Questions and Concerns about Forced Early Retirement and Lifestyle/Family!

[SunDog]

Hey everyone, I'm new here in the forum but have been following the MM blog for years and the lifestlye.

I'm gonna put down my situation, which is causing me stress/anxiety and sleeplessness (but maybe shouldn't! depending how you look at it). I guess I'm just gonna put my situation out there and see what people think, maybe there will be some feedback to help me stay calmer etc.

I've got 1.2 million CAD in investments. My average return going back to the financial crisis (which I avoided, purposefully) has been 17% a year. This recent year it is so far 37%. I am highly diversified with well over 100 stocks, but I use my interest and background in geopolitics, poli sci and economics, and my interest in current events and analysis to pick sectors and stocks. Mostly blue chips. I saw Covid coming and make a big gain around that, as well as seeing the need/trends around Cold War 2.0 with China, nearshoring, nuclear power, European and Asian re-armarment etc (even anticipating the Ukraine war - just based on Putin's/Russian speeches and troops movements back then). So, my main claim to fame would be operating around big changes and events and long term trends/sectors.

I lost my job 1.5 years ago (am in Canada), when remote work ended, and haven't been able to get anything since. Not even min wage. Networked a lot, studied new things, applied to over 1,000 jobs (custom covers letters often etc). Many are in the same boat as me, we have rising unemployment and extremely high immigration still, making it almost untenable. I don't think it will change for the better in the coming years. The only opportunity left would be doing dog sitting like with the Rover app and selling stuff off the street. Which would be ok (a few hundreds bucks here and there, enough for groceries and basics). I would say for my situation, we need to assume jobs are not an option (not even part time or min wage). Unemployment in my city is at the level of the financial crisis now but hundreds of thousands of more people come every year.

So I always wanted to retire early, but, I am forced into it now. Maybe sooner than I wanted.

I can easily live on 3-5K per year for all my food, clothes, and anything I want. My rent will be zilch or a few hundred a month, living at home in an upper house unit with a future roomate. It is quite big and I have a big attic room above everything. Don't mind sharing, someone to talk to etc. Maybe not forever though. It has multile extra rooms though. I can't even use it all anyways!

I could spend 15-20K on two more epic world tours in the coming years (i.e. this fall/winter). I like long term travel. Have done it in the past for years, digital nomad style. Once I go everywhere, my trips would end up shorter though in the long run, maybe 3-5K normally in the future. I travel for adventure and culture and don't indulge abroad too much, but am comfortable always and splurge on seeing things and experiences.

Single and no kids. Is it possible to have kids? Am 39/male. Hard to date 'unemployed', never works, but now I tell people I manage boutique investments and it works better. The government here also pays about 20K if you have 2 kids now until 16. So I would count on that, if I had no job but had kids (and not likely ever to get a job again). But dating here with FIRE is pretty rough. Very materialistic society here it seems too. Women often reject me because they say they love restaurants, shopping, live theatre, etc. I don't mind those, just not all the time per se. I've done them before lol. I'm also on a low glycemic diet anyway (preventative) so am just not into restaurants much, which also screws up my gym routine because that food doesn't have enough energy.

I could also always move to Costa Rica, Ecuador, etc, and retire there. I find the people/women less judgemental abroad too and I'd have a girlfriend no problem. Exit tax is huge though. But could buy a home there, family, anything is possible. Kids would grow up with more opportunity there than here too. People I know do really well in Costa Rica. And btw, I do like these countries and know the issues for the most part, and I speak a lot of Spanish now. Been all over much of the world and to South America many times for long stretches... was a digital nomad for 4 years or so before. Very comfortable abroad. Would miss family, and friends to a lesser extent.

I could stay single and live an international playboy life too. I guess.

So do people think I have enough? Based on the 4% rule I think so. I literally don't have any other options/choice anyway in this labour market here. Retraining is a tough call because it can take years and a lot of money and honestly I have no energy anymore, and every field is flooded with labour here.

At 65 some extra government benefits kick in which would be about 20K per year. Eventually I'd inherit half a house which is worth 2 mil. Could keep living in it too probably.

Is having kids possible, do FIRE people do that much? Or opt out and just live the food life?

Do people find dating and explaining themselves super tough with FIRE? (of course, it is not so hard in other countries... they're more Pura Vida!)

P.S. I just moved back home to my upstairs unit, am still setting up. So partly I think I gotta give it more time here to see how life goes.

But the feeling of being rejected by women, jobs, and sometimes being aimless or being a failure or not fitting in is hard. On the other hand I got hobbies, gym, biking, books etc, friends, so I can amp up these things and side projects! I think having 2 feet in the door on both worlds, retirement, and still applying for jobs... is screwing me up, feeling like I'm not where I'm supposed to be... straddling both worlds... not fully enjoying my situation like I could... and just generally a bit confused about things, including family ideas etc or living here or moving abroad...

Anyone else gone through all that junk? : )

[Laura33]

Soooo, this is a mindset thing more than a reality thing.  Can you FIRE?  Given the numbers you cited, that's not even a close call -- you are fine, you are more than fine. 

So how about instead of thinking of yourself as unemployed living in a dead-end area where there are no jobs and you're just hanging on, why not try thinking of yourself as independently wealthy and retired?  Because you are!  You never have to work another day if you don't want to.  And why would a lack of local jobs matter when you don't need one? 

I can't tell you anything about finding women to date, because I feel damn lucky I found probably the one person in the world who tolerates me and whom I love.  ;-)  But I will say that people who actually FIRE and avoid consumerism -- people who have over $1M* but who choose to use that wealth to buy freedom instead of Stuff -- tend to be at the very skinny end of the bell curve.  Straight-up, there are just not a lot of people for whom that represents their dream life.  So, yeah, it's going to be harder to meet them.  Really, there's nothing wrong with either you or with the women you're meeting; you just want different things out of life and so aren't a good match.  Have you tried going to any of the Mustachian camps or meet-ups?  Or getting into outdoor activities like hiking, environmentalist causes, etc.?  Think of the kind of things that are more likely to be appealing to people who want to live a low-impact, non-consumerist lifestyle. 


*A million bucks!  You have a million bucks!  Holy freaking crap, that's a huge amount of money!  Yay you!!

[Sibley]

Yes, this is very much a mindset thing. First, it sounds like you need to do some thinking about what you WANT to do. You have the ability to devote a full-time jobs worth of time to whatever you choose. You want to volunteer somewhere? You have the time. Want to take up gardening or long distance cycling? You have the time. You have TIME, which is priceless. Stop wasting it on hundreds of job applications. Start using it on something that makes you happy and gives you satisfaction - including working through a backlog of video games if that's what you choose to do.

And you don't have to keep doing whatever you choose to do forever. Go ahead and take a couple months working on the video game backlog, then when you get through it or get bored of it, do something else.

As for meeting women, well, as Laura said, it might be tough. But there's also a fair amount of luck involved. I met my SO extremely randomly at a craft fair. And he's a mustachian in the wild, he'd never heard of MMM or really any of the FIRE movement. What are the odds, right? But it can happen.

[SunDog]

Thank you Laura and Sibley for your answers, insight, humour and sage advice! This helps and makes me think and also made me smile/laugh.

Definitely feels good to read that. Also, nice perspective re dating issues. I can appreciate that. I like what you said.

Overall, perspective opening and calming. Just what I needed too!

Thank you very much-

[Metalcat]

First, how old are you and what sector is your job experience.

Is working a priority for you? Because if yes, you have plenty of resources to make that happen.

I lost my job in Canada a few years ago due to severe disability and I put an enormous amount of time into researching career options and retrained and now have a whole new, lucrative, interesting career. If you want to work, you have tons of options. You just might need to approach it very differently.

I'm extremely gifted at generating work opportunities and applying to jobs online has never been my go-to approach. In fact, if you have no job and plenty of money, it's the most inefficient approach there is.

As for dating, yes, if you are not typical, you will struggle dating in typical ways. Again, this can be worked around, but you need to figure out how to connect with the kind of people who will like you and value what makes you different. Moving to another country is one option, but certainly not the only one.

I've spent my entire life being not everyone's cup of tea, lol. And yet, I've never struggled to meet and date really cool people who think I'm awesome. But again, I wouldn't approach it the same way as a typical person because that would never work well for me.

Also, Canada is MASSIVE. I don't know where you are, but it may not be the ideal place for you. Again, leaving the country is one option, but also exploring within the country is another. It sounds like you're in a major city, and that might not be the right vibe for you.

I guarantee you aren't nearly as limited in your options as you think you are. You just think you are because you're using a framework that isn't designed for you.

ETA: I should probably mention that I've made an entire career out of helping unusual people with limited options live their best lives.

[SunDog]

Hey Metalcat,

Thank you for your interesting thinking and comments.

I'm 39, my job experience is in the public sector/government and non profit sector - policy/research, project management and admin (and have done a bunch of Economic Development work but really that just fits into project management and admin). I studied Poli Si and some economics and have my PMP. Always an A range student. My last job was in IT project management for a city government. There's a lot of jobs I qualify for technically, even in the private sector... admin/project management/project coordination... in all kinds of industries... but as you say applying for jobs is useless these days!

What did you retrain as? I'm curious.

I have a foot injury but it should be temporary, but I wouldn't mind something blue collar and practical at all. Just don't wanna go back to school or not long, and not start at min wage after like so many transitions entail.

Do you mainly network, do you target hiring managers or others? So far my efforts in that have not worked either.

AM curious re your dating experience as a fellow non typical : ) lol. I'm guessing like the others, you're not quite doing online dating then? But meeting at events or community things for common interest?

Btw congrats on overcoming your severe disability and finding a good new interesting career. That's excellent. From an impossible sounding situation to something good!

Am in Toronto... I've moved before to Iqaluit and London ON... would hate to move again at this point so not planning that. Am settling in here and building community here and hobbies/habits etc. If I ever do move again, I think it would be if I were to move abroad and settle abroad OR a rural location here if affording a house there one day, like say beautiful Manitoulin Island, maybe even just be retired there etc. During this last year and a half I applied to quite a lot of municipal and private sector jobs in small towns and cities all over Ontario. Did have more interviews than in the GTA but still nothing. Not bothing anymore with those for now though. Since I'm at least enjoying the local gym here, friends and family, my haunts, parks, church, meditation etc nearby. I think I can meet more non typical people here too I suspect... : )

"I guarantee you aren't nearly as limited in your options as you think you are. You just think you are because you're using a framework that isn't designed for you."

Could be! Hard to imagine : ) Even making a small flower shop here, which would seem kinda neat, as you know, is super hard and expensive here... with rents and regulations and costs etc. And the economy.
Plus I'm burnt out.

Right now I'm starting a creative writing project which is a hobby but could become an income one day.

I'm also coming to terms with retirement and coming to peace and enjoying it also.

I kind of suspect, just like Mr Money Mustache, when we retire, we end up doing all kinds of new things and hobbies, volunteering too, that ends up making more new friends, more networks, and more opportunities somehow naturally. For example I am starting to brainstorm something like volunteering or apprenticing with the Amish to learn home building skills... and could look at buying land and building a home or planting down a pre-fab modular thing... because if you can mostly build your own home or pre-fab it, the amount you're saving is probably worth decades of work... and its a whole new practical skill/new learning and really for yourself...