Off Topic - Navigating the corporate environment

[nakedput]

I find I have a real issue with social anxiety. It was okay at first, but now it is starting to wreack havoc on my life. People just assume I am a dumb guy in the corp environment b/c I cannot come across as being half-competent. I look pretty good on the outside (in shape, fairly good looking, etc) but a complete pleb when I talk to people. I have headaches all day because of my massive anxiety.

Was anybody on this website ever like this? How did you improve?

[G-dog]

Check out the options of counseling and/or anti-anxiety drugs.  This constant stress is not good.

You didn't say how long you've been in this job.  If you are new, it can take a while to make some friends and just get used to your new company, team, coworkers. If you have been there a while and are still this uncomfortable, then something has to change,

Does your organization have work or non-work related groups or networks? It gives you a chance to join a group with which you have a common interest or goal. On site fitness facilities? Join the gym... Etc.

Networking is more difficult if you are inherently more introverted or anxious.

Take deep breaths, learn to relax, come up with some canned ice breaker questions and conversation tools. Listen to others, use what you've heard to come up with more questions.  Add a quick personal experience of your own.

Good luck.

[mozar]

Try reading Feeling Good. Anxiety is treatable with CBT.

[hoodedfalcon]

Short answer: beta blockers + xanax

I can relate to this on some level. I am fine in one on one situations, or small groups. I mean, I know I seem odd to people, because I think I am sort of odd...but sometimes when I don't want to seem odd, or if I have to speak to a group of people I don't know, or just for the sake of getting through a presentation/meeting/social gathering, beta blockers plus xanax works wonders. They make me talk like a normal person, which is helpful when I am talking to the normals.

[Lian]

I was so tortured by social anxiety when I was young!  It definitely hurt my career – I tried to compensate by becoming super competent in my niche, and accepted that I wouldn’t be management material.  It's more common than you would think, although I believe I was an extreme case.  You will likely grow out of it, as I did, and that is a huge relief, but doesn’t help you now.  Techniques for dealing with shyness won’t do much, but I've read good things about cognitive behavioural therapy and biofeedback training. I would try those before resorting to anti-anxiety drugs - though I wish the drugs had been around back in the day.

[RapmasterD]

Try reading Feeling Good. Anxiety is treatable with CBT.

+1 And do the prescribed exercises in the book every day. Do them! CBT = Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Also, buy and read "The Relaxation Response" by Herbert Benson -- Meditate for a minimum of 10 mins/day.

PARADOX: The only thing we really have any control of is our thoughts. And....that is huge.

[Thegoblinchief]

Good advice above, but keep in mind that by being here we are trying to escape the Cave. Unlike the "normals", we know that water cooler chitchat is just smoke and shadows.

Try to have a good working relationship with your manager and, if necessary, fellow coworkers you're on a team with. But instead of trying to forcibly socialize (I don't and it's not even anxiety, I just don't like it), become known as the quiet competent one.

[fallstoclimb]

Short answer: beta blockers + xanax

I can relate to this on some level. I am fine in one on one situations, or small groups. I mean, I know I seem odd to people, because I think I am sort of odd...but sometimes when I don't want to seem odd, or if I have to speak to a group of people I don't know, or just for the sake of getting through a presentation/meeting/social gathering, beta blockers plus xanax works wonders. They make me talk like a normal person, which is helpful when I am talking to the normals.

Can I ask how you got beta blockers prescribed?  Was it through your regular doctor?  Presentations make me want to jump out a window and I basically black out while I'm doing them,  but avoiding them is holding back my career.  I tried Toastmasters once and found it was actually full of people who just wanted to hear themselves talk all day (ugh).  I've gotten a little better of cultivating an attitude of 'fuck it' as I get older but I still could really use beta blockers for large presentations - but I feel ridiculous asking my primary doctor about them. 

[Noodle]

If this is so stressful that it's causing physical symptoms (headaches), go see a therapist who practices CBT, preferably a licensed psychologist. It isn't about lying on a couch probing your psyche, it's about having a coach to help you manage your thoughts and teach you techniques to be less stressed and less anxious. People are sometimes scared of psychologists because they think they will have drugs pushed on them, but in fact psychologists can't prescribe in most states, and from what I hear (from a family member who practices) it is usually the patients asking for a quick fix of drugs, and the doctor is trying to talk them into trying other things first.

Finding one can be the tough part--your GP may have a name, or the EAP program at work (which is confidential). But it really can help!

[hoodedfalcon]

Short answer: beta blockers + xanax

I can relate to this on some level. I am fine in one on one situations, or small groups. I mean, I know I seem odd to people, because I think I am sort of odd...but sometimes when I don't want to seem odd, or if I have to speak to a group of people I don't know, or just for the sake of getting through a presentation/meeting/social gathering, beta blockers plus xanax works wonders. They make me talk like a normal person, which is helpful when I am talking to the normals.

Can I ask how you got beta blockers prescribed?  Was it through your regular doctor?  Presentations make me want to jump out a window and I basically black out while I'm doing them,  but avoiding them is holding back my career.  I tried Toastmasters once and found it was actually full of people who just wanted to hear themselves talk all day (ugh).  I've gotten a little better of cultivating an attitude of 'fuck it' as I get older but I still could really use beta blockers for large presentations - but I feel ridiculous asking my primary doctor about them.

My GP suggested I give them a shot, and I had no idea anything existed for this sort of thing. NIGHT AND DAY, I tell ya. No more shaking voice/inability to breath/forgetting what I said right after I said it. This is what I take: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propranolol I had to play around with the dosage, but for a regular event I take two 10MG pills about an hour before...if it's a big presentation, I take another 10MG about 30 minutes before. They have revolutionized my career.

[SpareChange]

Short answer: beta blockers + xanax

I can relate to this on some level. I am fine in one on one situations, or small groups. I mean, I know I seem odd to people, because I think I am sort of odd...but sometimes when I don't want to seem odd, or if I have to speak to a group of people I don't know, or just for the sake of getting through a presentation/meeting/social gathering, beta blockers plus xanax works wonders. They make me talk like a normal person, which is helpful when I am talking to the normals.

That same combo got me through several presentations as well.

[RetiredAt63]

You do get used to it eventually.  My first day teaching I wanted the party scene at the beginning of LOTR - you know, fireworks and smoke, slip the ring on and disappear and sneak out.  Didn't happen.  First time I stood up and spoke at a union meeting my knees were literally shaking - good thing I was wearing loose pants instead of a skirt, no-one knew, and colleagues told me I sounded calm and thoughtful.  I got better at it - I ended up Akela of my daughter's Cub Pack because I didn't mind doing ceremonies in front of parents, I gave auditorium presentations about my Program to HS guidance counselor, the whole bit.  Now I can give an impromptu talk (on something I know, of course) with 5 minutes warning.  But getting to that point is painful.  If you find the drugs help, they will make the transition easier.  What helped me the most (no drugs available then) was to be fully on top of my topic, so I knew I was ready for any questions/comments my audience had.

[Sister C]

+1 for CBT. It is very effective for social anxiety if you are working with a competent psychotherapist who you like and respect. Psychologists often have more training in CBT, but there are very experienced CBT practitioners at the masters level as well (MSW, MA, MFT). And CBT + medication can be even more effective for some people.

There is also some evidence for attention training for anxiety issues, including social anxiety. (Attention training uses computer-based tasks such as a dot-probe task to change the way people make attributions and to enhance flexibility in switching attention away from a threatening stimulus... like an upcoming meeting for example; if you are interested, google Schmidt, Richey, Buckner & Timpano, "Attention training for social anxiety disorder," 2009 for an example of this). I am not sure whether attention training has made its way out of the research literature into practice yet, but you may find it an interesting (and perhaps easier) approach.

Good luck!

[mozar]

Not sure if this relates to you but there is a difference between social anxiety and introversion. You should be able to talk to your colleagues without anxiety even if you don't enjoy it.