If you accept free child care from your aunt, then you are drastically devaluing traditional "women's work" and thus directly contributing to the problem of women not being fairly compensated for their labor. This will lead to her remaining dependent upon men for her very life since she will not even have a decent social security check of her own because she wasn't paid for her work . . . if she ends up an indigent widow some day, it will be at least partly your fault.
Something to think about since you are sensitive to not perpetuating gender norms.
Edited to add: So, the title of you post could be changed from ". . . Free Childcare vs. Traditional Gender Norms" to " . . . Free Childcare Perpetuates the Cycle of Traditional Gender Norms"
Yes, this is something we all conveniently ignore when we take advantage of free childcare or
in most cases this would not occur to a young couple in their twenties. The harsh reality for many people that I know is simply that without free childcare by a family member they couldn't hope to ever pay back student loans or even live a comfortable life - it is a financial lifeline for them.
This is one reason why the US started SS, to provide for widows.
As a survivor, she is eligible to receive her husband's full SS and if she was divorced but married for at least ten years she still has a claim.
If she were single, never married she has no claim unless she worked the required years to make her eligible at least for the minimum.
In the aunt's case, the only way that being paid for childcare services would make a difference to her is, - if - the OP were to engage her services long enough for her to reach the minimum required years/compensation for her to receive a minimum SS of her own.
Then, she could claim her minimum when she retires and her husband still his full SS, thus making them both better off:)
Once the husband dies she would give up her minimum SS pmts and file to receive his SS instead.
It is actually currently on the agenda of the Republican Party to do away with SS eligibility for anyone who never paid in - sounds reasonable on the surface, but it will be devastating financially for millions of women when they reach SS age.
Back on point, I think it is a bit too early to contemplate:) since there is no child on the way, yet. A lot of things can change between now and then.
In my opinion, what matters is that the child is brought up by loving, responsible, trustworthy adults.
In most families there will be clashes on how to raise a child, that's just normal, it gives your child the opportunity to experience more than one way.
As long as your child is a baby it will only know that it is loved. It doesn't know or judge religion, Muslim or Arab, gender will be a topic by the time they are ready for pre-school and by that time you can have parent-child conversations.
Parents face tough decisions for their kids, what counts in the end is if they are good people, who will love your child but also do not have a hidden agenda and both of you are willing to make allowances - yet they will accept how you want certain things done differently.
If you are well enough off, you can have a stranger come into your home to bring up your child - a Nanny may be the ultimate solution, certainly better than a place to drop off your child with rows of cribs.
But even Nannies have opinions that may on occasion clash with yours:).
Just pointing out that being a parent is not an easy job.