Omy syndrome, when do you call it?

[toucansurfer]

So I’ve been going the FI/early retirement path for the past 5 years or so. I was religiously into it at first and it’s a bit more automated now so just counting days.
Currently I’m ~40% to financial independence from a portfolio net worth. The issue is I just bought a house so I’m quite low on the taxable account/cash front ~30k right now with the rest in Roth IRAs and 401k(a lot of the ~40% is in 401ks).

If I keep working as is no modifications I could retire in 6 years or cut work back to virtually nothing. I’ve truncated that to ~2-3 years, switch careers and let it take a little longer possibly take a small sabbatical in between.

Issue is my current work.

Generally speaking I have a nice job that has degraded to soul crushing. I’m a consultant/tech support for a software company and I’m implementing the software with a client. It’s going terribly.  This isn't the first tough client/project and the client is generally challenging to work with but we’ve rolled out some particularly buggy software this round. I feel like our software continues to get buggier as we add functionality and just tired of being the whipping mat between development and the client.  Client is pretty pissed and rightfully so. I’m trying to work it out with the dev team but as usual they are skirting the issue, not listening, etc. I normally find a work around, pressure dev, etc but it feels like my relationship with this team has degraded, probably a bit of karma there and i don't think it's going to improve.  So i'm that awkward guy from office space trying to validate his job to the head choppers.

The larger issue is that the new client boss just entered the job from a rival software firm and probably didn't like us from the get go.  Pretty sure the end result will be a destroyed/devolving relationship with the client and possibly the end of my employment. I guess part of me just wants to let entropy ensue and pray for a severance as this is where I eventually want to be just not at this point in time.  Could be a sign that this is the right time to shift.

The other half thinks I just need to bust ass and suffer a bit longer, say 1 more year to buff up the taxable account to make the transition less risky. I’m sure some/a lot of the above is my fault but I’m burnt out and tired of working till 1am so just don’t give a f***.

If you were in my shoes what would you do? Endure and dig in for 2-6 years? Or just stop caring and hope for that severance?

Other thought was to just request a yearly 2 month vacation/unpaid long vacation each summer to keep my sanity a little longer.

End whinge fest just want to throw in the towel, need some outside viewpoints.

[Metalcat]

I don't believe in staying in a miserable job situation for a minute longer than you have to.

I also don't think FIRE is a good reason to stay miserable. If the whole point is about living your best life, then why are you choosing to be so unhappy when you have every option not to be?

[FLBiker]

Agreed.  FIRE isn't just about retiring early -- it's about having freedom to make choices that you can't make if you're living paycheck to paycheck.

[Morning Glory]

I've been there. I transferred to a different department at my job earlier this year because the working environment took a turn for the worse (staffing cuts at the beginning of Covid made me feel unsafe).   The work in the new department was less stressful, but extremely repetitive and boring.  Now I'm getting ready to switch to a different employer so that I can do something more interesting, that I really wanted to do all along. It's a big jump.

FIRE doesn't have to be about saving as fast as you possibly can. For me, it's about flexibility to work fewer/better hours, have my husband stay home with the kids, or switch to a more interesting job even if it pays less.

You sound like you have your expenses dialed down. Your working environment sucks. Why not switch to a different job in your field? If you don't like it, you can switch again.

ETA I am 60% FI

[Tester]

You are 40% FIREd, so I think you could coast FIRE if needed?
If that is the case, why stay in a job you don't like?

Now, related to the job and the relationship with the client and the development team.
I might be wrong, but it sounds like you lost hope in making things work and it sounds like you are trying to do things on your own. You also say there is some karma involved which I read as you aknowledge ay least part of the responsibility for it.

Can you involve someone who can make things move with the development team? Go and talk with your manager and explain that you want to turn the situation with the client and the development team around. Propose some actions but be open about the challenges.
Do yhe same with the client, try to get their input on what would make them happy. Do not rely on the implicit understanding that they want a project done in time with good quality. Dive into what exactly would make them say "good job, we really like the outcome".
Even if it does not work it might help either keeping your job or leaving tbis one in the best terms possible.
As you said you think about just letting this project "die" and hooe for a severance, this might increase the chance of a severance.

I am changing jobs right now as I could not get myself morivated anymore.
I don't think I am at 40% FIRE yet but I think I am at coast FIRE as in 20 years the stash should reach  1.6 million USD with no addition.
I know it is my problem and I chose to make a big change to force myself into being engaged again.
The good news is that this change comes with the equivalent of a promotion, including a 20-23% increase in pay.
Not to mention the fact that the new job seems more taylored to my strengths, at least before beginning it :-).


I hope it will work out well.

[toucansurfer]

I really appreciate the feedback.  On the job front I feel I can probably work out something.   I know if i was able to magically warp my 27 year old motivated self here that i'd persevere and get through it as i have in the past.  I just keep thinking how many more of these miserable projects can i put myself through before i'm broken.  Not all projects are miserable but the sprinkling of shit projects into the mix appears to be increasing every year and my tolerance for them is quite low now.

I remember seeing a guy back say 2-3 years ago.  Nice hair cut, what looked like a nice suit, but obviously had not washed showered in quite a while.  He was sitting at the steps of my downtown office, cracked open one of those ashtray bins and laid what looked like 1000 half smoked cigarettes into a small mountain.  He sat there with this defeated look on the stairs and smoked every single one.  I thought to myself maybe he's just a random homeless guy just oddly put together, but maybe he's a guy like me.  Maybe he had a good job, good life, nice place, etc and then one day something happened at work and it broke him permanently. 

I want to switch to something different, coast, etc ASAP because I fear i'm that guy in the making, just one really bad day from being there.  I would coast FIRE tomorrow, but my cash is in the wrong accounts to make the jump today.  I'd need to swap contributions out of the Roth back into the taxable, start the 401k to roth conversion ladder, etc, but that will take time and I want to avoid pillaging with fees so some of that will take time, especially for the conversion ladder, 5 year rule, then withdraw penalty and tax free (after paying the taxes in the converison).

[Metalcat]

If you weren't living this life, doing this shitty job and someone came and offered it to you, would you take it?

No! Of course not, so why are you still doing it?

I get that people resist change, but you are trading the unknown risk of something else for the guaranteed risk of ongoing total suckage of what you are doing now.

Seems like an obvious gamble to me.

If you have a serious illness and a doctor says "Hmm, well I can offer you this treatment. Chances are you will feel much, much better, but I can't guarantee it" you take the bloody treatment!

I can't see a single legitimate justification for you not living a better life. Some people don't have a choice, so don't waste yours.

[cangelosibrown]

One motto I've always been fortunate enough to be able to live by:

Happiness is too difficult to buy for it to be worthwhile to ever be paid to be miserable.

[toucansurfer]

I agree with all of your comments.  The one item i didn't mention and is relevant is i have a family to support so i do have to be pretty confident about liquidity (only 30k of the ~40% FI number is in cash/taxable brokerage accounts).  Currently as of today applying for other jobs and will wait till a good offer comes up or bail once I can shore up enough cash in the taxable accounts (so like 3 months or so).

Thank you for the feedback everyone.  Just want to make sure i'm not jumping the gun too quick.

[Metalcat]

I agree with all of your comments.  The one item i didn't mention and is relevant is i have a family to support so i do have to be pretty confident about liquidity (only 30k of the ~40% FI number is in cash/taxable brokerage accounts).  Currently as of today applying for other jobs and will wait till a good offer comes up or bail once I can shore up enough cash in the taxable accounts (so like 3 months or so).

Thank you for the feedback everyone.  Just want to make sure i'm not jumping the gun too quick.

My advice, which might sound ironic considering how aggressively I've advised you in this thread, is work towards not advice on these types of decisions.

Asking advice is either asking for permission or looking to be talked out of something. If you can identify what you are seeking from the advice, then you already know what you should do.

There's a difference between talking through your options and engaging other people for perspectives you may not have considered, but only when you don't already deep down know what you should do.

I personally don't ask anyone for advice on decisions that are just a matter of me deciding *for myself* what I should do. I only seek advice when I need more information to make the decision.

Life is much, much easier and happier when you learn to trust yourself.

I live by a very simple metric: which option will make my life healthier? And I go with that. No exceptions.

You don't need our permission to quit your job. You know you need to in order to be healthier. Simple.

[toucansurfer]

you are right it is generally validation i'm seeking.  I know what i need to do.  I'll let you guys know how it goes.

[Metalcat]

you are right it is generally validation i'm seeking.  I know what i need to do.  I'll let you guys know how it goes.

Awesome! Keep us posted!

[KarefulKactus15]

I was in your shoes in August.

I had been with my last company since 2010. 

In 2017 I moved into an up or out type position with no lateral or regression opportunity. (That should have been the clue, that and this position had 4 people before me in short succession who all cracked)

So I quit, straight up quit. Didn't look for a severance or anything. I couldn't take another week right at the end.

I was in a whipping boy position and it sucked my soul out.

I decided to take a year off and just chill. (This doesn't apply to you, unless you want it to)

Zero regrets, life has been better in every way. And I could find another job tomorrow. I have people offer me jobs when they hear my background.    But I don't take them, cause I'm partners in one business already that's taking off well and I'm closing on a second business at the end of this year. (Never would have believed in myself or pushed my potential
to try new things had I stayed in the whipping boy position..... It really leaves you drained and defeated)

So one more time - Zero regrets. Don't stay in a job you hate. Don't be dumb in how you leave.... But don't stay in a job you hate.  I can't even begin to express the feeling of relief.

[toucansurfer]

Update: So i talked to my old colleague and he's got a early-stage startup he's progressing.  Looks promising, but going to wait till he raises some more cash before we talk shop.  Looks like it might be concrete option in 6 months.  I know it couldn't be worse.  I'm just making sure there is some actual pay in the mix and not being paid in dreams and fairy farts.  My kids do need to eat.

I could jump to something transitional, but i hate the idea of having some 6 month position that's almost not worth putting on the resume.  Going to attempt my best to coast till the start-up option turns into something, but will still keep the ear to the ground till then incase anything decent comes up (doesn't even need to be that decent, most things would be an improvement).  Issue is my position in fairly niche and in a very niche industry so exit opportunities are tiny unless i want to start at the bottom (40-50k/annum type positions).