Author Topic: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...  (Read 4854 times)

BOP Mustache

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When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« on: September 24, 2018, 05:07:16 PM »
Iím about to turn 30 in a month.

Iím male, recently married, in a management position at my workplace, have a nice run of the mill house, a rental property and overall fairly good health.

But when did life get so, well... Mundane and repetitive?

Iíve been thinking the past couple of days and longing to be myself in my younger days. Iíd wake up when the sun came up, have breakfast and catch the bus to school. Would have sport practice a couple of days a week and a game on Saturday. No financial stress, no stress of eating the ďright foodsĒ no creaky joints and would play a computer game, do 30mins of homework and just generally have little worry.

Now I plan everything, fight fires at work, exercise to stay in shape and spend weekends food shopping, doing laundry, mowing lawns and cleaning the house with having friends over for dinner every so often.

I found myself thinking what can I do to go back to a less stress, live for the moment, inner childhood? Playing games and day dreaming.

When I was younger I always thought; when I finish school itís going to be so great, then when I finish university and get a job itís going to be great, then when I get a better higher paying job as a manager itís going to be great. Now Iím here and I want the reverse.

Dee18

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2018, 05:40:43 PM »
Are you doing lawn at both home and rental?  Is the rental worth the extra work?  Do you have your house furnished so itís easy to clean?  No carpet?  A place for everything?  Would you be happier if you outsourced something?  Have you and your spouse developed some low key ways to host? You have many choices and life in your 30s should be fun.

ETBen

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2018, 06:32:51 PM »
 As far as work, I will say that the managers who work for me have much more stressful jobs and I do. They deal with more of the day-to-day crap. My job they have for steak for the big picture but I donít find it stressful. Although plenty of people would Bc of that.

 As far as life some of that is mindset. I think married people often feel that way because there is a sense of how things are expected to be. I have that some as a single parent because I need to have some sort of structure to get it all done. But I find that plenty of self care and doing things spontaneously is key.  Itís also doing things because chosen to, not because you need to or expected. And again you can find that many situations regardless of your true level freedom   

mxt0133

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2018, 06:43:29 PM »
Sounds like you are in a rut.  I can relate to thinking that things will be better when I get, finish, or turn X.  Being goal oriented is a double edge sword, it can narrow your focus to achieve lofty and ambitious goals, but it can also leave you feeling empty once you reach your goal and you've let life pass you by in the interim.

Try practicing mindfulness, it has helped me tremendously in being able to enjoy life and not always thinking about how thing can be better in the future.  It has lowered my anxiety with regards to work and finances.  I am still productive, if not more so, when I am not constantly running every worst case scenario or trying to optimize everything all the time.  I still think about worst case scenarios or try and optimize things, however I don't dwell on them or think about situations that will never actually happen.  Quieting your mind for an hour or so a day can help you become aware of when your mind starts to run away from you and help you return your focus on the present moment.

I am able to really enjoy the moment by letting go of my expectations or how things should be.  I still make plans, the big difference is I don't let it ruing my day when they fall through or something unexpected happens.  I used to get so frustrated when things didn't go according to plan, that it would completely ruing the experience, now I am better able to roll with the punches and accept things as they are and not how I wish them to be.

Zikoris

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2018, 07:39:59 PM »
I have the opposite problem - I'm fundamentally incapable of behaving like an adult. Luckily, my boyfriend finds it entertaining when I decide to make cookies in the middle of the night, knit him a neon pink and orange hat to make him easier to find in a crowd, and turn his socks and underwear into a "bomb" (when I'm folding clean laundry) to launch a sneak attack on him. I also randomly wear my hair in pigtails, have tons of Spongebob Squarepants stuff around the apartment, and picked out this year's calendar to be "Cows doing Yoga" (because I couldn't find a Spongebob one). A few days ago we discussed moving into a pirate ship post-retirement. And he never lets me forget the time we went to an agricultural fair a couple of years ago and while he was washing his hands, I snuck off to ride a nearby mechanical pig.

Luckily he's really mature, so I can't go too far off the rails. I think having that balance in a relationship is a very good thing. I would definitely try to start incorporating more fun stuff into your daily life if I were you.

Cranky

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2018, 08:51:26 PM »
I always wanted to be the grownup, and it turned out to be awesome! I like all the mundane stuff, and when I get tired off it, I brush my teeth and go to bed.

I think attitude does matter.

iris lily

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2018, 11:10:04 PM »
Ths is why you work toward FIRE, so that your days become your own, your projects and ďworkĒ (could be thinkingDeep Thoughts in the sunshine and hammock all afternoon!) are completely managed by YOU Ďcause it is YOUR life.

kei te pai

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2018, 11:18:31 PM »
Get a dog or kid or both. Failing that borrow them and go throw sticks in the river, kick autumn leaves, make bonfires and give yourself a day off adulting every now and then.

damyst

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #8 on: September 25, 2018, 01:46:16 AM »
I experienced the same "is this it?" anxiety as Malkynn, towards age 30. Stable job, stable home, fairly modest and achievable goals.
I was bored and in need of adventure.

A couple years later, the two of us uprooted to the other side of the planet, went back to school, rebuilt our social circle, and drastically revamped our lifestyle.

Not saying that anyone with a mild case of ennui should immigrate to a foreign country, but it can certainly help.

middo

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2018, 02:59:14 AM »
Today I found my 24 year old son and my wife out the front of the house with a "found" golf club hitting lemons across the front lawn and collapsing in giggles. 


I joined in.


Enjoy the moments.

wordnerd

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2018, 05:05:03 AM »
Today I found my 24 year old son and my wife out the front of the house with a "found" golf club hitting lemons across the front lawn and collapsing in giggles. 


I joined in.


Enjoy the moments.

When life gives you lemons, make lemongolf.

Hula Hoop

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2018, 05:51:44 AM »
Having kids has been great for bringing fun back to my life.  After a day of being a grownup at work, I come home to kids playing silly games and singing silly songs.  Impossible not to find your inner child sometimes when you spend a lot of time with your actual children.

des999

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2018, 07:00:36 AM »
Today I found my 24 year old son and my wife out the front of the house with a "found" golf club hitting lemons across the front lawn and collapsing in giggles. 


I joined in.


Enjoy the moments.


I really think that is the key.  Life changes as we get older, but there are always those moments.  If you can truly see them and enjoy them, that's the good stuff.

OP, I understand the feelings though, I get that way sometimes in the winter.  I think it's important to remember how blessed you truly are, sounds like your finances are good, you and your family are healthy, etc..  It's easy to take those things for granted, but there are plenty of people with real stresses, like paying bills, health issues, etc..

I started writing down things I was grateful for, and it truly does help to write them down each day.  Good luck.

Laura33

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2018, 08:33:55 AM »
Well, you know what they say, "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it."  As someone else said, that's the problem with being goal-oriented:  what happens when you reach that goal?  Do you just tack on another goal -- better house, better car, better job, better wife?  Do you just continue doing what you're "supposed" to -- oh, ok, must be time to have kids now?  That's what most people do.

The better answer is to take some time and figure out why you are feeling bored.  It might be just temporary -- after that first rush of getting married and getting the house and getting your life all in order, it's very normal to have a letdown as you settle back into "normal."  Or it might just be that you need a gratitude adjustment and are taking what you have for granted and need to spend a little more time on the back deck with your spouse and a bottle of wine and thinking to yourself "I can't believe I have all of this -- and I'm only 30!"  Or maybe it's a sign that life is largely good but a little too predictable or stressful, so maybe you need to rejigger the balance to a little less time on chores and work stresses and a little more time taking a walk in the woods/taking up a hobby/doing something weird and different just for the sake of doing it.

But it might also be that you find that you've been doing what you're supposed to do your entire life and are just now discovering that it doesn't fit you.  Maybe you're discovering that the goals you set for yourself aren't really meaningful -- money, stuff -- and you need to spend a little time figuring out what does matter so you can add that to your life.  And if that is the case, isn't it wonderful that you figured that out so young and you still have so much time ahead of you to change course?  (Personally, I figured out that my goal not to be poor was insufficient for real happiness around 50, and I'm still trying to figure out what to do with that knowledge).

The one thing I would encourage you to do as you think about all of this, though, is take off the rose-colored glasses.  You are comparing your current life to a fantasy.  Childhood is not real life -- or, at least, it is only real life if you have a sugar mommy or sugar daddy to support you.  Of course, you are welcome to chase that if that's really what you want; it just means dumping your wife and selling your house and maybe various surgical enhancements and what-all.  Plus then, you know, you are at the beck and call of someone who is probably not exactly either physically attractive or a nice person.

Yes, that's an extreme example.  But it illustrates the critical point here:  there are many, many possible paths you can take in life, and the vast majority of those are within your power to follow if you so choose.  But each of those paths also comes with choices and tradeoffs, what I like to call "even George Clooney throws his dirty socks on the floor."  So your job is to look at all of the ways you can live your life, and then weigh the real pros and cons of each, until you find the combination that seems best-suited to you.  Maybe it means finding more-fulfilling but lower-paying work.  Maybe it means having 6 kids and being a SAHD.  Maybe it means doubling down on work and saving every penny for a decade so you can FIRE sooner.  No one can answer that but you.   

ixtap

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2018, 08:45:27 AM »
Why just this weekend I said we were like five year olds with credit cards!

Frankly, your description of school sounds mundane and I must say I had more worries than you when I was in school. Rose colored glasses, perhaps?

One thing that jumped out at me is that you are exercising just to stay in shape. why?? Do something you enjoy! This weekend we went on an 8 mile hike through rough terrain, a short walk to the park, and spent an hour messing around in the neighborhood pool. On Monday, we had a dance party of two in our living room and a short yoga routine together.

beekayworld

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2018, 09:08:02 AM »

Would have sport practice a couple of days a week and a game on Saturday. 

...spend weekends food shopping, doing laundry, mowing lawns and cleaning the house.

Regain your weekends. Those are play times. 

Why not grocery shop after work one day? The stores will be less crowded.  The laundry and cleaning don't have to be done every week.

Have you read MMM's post about how we've all been scammed into cleaning too much?  You may be doing too much laundry for example. Can you hang your towels to dry and most of your clothes don't need to be washed after one wearing.

https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/12/30/are-you-cleaning-out-your-own-wallet/

Even if you decide that the bathroom and kitchen do need to be cleaned every week and there is laundry to do, you and your wife doing this together shouldn't take long, and laundry is being done by the washing machine and dryer in the meantime.

Put on music you like and whistle while you work.

Regarding sports, you can still play sports. Find a soccer, basketball, or hockey league, or a run club and hiking group.  Even working out at a gym can be like a team sport instead of a solitary experience, depending on the gym and the options.

sol

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #16 on: September 25, 2018, 09:23:43 AM »
I'd be bored too, if my life was just work and domestic chores.  Looks to me like the problem isn't that your life is boring, it's that you are boring.

Fortunately, you have total control over how boring you are!  You get to decide what kind of person you are, and what it is you like to do, and how much of that thing you get to do.  Is your ideal life reading more books on the sofa with a good coffee on a fall day?  You can make that happen every weekend!  Would you like to be more adventurous?  You can learn to climb mountains, or scuba dive, or take a vacation to Thailand.  Do you want to have more friends and be more social?  Start hosting parties!  All of these things are within your power, and it doesn't make much sense to complain about your life being uninteresting when your life is always exactly the way you have chosen to make it.

All of that work and money and housework stuff is kind of important too, but it's just the foundational base layer of your life.  It's like brushing your teeth and taking a shower every morning, things that you have to do in order to THEN go out and have a great day.  You don't get up in the morning for the sole purpose of brushing and showering, right?  That probably wouldn't seem very fun.

Go do something, BOP.  Spend an hour at the computer making a list of all of your life goals, figure out which ones are most immediatley exciting to you, then be sure to make some incremental progress towards those every single day.  Everything is more fun when you feel like you're moving towards something, instead of just hovering in place indefinitely without direction.  I think you need to pick a direction.

LilTazzy

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2018, 09:40:39 AM »
BOP Mustache, I have felt exactly the same as you since I was about 30. For me, I think it is the reality of adult life, paying bills, and having real responsibilities. I was blessed with a fairly decent childhood and a great high school and college experience. I do miss those days. I second the recommendation for getting a pet, such as a dog, that you can enjoy spending time with and do outdoor activities with. My goal now is to save money for retirement by 55, hopefully, and enjoy all my time away from work.

Lanthiriel

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2018, 09:51:30 AM »
I was feeling this way and made a few changes. I hired a house cleaner to come every other week, so that I no longer have big household chores. I bought a (cheaper, off brand) Roomba to get the dog hair off my hardwood floors in between when the cleaners come. My husband made a chore chart that balances the rest of house/yard work throughout the week so that one person doesn't feel overburdened. I find that I've let my standards for how clean the house needs to be or the number of weeds I let into the yard before I tackle them so that I can fit in a bit more life.

I scour several local events websites once per month to find things to do. Upcoming activities include a paint your pet class with proceeds going to a local dog rescue, brunch with friends followed by a trip to the pumpkin patch, and a short trip to North Carolina to visit family. I already have three weekends worth of activities planned for my favorite time of the year--Christmas--including TWO tree lighting ceremonies and visiting craft fairs. I knit all of my gifts for Christmas, birthdays, babies, etc. which keeps my hands busy during down times.

When I don't have specific events planned, I try to take my dogs somewhere--the beach, the mountains, a new park. I also sit on a City commission that advises on our two urban renewal districts and chair a committee for a professional organization.

Basically, I set up my life so that I don't have time to be bored or procrastinate. Maybe look into ways to do the same?

YoungGranny

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #19 on: September 25, 2018, 09:54:35 AM »
Just chiming in to say I relate to this. I've been hustlin since I got out of college tyring to do the right thing and get ahead in life. Recently I looked around and realized I'm saving plenty of money I need to figure out what comes next. I took a german class, downloaded a new co-op game to play with my husband, started biking more errands so I stay in shape without having to work too hard, made an effort to join a couple book clubs and read more and life is getting better. It's about finding the right work-life balance for you and it sounds like you've leaned too far in one direction. Do some stuff for fun again man!

ReadySetMillionaire

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #20 on: September 25, 2018, 10:09:08 AM »
Don't have time to read all the responses, but just wanted to chime in before I head into the office.  Background: I too am 30, recently married, etc. Some of my thoughts:

(1) I think flexibility with your hours at work is key.  I started my own law office and now have infinite flexibility.  Having that control back makes me feel like a kid during summer break.  I feel like I can do whatever I want.  My usual routine is to make a cup of coffee, review email/calendar, get a quick project done, exercise (usually try for outside), shower, read a bit, and then go into the office.  Doesn't always work out that way, but flexibility is important.

Obviously you might not be able to have this much flexibility, but maybe negotiate with your boss.  Maybe come in 90 minutes early or later (whatever you prefer). Have a good reason and they may work with you.

(2) The above also allows me to run errands during the week, and I think that's really important.  We do our errands mid-week and grocery shop on Friday, thus freeing up the weekend.  We also meal prep on Sunday afternoons, saving time for weeknights, which allow you to ...

(3) Make weeknights fun.  We look forward to stupid TV shows, reading together, going on walks, etc. I also try to golf with high school friends at least once a week.

(4) Don't be so obsessed with finances or diet that you don't have fun.  As with everything else in life, there's a balance.  The whole point of MMM is to free up money to do what you please -- so do what you please.

(5) Don't plan everything.  I might go to the Ohio State v. Penn State game this weekend if I feel like it.  We also went to Portland, Maine this April with about 10 days notice.  It was great.

(6) Pursue your interests unapologetically.  It's not clear what your interests are, but surely you have interests.  Pursue them.

(7) Lastly, for the things that seem monotonous, have pride in the things you do.  I know this feels like self-help preaching, but I think having pride in what you're doing will increase your enjoyment.  For me, lawn work has gone from a chore to an enjoyment because I really take pride in how good our house looks; I like cleaning the interior for the same reason; I'm pretty happy with my exercising; etc, etc.

Summary -- be proactive in increasing your flexibility, be efficient with your time during the week, be intentionally spontaneous, and don't be afraid to spend money on things that bring you enjoyment.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2018, 10:11:36 AM by ReadySetMillionaire »

RyanAtTanagra

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2018, 11:42:41 AM »
1) Quit designing your life to require so much maintenance.  I was driving through an area recently where everyone had HUGE lawns, like 4 acre lawns at least, and every single one of them was out there in a riding mower, sometimes husband and wife each on their own mower.  I thought 'jesus, how much of your life is spent mowing your lawn?'.  Why design life to be so inefficient?  Find inefficiencies and remove them.  Life's too short for that shit.
 Cleaning too much?  Get a smaller place, or at least less stuff in your current place that makes cleaning take longer.

2) For the things left that still have to be done, I much prefer to get them all done during the week.  Cleaning, grocery stopping, laundry, etc.  I'd rather have my weekends free for fun.  I can have way more fun with 2 full days of no responsibilities than I can with an extra hour in the evenings.  If I have to spend a Saturday or Sunday running errands or doing chores, I get angry at my past self, who was probably lazy that week.

3)  Get hobbies with your newfound time and freedom.

PizzaSteve

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2018, 11:57:53 AM »
My advice is to sign up for audiobooks at your local library and search on mindfulness.  Relearning how to appretiate your blessings and live in the moment is a goal well worth seeking.

FLBiker

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #23 on: September 25, 2018, 12:27:19 PM »
My advice is to sign up for audiobooks at your local library and search on mindfulness.  Relearning how to appretiate your blessings and live in the moment is a goal well worth seeking.
+1

Meditation has been very helpful for me as well.

katsiki

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #24 on: September 25, 2018, 12:35:11 PM »
Have you watched Office Space (lately)?

Zikoris

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #25 on: September 25, 2018, 12:36:53 PM »
1) Quit designing your life to require so much maintenance.  I was driving through an area recently where everyone had HUGE lawns, like 4 acre lawns at least, and every single one of them was out there in a riding mower, sometimes husband and wife each on their own mower.  I thought 'jesus, how much of your life is spent mowing your lawn?'.  Why design life to be so inefficient?  Find inefficiencies and remove them.  Life's too short for that shit.
 Cleaning too much?  Get a smaller place, or at least less stuff in your current place that makes cleaning take longer.

I'm a fan of this - I love low maintenance living. Our 400 square foot apartment requires so little work - typical days the only chore would be dishes. Vacuuming takes maybe 5 minutes. It's great. And we've got no outdoor space to worry about.

Psychstache

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #26 on: September 25, 2018, 01:01:15 PM »
My advice is to sign up for audiobooks at your local library and search on mindfulness.  Relearning how to appretiate your blessings and live in the moment is a goal well worth seeking.

Or, go the other way like so many others. Camaro. Girlfriends. Gambling and boozing till 5 A.M. That should shake things up.

Noodle

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #27 on: September 25, 2018, 02:30:41 PM »
Definitely agree on the suggestion to streamline the have-to-dos, whether that means throwing some money at the problem or being really thoughtful about how you arrange your life. There was a great thread for quite awhile about creating a low-maintenance household.

Weirdly, it might help to "plan" your spontaneity. By which I mean, use one of the million analog or digital tools available to jot down any time you hear about an interesting movie/restaurant/community event/local destination. Then if you find yourself with some free time, you can just check the list for ideas. I cannot tell you how many times I have drawn a blank when I had to come up with something on the spur of the moment. You might also decide with your spouse that you will take turns planning date nights--sometimes we need a reminder to do something other than hang on the couch.

The other suggestion I have is to get involved with some organization that plans a lot of activities. My sister and parents both belong to active churches, and my brother is a member of a social club. They all have lots of options of fun and/or interesting things to sign up for.

LifeHappens

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #28 on: September 25, 2018, 02:43:28 PM »
OP, you seem to have checked off a lot of the major life accomplishment boxes in a pretty neat fashion. You may be going through a bit of a letdown or 3rd life crisis because you're not sure what to do next. If you're pursuing FIRE you're in the stage where you have a bit of a stash, but quite a few years before true FI. In other words, you're in "The Grind" stage of life.

This is a time where YOU get to define what makes YOU happy and pursue that. Up to now your next step was largely determined by outside forces. That doesn't have to be true anymore. What lights you up? What motivates you to get out of bed every morning? What do you want to create, do or be?

Even though you're not near retirement, the book How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free by Ernie Zelinski might be helpful to you. We recommend it a lot on this forum because it has some great exercises for answering all the above questions.

albireo13

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #29 on: September 25, 2018, 04:48:40 PM »
It's called growing up!

RyanAtTanagra

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #30 on: September 25, 2018, 05:20:00 PM »
It's called growing up!

If growing up means life gets boring, you can have it.

use2betrix

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #31 on: September 25, 2018, 05:26:31 PM »
While we forego a small amount of income, reading some of this makes me really glad my wife doesnít work, even though we donít have children. I havenít done a load of laundry in years. She cooks and packs all our healthy, measures, and planned meals. I do no cleaning, no errands. We recently moved and bought a new bedroom set, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and chairs. Nearly all from Ikea, and she assembled all of them herself, while I was at work. We moved into an apartment from a 5th wheel, so we had nothing.

In turn. I work, and she does not. Some projects I work months of 70-80 hour weeks.

In the end though, I love our set up and appreciate it endlessly. Basically 100% of my time not working is doing stuff we enjoy. Lifting weights, running, movies, date nights, Netflix, travel, etc.

In our experience, itís very worth it to us. I still deal terribly with stresses of work, I have a huge income but still stress about not saving ďenough.Ē

Itís not mustachian, but if you find your time spent doing chores when not working, far too much, maybe outsource some? Hate mowing the lawn? Donít! Or look at it as exercise.

OtherJen

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #32 on: September 25, 2018, 05:56:23 PM »
It's called growing up!

If growing up means life gets boring, you can have it.

I was way more boring before I grew up. I didnít even get a sense of humour until I was 27.

Same. I was way more uptight at 25 than I am at 40.

damyst

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #33 on: September 25, 2018, 06:30:53 PM »
While we forego a small amount of income, reading some of this makes me really glad my wife doesnít work, even though we donít have children. I havenít done a load of laundry in years. She cooks and packs all our healthy, measures, and planned meals. I do no cleaning, no errands. We recently moved and bought a new bedroom set, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and chairs. Nearly all from Ikea, and she assembled all of them herself, while I was at work. We moved into an apartment from a 5th wheel, so we had nothing.

In turn. I work, and she does not. Some projects I work months of 70-80 hour weeks.

In the end though, I love our set up and appreciate it endlessly. Basically 100% of my time not working is doing stuff we enjoy.

I've seen similar sentiments expressed on this forum fairly often - "luckily I make enough money that my spouse doesn't need to work". I can't recall a single case where someone said "luckily my spouse makes enough money that I don't have to work".

I suspect that many of these arrangements look different from the other partner's perspective. Working outside the home can be stressful, but it can also give you a sense of purpose. Folding laundry doesn't give you a sense of purpose.

I'd love to be proven wrong on this, so if you're a stay-at-home spouse (especially child-free or empty-nester) and loving it, please chime in.

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #34 on: September 25, 2018, 08:05:52 PM »
Hi.
I have to say, right around your age, or maybe a year or two after, I began to feel the same (I'm 34 now). 
I'm in a very different life circumstance than it seems like you are - I am Single income, low income, no kids, rent, have a cool dog, no real estate.

I can't say finding out about FI or mustachianism etc. "helped" this feeling... because I was already beginning to struggle with doing anything outside of the mundane/ things that make me money...but THEN I discovered that I maybe should start saving even more money... so I cut out a LOT, and it sent me kind of spiraling into deprivation, where I somewhat live now.  I'm sort of making my way out of it... but I do want to say that I empathize.
It can all seem sort of gray, repetitive, and pointless sometimes, right?

FIRST, with all of that being said, I'd like to say that it is ok to consider going to therapy.
Therapy is NOT just for when your life is in a full on crisis.  Therapy is not just for when you need help picking up the pieces of your dreams or psyche, or... whatever.
Therapy can be great for offering some support in moving through the slightly sticky spots of life.
And if you have the financial means to go to therapy, OH MY GOD GO.
I would have LOVED to have been in the financial place to have gone to therapy when I started to have similar feelings.

Ok, also....
I have found that being involved in community activities has given me a WICKED STRONG sense of purpose.  I try to automate as much of the mundane as physically and financially possible so that I can be involved in some type of community activity.
And I get the sense that you are a PLANNER.  So plan that shit
Example: On Wednesday morning you to to a community workout, on Friday you and your wife play on a rec kickball team that always goes to a different brewery after.  Maybe the dues are $20/mo and you each get a beer every week.  So $60/mo... and if you can afford to automate whatever else would have been happening during that time, add that price in too.  Ok, can you afford $100-$150/mo to make sure that your life feels meaningful?  If you CAN afford it, but are hesitant... you are devaluing your happiness (and jump to the therapy suggestion above).

There are lots of choices depending on your interests and budget:
Gardening Club
Club Volleyball
Second Language classes
Kickball Clubs
Running Clubs
The November Project/Seal Team/ other outdoor workout activities done in GROUPS
Crossfit
Cycling Meet ups
Dinner Clubs
Craft Meet ups
Hobby Woodworking Groups
Yoga
Barbell Club
Swim Club

.... Yes, it's going to be REALLY AWKWARD the first time that you go... Maybe even the first 11 times (or 789 times) that you go... Maybe you'll never feel super comfortable, but I really do advocate for community time.  You mentioned your work, your investment property, and your wife... but nothing else in terms of community, and that REALLY makes a huge difference.  I'm agnostic, but I've even considered going to a Unitarian Church for the community aspect.  So church could be a choice too, if you wanted to.

Consider combining some of your activities.  Are you wearing a weighted vest while you're mowing the lawn?  No?  So cut back some of your steady state cardio and now the lawn mowing (if it's push mowing... please don't wear a weighted vest if it's a riding lawnmower- ha)... boom, ok that's ten minutes off of each workout each week.  Sneak some other bodyweight workout stuff into your work day, or during chores.  Ok cool, so now all that's left is weightlifting... maybe you can join a barbell club, as mentioned above?  I'm guilty of over-optimizing, but I do really love when I can combine required activities to open up time for something more preferred.  Try it! :)

I've also found, through time in the fitness world, that there are a LOT of "programs" for adults to learn to have fun again... and it's suuuuuuch an interesting concept to me (nothing I would ever try though).  If you're not familiar with Ido Portal, maybe you'd be interested in his stuff, or Move Nat or Animal Movement or something like that.  He's very much not my cup of tea (I think I kind of hate fun, or forget how to do it... again, I am in the same boat as you so I am as much here with suggestions as I am to follow the thread)... but a lot of people really love him/ similar programs..

Also, I'd like to say that maybe you should ignore the suggestions that you should have a kid.  In my opinion, you shouldn't have a child because you feel dissatisfied or sad about life... you should have a kid IF you want to bring a human into the world.  Kids are not band aids for pain.
Just my two cents. :)


Good luck.
Hoping to follow along too!

StarBright

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #35 on: September 25, 2018, 08:12:54 PM »


Have you read MMM's post about how we've all been scammed into cleaning too much?  You may be doing too much laundry for example. Can you hang your towels to dry and most of your clothes don't need to be washed after one wearing.

https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/12/30/are-you-cleaning-out-your-own-wallet/

Even if you decide that the bathroom and kitchen do need to be cleaned every week and there is laundry to do, you and your wife doing this together shouldn't take long, and laundry is being done by the washing machine and dryer in the meantime.

.

My husband is a bit of a neat freak and I'm more along the lines of that MMM post. In the spirit of marriage I have become more of a cleaner than I am otherwise inclined to be:  I even have a weekly cleaning schedule that I write in my journal.  I hate it and it is drudgery.

I was excited to read that post (having never seen it before) and just showed my husband. He was exactly as horrified as some of the comments.

Ahh well - it takes all types to make the world turn :)

use2betrix

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #36 on: September 25, 2018, 09:34:31 PM »
While we forego a small amount of income, reading some of this makes me really glad my wife doesnít work, even though we donít have children. I havenít done a load of laundry in years. She cooks and packs all our healthy, measures, and planned meals. I do no cleaning, no errands. We recently moved and bought a new bedroom set, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and chairs. Nearly all from Ikea, and she assembled all of them herself, while I was at work. We moved into an apartment from a 5th wheel, so we had nothing.

In turn. I work, and she does not. Some projects I work months of 70-80 hour weeks.

In the end though, I love our set up and appreciate it endlessly. Basically 100% of my time not working is doing stuff we enjoy.

I've seen similar sentiments expressed on this forum fairly often - "luckily I make enough money that my spouse doesn't need to work". I can't recall a single case where someone said "luckily my spouse makes enough money that I don't have to work".

I suspect that many of these arrangements look different from the other partner's perspective. Working outside the home can be stressful, but it can also give you a sense of purpose. Folding laundry doesn't give you a sense of purpose.

I'd love to be proven wrong on this, so if you're a stay-at-home spouse (especially child-free or empty-nester) and loving it, please chime in.

There are countless threads on here where one spouse FIREís, while the other does not. In terms of daily living, whatís the difference? In 1967, around 49% of married women stayed at home.

This has nothing to do with gender, however. Isnít the goal of everyone here to FIRE? Work less? Damn near everyoneís goal on this forum is to retire and stop working. Clearly people here find sense of beings without work?

My wife has no major interest in finances. We discuss it a ton, but no major desire to learn more past our discussions. Thatís why she isnít on the forum (she doesnít really do ďforums.Ē)

The whole ďtwo working spouseĒ thing in this era is not just due to gender roles changing. Itís because of peopleís inflated standard of living. Most couples simply could not afford to survive off one income with their spending habits. I am 30, my wife 24. My income is the equivalent of around $300,000. We have spent the majority of the last 5.5 years in a 300 sq ft 5th wheel. We just sold it and got an apartment, a modest 780 sq ft, and our rent is approximately 6% of my income. We do splurge in some places, but keep our actual bills low.

Anyone that knows my wife and I know we are very happy and both very fortunate to have each other. Due to my career, it would be a challenge to have a spouse with their own career as well for many reasons. She does have hobbies, many of which are fitness related, crafts, training our German Shepherd, etc.

damyst

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #37 on: September 25, 2018, 10:34:40 PM »

There are countless threads on here where one spouse FIREís, while the other does not. In terms of daily living, whatís the difference? In 1967, around 49% of married women stayed at home.

This has nothing to do with gender, however. Isnít the goal of everyone here to FIRE? Work less? Damn near everyoneís goal on this forum is to retire and stop working. Clearly people here find sense of beings without work?

My wife has no major interest in finances. We discuss it a ton, but no major desire to learn more past our discussions. Thatís why she isnít on the forum (she doesnít really do ďforums.Ē)

The whole ďtwo working spouseĒ thing in this era is not just due to gender roles changing. Itís because of peopleís inflated standard of living. Most couples simply could not afford to survive off one income with their spending habits. I am 30, my wife 24. My income is the equivalent of around $300,000. We have spent the majority of the last 5.5 years in a 300 sq ft 5th wheel. We just sold it and got an apartment, a modest 780 sq ft, and our rent is approximately 6% of my income. We do splurge in some places, but keep our actual bills low.

Anyone that knows my wife and I know we are very happy and both very fortunate to have each other. Due to my career, it would be a challenge to have a spouse with their own career as well for many reasons. She does have hobbies, many of which are fitness related, crafts, training our German Shepherd, etc.

In case it wasn't clear, I'm not trying to attack you personally, and I have no reason to doubt anything you said.
But it would sure be nice to hear the same sentiment from the horse's mouth, once in a while. The near-absence of that point of view has me wondering.
Just sayin'.

Quote
There are countless threads on here where one spouse FIREís, while the other does not. In terms of daily living, whatís the difference?

You're assuming that the FIRE'd spouse does 100% of the housework. Again I'd love to hear other people's experiences in that regard.
In our family, I know that if either side tried to pull that off, they'd get an earful from the other. No way either of us would quit their professional work just to have it replaced by a mountain of housework.

Quote
Damn near everyoneís goal on this forum is to retire and stop working. Clearly people here find sense of beings without work?

I bet some people do. MMM isn't one of them. Neither is his wife. Nor are most other prominent FIRE bloggers, as far as I can tell.

Great News Ė Early Retirement Doesnít Mean Youíll Stop Working
Work is better when you don't need the money
First retire... then get rich

Understanding this makes Mustachianism far more attractive for me.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2018, 02:18:10 AM by damyst »

ixtap

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #38 on: September 25, 2018, 10:42:14 PM »
While we forego a small amount of income, reading some of this makes me really glad my wife doesnít work, even though we donít have children. I havenít done a load of laundry in years. She cooks and packs all our healthy, measures, and planned meals. I do no cleaning, no errands. We recently moved and bought a new bedroom set, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and chairs. Nearly all from Ikea, and she assembled all of them herself, while I was at work. We moved into an apartment from a 5th wheel, so we had nothing.

In turn. I work, and she does not. Some projects I work months of 70-80 hour weeks.

In the end though, I love our set up and appreciate it endlessly. Basically 100% of my time not working is doing stuff we enjoy.

I've seen similar sentiments expressed on this forum fairly often - "luckily I make enough money that my spouse doesn't need to work". I can't recall a single case where someone said "luckily my spouse makes enough money that I don't have to work".

I suspect that many of these arrangements look different from the other partner's perspective. Working outside the home can be stressful, but it can also give you a sense of purpose. Folding laundry doesn't give you a sense of purpose.

I'd love to be proven wrong on this, so if you're a stay-at-home spouse (especially child-free or empty-nester) and loving it, please chime in.

Me!

I even posted a couple of days ago about how when I do broach the subject of going back to work, he is happy to agree that we get more personal value out of this arrangement.

We just moved from a boat to an apartment, but little of our furniture required assembly. Ashley's prices are similar to IKEA and it comes assembled.

Having everything taken care of so that we can do fun stuff instead of chores on the weekends does motivate me, but it also leaves me time for a number of volunteer opportunities that stimulate me. And I read a lot. I just realized last week that I am FIRE, but with a husband who wants a more conservative withdrawal rate.

And there are other stories on here where one person is FIREd while the other works. If you can't have a sense of purpose without a job, how is FIRE going to work for you?


formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #39 on: September 26, 2018, 07:06:49 AM »
I am not and never was a spontaneous person.  I kinda like my schedules and lists and knowing exactly what is going to happen.

Find fun wherever you can.  Last night I was watching tv with my stepdaughter.  The song "Car Wash" started playing on the show.  We had a dance-off on the couch for the 30 seconds it played, then collapsed into giggles.

I smiled the rest of the night over that, and so did she.  It's the little things that turn a dreary day into fun.


nessness

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #40 on: September 26, 2018, 09:44:48 AM »
It sounds like you need a hobby. Cleaning, laundry, and errands really shouldn't take up an entire weekend every weekend, especially if your spouse pitches in. If it does, either lower your standards a bit or figure out how to do it more efficiently.

But I'll bet if you take up a hobby of some sort - join a sports team, start planning hikes on the weekends, learn to knit or sew or paint, or whatever sounds appealing to you, you'll find that you still have plenty of time for your chores, and life won't feel so monotonous.

ETA: game nights, either with friends or just your spouse, are also a great way to ensure some laughter, at least for me.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #41 on: September 26, 2018, 11:24:17 AM »
While we forego a small amount of income, reading some of this makes me really glad my wife doesnít work, even though we donít have children. I havenít done a load of laundry in years. She cooks and packs all our healthy, measures, and planned meals. I do no cleaning, no errands. We recently moved and bought a new bedroom set, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and chairs. Nearly all from Ikea, and she assembled all of them herself, while I was at work. We moved into an apartment from a 5th wheel, so we had nothing.

In turn. I work, and she does not. Some projects I work months of 70-80 hour weeks.

In the end though, I love our set up and appreciate it endlessly. Basically 100% of my time not working is doing stuff we enjoy.

I've seen similar sentiments expressed on this forum fairly often - "luckily I make enough money that my spouse doesn't need to work". I can't recall a single case where someone said "luckily my spouse makes enough money that I don't have to work".

I suspect that many of these arrangements look different from the other partner's perspective. Working outside the home can be stressful, but it can also give you a sense of purpose. Folding laundry doesn't give you a sense of purpose.

I'd love to be proven wrong on this, so if you're a stay-at-home spouse (especially child-free or empty-nester) and loving it, please chime in.

All right, I'll bite. I guess you could call me a stay at home spouse with no kids. I'm a nurse, but I haven't worked since like April, because I've been going through IVF and dealing with the shots and appointments with work was just too much. And honestly, I've loved it for the most part. I'm less lonely now than when I was working because I had an isolating work environment (home health) and now I have more time and flexibility to see people. My husband works long hours and out of town a lot- not working means I always have the flexibility to spend time with him when he does have time to spend. I spend a lot of time with our puppy and training her, and that gives me a lot of satisfaction. I garden, I can, I cook, so on. I enjoy those things. Is life perfect? No, but working would make it worse right now for sure. Life has gotten better for me since I stopped working. And I think most people think of nursing as a pretty damn purpose focused career, but honestly it's very easy to feel adrift and like you're making no difference against a deeply broken medical system and health problems in this country. It isn't as easy, for me at least, as 'work = purpose'. I get as much purpose or more from raising a good dog and working at overcoming my infertility.

Husband always emphasizes he's more than happy if I want to work again, but it's 100% my choice. He does appreciate having me home though.

Cranky

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #42 on: September 26, 2018, 01:04:23 PM »
It's called growing up!

If growing up means life gets boring, you can have it.

Only boring people get bored?

(Actually, I'm a *little* bored right now because I can't start anything big because I've got surgery coming up, but I can usually find a million ways to amuse myself.)

use2betrix

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #43 on: September 26, 2018, 01:25:06 PM »
While we forego a small amount of income, reading some of this makes me really glad my wife doesnít work, even though we donít have children. I havenít done a load of laundry in years. She cooks and packs all our healthy, measures, and planned meals. I do no cleaning, no errands. We recently moved and bought a new bedroom set, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and chairs. Nearly all from Ikea, and she assembled all of them herself, while I was at work. We moved into an apartment from a 5th wheel, so we had nothing.

In turn. I work, and she does not. Some projects I work months of 70-80 hour weeks.

In the end though, I love our set up and appreciate it endlessly. Basically 100% of my time not working is doing stuff we enjoy.

I've seen similar sentiments expressed on this forum fairly often - "luckily I make enough money that my spouse doesn't need to work". I can't recall a single case where someone said "luckily my spouse makes enough money that I don't have to work".

I suspect that many of these arrangements look different from the other partner's perspective. Working outside the home can be stressful, but it can also give you a sense of purpose. Folding laundry doesn't give you a sense of purpose.

I'd love to be proven wrong on this, so if you're a stay-at-home spouse (especially child-free or empty-nester) and loving it, please chime in.

All right, I'll bite. I guess you could call me a stay at home spouse with no kids. I'm a nurse, but I haven't worked since like April, because I've been going through IVF and dealing with the shots and appointments with work was just too much. And honestly, I've loved it for the most part. I'm less lonely now than when I was working because I had an isolating work environment (home health) and now I have more time and flexibility to see people. My husband works long hours and out of town a lot- not working means I always have the flexibility to spend time with him when he does have time to spend. I spend a lot of time with our puppy and training her, and that gives me a lot of satisfaction. I garden, I can, I cook, so on. I enjoy those things. Is life perfect? No, but working would make it worse right now for sure. Life has gotten better for me since I stopped working. And I think most people think of nursing as a pretty damn purpose focused career, but honestly it's very easy to feel adrift and like you're making no difference against a deeply broken medical system and health problems in this country. It isn't as easy, for me at least, as 'work = purpose'. I get as much purpose or more from raising a good dog and working at overcoming my infertility.

Husband always emphasizes he's more than happy if I want to work again, but it's 100% my choice. He does appreciate having me home though.

Thank you - and to all the others that chimes in. The post you quoted almost made it same like my wife just slaves away doing chores for 40-50 hrs a week (sometimes 70-80) while Iím gone at work. Prior to meeting my wife I did all the things she did (grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, etc) and itís certainly not a ďfull timeĒ thing. She has plenty of time for hobbies and relaxing and doing things she enjoys. Iíd average she spends maybe 2.5-5 hrs a day doing the aforementioned items.

All that said, my wife is a machine. A f***ing machine lol. I could not be more impressed as to how insanely well she takes care of everything. Because I do contract work, we move all the time for my work. Weíve lived in around 6 states in the last 6 years weíve been together. If she had a solid career in one location Iíd have to take a major pay cut for a permanent job, or be in a long distance marriage, which I have no desire for.

Our relationship not our life is in line with 2018 or millienial lifestyle norms. We love a very nomadic life with my unique work lifestyle. Our relationships, as shown here, is even seemingly not understood very well in this day and age. Some people really canít comprehend both spouses not working when there arenít kids.

The good news is - if/when we do have kids, daycare wonít be an added cost! My wife was 18 when we met, and one thing I noticed is kids EVERYWHERE just flock to her, and she loves them. That was a trait I had never really valued in an SO until I met her, and then it immediately became one of her most attractive features. This gives a lot of relief if a kid enters the picture.

Cranky

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #44 on: September 26, 2018, 01:39:32 PM »
I'm another person who is super happy to be at home! I was a SAHM for 16 years and got a job away from home when it was time to start paying college tuition. I loved my job, too, though I joked that its main purpose was to make me go outside every day in the winter, which I hate.

But I retired this year, a year earlier than I originally planned, and once I get my surgery over with, I don't expect to have any problems finding interesting things to do - I really enjoy puttering around the house and yard.


Bracken_Joy

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #45 on: September 26, 2018, 01:54:34 PM »
While we forego a small amount of income, reading some of this makes me really glad my wife doesnít work, even though we donít have children. I havenít done a load of laundry in years. She cooks and packs all our healthy, measures, and planned meals. I do no cleaning, no errands. We recently moved and bought a new bedroom set, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and chairs. Nearly all from Ikea, and she assembled all of them herself, while I was at work. We moved into an apartment from a 5th wheel, so we had nothing.

In turn. I work, and she does not. Some projects I work months of 70-80 hour weeks.

In the end though, I love our set up and appreciate it endlessly. Basically 100% of my time not working is doing stuff we enjoy.

I've seen similar sentiments expressed on this forum fairly often - "luckily I make enough money that my spouse doesn't need to work". I can't recall a single case where someone said "luckily my spouse makes enough money that I don't have to work".

I suspect that many of these arrangements look different from the other partner's perspective. Working outside the home can be stressful, but it can also give you a sense of purpose. Folding laundry doesn't give you a sense of purpose.

I'd love to be proven wrong on this, so if you're a stay-at-home spouse (especially child-free or empty-nester) and loving it, please chime in.

All right, I'll bite. I guess you could call me a stay at home spouse with no kids. I'm a nurse, but I haven't worked since like April, because I've been going through IVF and dealing with the shots and appointments with work was just too much. And honestly, I've loved it for the most part. I'm less lonely now than when I was working because I had an isolating work environment (home health) and now I have more time and flexibility to see people. My husband works long hours and out of town a lot- not working means I always have the flexibility to spend time with him when he does have time to spend. I spend a lot of time with our puppy and training her, and that gives me a lot of satisfaction. I garden, I can, I cook, so on. I enjoy those things. Is life perfect? No, but working would make it worse right now for sure. Life has gotten better for me since I stopped working. And I think most people think of nursing as a pretty damn purpose focused career, but honestly it's very easy to feel adrift and like you're making no difference against a deeply broken medical system and health problems in this country. It isn't as easy, for me at least, as 'work = purpose'. I get as much purpose or more from raising a good dog and working at overcoming my infertility.

Husband always emphasizes he's more than happy if I want to work again, but it's 100% my choice. He does appreciate having me home though.

Thank you - and to all the others that chimes in. The post you quoted almost made it same like my wife just slaves away doing chores for 40-50 hrs a week (sometimes 70-80) while Iím gone at work. Prior to meeting my wife I did all the things she did (grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, etc) and itís certainly not a ďfull timeĒ thing. She has plenty of time for hobbies and relaxing and doing things she enjoys. Iíd average she spends maybe 2.5-5 hrs a day doing the aforementioned items.

All that said, my wife is a machine. A f***ing machine lol. I could not be more impressed as to how insanely well she takes care of everything. Because I do contract work, we move all the time for my work. Weíve lived in around 6 states in the last 6 years weíve been together. If she had a solid career in one location Iíd have to take a major pay cut for a permanent job, or be in a long distance marriage, which I have no desire for.

Our relationship not our life is in line with 2018 or millienial lifestyle norms. We love a very nomadic life with my unique work lifestyle. Our relationships, as shown here, is even seemingly not understood very well in this day and age. Some people really canít comprehend both spouses not working when there arenít kids.

The good news is - if/when we do have kids, daycare wonít be an added cost! My wife was 18 when we met, and one thing I noticed is kids EVERYWHERE just flock to her, and she loves them. That was a trait I had never really valued in an SO until I met her, and then it immediately became one of her most attractive features. This gives a lot of relief if a kid enters the picture.

I actually have SEVERAL friends (all millenials, though that's probably just a reflection of my peer group) with a similar dynamic. I can think of 4 other couples actually, like us. None have kids yet. All are in engineering or tech, although only a few have degrees in it. My husband is a consulting engineer. I don't think it's as rare as it seems, TBH.

Awesomeness

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #46 on: September 26, 2018, 04:53:39 PM »
I was a SAHM throughout most of my exes 26 year military career.  I did do home day care when the kids were little but once they went to school and his rank went up, I quit. I got a taste of freedom  when they were in school and I could run errands wout making childcare arrangements, first time in 9 years. He then choose a flying job so I was single parenting it sometimes.  I did get plenty of purpose folding laundry etc. To me keeping the home fires burning made the lives of my husband and kids better and that made me feel good. No evenings and weekends running errands or cleaning the house and I did everything outside of earning the income.  The husband stuff too, cars, yard, house repairs etc. and did it well.

In three years I went from a full house and four dogs to just me and one pup. When he retired, cheated and blew up everything, I still choose to keep my freedom. I can live on my settlement and I made my basement an apartment for more income.  I still havenít gotten a traditional job and I donít plan too.  Iím not lazy and I like my life. No doubt people think things but whatever. I had the home life down and now Iíve got the income too so itís quite a good set up for me. 

So my life stopped being fun several years ago when my husband started putting his alcohol before all of us. Iím finding that fun now on my own and itís getting better and better.  I really enjoy the simplest things. Caring for my home.  Road trips to family. Walks w my dog. Shopping for just me. Eating whatever I want whenever.  Hanging w my kids. Fresh painted nails. It goes on and on. 

seemsright

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #47 on: September 26, 2018, 06:23:56 PM »
We have a 8 year old. I stay at home. The last thing I need is a boss. We both are working towards FIRE and to be free. Both of us having jobs would be a nightmare. At this point I would be home even without a kid. I could get a job within a week working at the school district. I have a BS and could Sub in a heart beat for so many days a year. But that would add complication to our life for not much money so we are going to keep our life simple.

I do not do all of the chores. Hubby is cooking dinner right now. I have worked very hard to streamline our household chores to almost nothing. A few dishes a day and a max 2 hour routine on Sunday mornings. Getting rid of about 70% of our things has made that seamless.

It all comes down to knowing what you want and slowly working towards it. We have accomplished a lot that would have not been possible if both of us were working. Keep life simple. Having a kid that still goes to bed early every night does not allow for much social outings as of right now but that is just the phase of life we are in and that is okay.

expatartist

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #48 on: September 26, 2018, 08:14:38 PM »
1) Quit designing your life to require so much maintenance.  I was driving through an area recently where everyone had HUGE lawns, like 4 acre lawns at least, and every single one of them was out there in a riding mower, sometimes husband and wife each on their own mower.  I thought 'jesus, how much of your life is spent mowing your lawn?'.  Why design life to be so inefficient?  Find inefficiencies and remove them.  Life's too short for that shit.
 Cleaning too much?  Get a smaller place, or at least less stuff in your current place that makes cleaning take longer.

I'm a fan of this - I love low maintenance living. Our 400 square foot apartment requires so little work - typical days the only chore would be dishes. Vacuuming takes maybe 5 minutes. It's great. And we've got no outdoor space to worry about.

+1 Living in a small place gives more life flexibility and means you can choose what chores to spend time on. I've gotten into a lazy version of hydroponic gardening (herbs, small veggies) which requires little maintenance but the daily changes and anticipation of using them for cooking make it a lot of fun.

AccidentalMiser

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Re: When did life stop becoming fun? Finding our inner child again...
« Reply #49 on: September 26, 2018, 08:55:46 PM »
Buy a goddamn motorcycle!