Soccerluv,
I am not grasping all of your situation. You might want to list your monies and what they are in.
1. Why don't you look at this as "1 portfolio" (tax deferred and not) where you have equities, cash, and bonds (if any).
2. Pick an asset allocation (70/30, 60/40, whatever).
3. Adjust wife's portfolio (or another portfolio) to create the portfolio asset allocation you want.