I don't know ... I think I could argue either side of this coin:
On the one hand, I don't get the idea of being against the traditional family model. I don't see it as a negative thing, nor do I see it as strongly positive. However, I am against the idea of one spouse "holding all the cards" or having all the power -- and that can happen when one spouse earns all the money. We're both in traditional jobs for our genders, and my husband earns about double what I do ... but we really do feel "equal". My benefits from work outweigh his, and my frugality saves much more than he would on his own. In particular, when the kids were young and needed day care, my kid-friendly schedule saved us not only money but stress; we never had to piece together summer care like so many of my friends. We are very different, but we complement one another's strengths and weaknesses. At this point, I think you feel unequal in your marriage -- as if you are the workhorse -- no, a beast of burden. I suspect you're not so against the traditional dad-earns-mom-keeps-house so much as the inequality that can stem from that situation.
I'm concerned that you don't seem entirely satisfied with your marriage and your husband, which means it'd be a risky choice to leave a well-paying job. On the other hand, while both my husband and I LOVED having young children ... those weren't the years when he and I were at our personal best in our marriage. Young kids are an awful lot of work, physical work, and we were tired all the time. He and I have been better with school aged kids; that is, once the kids were more able to take care of their own needs and the family dynamic shifted a bit, he and I sort of "found each other again" and are rock solid. Is this typical, or is this a situation unique to our family? I don't know, but based upon my own experience, I'd say these might be the years when you simply accept that you aren't each other's #1 priority -- be sure you stay connected, of course, but don't be disappointed that his focus is often elsewhere. We came back together very naturally when those tough always-busy-with-the-toddlers years were over, and a lot of my friends did too.
As for him not being solidly involved with the kids, it sounds like he isn't going to join in with the no-fun chores. He simply isn't going to help with washing clothes, taking the kids to the dentist, etc. And that leaves you with a choice: You can argue with him, fuss and complain, make him miserable and yourself miserable ... and he will still not do it. Or you can accept that this is YOUR family dynamic and search for ways to appreciate what he does bring to the family. Yes, seriously. You can rant and rail about fairness, but once you're IN the marriage, those are the choices. You can change yourself, or you can choose to walk out of the situation, but you cannot change other people. I think you have an inkling of this already, given that you commented that yes, you'd be resentful, but you're resentful now too!
I needed to work -- more so when I was younger than now. No, I'm not talking about money. My father abandoned our family when I was 11, leaving my mom to raise five kids with only a high school diploma and a couple years clerical experience. She says today that she loved being at home with us, but those good years were not "worth" the miserable years that followed -- of course, I'm talking about the 1970s. She was one of the women caught up in the first big wave of divorce. She married "old school", thinking that you put up with each other's crap forever, no matter what ... and she was genuinely blind-sided by the divorce. Today women should be a bit smarter about such things and should never allow themselves to be put in such a position. Anyway, though I have a good marriage, and at 25+ years, I'm not a bit worried about divorce, I have an emotional need to have MY MONEY. Inside I still have a bit of that teenager who had nothing and was always worried about money.
Another poster made a very good comment: The choice you make today is not the choice you must maintain forever. I suggest you and your husband make a choice for today ... and then agree to reevaluate every year and decide if it's still the right choice. Your lives will change radically as your children grow up, and what's appropriate today may no longer be a good fit tomorrow. We have "an appointment" with each other every New Year Day and on our anniversary (which falls in summer) to go over our financial situation and to evaluate our life situation: Do we need to make any big changes here or there? It's easy to let things slide by and slide by -- setting a date for discussion and implementation of changes can be a good idea.
And I'll end with a safety note: If you do downsize to a one-paycheck family, look over your disability and life insurance. When you put all your financial eggs in one basket, you need to be sure that basket is secure. Also, do your best to keep your fingers in the work world ... it's never wise to put yourself in a position that you couldn't return to work, if you wanted or needed to do so.