Author Topic: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...  (Read 4887 times)

damyst

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #50 on: September 26, 2018, 11:57:39 PM »
While we forego a small amount of income, reading some of this makes me really glad my wife doesnít work, even though we donít have children. I havenít done a load of laundry in years. She cooks and packs all our healthy, measures, and planned meals. I do no cleaning, no errands. We recently moved and bought a new bedroom set, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and chairs. Nearly all from Ikea, and she assembled all of them herself, while I was at work. We moved into an apartment from a 5th wheel, so we had nothing.

In turn. I work, and she does not. Some projects I work months of 70-80 hour weeks.

In the end though, I love our set up and appreciate it endlessly. Basically 100% of my time not working is doing stuff we enjoy.

I've seen similar sentiments expressed on this forum fairly often - "luckily I make enough money that my spouse doesn't need to work". I can't recall a single case where someone said "luckily my spouse makes enough money that I don't have to work".

I suspect that many of these arrangements look different from the other partner's perspective. Working outside the home can be stressful, but it can also give you a sense of purpose. Folding laundry doesn't give you a sense of purpose.

I'd love to be proven wrong on this, so if you're a stay-at-home spouse (especially child-free or empty-nester) and loving it, please chime in.

All right, I'll bite. I guess you could call me a stay at home spouse with no kids. I'm a nurse, but I haven't worked since like April, because I've been going through IVF and dealing with the shots and appointments with work was just too much. And honestly, I've loved it for the most part. I'm less lonely now than when I was working because I had an isolating work environment (home health) and now I have more time and flexibility to see people. My husband works long hours and out of town a lot- not working means I always have the flexibility to spend time with him when he does have time to spend. I spend a lot of time with our puppy and training her, and that gives me a lot of satisfaction. I garden, I can, I cook, so on. I enjoy those things. Is life perfect? No, but working would make it worse right now for sure. Life has gotten better for me since I stopped working. And I think most people think of nursing as a pretty damn purpose focused career, but honestly it's very easy to feel adrift and like you're making no difference against a deeply broken medical system and health problems in this country. It isn't as easy, for me at least, as 'work = purpose'. I get as much purpose or more from raising a good dog and working at overcoming my infertility.

Husband always emphasizes he's more than happy if I want to work again, but it's 100% my choice. He does appreciate having me home though.

Thank you - and to all the others that chimes in. The post you quoted almost made it same like my wife just slaves away doing chores for 40-50 hrs a week (sometimes 70-80) while Iím gone at work. Prior to meeting my wife I did all the things she did (grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, etc) and itís certainly not a ďfull timeĒ thing. She has plenty of time for hobbies and relaxing and doing things she enjoys. Iíd average she spends maybe 2.5-5 hrs a day doing the aforementioned items.

All that said, my wife is a machine. A f***ing machine lol. I could not be more impressed as to how insanely well she takes care of everything. Because I do contract work, we move all the time for my work. Weíve lived in around 6 states in the last 6 years weíve been together. If she had a solid career in one location Iíd have to take a major pay cut for a permanent job, or be in a long distance marriage, which I have no desire for.

Our relationship not our life is in line with 2018 or millienial lifestyle norms. We love a very nomadic life with my unique work lifestyle. Our relationships, as shown here, is even seemingly not understood very well in this day and age. Some people really canít comprehend both spouses not working when there arenít kids.

The good news is - if/when we do have kids, daycare wonít be an added cost! My wife was 18 when we met, and one thing I noticed is kids EVERYWHERE just flock to her, and she loves them. That was a trait I had never really valued in an SO until I met her, and then it immediately became one of her most attractive features. This gives a lot of relief if a kid enters the picture.

I actually have SEVERAL friends (all millenials, though that's probably just a reflection of my peer group) with a similar dynamic. I can think of 4 other couples actually, like us. None have kids yet. All are in engineering or tech, although only a few have degrees in it. My husband is a consulting engineer. I don't think it's as rare as it seems, TBH.

My thanks as well to everyone who responded to the question. I mostly come here to learn, and learn I did :-) Although of course the sample size is small, and highly self-selected.

I'm glad to know that the single-income, "traditional role" arrangement is alive and is working out well for people. It's not our style, but different strokes for different folks.

Still, when someone brags that they "havenít done a load of laundry in years... no cleaning, no errands" - well, I've seen plenty of these families break up all of the sudden.
Hopefully in this case the other partner is truly satisfied with her end of the bargain. But use2betrix - I noticed that both of your responses were rather defensive. Just sayin'.

ixtap

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #51 on: September 27, 2018, 05:08:59 AM »
In our case, being a stay at home partner was about enabling the higher earning partner to continue working at all. Before we moved closer to his work, I was driving him. As a matter of fact, he has driven about once a month since June, mostly to move the second car we just sold.

Somedays we still both wonder if it was the right decision. I always thought that my muscle relaxants made me fragile, but after watching him, maybe it was just the pain that had me taking them that really caused the emotional fragility? Yesterday he freaked out because I air dried a load of laundry that was 90% quick dry pants and polos. Then he freaked out because he had freaked out over something so silly. I have to drastically lower my own stress level in order to not freak out over him freaking out about freaking out...

JanetJackson

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #52 on: September 27, 2018, 05:40:34 AM »
Is the OP still around?

It seems like this thread has devolved into either people really patting themselves on the back for being able to have a relaxed/fun approach to life or unrelated arguments/"discussions".

OP how's it going?

Bracken_Joy

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #53 on: September 27, 2018, 07:13:51 AM »
My thanks as well to everyone who responded to the question. I mostly come here to learn, and learn I did :-) Although of course the sample size is small, and highly self-selected.

I'm glad to know that the single-income, "traditional role" arrangement is alive and is working out well for people. It's not our style, but different strokes for different folks.

Still, when someone brags that they "havenít done a load of laundry in years... no cleaning, no errands" - well, I've seen plenty of these families break up all of the sudden.
Hopefully in this case the other partner is truly satisfied with her end of the bargain. But use2betrix - I noticed that both of your responses were rather defensive. Just sayin'.

Oh! So to be clear though, my husband still does a lot to help around the house. Admittedly, he doesn't do the laundry. But I rarely wash the dishes, so it balanced it out. We both cook a lot. And we do view errands as dates a lot of the time. One of the couples I know, the guy is the SAH spouse. Another one of the couples is same sex. So not really traditional gender norms! I think though my generation sees a lot of jobs with tons of travel, frequent moves, gig based work, and so on, and it doesn't really lend itself to that plus a 9 to 5 by the other partner. Added to that, most of these couples the home partner is experiencing something health related. *shrugs* Just figured I'd offer some additional specifics on the generalizations there.

shuffler

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #54 on: September 27, 2018, 07:35:32 PM »
Is the OP still around?
OP how's it going?
Don't hold your breath.
OP doesn't seem to know how to use the reply button.

GreenEggs

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #55 on: September 27, 2018, 10:35:21 PM »
Buy a goddamn motorcycle!




^^^This is what worked for me.


I had a motorcycle as a teen and really loved riding it everyday. 


In my 40's decided to get a small dual sport to ride around the mountains where we live.  It like was discovering the "fountain of youth" for me.  I've spent hours exploring the backroads and trails around our home.  It's been like being a kid again, except I have a drivers liscense and can leave the neighborhood.  I've made new friends to ride with and have helped rekindle the love for riding with some old frinds, that like myself, hadn't ridden in too many years. 


My other favorite forum is ADVrider.com  :)

BOP Mustache

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #56 on: October 06, 2018, 12:35:21 PM »
Is the OP still around?
OP how's it going?
Don't hold your breath.
OP doesn't seem to know how to use the reply button.

OP here 😀

Started doing laundry, vacuuming and grocery shopping weeknight and bulk cooking on Sunday night.

A bit more spontaneous in our weekends and have joined a crossfit gym. Taken up new hobby of calisthenics as opposed to just going to the gym myself. Much more positive state of mind.

shuffler

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #57 on: October 06, 2018, 04:47:42 PM »
Is the OP still around?
OP how's it going?
Don't hold your breath.
OP doesn't seem to know how to use the reply button.

OP here 😀
Well, there you are.  Nice job!  😀

TheInsuranceMan

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #58 on: October 09, 2018, 04:00:15 PM »
Goodness, I don't post here much, but do read quite often, and this is me.   But, at 30, we (my wife and I) are also chasing around a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 6 week old (not much chasing necessary there).  I get in that same funk, but mine is usually tied to the weather.  Right now, we are on day 3 of rain, and it's going to rain more tonight.  That means nothing to be done outside with the kids, it's gloomy, it gets dark early, my 4 year old is tired from school during the day, and my 2 year old is, well...a 2 year old.  She can be fun, but she can be crabby.  Our baby doesn't sleep, like, at all.  So, we're tired.
  Sometimes we struggle to find things that are fun as we are located in a tiny, little rural Iowa town.  We play golf together (not much this year, she was a bit preggers and hated the heat), go out with friends, have friends over, play dates for the kids (with adult time for the parents).  Hopefully, we'll get back into ice fishing together a few times this winter, which is always super entertaining, honestly. 
Fall is tough because if it's nice out, we're in the field, so I'm working my 9 hours at work and tacking on anywhere from 3-6 or 8 hours more at night, sometimes taking my PTO and just putting in 15-16 hour days trying to get the crop out.  That is when "our" time really gets limited, where I get tired, where she gets tired, because she has the hard job, chasing the kids, and we can really grind to a halt.


JanetJackson

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #59 on: October 10, 2018, 08:52:21 AM »
Is the OP still around?
OP how's it going?
Don't hold your breath.
OP doesn't seem to know how to use the reply button.

OP here 😀

Started doing laundry, vacuuming and grocery shopping weeknight and bulk cooking on Sunday night.

A bit more spontaneous in our weekends and have joined a crossfit gym. Taken up new hobby of calisthenics as opposed to just going to the gym myself. Much more positive state of mind.

Heyyyy, glad to hear from you!!! 💪🏼