The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: Unkempt Stash on November 03, 2014, 06:53:27 PM
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Short: I am hoping for some frugal wedding tips.
Long: I am about to be engaged to a wonderful girl. She does not follow MMM and has no real interest in FIRE, but she keeps a 40% or higher saving rate, has no debt, and is very supportive of my FIRE plans. In short, we are great partners financially as well as emotionally.
We are starting the wedding planning talk and we are coming from different financial positions. She would like a ”real ” wedding despite knowing that it is not a great financial decision. She has known that for a while and already has a significant saving account earmarked for this purpose. Her parents may help as well but I am certainly not willing to count on it. I am rebuilding my 'stash after a divorce a couple of years ago. Saving for a big wedding will probably remove my ability to max a Roth IRA next year (which was my plan) and financing it would just be silly.
We can safely say that with the exception of small flower things, there will be no contributions of labor/wedding arrangements from friends or family. One notable exception is that we have a friend who can perform the wedding... hopefully that will save us a small bundle
I know we are talking 150 guests, reception, and open bar at a local (for us) wedding in the Midwest.
Since she will be paying for the lions share and has a dream in mind, whatever she wants she'll get so the medium large guest list and open bar are staying. :)
So... Any thoughts or anecdotes that can direct my efforts?
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Check out apracticalwedding.com for tips. There are a lot of moving parts for weddings so its hard to comment without more info.
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Congrats!
I know how you feel. Instead of a sit-down meal, do passed appetizers. Plus, it's far more social than just sitting at assigned tables.
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May seem counter intuitive, but if you want a classic wedding experience, then get many quotes from different venues (hotels, golf courses, etc), for an "all in" cost for food and hall and as many extras as you can.
I had a nice hall rental, with separate catering, dishware rentals, decorating, lots of family help, open (friend serving) bar, etc. My sister had a package at a golf course. The cost ended up about the same, and hers was a lot less stressful. Hers had very few "add on " surprises for overlooked items, room did not need decorating, etc.
I think that if you shop around, (more than she did) and are a tiny bit flexible with dates (or use non-traditional dates, like Sunday in November!), you could get a very good value, for a traditional wedding reception.
The only other way is to really cut down on the number of attendants to one or two, and decide what one thing is most important to you both, and spend less on everything else. (Set a budget early and stick to it)
This is assuming that you do not want a "super frugal" ideas.
One last suggestion I give anyone who asks.... Invite a female relative who is about 14 to help out too as bridesmaid, if you want it to feel super special. Her enthusiasm will be bigger than any "frugal" wedding choices.
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Brunch
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I'd go hunt Pinterest. Just piggybacking off of other brides and couples who are paying themselves, you probably will find a ton of ideas...
Day makes a huge difference- Sun vs Sat was 30% less for my venue. I see a lot of brides try to save doing DIY, but some DIY projects end up being more of a time suck than they are worth.
Some clever ideas I've seen: potluck dinner, potluck desert table (that was really cute - ask everyone to bring homemade deserts), homemade flower arrangements (ordered dozen packs from 1-800 Flowers and use cheap vases from craft store), rental/sample dresses, food truck meals (if there's a local restaurant with a truck that can cater). Look into state parks for wedding venues (just make sure they have enough restrooms - we went to an unusual wedding location where they had 1 stall for 100 people). Try trading for discounts (anything you can do?), hire high school kids as musicians, look for people who just got married to get supplies from. Bows are an easy DIY project, and ribbon is really cheap after Christmas.
150 is a LOT of people, though, especially if you're doing food and booze. So headcount will lower cost.
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I'd tell her I'm not so sure I'm ready for marriage just yet...
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I was in a similar boat (sensible wife-to-be who wanted a "traditional" wedding). These are the main tips I can give you.
1. Discuss an overall budget that you want to stick to. Seeing a big number (in our case around $10,000 was big enough to cringe) can help her to see what she's signing up for.
2. Discuss which things are important and which are negotiable. In our case:
a. Dress - important, but didn't have to be super expensive
b. Cake - not important, made by a family member, nothing fancy
c. Guest List - not important, we had key friends and family and reached about 50 after some drop outs
d. Venue - important-ish, we found a location that was much cheaper, but still nice (outdoors, but not a fancy country club or castle)
e. Music - not important, we hired a cheap band who were fine, played our own music via laptop during breaks and our own music list for once the band was done. Best decision we made.
f. Party favors - not important, had a talented friend make special labels for Vodka bottles (wedding in Eastern Europe, but that's a whole other way to save money)
g. Decorations - quasi-important, bought things and had close friends help out with the decorating the morning of the wedding. Don't be afraid to ask for a little help from friends.
3. Take a lot of time to discuss all of the wedding traditions with your wife-to-be. Some traditions should be kept for fun reasons (something borrowed, blue, etc. doesn't have to cost much). Others, such as Ice Sculptures, Champagne, etc., are not necessary and cost a lot.
4. If you have a big guest list, try to split dinner and party. Have about 40 people for dinner and the rest for the party. Trying to feed 150 people will cost a bundle just about any way you do it.
5. Skip the rehearsal dinner. What do you need to rehearse? It's a wedding. You walk in, listen, say I do and walk out (watch our for rice/confetti in your eyes on the way out). We had a bbq the night before for the various guests to get to know each other (people from lots of different places), but that was low key and inexpensive.
6. Without drifting into the dreaded "cheap" territory, try to convince your partner that having a party with your closest friends and family will make the memories, not all the stuff that costs money.
Good luck and enjoy the day when it comes.
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We had a fairly large, fairly traditional wedding.
Where we did save money:
-No wedding car. A friend offered to drive my father and I, and then my husband and I. We accepted and he put ribbons on his car.
-My dress was a sample (as in, they use it at the bridal shop for people to try on). Half the price, and really, no different. A few people had tried it on. So what?
-My shoes were marked down to £10 because one had been in a shop window and faded. Um, they're white... so one is, slightly whiter? I knew no-one would really see my shoes, and I still thought they were cute, so job done.
-Found a venue that let us serve our own booze. They did insist on professional bar staff, so it didn't get too wild, our caterer provided staff for a reasonable hourly sum. It was hard finding a venue like this though - they don't show up on page 1 of google results for 'location + wedding'. Be prepared to search. (first we looked at a marquee. That option was not cheaper where we are).
-I made my own wedding cake, but I have been properly taught, so that's a YMMV.
-No band because we actually prefer a DJ.
-I bought my bridesmaid's dresses for them, since I was choosing. I got a lovely jersey wrap dress which suited lots of figures and was forgiving with fit (so no alterations) on sale online very cheaply.
-For invitations I designed them in Word, and sent to a commercial printer who usually does business cards. I had the font raised so they looked very fancy, and I saved hundreds on every comparable 'wedding' product I've seen. If you're not happy to design, I bet you can pay for a design to be done on Etsy and they will send you the files. Pro-printers are just that - professionals. They will do amazing, high-quality work at a fraction of the price. My guy was happy to send me different weights of card to chose from. Also, buy envelopes FIRST and have the invitations sized to fit. It's very hard to find an envelope to match afterwards.
-Bought my veil on Etsy for like 1/10th the price bridal places were charging.
Basically it's a case of deciding what matters TO YOU. We wanted well fed & watered guests, a DJ, a good photographer who would do as we asked (ie butt out) and I wanted to wear a pretty dress. We got all that. We skipped stuff that I know is important to others - transport, live band, gowns for bridesmaids - but wasn't important to us.
We were also very lucky to have a wonderful aunt do the flowers, so if people offer genuine help, do accept. I know our wedding was extra special to her because she was so involved, and I think of her every time I see the beautiful flowers.
My top tip is once you know you are getting married to always be looking for things that you want/need. I saw my wedding shoes in a shop window one random day 18 months ahead. I just bought them there and then. I saw dresses in my chosen colour on sale, and got them straight away (from a regular store. They were not specifically 'bridesmaid'). This is much easier if you have a long engagement (but don't do that for the sake of saving money! We had other reasons). For example, if you want table decorations you may find they are cheap about this time of year. Same with invitations etc - don't get stung by higher prices in the new year as 'wedding season' approaches.
Don't think you need to use 'wedding' suppliers just because it's a wedding. Bridesmaid's dresses, stationery, shoes, all these things can be purchased from regular places. My friend paid £50 for a 'bridal underskirt'. I found the same one on ebay for £10, delivered (and then borrowed hers for free!). An underskirt is an underskirt. If things are used in normal life, they can be purchased from normal places. If they are not used in normal life, question whether you really want them.
But mainly, enjoy. We had such a wonderful day surrounded by all those we love. It was so special to us, I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it were socially acceptable!
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We spent about 10k in the Midwest for 125 people (150ish invited, some couldn't come).
Ways we saved:
Fairly inexpensive dress ordered online.
Lunch reception.
A plated meal was cheaper than a buffet as there was no food waste.
Free red and white wine, but not open bar.
No dance thus no dj/band
Florist was able to do very inexpensive centerpieces, cheaper than I could DIY
Our cheapest venue option was the country club, surprisingly, and it was so nice not to have to stress about set-up/cleaning/etc.
Rehearsal dinner can get expensive fast so watch who you invite. Keep it small.
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This sounds a good amount like our wedding last year - we had a large number of guests and I had a mom who had a savings account earmarked for the "only daughter" wedding, but we tried to do most things frugally.
Overall, my advice is to lay out a budget, with the idea that for a group of that size, you should plan that 50%+ of your budget will go to the venue/food and you'll need to look for cost cuts in all the places that are not as important to you. My now husband and I sat down with a list from some wedding website of the traditional wedding categories, individually came up with a top 5, then got together and figured out which places we could cut because neither one of us really cared.
+1 to a practical wedding website - gives you ideas without the "you must have all the things" overtones
Like others noted, for a large group oftentimes the "traditional" wedding venues will come out ahead on cost and save you the stress of day-of-the-wedding setup and tear down (we DIY'd centerpieces the day before, but the venue did all the table setup, etc. which really adds up when you have 15+ tables!)
Sunday afternoon weddings are fun and economical! If your future wife is worried about the party winding down too early, come up with ideas for an unofficial after party with your friends and fun family at the local wedding hotel or just meeting up at a nearby bar - after parties are some of my favorite memories from my own and others weddings
Bargain hunt for everything before the wedding - got my gown at a bridal outlet, invitations online, shoes from amazon, centerpiece items from craigslist, called up transportation options for deals, etc.
Allow for at least 10% of "slush money" even in a well planned budget - something always pops up and you don't want to over-extend on your venue/food and then have forgotten expenses blow the budget
If your future wife wants the traditional wedding experience, I actually recommend a DJ over doing your own playlist - ours basically planned out the order of events during the wedding, announced everything, and kept the evening running smoothly. Helps create the traditional wedding vibe even if you skimp in other areas and at a lower cost than a band.
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Brunch
+1. Way cheaper for the same food. Alcohol consumption may be lower too?
Ask your friends what they remember about their wedding. Items that appear to be so important (champagne toast, fancy covered chairs, car rental) don't even make my top 20 list. Good food, some music (easily done with a good playlist on shuffle), and a relaxed atmosphere are the best foundation for any party.
Yes, a wedding is just a big party. Don't fall for the hype - it's all over in 8-10 hours.
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Unkempt
We just got married this year. Lots of good advice above, and I'll add that choosing the right (low-cost) venue can save a ton, especially if you want open bar. Basically, most 'professional venues' insist on using their own alcohol and charge per-drink on top of their often substantial fees ($2k-4k was common when we looked last year). At $3-8+/drink the booze bill for 150 guests can easily eclipse $2k.
Instead, find a place with a much more reasonable fee and that allows you to supply your own alcohol. Then hire a professional bartender (~$200) and supply your own beer, wine and hard alcohol (if you must have mixed drinks). If you limit it to just beer and wine you can save quite a bit there too. We were able to return all unopened bottles of wine so we didn't even worry about over-buying (varies state-to-state).
The same basic trick works for food as well - many restaurants will over a catering menu that costs far less than hiring a professional, on-site caterer. Then you can hire a few college students to help serve and clear/wash dishes and you've got the food covered. our cost-per-guest worked out to ~$9 including the servers we hired, and the food was excellent (all from a local restaurant).
congratulations, btw!
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My biggest regret for our $20,000 wedding was allowing our parents to invite their friends and coworkers. DH's mom invited her old family friends which ended up being 6 people and they gave us a total of $30 for the gift but it cost us $330 to host them - one of them caught the bouquet and I still to this day do not know her name, and it made our wedding less intimate.
I think we had 20 total guests who were our parents' friends/coworkers and not ours.
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First off, congrats! :)
+1 to apracticalwedding.com
Breathe, and chill out. Think of the wedding in the context of your whole life. It is only ONE DAY, but it sounds like that it might be THE DAY for your fiancée. So respect where she's coming from. Our society really builds up weddings, makes them into such a huge deal. It's very hard to tune that out, especially for women. So, what can you do?
-Discuss the things that are most important to her about the wedding (the dress? The food? Family?)
-Discuss the things that are most important to you (the budget? Time of year? Whatever)
-cut corners on YOU as much as possible. Cut your guest list, wear a suit you already own, learn to be a pastry chef... Whatever you want, but start with you. It could be dangerous to suggest she buy a cheaper dress etc, especially if she has saved up money special for the day! (I was a bride four months ago... Bride brain made me crazy)
Anyways, good luck!
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Congratulations!
Now, about cutting costs, in general..
- Venues are cheaper in low season (fall/winter) vs high season (spring/summer).
- Sunday is cheaper than Saturday. Even better if you can get the Sunday before a Monday holiday, but still with Sunday rate. Venues vary on this, some will change the Sunday rate to Saturday rate for these weekends.
- Lunch is cheaper than dinner.
- Some venues will provide a bartender and allow you to provide the alcohol, which would help with the open bar cost.
Other than venue (inclusive dinner), our next biggest cost is photographer. Depending on how important this is for you & fiancee, you can save here too. Professional prices can vary significantly, so make sure you shop around and pay commensurate to what you need/want.
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Lots of great tips here. We got married in Australia, but I'm sure some of my tips would still apply in the U.S.
Day - we got married on a Friday. The photographer and DJ were both cheaper on a Friday and everything was easier to book.
Photography - I don't mess with this. Photos are important. Pick a good photographer. I would scimp elsewhere to get a good one.
Videographer- we hired one at the last minute for $150 and I'm glad we did. Especially since my Mom just passed away, I am glad I have that on video with her in it.
Food - we had a cocktail reception. Waiters circled with food. It was awesome. No standing in line. No sitting next to some person you don't like. We had tables/chairs to sit at though as well, just smaller ones.
Drink - free wine and beer for a certain number of hours, mixed drinks people could purchase if they wanted (we did have a special tab for parents/grandparents who wanted liquor drinks). I had a friend that stocked the bar with cheap wine from Trader Joe's. Awesome idea if you ask me!
Flowers - when you go to look at bouquets, ask them to show you the way they regularly make a bouquet, but with half the amount of flowers. It looked exactly the same to me (better in fact, since all the flowers weren't crammed together) and it was half the cost!. I also made my own corsages (with the help of a martha stewart book) - very easy.
cake - you can have a smaller cake for presentation/cutting, but then since you have a lot of guests, there can be sheet cake in the back for serving. Saves $$ by not making a huge, fancy cake. A friend of mine had her wedding in a barn and she asked people to bring a dessert. She had a whole table full of pies and cakes and cookies. It was awesome.
favors - we made cd's with a selection songs that were played at the wedding/reception. It was a hit. Is this still in fashion even though? I've been to a couple of weddings lately and there were no favors. Personally, I'd skip this altogether.
dress - my SIL ordered a dress from here and it was awesome. http://m.lightinthebox.com/en/list/wedding-dresses_1181
I like the idea of asking friends about what they remember most about their own weddings. Sometimes people get caught up in what they "should" do, worrying about what friends/family will think. The important thing is doing what you want and making it your own. If I were to do it over again, I would try to find a place that includes a lot of things, like food, decoration, etc., so I wouldn't have to do so much on my own. Good luck!
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The venue choice and guest list are going to set your budget, so be very careful with those things. Off-season you have more negotiating power with places like hotels/golf courses etc. A winter wedding will be quite a bit cheaper. Also be careful with who you give a plus one. If someone isn't in a relationship and they knew other people that will be attending, we were of the mindset they didn't really need a date.
We did our own invites, cake, chocolate favors, and flowers. It was a lot, but I enjoy those types of projects and it did save us some money. If you're not craftily inclined though this can lead to stress and it may not really be worth the savings. With regards to the DIY DJ option, you need to know your crowd or have someone you SERIOUSLY trust guarding the equipment. We went to one wedding where (drunk) guests would just go up and change the music. We heard a Macklemore song 4 times before the night was over...
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+1 to the Brunch suggestion. The food is cheaper and people drink less so your open bar will be cheaper. Passed apps can be good for an afternoon wedding, but if it's evening you need enough to fill people like a dinner and apps tend to be more labor intensive/expensive.
Careful of venue minimums or you might be right on budget for your 150 guests, get 40 declines, and still end up paying for 150 if their meal price times your guest list is close to their minimum.
I used Costco.com for my flowers and they were amazing. Gorgeous roses from Colombia 2 day air-freighted to me for less than 1/2 the price of any in-town florist.
Preowned wedding dresses, or at least not falling in love with an outrageous one.
With that many people have a smaller cake (2 or 3 tiers) for cutting, and a sheet cake in the back. Sheet cake tastes just as good and cakes get exponentially expensive as you add tiers.
Skip the florist when it comes to centerpieces, you can put bulk ones in goodwill/salvation army vases. A stem or two in a wine bottle is simple, lovely, and cheap. Buy used off Craigslist from other couples. No one needs 100 LED votive lights once their reception ends.
Unless your ceremony is complicated, skip the rehearsal, or try to keep it to you two and your officiant. Your loved ones know how to smile and walk at the same time, I promise. Etiquette wise if you have a rehearsal you need to host a rehearsal dinner but if you skip it there's no need. On that note I'd also avoid tiered receptions since people tend to get offended when they don't make the "A" list, and potlucks especially with that many people (hello food allergy issues and 20 desserts with limited entrees).
Favors are 100% optional, and no one notices if they aren't there. If you decide to do something putting candy in the 2"x2" boxes you assemble yourself from Michael's would be inexpensive. Similarly, no one notices the little things like chair covers- yes the overview photo of my reception set-up might have looked slightly better with them, but photos without people aren't the ones you hang on your wall.
Don't invite kids if you don't want them there (or feel like you have to invite everyones if you want just your nephews/nieces). Catered kids meals are still expensive, it tends to be an easier list trim over the friends and family members you really want to invite, and being very frank it will increase your decline rate. With the guest list it's nice to invite your parents very closest friends if they request it, but if they aren't paying they don't get to invite their cousins "because we were invited to their kids wedding". Wedding invites are not tit for tat, and the line "unfortunately, we weren't able to invite everyone we would have liked to" is your friend if someone is rude enough to try and invite themselves (conversely, don't invite someone alone if they aren't single).
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Pick 3! things that matter to you and spend your budget accordingly. (Good food? Fancy dress? Music? Guest List? Photography?) When your FI-to be is considering an upcharge, gently point out it's not the top three you agreed on together, and ask if she'd prefer to prioritize it rather than one of the 3. For example, we didn't care about the music much (well, we would have liked a band, but not at the prices...) so we went with a very cheap DJ.
Set a budget that includes a 10% contingency fund. Try damn hard not to go into it (but you likely will).
Keep attendent list VERY SMALL. This cuts down on lots of other associated expenses (corsages to gifts to rehearsal dinner).
Go non-traditional in ways that match YOU. e.g. we don't care for cake, did a pie bar and saved money to boot.
Skip "extras" like favors, out of town bags, etc.
Go for a non-Saturday night. Even the Sunday of a holiday weekend may get you deals as it did for us.
The below is pulled from a list I made elsewhere at one time on other ways to save.
Negotiate! I negotiated:
•My dress
•Champagne toast
•Reduced bar price
•Second night free stay at Inn
•Taxes on flowers (wedding in NH w/no taxes, reception VT – we picked up and didn’t have to pay them)
•Rings – paid fee to ship rings to NH (my parents) didn’t have to pay tax and asked for deal that was offered to new purchasers on the day we picked them up
•Delivery fee for pies
Shopped for good deal:
•Free cheese platter – part of deal offered initially bc it was ~7 months to date
•Reception site fees – part of deal offered
•Bar fee – part of deal offered
•Discount on photographer
•Clearance price matched shoes ($19.95 :) )
•Coupons for items in out of town bag (bought at BJs)
•Groupon for part of bridal party gifts from redenvelope
•Free pictures for centerpiece names
•Costco + sale items for BBQ
•Groupon for photobook
•40%-50% discount coupons off everything from craft store (photo mat, out of town bags, tulle and ribbon for church decor, etc.)
•Picked up forever stamps just before price increase
DIY:
•Pocketfold invitations
•Programs
•Veil (by my mom, with her headpiece)
•Flower pick up
•Flowers for rehearsal bbq & on pews at church (ordered from Costco)
•Centerpieces (quilted mats by my mom, potted flowers by his mom)
•Photobook
•Mailbox card box
•Rehearsal BBQ held at my parents lakeview house near wedding
•Placecards
•Thank you cards
Selected cheaper options or skipped things
•Pies not cake by preference
•No liner for tent
•Reusable suit over tux rental
•No fancy lingerie
•Only 3 bridesmaids (family, who would be at rehearsal. would have cut more but DH really wanted 3 groomsmen...and ended up with 2 ushers as well)
•Skipped save the dates
•Simpler flowers
Gifts from others:
•Engagement party offered as present by two friends (otherwise wouldn’t have had)
•Favors homemade caramels a wedding gift by a friend
•Borrowed Tiffany diamond & platinum necklace from DH’s very good friend
•Pie topper a whimsical lego bride & groom (gag gift) from my brother
And we cut the guest list
Note: Mine was pre-MMM and not particularly mustachian - but these tricks helped me keep it reasonable and well within what we could afford. I came in right at budget. Due to hard work we only spent a little over what parents offered/insisted (depending on parent) they give us.
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Some things we did to keep costs down:
* Got married on a Friday night. At our venue it was quite a bit cheaper than Saturday or Sunday.
* Found a used dress on Craigslist, bridal shoes at Goodwill.
* Printed our own invitations on a kit from Office Depot. Note that you can save on return postage if the reply cards are a postcard as opposed to something that goes in an envelope.
* Bought cake from Safeway -- they can do a really nice layered cake for less than half the cost of a fancy bakery.
* Found a venue where we could bring our own beer and wine with no ridiculous "corkage fee," just the cost of the bartender's time. A full bar is unnecessary.
We still spent quite a bit. We had a wedding at a nice venue with a nice dinner and a professional photographer and a DJ. These things don't come cheap. But if I had to do it over again, I would hardly change a thing.
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Have you considered detonation wedding? Seriously for me I can't count 150 people close enough to us that really need to be there for us (unless you have a huge and very close family on both sides) the idea of destination is that people really care would come no matter what, people not that close will be weeded out automatically. If needed, it might require paying the tickets/ accommodations for grandparents or struggling siblings, but it more than compensate for the people don't really NEED to be there, and you will have a lot less stress in planning, etc. it could be a very intimate event to share with the people you care about the most
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Have you considered detonation wedding?
I went to one of those once. It was a blast!
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Brunch
+1. Way cheaper for the same food. Alcohol consumption may be lower too?
Ask your friends what they remember about their wedding. Items that appear to be so important (champagne toast, fancy covered chairs, car rental) don't even make my top 20 list. Good food, some music (easily done with a good playlist on shuffle), and a relaxed atmosphere are the best foundation for any party.
Yes, a wedding is just a big party. Don't fall for the hype - it's all over in 8-10 hours.
+1 more. My friends had a brunch for their wedding. It was lovely. No flat out open bar, but mimosas and bloody mary's and beer.
Other options that I've used or others have used:
Dress: I bought a dress off the rack. It was $400 in 1996. She could probably do better. Please don't spend thousands.
Limo: you don't really need this, but the hotel where we had the reception comped a nice Bentley for us.
Flowers: get many quotes
Photography: get many quotes. You could just go with an "up and coming" person. Everyone says that you will regret not having a "real" photographer. Now, I really like the artistic photos and all that many of my friends got, but...I didn't have a "real" photographer, just a photog that worked for the federal govt during the day. It was fine.
My friend was an amateur baker (engineer by day, baker on weekends). She made my cake as a gift.
Catering. Here's what my friend did. Her husband was doing all the leg work for the wedding, and they catering quotes they got were outrageous. Because, you know, you say "wedding" and the cost gets doubled.
She called their preferred caterer separately and said "I am planning a party for about 75 people on this day, give me a quote". Half the cost. So, she called them on the different quotes and got the lower quote. Depending on where you have the "party", this may work.
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Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! We had a smaller wedding for 50 for $12,000 including everything, so definitely not the most frugal option on the list but here's a few things we did to keep costs low:
- Short engagement: we saved 50% of venue rental because we booked within 6 months
- timed the wedding to happen before the HST was introduced to save sales taxes on services
- Kept our wedding party to my sister and his brother
- Had a Dairy Queen ice cream cakes. Two stacked rounds for cutting and then a grooms (crispy crunch) sheet cake and a bride's (oreo) sheet cake.
- Won my bouquet from our local Wedding Show. Got flowers for family members and a couple pieces for the arbour but let the venue do the rest of the decorating/centrepieces.
- Bought my dress off the rack at the wedding show for $300 (had also bought another before for $200 that I ended up donating, not frugal. Alterations turned out to be $200 from a home seamstress. A lace up back dress would be cheaper to alter!)
- Got a discount for our DJs from the wedding show too
- Used a photographer from Kijiji who was just starting out.
- Hair and makeup was also done by someone I found on Kijiji.
- Bought the package deal that included punch, wine and a champagne toast, but kept a cash bar.
- I got ready at the venue, so I drove in a normal car. The husband had a family friend chaffeur him around in a Studebaker, not fair!
- Hand made the invitations, programs, seating charts, etc.
- Favours were chocolate mints from Laura Secord. They boxed them all up for us at no extra charge.
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-Cosco for alcohol (can return unused items)
-Rent a wedding dress/tux
-Whole Foods has surprisingly low cost catering options, if you live near one
-Order pizza for rehearsal dinner
-Have your ceremony very close to the reception place and where you are staying to minimize travel.
It would be fun if you listed your location so people could suggest venues.
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Someone else brought this up, but pick a couple important things not to skimp on. I got a deal on a photographer, and the guy showed up an hour late, then lost the next hour of photos. 8 years later I still feel bad that we don't have pics with certain family members. Search BBB's website for any vendor you're seriously considering.
If you have friends who offer to help (musicians, DJ, officiant) make sure they're the type to follow through and can self-manage. Officiant is a good place to save money cause anyone can get ordained online.
A couple other places to skimp:
- paying a photographer for the reception. Do you ever see framed photos of people with their cakes? Everyone has camera phones and chances are one or two will have a photography hobby, so you'll get some good action shots that way.
- DJs are typically overpriced. We made our own playlist on an iPod, had a friend with a band setup his PA, and asked another friend to be MC (who was fantastic)
- Videography. We've never watched our ceremony (it might be a nice relic for kids someday, but not for the cost of a pro video person)
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I had a very non-mustachian wedding bankrolled by my parents but did cringe at the idea of them paying thousands for a dress- so I found a STUNNING monique lhuillier bridesmaid's dress for $500 that i ordered in ivory- she makes basically the same bridal dress for $4k. I got so many compliments and people could not believe it wasn't a "real" wedding dress. Shopping around for alterations helped as well, went to a tailor in a lower-income area and paid $150 instead of $300+
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Have you considered detonation wedding? Seriously for me I can't count 150 people close enough to us that really need to be there for us (unless you have a huge and very close family on both sides) the idea of destination is that people really care would come no matter what, people not that close will be weeded out automatically. If needed, it might require paying the tickets/ accommodations for grandparents or struggling siblings, but it more than compensate for the people don't really NEED to be there, and you will have a lot less stress in planning, etc. it could be a very intimate event to share with the people you care about the most
So...I have some issues with proposing a destination wedding just to cut down on costs because of the fact it often is just transfering the costs to the guests that the host would normally pay. For example, a lot of people do destination weddings at all inclusive places, where the guest now pays for the food. Not to mention of course that a lot of people who might be able to drive have to fly, and people who might be able to crash with a friend for free (or even stay in their own home if local) have to pay for a room. You've raised the overall costs of the wedding to save yourself some dollars. That's not really Mustachian at the heart of it.)
So if you're doing a destination wedding because you can't cut down the guest list and hope the cost of attending will do so for you, grow a pair and just cut down the guest list yourself and save money for *everyone* not just yourself. (Yes, people who "really care" will come regardless, but it's not necessarily the nicest thing to do to make them choose between that and spending their money in other ways that might be important too - if nothing more than saving for financial freedom. Mustachianism isn't about transferring your costs to others.)
I've attended one where I felt like it was down very well - the bride and groom were from different countries, so it'd be destination (and a long flight - Brazil/America) for one side regardless. They picked a halfway spot with easy visa requirements, and offered to pay 3 nights of accommodations (guest just paid for flight and any add-on days they wanted).
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Congratulations!
My wife and I are Catholic, so traditional church wedding was non-negotiable. I have a big family who are pretty much all in town, so we had pretty many guests. We had roughly 120 guests, open wine+beer bar (though none of our guests were particularly heavy drinkers), a catered reception, DJ, the whole shebang. We had the whole thing for roughly $5k - still a fair chunk of change, but way less than the median.
Here's how we did it:
- My wife is pretty frugal, so she got a $99 dress at some sale at David's Bridal. It was a beautiful dress. I find it ridiculous that people spend a ton of money on a dress they'll wear once, and I don't understand how some dresses cost thousands of dollars. Hopefully your bride-to-be is in on this.
- The biggest cost saver for us was doing the reception at the church's hall, which held just the right number of people while still having a dance floor. They let us bring our own alcohol, so I actually just bought a few bottles of wine and brewed a bunch of different styles of beer (homebrewed beer was a huge hit - I even gave them all wedding themed names). Our caterer provided us a bartender to poured beer and wine, whom we paid by the hour. If you want an open bar, make sure you go to a place that lets you serve your own booze, and just rent out a bartender (or have a friend do it if they're willing to do so as their gift).
- Speaking of caterers, skip fancy food like steaks and go cheap but tasty on the menu. We had turkey with mashed potatoes and green beans almondine. It was literally the cheapest meat option on the menu, and was only around $8/head. My dad paid for some kind of fancy beef from the same catering place for the rehearsal dinner. The turkey was way better tasting. And anyways remember: nobody's going to look back at your wedding and think of the food.
- We did our own decorations - bought stuff at the dollar store and hobby lobby. Since our wedding was two weeks after Christmas and one of our colors was red, that made things pretty easy and cheap. Bonus: our parish really decorates the church well for Christmas, and our wedding was the day before the Epiphany (when the 12 days of Christmas are over and the decorations come down), so the church was already decorated. If you're Catholic, planning around major feast days like Christmas or Easter is a great way to get some free decoration ;)
- Friends and friends of family acted as cakemaker and photographer as their wedding gifts to us. Find people you know who have skills and ask if they'd be willing to use those skills as a gift.
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I wanted a wedding. If I hadn't done it, I think I'd have felt I was missing something. Doesn't matter whether you personally agree or disagree with this opinion, it was something that mattered to me. I suspect your fiancee feels the same way.
Set a budget, search for ways to make it affordable. I'll make only one suggestion on that topic: Ask your fiancee to pick the THREE THINGS that matter most to her, and be sure she has THOSE THREE THINGS . . . but skimp on the other things. For example, for a friend of mine the wedding was all about the dress. She spent something like 5K back in the 80s on her dress. My dress cost $99, and I loved it. I cared more about the pictures and the cake. The point: Don't ask her to skimp on the things that really matter to her, but discuss the idea that every single thing can't be a splurge item.
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So...I have some issues with proposing a destination wedding just to cut down on costs because of the fact it often is just transfering the costs to the guests that the host would normally pay. For example, a lot of people do destination weddings at all inclusive places, where the guest now pays for the food. Not to mention of course that a lot of people who might be able to drive have to fly, and people who might be able to crash with a friend for free (or even stay in their own home if local) have to pay for a room. You've raised the overall costs of the wedding to save yourself some dollars. That's not really Mustachian at the heart of it.)
I completely agree, and the same should be said of Bachelor/Bachelorette parties. I've declined to go to multiple Bachelorette parties because the cost for a weekend was going to be like $500! (I'd never spend that myself on a getaway weekend.) Plus anyone in the wedding feels obligated to go, which ends up being a lot of money after paying for a tux (or bridesmaids dress), wedding gift, shower gift, etc. We talk about the cost of weddings to the couple, but it can be a big strain on the wedding party, as well.
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Thanks everyone for the ideas!
#1. The "about" has changed to "am". She officially said yes last night!
#2. Additional details that people requested or would be handy:
We live in the Cincinnati Ohio area. The majority of my family is within an hour drive and the majority of her family is within two or three hours (Indiana). Our original flirting with marriage discussions had a couple ideas for venues, but we aren't tied to anything. She likes outdoor and outdoor makes me nervous; you can't plan the weather in Ohio.
My fiancé may do a destination bachelorette party because her close friends will all be flying in for it anyway. However my bachelor party and the wedding will almost certainly not be destination events.
The guest list is large because of a close family on my part and a number of close friends on her part. We are not opposed to children and in fact we are expecting ~20. I expect that we will take a hard look at the guest list as we start real planning though. We got a neat tip to get a couple babysitters if we have certain types of venues so that the parents can enjoy the wedding and reception.
#3 Thoughts on some of the suggestions:
We love the idea of brunch, or more specifically of having breakfast food for dinner. It's a favorite meal for us.
We aren't tied to a month or season yet. Our gut check was "fall" because we like fall and it's far enough away that we can plan without stressing.
My fiance is thinking a Saturday afternoon/ evening wedding and feels that it is important enough to spend the extra. Her opinion is that given an evening wedding (which she wants) her family will have to eat and run if the next day is a workday and will have to take the day off if it's a Friday. Her friends would be further constrained.
I told her about the priorities idea and her priorities are:
Cake
Photographer
Day of the week
My priority is a DJ. Neither of us dance, but I love the idea of music playing and us having a great time. I liked the idea of DIY but I think y'all have made enough points against it that it may be worth the money.
We are good with doing away with the champagne toast and likely limo and fancy cars. Neither of us feel strongly about flowers so that will probably depend on the venue.
I like the idea of DIY centerpieces. I have a vision of making a custom one per table that has photos of us doing something ( like our First Vacation or Baseball games) and making it a theme.
I think that DIY/kit/send to professional printer invites, thank you cards, and save the dates is genius and right up our alley.
I like the idea of CDs or similar personalized favors, but I'm not tied to the concept of favors either. That may be something we evaluate after we set a budget and find a venue.
We don't belong to any churches. We aren't opposed to being in one, but we likely won't get a discount/free space from one.
We won't have parent's friends issues thankfully.
The 10% slush fund is really smart and I had not thought of it. It'll be reserved.
I would love to find a venue that let's us provide our own bartender and liquor. We have not found too many venues yet (still starting the process) and many do not allow it. It's very very high on my wish list. The cost of bar service is robbery. It was 21$ a head at the last place I checked out for mid range liquor. That was not what I expected in the midwest.
I haven't checked the websites suggested yet but I'll get to it.
Thanks everyone for all the suggestions!
I am looking forward to reading more of them, especially on venues.
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When we were looking for venues, I found that most of the places listed on WeddingWire or The Knot were out of our budget by virtue of our guest list. I found that a good source for finding lesser known venues was to look at either catering companies webpages or area photographers. Often they will have a tab on their websites that list places they have worked. I also wouldn't totally rule out a place because it isn't all inclusive, if you pick a well established caterer, they will likely be capable of running the show for you. Our caterer coordinated the bar, put out our centerpieces, set-up tables/chairs. We just dropped everything off the day before.
The local threads on WeddingBee are also a pretty good place to get alternative venue suggestions. Good luck!
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One line item we overlooked that ended up being more than we anticipated was postage! Invites, putting postage on RSVP cards, save the date cards (we didn't do this but it will add cost if you're planning on it), mailing thank you's...it adds up! You might want to think about your invitations from a weight perspective, too. Ours we did ourselves and they were heavy and cost more to mail.
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A friend of mine got married in a very very very fancy location. I was talking to him later and he told me that his inlaws paid for it. They told his wife-to-be that she could choose between a house or a fancy wedding. What she told him was that her parents said they would pay for the wedding of their dreams. He was very upset that she hadn't told him about the alternative option before hand. I really don't think that spending 80k on a wedding was the right option.
For my wedding, we had 250 guests and our total costs with a Bermuda cruise honeymoon was $10k. $100-200 dress from David's Bridal. DIY invitations and wedding programs. We told people to RSVP on theknot.com (I think) or to call my wife. That saved a lot of money on postage. I know that pictures are important, so we found a local photographer. I made sure that we got one who would give us full resolution digitial copies of the pictures. At the time, most of them did NOT give that out for free. Instead, they want you to pay an arm and a leg for them to print the pictures. Even still, the photographer took a few months to get the CD to us, while constantly sending us emails with links to order the prints from their website for crazy prices.
We had the wedding in a church, and the reception was in a gym. It was decorated nice enough, and I can't complain too much. We had a small cake for us to cut, but we had cupcakes instead of cake. It was much cheaper. We had an open bar, but had volunteers man it with stuff we provided. I worked for a disposable plate/cup/etc manufacturer, so I bought tableware from them for crazy cheap. It really was nice looking stuff. We had a friend DJ. My wife has a florist in the family who did some simple flowers for us and the reception.
Could we have done things much nicer? Of course. Did I feel cheap at any point in the process? Nope. It was all done very nice, and the guests were all enjoying themselves. I got a lot of complements. I hardly remember the night. It was such a whirlwind of rushing around, meeting people I'd never met, and being the center of attention for 250 people. Totally not my comfort zone. My brother-in-law got married quickly after that, had a similar turnout (bigger if anything), and I know the place he went to charged over $80 per person for the appetizers, dinner, desert, open bar, linens, etc. $80*250 = $20,000...He spent double what we paid for EVERYTHING on just his reception. I'm sure he ended up paying at least $30k. Maybe they were just being nice, but I've had several people tell me they enjoyed our reception better than my brother-in-laws. Either way, both of us ended the night married.
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We found a wedding venue and a caterer that would allow us to provide our own beverages. That alone probably saved us thousands of dollars. We provided coffee, apple cider (December wedding), beer (on tap), wine (red and white), and soda. The caterers staffed the bar, which of course added to our overall service bill, but it was still much cheaper, especially because a large portion of our guests were not drinkers. If your guests are like that, a per person charge for booze really doesn't work out.
We also did an appetizer wedding, which saved us a ton.
Don't scrimp on servers, though, especially with a wedding of over a hundred. We ended up spending a thousand on the servers (who were paid at least $20 an hour each), but if you are short on staff to serve your food, the whole event collapses. This might not be frugal, but a good server is important and I appreciated that our local caterer did not underpay her workers for what is a demanding job.
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If you like outdoors and are including 20 kids, seriously look at the ohio equivalent of dude ranch ( doesn't need to have a horse theme to rent space) or parks. Your guests will want a nearby area for kids to range or explore as weddings tend to be more than As coue of hours.
Ask parks and recreation what has been done by others for ideas. We have halls here in the parks so you could plan outdoor and have a backup.
Some people rent out family farms too, if they have renovated or try a rural bed and breakfast.
Oh, no one needs a destination bachelorette party. Just have friends come two days early.
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Still consider Sunday of Labor day. This still avoids the workday following and you might get non-Saturday discounts.
+1 on skipping the destination bachelorette party. I think these parties have really gotten out of hand. Do a night out two night before the wedding instead if you can. (If you have the wedding as suggested above on Sunday of Labor day, you can have the bachelorette on Friday night – post work, with a day of recovery still.)
Re venue’s providing own liquor/bartender, just know some state laws do not permit this. Ran into this issue in the state we married.
Know that saving money as you suggest on invites, centerpieces, favors, toasts etc definitely add up – but they are peanuts compared to the big costs:
• Venue/Food (tied to guest list)
• Open Bar
• Photography
• Dress
• Music
• Flowers
• Rehearsal dinner
https://www.google.com/images?rlz=1T4GZAZ_enUS405US406&q=pie+chart+wedding+costs&hl=en&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ei=-r1bVOrAIvGZsQTE8YGACw&ved=0CBQQsAQ
Btw, on theme centerpieces – I took photos of us we had taken in different locations and labeled tables based on those destinations. So we had 12 places from the more exotic such as “Mumbai, India” to “London, England” and “Stonehenge” to the Caribbean to California, Boston, etc.
You can save on postage by using paperless post (rsvp online).
Re brunch for dinner…I just caution you that older guests may be cranky. Do what you want but be prepared. :)
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You may be far enough North that this isn't an issue, but Autumn is prime wedding season in the South. Here the late spring/summer is definitely too hot, so many people do September or October weddings. When we booked our location in fall 2011, the first available date was in November of 2012.
Definitely +1 or +2 on the "pick three things" that are important to you and do everything else cheaply. We did our lists separately and then merged them so the "important things" list was: Food/Alcohol, Dancing/Fun, and good outfits.
My parents offered us strings-attached money (ie I was paid back for incurred expenses, not offered X amount as a gift to use as we wished) and both sets of parents really wanted a big giant traditional party. So we spent the money in ways that were consistent with the goals of the project (ceremony + big fuck off party) and consistent with the various sets of values (Vendors were largely female small business owners, we avoided traditions that we viewed as wasteful or icky).
Congrats on making it official! Best of luck to you both!
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My husband and I got married for less than $5k with 100 guests. Some of the things we did to save money:
1. Venue - local park
2. Caterers - Found a local BBQ joint, they brought their smoker over and cooked in the park. (my sister gave me an apron to eat in so I wouldn't get my dress dirty)
3. Open Bar - We bought all the booze at the supermarket and made it serve yourself from a cooler
4. Cake - Skipped it. We got doughnuts from Voodoo Doughnuts.
5. Music - We paid a music major to play violin at the wedding and used an mp3 player at the reception
6. Photographer - Craigslist! But honestly, there were a bunch of people taking pictures, we probably didn't need this.
7. Flowers - I went to the farmers market the day before with my mom and she made all the bouquets and boutineers. (this was super fun)
This was before we found MMM, so it's definitely not following his advice, but we did our best to be reasonable. It really helps to 1. Agree on a budget and 2. Decide what is MOST important to you two. If you end up without any flowers at all at the wedding, it might scandalize some people, but most people will enjoy a new and unique wedding experience rather than a repeat of one of a dozen other experiences. And if they don't appreciate it... Oh well! It's your wedding! If you're paying for it yourself (as a couple), you get all the decision-making power. We could have cut down on our costs (reducing the guest list is the fastest way), but my parents paid for it and they insisted we invite all of our extended family.
We planned our whole wedding in 3 months. It was intense, but fun. I'm glad we didn't have a long engagement. I think that would have just made our wedding end up bigger and more expensive.
Good luck! Hopefully the two of you can find enjoyment out of the puzzle of planning a less expensive wedding!
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When looking at BYOB - ask if you can bring your own wine and just pay a corkage fee. Then get magnums, double magnums or larger. We did that at our rehearsal dinner, and only had one bottle/corkage fee for like 20 people. The waiters didn't mind cause it was a novelty to them (they took pictures with it, even). You might be able to look into that with a champagne toast, too (although some venues will throw that in complimentary)
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One comment on the "pick 3 things" theme (perhaps a bit obvious, but not to everybody)
I agree that separating the things that are important from those that are less important is key. However, that shouldn't give anyone free reign to completely overspend on those 3 items. Caring about the dress means getting one that looks great, not one that is $1000+ (or $5000).
Know what matters to you and find a way to make those things great, but still at the lowest cost you can (without losing the greatness).
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Over the summer, I went to a wedding for a friend of mine that had 650 guests. I should ask them how much they spent, because they did EVERYTHING themselves. They had to rent a tent for the outside, since the hall didn't have enough room. There was a playground for kids. They roasted two pigs on a temporary cinder-block grill they setup, and had volunteers bake cookies for desert. Everything was very cheap, but it really was one of the most fun weddings I've ever been to. Everyone was there, and it was a blast. I'm guessing they spent under 10k for that many people. It was crazy.
I guess the questions I would ask is, what's most important to you? Do you want to feel like special like a princess, have the epic party of the year, satisfy your inner foodie, etc. Instead of the "pick 3" approach, I would come up with a quasi mission statement first and then pick the areas you want to spend money on to make that goal work.
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I forgot to mention my favorite cost saving thing that I didn't do. Rings. Wedding rings are crazy expensive. The ring I used was my deceased grandfathers. It's a very nice ring. Even getting it for free, I had to have it resized. Cost $300 I believe (had to go up quite a bit and they had to add gold. It's an intricate two metal design, so resizing cost more than a standard band). The ring is worth well over $1000, so it was worth it to me. Over the last year and a half, I've lost 110lbs. This means that my expensive ring that fit very nicely when I got married, now was too loose. I didn't want to pay to resize it until my weight had stabalized (I'm trying to loose another 10-30lbs). I went out looking for a cheap temporary ring. It appeared that Tungstun rings were the cheapest decent quality wedding rings. MSRP was $500 for one. Of course there was always sales that dropped it down to $200 making it a once in a lifetime deal. Sams had an identical one for $100. I looked on Amazon, $20. http://www.amazon.com/Tungsten-Carbide-Comfort-Matte-Finish/dp/B005CD7RLK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415385781&sr=8-1&keywords=tungsten+rings
On a side note, I HATE wearing a wedding ring. I love the idea of it, but I hate having this $@#* thing on my finger all the time. One of these days, I'm going to replace it with a tattoo ring.
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Good point on the ring - break from tradition (diamonds, platinum) and you'll save a lot of money. DH got an inherited ring, but a couple years later found a Tungsten ring on clearance for like $75 (normally $500+). It doesn't bother me at all that it's not the ring he used on the wedding day, cause it fits better, so he wears it more!
I was talking to a friend recently (who's really into jewelry) and he said Blue Nile is the best for buying stones. He said the buying times vary because they are coming from different sources, so really you're getting wholesale. I'm not sure if he gets the ring set through them, or just buys the stones and uses a local jeweler.
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Congratulations! I think as long as yo both see eye to eye, you will be fine. We were lucky, because we both not "wedding" people. We got married 12 years ago in a city hall, I had a red dress that I planned to keep and re-wear (I still do :)), our wedding party consisted of 5 people and we had a private dinner room reserved at a sushi restaurant. The only splurge I had were my flowers. Good luck! Just remember, that the wedding is about the 2 of you, not about putting a show and pleasing bunch of other people
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Good point on the ring - break from tradition (diamonds, platinum) and you'll save a lot of money. DH got an inherited ring, but a couple years later found a Tungsten ring on clearance for like $75 (normally $500+). It doesn't bother me at all that it's not the ring he used on the wedding day, cause it fits better, so he wears it more!
I was talking to a friend recently (who's really into jewelry) and he said Blue Nile is the best for buying stones. He said the buying times vary because they are coming from different sources, so really you're getting wholesale. I'm not sure if he gets the ring set through them, or just buys the stones and uses a local jeweler.
I've read good things about James Allen (another online diamond retailer). I like that you can see a picture of the actual stone you would be buying
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I had my dream wedding for $5000. I have lots of tips on how to save money on weddings, but here's the most important thing that most people miss: Try to avoid any venue that forces you to use specific vendors for catering or anything else. This is how people get "trapped" and spend a lot. In our case, we found a venue that did not require us to use their vendors. Because of this, we had absolute freedom to shop around on everything, and therefore could negotiate price on everything. Because our venue was basically just a rented space, we were able to have drinks with no corkage fee, have cake with no cutting fee, etc. It's little things like this that can really add up. We also were able to hire a caterer who made delicious food, but who did NOT specialize in weddings (and for this reason was less expensive than most wedding caterers).
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As someone whose life work was catering, for keeping costs down but still having great food I would do what is called 'heavy' hors d'oeuvres. Or as my staff and I called it 'elevated to the max bar food' :). Think Glazed Riblets, Spiced Wings, etc. Huge hit for all involved but not a huge hit wallet-wise and it was one of our most popular packages. As far as booze, serve wine, beer and a signature drink as that will keep costs down too.
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OP, do you have any connections to a catering company or a venue?
My wife and I worked at a catering company to work our way through school (she did it 3 years and I did it for 1). Because we had this connection our coworkers donated their time, the company waived the fee for the venue, the cake person gifted us a cake for the wedding, and my grandfather plays the piano professionally (so no DJ needed). We only had to pay for food, the dress, my suit, etc.
Total cost for a fancy wedding that included hors d'oeuvres, great location (all glass room at the top of a building nestled in the mountains), all-day photographer, great music, and a custom-made dress was only about $2,500.
So my primary tip is to use your connections! Also, for food, heavy hors d'oeuvres is also a great tip.
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The easiest way to look at wedding expenses is that, legally, all you need for a wedding is 2 witnesses, a marriage license, and someone qualified to marry you. Everything else is a detail that you can opt into or out of. We had a full wedding and reception with 130 guests, catered meal and alcohol, so ours was probably not very mustachian, but I think that we did a good job of keeping it reasonable. It was less than half of what people who had similar weddings spent in my area, and we didn't go into any debt for it.
We cut costs in the following ways:
- Sold my dress on consignment after the wedding. Would have been smarter to have bought on consignment and then resold on consignment afterwards, but I did not have that foresight. If this is something that your bride is interested in, she should make sure that the dress that she chooses is less than 1 or 2 years old. Most bridal consignment shops will not accept a dress that is more than a couple of years old to re-sell. In the end, my out of pocket costs for wedding dress and accessories was about $500, and if I had been smarter I could have done much better than that.
- We bought flowers at the grocery store and assembled our bouquets ourselves. Boutonnieres were not floral (there are many ideas online for non-floral bouts if you want one). Centerpieces were mainly floating candles in glass jars with a few flowers.
- Found a photographer who was still fairly new at the time, but who was super talented. The photography industry is totally saturated now, so you can find a photographer for any budget. But it depends on how important it is to you - if it's not super important, you could hire a student or "new" photographer for a few hundred dollars. I photographed my first wedding for $500!
- We provided alcohol, but only 2 brands of beer and 3 types of wine that we made at a facility. We were able to return unopened beer cases after the wedding, and we had TONS of wine left over. An obvious cost cutter here would be not to provide free alcohol.
- Look at non-traditional venues. We chose a venue that had virtually no restrictions and no additional fees - no corking fee, no cake cutting fee, nothing. It was a summer music camp. Our venue wasn't particularly cheap, but I loved it so much. A very cheap option would have been a Legion or similar.
- We bought very inexpensive rings, both engagement rings and wedding bands. I think my engagement ring is what is often called a "promise ring". The three rings combined cost less than $500. Jewelry is not important to us, so it was an obvious place to cut costs. DH has already lost his wedding band, so good thing it was cheap!
- We didn't have a honeymoon.
- An obvious way to cut costs is in catering. Our meal was by far the most expensive aspect of our wedding. We provided a full catered meal, but you could easily cut costs here by having an afternoon wedding with no meal, or opting for a cheaper meal. My sister in law had an afternoon wedding and provided light sandwiches and snacks that her family made (no alcohol), which I'm sure saved her thousands!
- We had a friend make a cake for us as a gift. It was delicious! You could forego the cake altogether if you wanted.
- We shopped around for a DJ on online classifieds. It paid off well; he did an awesome job.
- Officiant was a friend of my father's and gave us a deal.
- Made our own edible favours. You can skip these entirely, no one really cares about favours.
- Our location did not really require much in the way of decor, and we kept it pretty simple.
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Thanks for all the feedback! It's been a whirlwind over the past month and change...
I love reading all the suggestions, and while some do not work for me I hope that a later mustachian finds this :)
I know that my fiancé is not super frugal, but she has saved up for her wedding for the past decade so she gets a big say in it. No facepunches at her :)
I have no connections that are of use to getting discounts on weddings, and the bride is opposed to the areas where we could use them otherwise. For example, she is unwilling to use a wedding location that is a friend/family's residence for the wedding.
I love the idea of the consignment dress. I told her about it and maybe she'll look into it.
We just signed a contact on the venue.
We went to a half dozen and got information on dozens more in the area. It was very difficult to find a location that let's you bring in your own alcohol and nearly as difficult to find one that let's any caterer provide food. One year out in the Midwest and flexible to a 6 month range on the date, and we still had venues that were unsuitable on date alone.
In our search I found only ONE that allowed alcohol of choice. Most venues required a minimum food and drink bill and charged a percentage of it as a fee.
In the end, we went with a venue through the local park service. It was one of the cheaper indoor options, their cost for alcohol with liquor was cheaper than the beer cost at many of their competitors and they let us tell them the number of drinkers, so Grams doesn't cost me extra! There will be very little decorating needed as the venue is beautiful and green. The require the use of a caterer from a list and charge a fee. The fee is about hand what the others were charging and the list is long enough to have some negotiating room. It isn't perfect and there are tons of fees (chair and table rentals).
Current estimate: $5300. That includes chairs, tables, linens, space, and all alcohol. Its not growing my stach, but it's not shabby compared to normal in the area. FWIW, the no required caterer option was $3500 for just the space, so I think we are equivolent on that.
I just found a wedding ring for myself. It's $50 after shipping. The bride's ring will be a different story. Both of her grandmothers have provided their rings and she wants to get some diamonds from both reset into a band. Any ideas of where/how much is reasonable for that? We are going to a jewelry event where I bought the engagement ring in January and may have that done there.
I'm looking into a DJ recommended to me by private message on this forum! We shall see if they are available on our date.
We are talking to out first caterer now. We want a Mexican buffet wedding, and it appears to be very inexpensive to go that route online. Our quote should arrive soon and we'll see how that works out. This one doesn't have cake cutting fees so they are already at the top of my list.
Whew! Tired of typing! Thanks for all the tips and anecdotes, please keep them coming and I'll continue to update with where we are in the process :)
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Hi,
Got married a couple of years ago in Australia but some ideas work regardless of where you are...
Dress - if it needs alterations do not get it done by a bridal store. Ask friends for recommendations for a dressmaker and have them do it. Thankfully my mother is a fantastic sewer so saved me $80 the store quoted just to do the hem. Thankfully it needed no other alterations.
Save the Dates - we found a free image online used a program to overlay our save the date wording and them printed them out at a photo store - 10c each. We picked an image that went with our theme.
Theme/colour - choose these and then don't change your mind. Every changed decision will cost.
Postage - this will add up quickly with your proposed guest list. Make sure the stationery you select is a standard size that you don't need to pay extra.
Centrepieces - don't go overboard and choose something besides flowers. We had a beach theme and we had a large vase, sand, shells and a candle with a ribbon in our colour. Anything excessive just gets in the way of your guests.
Favours - we bought sets of four glass drink coasters and broke them down in to pairs instead. The website we bought from actually suggested this. I got asked many times where we got them.
Car- the bridal car was one of our splurges, but we got great value, it transported me, Dad and bridesmaids to the wedding and was big enough for the whole wedding party AND the photographer for offsite photos.
See if you can come up with something memorable that doesn't cost much. For us it was the cake cutting. We recreated my parents' cake cutting and borrowed a military officer's ceremonial sword, with gold and ivory hilt. It cost us a bottle of wine and was posted by so many guests online. You would be amazed at the cheeky grin you have when cutting a cake with a sword, it makes for a great photo.
Don't let it take over your life, either set specific times to discuss plans or designate certain days/times as a wedding free zone. Above all enjoy yourself.
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Oh, that reminds me about postage! We sent out our Save the Dates in our Christmas cards. When we sent out our wedding invitations, we had people RSVP via phone or email instead of mailing back an RSVP card.
We also made our own invitations and printed them at home. I made my brother's for his wedding as well, but he had them printed on linen paper at a printing shop so his looked much nicer than mine did. But I didn't care much about what the invitations looked like.
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We skipped groom tuxedos and bridesmaid dresses, opting instead to just tell the bridesmaids to wear something nice in the red-pink-orange range and the ushers to wear a suit or pants/jacket combo that was more towards light than dark (summer morning wedding). We didn't have to pay for the outfits and they had the option to either use something already in their closets or buy something that would be useful later on. I also got married in a nice suit, which I used for events and even work for many years after.
The "reception" was a barbecue in my parent's yard. I cooked the steaks myself. I guess a litmus test for whether we should invite someone to a wedding was whether we would invite them to our house for a barbecue or not.
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Dress - if it needs alterations do not get it done by a bridal store. Ask friends for recommendations for a dressmaker and have them do it. Thankfully my mother is a fantastic sewer so saved me $80 the store quoted just to do the hem. Thankfully it needed no other alterations.
Just be careful with this one because I've heard of a bunch of horror stories. Leave a LOT of time.
We have a beautiful set of wooden napkin holders made from ships planks (of a historic Coast Guard ship, Eagle), a gift from someone working on that ship when they were removed, because my mom *very last minute* altered her wedding dress after it had gotten royally screwed up by the seamstress. (Mom was her gymnastics coach, but she's a fantastic sewer.)
My friend went with a paid-friend, and I discovered years after her wedding that the alterations weren't finished until the day of the wedding, she had to be partially sewn into the dress as a result, and many other issues (not things you want to be dealing with the week of the wedding). They thought the woman (a friend of her mom's) was reliable. She wasn't obviously.
That said, when they altered my dress and cut the train shorter, they removed a lot of the lace/pearl pattern and didn't sew much back on. Mom added a bunch back on for me. Even though it cost a chunk of change, she was glad I didn't try to have her alter it, because it was complicated so would have taken her a lot of time to do, so she figured I had gotten a pretty good price on the alterations.