I got married a little over a year ago. When we got married I had no financial concerns - she had a job of similar income as mine. We were friends for many years before and she was able to pay off her student loan debt while working in graduate school. I was impressed by that.
On the day we went to her parents to tell them of our engagement (this was also the first time I met them), she got a call about her "dream job." She had talked to them before and when we were friends, I told her I thought it was a BS offer. It was a startup run by a guy with more dreams than business sense.
How could I be negative on that day? In front of her parents she said, "this is the best day of my life - introducing my future husband to my parents and getting my dream job!" How could I have pulled her aside and been like, is this really a good idea?
Fast forward some time. The dream job stopped paying her two months into it. She had bought a house a year earlier at a 15 year term for admittedly a decent rate. But suddenly, she had no income (or much in savings) and I was still contracted for my apartment for another two months. I suddenly was stuck with two payments. Oh, and she was pregnant (ok my fault on that one). Then I find out the payment she had told me was "adjusted" in that she told me how much she paid after her roommate paid her rent. Roommate left suddenly and she had no rental contract. She refused to consider going back to previous job.
The job was obviously BS. All these people had was artists concepts of what they wanted to do. Its like they spent all their time on posters, models, etc and never go around to actually doing anything. They are no longer around. She wants to sue them but I keep saying - theres nothing to get. There are no assets, no buildings, to recover from.
Suddenly now she's decided she is ok with being a stay at home mom and "respects her mom for doing whatever she wanted to do career wise." Her mom apparently was a lawyer that took mostly low paying/volunteer stuff while her dad worked at a cubicle job. Her mom also drives a BMW. Now my wife wants to do similar work. She's trying to pass herself off as a "consultant" and wants to write a book. She is a smart girl but gets tunnel vision on ideas that if others say is unrealistic she takes it hard. I casually mentioned that you know, to be a consultant you have to have industry experience. She keeps saying she has 15 years experience (she is counting internships going back to high school, in reality she has 1 year of full time work after school).
I've been trying to hold the line. She wants to take two vacations this year. We simply *must* go see her family across the country. Oh, and the reason she took that risky job is she got advice from an "executive coach" she was paying $400 a month to listen to.
Ok, its all settled now - I am only paying the one living expense now. But every few months I can't help but bring it up. I am not asking for much - she continues to say that buying the house was a great idea. Taking the risky job was a great idea. I keep saying "if it weren't for me you would be foreclosing." In the back of my mind, I wonder if I hadn't married her, if she would have at least learned the lesson of "don't take a risky job if you have a mortgage."
I get occasionally mad now and then because she has to have a career she "loves" because she "loves" her work. She is unemployed. I took a job I tolerate because it pays. She won't even consider taking a job she "tolerates."