I am typing this in a panic. I'm short of breath and this folks is how a "millionaire" can be driven to suicidal thoughts.
Hey man - seriously, if you're considering things like this I would call somebody like a counselor or psychologist
today to have them hear you out. They can be really helpful, I've been to one myself.
I do not know how to find someone I can trust to help me with the BIG picture.
If you want somebody to trust with getting this financial stuff rolling you really can't go wrong with calling up Vanguard and spending a while on the phone with them. All the people on this forum are recommending them with good reason, and at some point you're going to have to trust somebody.
If you're talking really BIG picture, life-meaning/having worth etc., which it sounds like you are, personally, I pray, but to each their own.
wwweb, I found your explanation very understandable. Thank you very much.
Agreed - that response was very good. I would stick to that for your understanding.
I would rationalize that I only pay tax if the money I take out was from growth.
that's essentially correct honestly... see, your basic understanding of how things work has proven to be helpful in understanding investing and taxes, so don't be so concerned about the complex nature of this.
My suggested simple plan for you right now would be:
1) google some counselors in your area and go talk to one some this week. They'll probably help you just have a place to vent, cool down, learn some relaxation and breathing techniques which are pretty awesome, etc.
2) Seconding the recommendation that you secure a fee-based (not commission-based) fiduciary/financial advisor to assist you in your journey. Or you can call vanguard - that's good too.
3) Also, if you wanted to do something that costs you NO MONEY right now, go over to PersonalCapital.com, create an account, and start "linking" all your various account information to their website. It aggregates it and shows you the big picture..so how much you have in Savings Account A, IRA with XYZ Company, how much you spend in a year on Gas, etc.. Then, you can click on Planning and then click on Retirement Planner and it will have you walk through some scenarios and give you some advice. It allows you to put in assumptions too, like your age now 53, your age when you want to be able to pull this money out on a recurring basis (also now, 53), how much you need to pull out in order to cover your expenses for the year... This would be a very helpful and free exercise for you.