Thank you very much for this thread! It has been great to read and helped stir a lot of my own thoughts.
I'm in a similar boat in a way (in that we hit our FI number more quickly than expected due to the market and the timely selling of a house) but I feel very differently about my job. I like it, I like the people, and it isn't stressful. Plus, I work from home and am able to exercise pretty much everyday at lunch for 30-40 minutes, so I don't think it's bad for my health. That being said, I can definitely relate to the fear around pulling the trigger. I'm planning to ask to switch to part-time next summer. I'm waiting until then because my employer recently (like 3 weeks ago) engaged a third party in order to provide me with benefits in Canada (where we moved last summer). They had a bunch of costs associated with this, and I told them I'd give them 8 months at least if they did this. If push came to shove, obviously, there's nothing binding in this, but like I said I like them and the job well enough.
As I've been trying to adjust to being FI, I've gone through a lot of the same psychological exercises -- from catastrophizing worst case scenarios to accepting that uncertainty is a fundamental truth, and that we would have a tremendous amount of time (no matter what) before we were broke and that DW and I are both very resourceful and employable. Plus, DW does not seem very interested in staying at home. She was working part-time, but has now lined up a basically full-time gig for the fall, and has a couple side gigs on top of it. She doesn't earn very much (as a teacher) but she likes what she does and if she keeps this up she certainly earns enough when coupled with our stash.
If I'm honest there's also an element of "golden handcuffs" -- I don't earn as much as many on this forum ($80K USD) but it's way more than I ever expected to, so it's hard to walk away from. I trained as an ESL teacher, and my first job paid like $38K (similar to what my wife makes). Also, like OP's DH, I feel like I benefit from the structured accomplishments of work, and worry a bit about my mental health if I took that away completely. Thus, my plan is to ease into it by going part-time for a year or so. Maybe I'm just a chicken. :)