!

There is a lot to process around FIRE so don't feel bad if you feel bad some of the time. That's normal. Give yourself time to decompress without expectations. The harder you worked, the longer your working life was and the more challenging the work environment was the more time you'll probably need to recover from it.

[svosavvy]

Again congrats Dougules.

Thanks again for your great advice when I was pulling the trigger back in June.  Something that helped me was looking at the stache and then looking at my paycheck.  I found that banging my head against the wall at work was really only helping the stache a little bit.  It had really taken on a life of its own.  It helped me to think of my body/soul as a piece of machinery that was being pushed past its tolerances.  It really seemed like a good value to not wreck myself and then have to repair myself even more after the fact. 

I hear you on the market, this is pretty unreal growth especially the last five years or so ex covid.  I have a substantial amount in "cash equivalents" to stay liquid for the next few years.  That seemed to help me sleep at night.  I swore I would have another pt gig by now but the coasting has been real fine.  Just going with the flow and it is pretty sweet.  You are almost there, it's going to be great!

Best wishes.

[RWD]

Nice, congrats!

[Omy]

Excellent!!

[dougules]

I just told the important people and submitted my formal resignation.  It does not feel real at all, and it may not for a while given that I've got 6 more weeks plus another work trip in the mean time.  Thanks everybody for helping me see where I was at a little clearer. 

One thing that has kind of surprised me is that I've been open with the people I've told so far that I'm FIREing, and nobody yet has been the least bit confused by it.  They all are happy for me with a little bit of envy. 

Wow @dougules -- Congratulations on setting the date!  That's fantastic.  Yes it does feel very surreal for a while.  You'll be ok!

Yeah I'll be ok.  I've got all kind of emotions going through my head good and bad, but the main one is just pure excitement.  On that note I've got my second appointment with the new therapist tomorrow, so I'm sure there will be plenty to talk about. 

Again congrats Dougules.

Thanks again for your great advice when I was pulling the trigger back in June.  Something that helped me was looking at the stache and then looking at my paycheck.  I found that banging my head against the wall at work was really only helping the stache a little bit.  It had really taken on a life of its own.  It helped me to think of my body/soul as a piece of machinery that was being pushed past its tolerances.  It really seemed like a good value to not wreck myself and then have to repair myself even more after the fact. 

I hear you on the market, this is pretty unreal growth especially the last five years or so ex covid.  I have a substantial amount in "cash equivalents" to stay liquid for the next few years.  That seemed to help me sleep at night.  I swore I would have another pt gig by now but the coasting has been real fine.  Just going with the flow and it is pretty sweet.  You are almost there, it's going to be great!

Best wishes.

You're welcome, although I feel like I've gotten a lot more help than I've given so thank you. 

I'm a tad skeptical of the market myself, but we're keeping to our plan of investing every time we have spare cash on hand.  FI or not, everybody here has helped me realize I'm well past the point where my health needs more attention than my finances. 

I'm probably totally solid, but even if DH quits and the market completely tanks, it wouldn't take much extra to keep us on track.  I'm kind of coming to conclusion that I would be much better prepared to deal with any potential future crises anyway after I had had some time to just breathe. 

[BlueHouse]

@dougules
Congratulations!  I hope you'll have the same feelings I did when I gave resignation -- more and more excited every single day and never ever second-guessed my decision once I handed in notice.  It feels so good!  Hope you feel as good as I did and still do!

[dougules]

@dougules
Congratulations!  I hope you'll have the same feelings I did when I gave resignation -- more and more excited every single day and never ever second-guessed my decision once I handed in notice.  It feels so good!  Hope you feel as good as I did and still do!

Oh yes, I'm a little anxious, but I'm feeling pretty certain that this needs to happen.  It's like a switch flipped a few weeks ago, and any feeling of cold feet has been totally outweighed by excitement. 

Ironically as I've been telling my coworkers I'm quitting, I'm realizing I have more of a bond with my coworkers than I was really conscious of.  It's not changing my plans, but I wish I had realized that a few years.  It also makes me feel like I need to make sure I don't get too introverted while I'm decompressing and building my next life. 

[life_travel]

Wow, congrats. I've been following your thread and tonight re-read it from the beginning , as I am struggling with my own burnout ( even after I've gone to part-time). I need to print out Malcat's words to you and read them every day until I quit(?) . We are nowhere near full FI , maybe at 40-50% though (which is amazing as we started at almost near voluntary bankruptcy in 2011 due to bad business).

Reading your story, I am so happy for you that you made the decision , and from the sidelines I can see it how distorted your original thinking was , and yet here I am , trying to make the same excuses .
It's also uncanny how my mind also starts doing random calculations when I am stressed and anxious, it feels calming but also feels like OCD at times :)

[Metalcat]

Wow, congrats. I've been following your thread and tonight re-read it from the beginning , as I am struggling with my own burnout ( even after I've gone to part-time). I need to print out Malcat's words to you and read them every day until I quit(?) . We are nowhere near full FI , maybe at 40-50% though (which is amazing as we started at almost near voluntary bankruptcy in 2011 due to bad business).

Reading your story, I am so happy for you that you made the decision , and from the sidelines I can see it how distorted your original thinking was , and yet here I am , trying to make the same excuses .
It's also uncanny how my mind also starts doing random calculations when I am stressed and anxious, it feels calming but also feels like OCD at times :)

A number of people have said they will print my posts, and I always wonder if any do. Like, are my random thoughts out there hanging on people's refrigerators beside their kid's drawing of a panda bear?

Obviously I don't think so, but the imagery is funny.

[dougules]

Wow, congrats. I've been following your thread and tonight re-read it from the beginning , as I am struggling with my own burnout ( even after I've gone to part-time). I need to print out Malcat's words to you and read them every day until I quit(?) . We are nowhere near full FI , maybe at 40-50% though (which is amazing as we started at almost near voluntary bankruptcy in 2011 due to bad business).

Reading your story, I am so happy for you that you made the decision , and from the sidelines I can see it how distorted your original thinking was , and yet here I am , trying to make the same excuses .
It's also uncanny how my mind also starts doing random calculations when I am stressed and anxious, it feels calming but also feels like OCD at times :)

A number of people have said they will print my posts, and I always wonder if any do. Like, are my random thoughts out there hanging on people's refrigerators beside their kid's drawing of a panda bear?

Obviously I don't think so, but the imagery is funny.

I might consider it if I weren't as paperless as I am (although I don't have kids or panda bear drawings).  Your insights into human nature are pretty impressive sometimes.  You've helped me out a lot.  Thanks.  Appropriately I'm off to see the new therapist now. 

[Metalcat]

Wow, congrats. I've been following your thread and tonight re-read it from the beginning , as I am struggling with my own burnout ( even after I've gone to part-time). I need to print out Malcat's words to you and read them every day until I quit(?) . We are nowhere near full FI , maybe at 40-50% though (which is amazing as we started at almost near voluntary bankruptcy in 2011 due to bad business).

Reading your story, I am so happy for you that you made the decision , and from the sidelines I can see it how distorted your original thinking was , and yet here I am , trying to make the same excuses .
It's also uncanny how my mind also starts doing random calculations when I am stressed and anxious, it feels calming but also feels like OCD at times :)

A number of people have said they will print my posts, and I always wonder if any do. Like, are my random thoughts out there hanging on people's refrigerators beside their kid's drawing of a panda bear?

Obviously I don't think so, but the imagery is funny.

I might consider it if I weren't as paperless as I am (although I don't have kids or panda bear drawings).  Your insights into human nature are pretty impressive sometimes.  You've helped me out a lot.  Thanks.  Appropriately I'm off to see the new therapist now.

Oh good, I hope they turn out to be an excellent fit, and if not, there are always more therapists out there.

[dougules]

A number of people have said they will print my posts, and I always wonder if any do. Like, are my random thoughts out there hanging on people's refrigerators beside their kid's drawing of a panda bear?

Obviously I don't think so, but the imagery is funny.

I might consider it if I weren't as paperless as I am (although I don't have kids or panda bear drawings).  Your insights into human nature are pretty impressive sometimes.  You've helped me out a lot.  Thanks.  Appropriately I'm off to see the new therapist now.

Oh good, I hope they turn out to be an excellent fit, and if not, there are always more therapists out there.

I hope so.  It seems like it's going well, but it's hard to tell from just two visits. 

I can already tell that going through therapy while I decompress is going to be a really good thing.  She even told me unprompted that I shouldn't be surprised if I feel some weird emotions over the next few months after the pressure is off.

I told her the story of the coworker that almost died from 3 ulcers, and as I was listening to myself I just had this realization of how ridiculous it was to think that situation was tolerable and that under the surface I am still scarred by the what my office used to be like even though the work environment here has had a complete makeover. 

She's going to try EMDR therapy in a few visits which sounds very intriguing. 

[Metalcat]

Yeah, therapy is a lot like exercise. At the beginning it can be really uncomfortable and exhausting, until your system strengthens up and it can even become enjoyable, but it's always work.

[dougules]

So I feel like I have been a whole lot spacier lately.  I missed two meetings this week.  I fully intended to go to them and still care, but I just completely forgot they were happening.  One of them is even a weekly meeting that I've been going to for years now.  Maybe my brain is just tired of keeping track of details like what's on the calendar?  I don't know.