How to deal with super intrusive co-worker?

[Comar]

I'm a physical therapist working in a SNF. I'm leaving in a few months for something new so this problem will resolve itself eventually. Anyway there is this co-worker, a janitor, who continually makes himself welcome to chat and crack jokes. Now I don't mind making small talk occasionally but this guy comes in almost everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. We don't have anything in common but I guess he likes to come because I'm a pretty good listener. However I'm not rude enough to just tell him off, pretty much saying I don't want him around or like him. He sexually harassed me some two years ago until I told him to stop. I'm not sure he was even aware and perhaps thought it was funny. Pinching my butt, making perverted jokes, kissing me on the cheek. I'm a male, not that it matters, but it might make it easier to seem like a "joke". No way it would be perceived any other way if I was a woman.

Anyway I don't know what else to say. I've ignored him, he comes into my office sometimes when my door is closed (a signal is universally understood as needing peace and quiet). I've raised my voice saying I need to work. I haven't really reported him but I told my boss he was very intrusive, which didn't really lead to anything.

I find it very hard to tell people off. I don't like needing to be angry, or report someone or say I don't appreciate their company. Have you dealt with something similar?

[former player]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.  You were sexually harassed by the unwanted physical contact from this man and his current behaviour is a continuation of that attempt to dominate, bully and control you.

I have dealt with something similar: I once had to say that my boss (who had been found by an HR investigation to have bullied me) should no longer come into my office.  Of course he then had to come and stand in the doorway to make his point, luckily he only did it the once.  He was moved on to a different job shortly afterwards.

It's unlikely that anything you say directly to this man will change his behaviour if you say it within the bounds of polite office interactions.  I think that leaves you with either being very direct and telling him that he is no longer welcome to come into your office and you will make a formal complaint against him if he does it again, or telling the person who is his manager that he is making a nuisance of himself and telling that manager that if he doesn't get this man to stop coming into your office you will make a formal complaint.  If you want, it should be possible for this man's manager to frame his instruction as a "stop wasting time, don't go into that office again" rather than a harassment issue.

Best of luck with it.  I hope you get the problem sorted soon.

[BlueHouse]

Hi Comar,
sorry you're experiencing this.  The good news is that you pretty much know what the janitor is going to do, so prepare yourself for it.  Practice the confrontation in the mirror and do it until you're comfortable.  This way, you don't let anger blow up and get in the way.  I'm not good at confrontation either, so I have to practice.  I've dealt with these things by:

*  pick up the phone and pretend you're on a call (there's a button on my phone to set the ringer, and I push that and then pick it up and pretend to talk).  Then I say "excuse me, I"m on a call".  If that doesn't solve it long term, then I feel more comfortable saying directly: "Please don't interrupt me when I'm on a call or when I"m working". 

*  The minute he steps foot in the office, say "I'm sorry, I can't talk. I have to work."  Then start working.

*  Put the trash can outside of the door.  Keep it there.  He can empty the trash without entering the office. 

*  Any inappropriate comments, looks, leers, or touches can be met immediately with "NO.  That's not okay, please go"  or something similar.  Have one set go-to phrase that can work under any circumstance and be ready to use it.  That's why practice is important.   You're afraid of losing your cool and letting your emotion out, so practice!

[Dicey]

This is just a wild-ass idea, do feel free to ignore. He stopped the OBVIOUS sexual harassment when asked directly. This time, since you know you're leaving, can you use it to your advantage? I picture you writing him a note formal letter. Explain that his constant interruptions are unwelcome and really just a continuance of the earlier harassment. Tell him that if it doesn't stop immediately you will seek new employment and will then pursue legal action for him basically forcing you out of a job by creating a hostile work environment. You're leaving anyway, let him live in fear for his job. Sounds harsh, but what he did to you was worse. Perhaps the sword you'll be hanging over his head will make him think twice before doing this to anyone else.

Sorry you're going through this.

[Green_Tea]

Hey sorry you have to deal with this. We have a kind of comparable situation with a janitor at work (no physical contact though): standing next to us, talking, saying weird stuff, not leaving if ignored etc. when one is alone in the department. In his case every female agrees he's 'creepy'.
I feel like you in that I don't 'dare' confront him directly, in my case because 1. he's not objectively doing anything wrong and 2. well: he's creepy, who can say how he will react?
So I thought of simply closing the door and putting up a "do not disturb" sign next time I'm working late on my own. Maybe something of that sort would work for you too if you prefer not to confront him (in your case maybe 2 variations, one that tells your co-workers that it's actually ok to disturb)?
Following for good advice :)

Oh also: Maybe you could just tell him sorry but you have some real tough work and no time for chatting AT ALL for the next months (also very non-confrontational).
Alternatively that you don't want to be seen chatting at work because that's a bad representation of your work ethic - that's very easy to understand and may even get him on the team :)

[Metalcat]

I would absolutely escalate this to someone above you.

You've already had to correct some of this man's more egregious behaviour, I seriously doubt he's going to stop without some significant confrontation, and if/when that happens, you're going to want your superiors to know in advance why you're engaging in hostilities with a custodian.

If they aren't aware of the prolonged, ongoing, and unmanageable harrassment, then that's going to be a VERY bad look for you.

[GuitarStv]

He has recognized weakness in your responses to his actions, and will continue to exploit your weakness as long as you allow it.  With this type of person, the responses you have made all directly empower him to continue doing what he wants, when he wants.  He is absolutely aware of what he's doing and knows that you don't like it.  This has given him a feeling of power and control over you.

Report him and his behaviour (especially the sexual harassment) immediately to your HR department/boss right away.  If the behaviour continues, forcefully tell him to fuck off.  If it continues after that, be prepared to defend yourself with force (although it's unlikely it will come to this).

[norajean]

Why not just man-up and tell him off?  Blast him with both barrels. Do it every time he comes near you.

[yachi]

I would absolutely escalate this to someone above you.

You've already had to correct some of this man's more egregious behaviour, I seriously doubt he's going to stop without some significant confrontation, and if/when that happens, you're going to want your superiors to know in advance why you're engaging in hostilities with a custodian.

If they aren't aware of the prolonged, ongoing, and unmanageable harrassment, then that's going to be a VERY bad look for you.

At least escalate this to someone above him. 

[Metalcat]

Why not just man-up and tell him off?  Blast him with both barrels. Do it every time he comes near you.

Many people are very uncomfortable with this type of confrontation, especially men if they have little previous experience with having their boundaries continually violated.

[LaineyAZ]

I knew someone in a similar situation.  She ended up telling the person that her boss was getting upset with the amount of socializing that she was doing on the job and that she had to stop that and focus on her work. 
Of course, her boss had said no such thing, but it worked because these creepers are more apt to listen when some "authority" tells them to stop.

[20957]

The next time he comes in when you have the door closed, stand up and say "When the door is closed, I need to work. Please don't come in when it's closed.  Thanks for understanding." If you want to be conciliatory, add "We can chat when my door is open".  Then walk him out to the hall and close the door again.  Be specific about what you want him to do, and don't apologize for it. 

[Kayad]

Agree that you should escalate this to HR.  And you should report the whole history of his misconduct.  His current conduct is annoying enough, but in the context of his past harassment (unwanted kissing and groping), is really disturbing.  In part, you should report him because this isn't just about his interactions with you:  This guy needs to be called to account for the sake of your co-workers, those who might have to work with this guy in the future, and maybe patients (?)

In a decently run organization, there will be an established HR process for this.  It should result in this guy's firing, and you will 100% have done the right thing.

With all due respect, I think Dicey's letter idea is a bad one.  Getting really confrontational with this guy on your own could provoke unpredictable responses.  Document this properly with the people at your work whose job is to deal with issues like this.

[iris lily]

We all have these intrusive people at our places of work place although touching you and pinching your your butt is so far beyond the pale I am astonished by it. But anyway, it is easy to say you don’t like to tell anyone no, but guess what – you have to.

Adults have to practice this kind of deflection.

People have suggested methods here to deflect his attention. So just do it. You will find that there are consequences in that he will likely say something snotty to you or will say something snotty about you to somebody else. That’s how these things always work. They’re testing the waters when people like you change your behavior.

So yes, it will be uncomfortable. That’s part of successfully negotiating adult relationships.