Author Topic: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?  (Read 773 times)

cooldude2001

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I am 40+ years old. I have travelled several places in the US for work (for a week or so) but never relocated the primary residence. I recently moved (relocated primary residence) 400+ miles to another city. Since I moved, I haven't been liking the new city much and miss allot of the things about my previous home and neighborhood. I shared this information with a close friend and he mentioned to give it more time in the new place and I'll stop missing my old place and begin liking the new place.

Anyone else made a long distance move in their past. Did you miss your previous place? How long before you started liking your new place?

civil4life

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2017, 06:23:43 PM »
I moved 9 years ago about the same distance from my hometown and my whole family.  I honestly do not remember when I turned the corner to liking my new home.  I would say it was sometime during the first year.  I still miss home.  It is more about missing the people and a few places that there is nothing like it where I live now.  Although recently I have decided to work on going back in the next couple years, but when I move back I know I am going to miss the life I have made in the new city.

I think the answer is going to be different for everyone.  I am a very introverted person.  Friend making is not easy for me, but is not a huge need for me.  I was lucky that where I worked there were a bunch of people my own age.  I got involved in local sports and organizations related to my profession.

Then there is the type of area.  I went from suburbia/farm community to living downtown in a major city.  I did that to experience the big city.  I am sick of the big city and would like to move out to the suburbs.

I guess it depends on what you miss and why you moved etc.


meghan88

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2017, 07:05:41 PM »
I agree with civil4life that it depends on the move and the person.  We moved from Montreal to a smaller city in Ontario 10 years ago and we still dislike it here.  That said, there is nothing "wrong" with the place, but it's just not "home".  There are things to like, but it doesn't make up for missing Montreal like crazy, all day and every day.  So YMMV.

You can try to seek out the kinds of things you like.  Maybe join some meetup groups.  Finding a few outlets that make it bearable will help.

We are out of here in two years when we retire and we can't wait.  Maybe keeping your eye on the prize (FIRE) will help.  The time does pass, though it is regrettable that it has to pass somewhere that you don't like.

In our particular case, if we hadn't left, we'd be unemployed or underemployed and FIRE would be a lot farther away. 

Meesh

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2017, 08:02:17 PM »
I've lived in 6 places in 2 countries each pretty far from the last. Every place has its good and bad. Some were easier than others for me to like but I definitely agree that making friends and actively looking for things to do that interest you will help a lot. For me, I always seemed to start liking a place when I felt like I had a community. People to get to know, activities I like to do around town and places to hang out when I'm bored goes a long way. The more you go out the more you will notice things you like about it.

I lived almost 20 years in the same place growing up and a part of me will always miss it and I still think of myself as a "Californian" but now I see every new place as an adventure and an opportunity. You may always miss your old town but that doesn't have to stop you from liking your new one.

cchrissyy

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2017, 08:18:56 PM »
you may like this book
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/27209432-this-is-where-you-belong
This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live


JLR

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2017, 09:49:43 PM »
You'll always find things you miss. The best thing to do is to get out at the new location and start making memories. Meet people, join a community group in an area you are interested in (volunteering, or an interest you have, perhaps a sporting group, for example), be a tourist at home (what would a visitor to your location do? Visit museums, see an area of natural beauty, etc). In time you will settle in. We've been in our current town for 3.5 years now and I've started to feel settled this year. It probably took 12-18 months at our last location.

spokey doke

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2017, 09:29:52 AM »
I have had this happen to me and I've watched a number of others who were not happy with where they were...In those cases, a major factor was whether or not I/they were really willing to embrace what the place had to offer (rather than fixating on what it doesn't have, or how it doesn't match your interests/preferences).

I'm still amazed at many of the people around me who are unhappy with this place, yet continue to ignore the amazing opportunities it does provide (although, OTOH, I was one of those people (in another place)...took me years to get tuned into and accept the good things around me).

I don't want to pry into your personal details, but I imagine if you felt comfortable sharing some specifics, there may be others on MMM who can help you get dialed in...
“The best thing about graduating from the university was that I finally had time to sit on a log and read a good book.”
― Edward Abbey

Cpa Cat

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2017, 09:39:27 AM »
Maybe never?

When I moved to State X from Canada, it took me about 4 years of wanting to "go home" before I kicked myself in the butt and started making a concerted effort to stop ruminating on my dislike of State X. As others have mentioned, focusing on the positive aspects helped a lot. Getting involved in the community and making friends helps. Exploring the good things the city has to offer. And consciously stopping myself from dwelling on negativity.

That said... it's been 15 years now, and I recently got back from vacation in another state, which I enjoyed a lot, and I've been feeling depressed about being stuck in State X. I'd really rather be living somewhere else, and it doesn't go away. I'm trying to get back into the mode of focusing on the positive aspects again, but I don't think I'll ever truly like State X.

Disliking the place that you live is kind of useless - you either have to move, or if you can't move, you need to focus on the positive.

affordablehousing

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2017, 10:06:54 AM »
We moved cross country. For spouse it took 63 days then she liked it, for me, 2 years, and that's to get to breakeven with my old city. The way to like a place is to invest in it, that means buy a house or at least furnish it, knock on all your neighbor's doors, go to some community events, wlak the dog and say hello to people, talk to store clerks midday when they're bored, etc. You still miss things though. There's a notion in behavioral economics that whatever one owns, one ascribes extra value to. The folks I've met who continually hate where they live are ones who have never embraced the sense of "ownership" of where they live, and I mean that holistically, not just if they bought the house.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2017, 10:24:50 AM »
Maybe never?

When I moved to State X from Canada, it took me about 4 years of wanting to "go home" before I kicked myself in the butt and started making a concerted effort to stop ruminating on my dislike of State X. As others have mentioned, focusing on the positive aspects helped a lot. Getting involved in the community and making friends helps. Exploring the good things the city has to offer. And consciously stopping myself from dwelling on negativity.

That said... it's been 15 years now, and I recently got back from vacation in another state, which I enjoyed a lot, and I've been feeling depressed about being stuck in State X. I'd really rather be living somewhere else, and it doesn't go away. I'm trying to get back into the mode of focusing on the positive aspects again, but I don't think I'll ever truly like State X.

Disliking the place that you live is kind of useless - you either have to move, or if you can't move, you need to focus on the positive.





You bring up some VERY valid points. And this really sunk in with me for different reasons.  Since I started to think of being fire'd to being fire'd i have learned to literally HATE the place I am most likely going to be living in the next 7 years and have focused so much on what I think I know i want. This has made me miserable a lot and I am going to take some of your advice on that. Thanks for that! as I use to love it here.  I do need to get back out and get back involved, I have become and introvert and never was. Talked myself into it out of my stubbornness to not like it here.
" In life you don't get what you deserve you get what you negotiate"

EricEng

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #10 on: September 13, 2017, 10:48:50 AM »
Depends on how long it takes you to make new friends.  I've done several major moves and it has varied from 2 months to never all highly correlated with how quickly and easily I made quality friends.  Ability to make friends will vary on local populace and your hobbies/interests and some effort to get out and meet people.

begood

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #11 on: September 13, 2017, 11:45:29 AM »
We moved five times over seventeen years - four corporate relos and one midlife crisis.

For us, it usually took about three years to feel embedded in the new place. If you are a church-goer, you can probably cut that time in half. Having kids in school helps too. Finding your tribe is the key, and church and school are two great places to start. We were only in Cincinnati for two years, but they happened to be our daughter's kindergarten and first-grade years - life revolved around school and school-related activities, and lots of parents volunteering meant instant access to similar folk.

One of my mother's mantras was "bloom where you're planted". I have tried to take that to heart each time we've moved.


Noodle

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Re: Recently moved 400+ miles. How long before I start liking the new place?
« Reply #12 on: September 13, 2017, 03:24:59 PM »
Probably a year at least--time to go through all the firsts at least once, and locate all the resources you need--your new doctors, mechanic, grocery store, etc. Plus every place has better and worse seasons to live there and you won't have a really good feel for the ups and downs till you've seen all of them.

Having done this multiple times, I think one of the best things you can do is search out activities, restaurants, etc that are unique to your new location. Then you won't be comparing unfavorably to what you remember from back home.