It kind of sounds in your post like there is a good bit of frustration with your wife for not getting her behind in gear. Perhaps in this instance you need to lead by example. Start decluttering and boxing up your own things (you admit you have your fair share of stuff to deal with), and she will likely follow.
Whenever I have moved, I go by rooms. Start with the least used room (storage, closets, libraries, bedrooms) and end with the most used (usually kitchen). I do three passes for each room - the first pass is a basic decluttering pass where we comb through and obvious things in each room are tossed or donated. As yourself "is this item worth the hassle of moving it?" -- if not, get rid of it. I've had success with a "maybe" pile, if I'm unsure, and then DH and I go through the maybe pile together to figure out what to keep and what to get rid of. But my DH has never had overly-sentimental attachment to many things so this activity doesn't cause stress or tension.
The second pass is packing up or getting rid of things that I don't expect or really need to use between now and moving, and leave only the bare essentials for living. I do this close enough to the move where you can live without most of your stuff, I've done this usually 1-2 months out. I should feel pretty limited/deprived during those months, but we should still be able to function and do most/all things we need to do with a bit of creativity.
The last pass is right before moving where I pack up those bare essentials. I usually do this during the week leading up to the move, with most things happening the night before
For example, when packing my kitchen, for my first pass I'll start a goodwill pile. Then my second pass I grab a few boxes, and I'm also willing to make another goodwill pile. I label each first-pass box with the room and contents. So like "Kitchen - Dishes/Utensils/serving" or "Kitchen - food storage containers and cookware". That way when you go to the new place, the boxes are put in the correct room for unpacking. Then I go through my cupboards and decide if this is a bare essential to tide me over for a month, give to goodwill, or keep but not necessary for the next few weeks. I will keep like 2 sets of dishes, 2 sets of utensils, a chefs knife, a cutting board, a stir spoon, my blender, and a big pan and a medium pot as my essentials for the next month, literally everything else either gets boxed up or donated. Like I said, deprivation is the name of the game, but you can still make 90% of our normal meals with these limited tools.
Then for my last pass, this is like the night before moving, I have a box (or two) for each room to pack up those few essential items. Those get labelled specially, since I want those to also be the first to be unpacked because we will be able to function immediately with just those items, the rest of the boxes are not essential. I put "Kitchen - ESSENTIALS" and tape it with bright colored duct tape for visibility. In goes the few dishes, the pan, the knife, etc that I had kept. Another example would be "BEDROOM - ESSENTIALS" - pillows/blankets/sleep masks that you need for sleeping right up until the last moment and will need right away again.
Clothes I do a little differently, I put aside a few basic staples that I can mix and match for a month (2 jeans, 6 tops, undies, etc) and pack/donate the rest. Then the week leading up to the move, I have another box in the closet where I place those staple garments once they are "done", until the night before the move where I quickly wash/dry them and re-pack that box. I leave out 1 set of comfy, stretchy clothes to lift/bend in to help with the move. This box is labelled "LADY SA CLOTHES - ESSENTIAL" and I'll unpack those clothes first.
I also keep a night before/morning of checklist and add to it when I think of things that need to happen in that stressful short period of time. Basic things like "pack up kitchen essentials" and "pack up bedroom essentials" and "wash/dry essential clothes".