Author Topic: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.  (Read 25021 times)

theonethatgotaway

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My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« on: March 02, 2015, 09:55:11 PM »
My husband works at one of the major tech companies. Big pay, big responsibility, ok great. He's used to be plugged into his email after hours till about midnight or so for the last several years. BUT.

His new boss apparently has no life. She emails him constantly throughout the night. She wakes us up (it's on vibrate in the bed) at 11, 12, 2, 3, apparently might go to sleep from 330 ish to 7 and then the emails wake us up for the day. It's INSANE.

Does anyone else have a boss like this?! He has asked her to hold off from 10 till 7 before because he's not awake but she apparently doesn't give a crap and wants answers right away.

I mean I don't know what to do about it as I'm just the observer that is being awoken by this working maniac to which he has to respond.

What would you do/ have you done?

bacchi

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2015, 09:57:28 PM »
Turn off the email notification sounds?

theonethatgotaway

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2015, 10:02:11 PM »
It's not maintenance or oncall. He works as an advertising executive.

The Beacon

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2015, 10:14:26 PM »
My husband works at one of the major tech companies. Big pay, big responsibility, ok great. He's used to be plugged into his email after hours till about midnight or so for the last several years. BUT.

His new boss apparently has no life. She emails him constantly throughout the night. She wakes us up (it's on vibrate in the bed) at 11, 12, 2, 3, apparently might go to sleep from 330 ish to 7 and then the emails wake us up for the day. It's INSANE.

Does anyone else have a boss like this?! He has asked her to hold off from 10 till 7 before because he's not awake but she apparently doesn't give a crap and wants answers right away.

I mean I don't know what to do about it as I'm just the observer that is being awoken by this working maniac to which he has to respond.

What would you do/ have you done?

It is INSANE.  We have some psychotic people out there.  I turn off my BB at 11. if there is a prod issue, my boss would call my home phone. But that is only when there is a prod issue.  But he has never called me in the middle of a night.

If it were my boss, I would

1: try to communicate with her. A good night sleep will do wonders for the next day. Otherwise your DH can't be productive.

2: I guess 1 will fail because his boss seems like psycho.  So run run run.  I would run away in a heart beat in a situation like this because I love sleep... BTW sleep deprivation is a leading cause for cancer.  Google it.



« Last Edit: March 03, 2015, 03:37:51 PM by Sharpy »

MDM

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2015, 10:30:14 PM »
Turn off the email notification sounds?
+1

It's fine if the boss wants to work strange hours.  She is welcome to send questions as she thinks of them.  But responding during normal business hours, from what you have described, should also be perfectly acceptable.

What will happen if DH turns off the e-mail when the two of you go to sleep, and doesn't turn it on again until he gets to work next morning?

Spondulix

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2015, 12:29:31 AM »
I did therapy to learn how to better set boundaries at work. No joke. :) There's no such thing as unspoken expectations in jobs. There's job duties (job responsibilities), and then there's work culture.

My line of work (entertainment) has a similar culture some places - there are people who have no separation between work and life. To those types, their co-workers are their emotional support and best friends. Responding at night feeds into her f'ed up sense of self-worth, connection with people, and sense of authority. If she's up at night and doesn't have anyone to write to (or get responses from), she might be forced with (god forbid)... life.

Being firm about your personal time doesn't mean "I refuse to do my job." It's just setting a boundary. Direct seems to make her angry, so what happens if it's more discreet ("Thanks for this email - I'll talk to you in the morning about it. Have a good night!" or "I'm spending time with my wife now - we'll talk tomorrow!") Are there other people he could direct her attention to?

It's possible this is a passive-aggressive power move on her part, though, in which case he might want to make sure he's very clear over email about his boundaries, his actual job duties, and whether it's really necessary to answer emails at 3 am (in case he needs to make a case with HR).

shelivesthedream

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2015, 12:47:56 AM »
Sometimes in my freelance work I get emails at 1am with requests for the next day. I stop responding to emails/texts at 7pm. Between 7pm and 10pm I read them in case it is something really important but I don't reply until the next day until I have to. Then I am not available (I.e. Asleep!) until the next morning.

Set a time as 'bedtime'. When your husband gets an email close to then, reply saying "Thanks for letting me know - I'll have a look at that in the morning." Then turn the phone OFF until you get up. Your boss may or may not realise that the final reply means bedtime, but it's fair warning and means you get your sleep. Nothing is happening that can't wait until the morning except his crazy boss needing attention - I am assuming he is not an on-call nuclear technician needing to deal with potentially fatal plant leaks...!

kathrynd

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2015, 01:58:52 AM »
As others have suggested, turn off the notification.

I send our employees emails, as I think of them.
They can reply, at their convenience, around their schedule.

little_owl

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #8 on: March 03, 2015, 02:55:52 AM »
This sounds like a classic case of an opportunity to set some expectations.

I have a boss who loves to email at all hours - he's a workaholic (and prefers to be that way), however when I log off for the day, I log off.  I don't keep my phone on vibrate by my bed - in fact, my work phone gets put away in my work bag all evening.  I confirmed with my boss over 10 years ago that my performance at work is not related to my replying to emails when they arrive - he and my teammates are fine with me replying during working hours.

From a supervisor perspective, I tend to be an early riser, so I sent a lot of emails early in the morning, and I don't expect my staff to reply to them until their workday starts (8:30am).

If he is in advertising, I can see absolutely no reason why he would need to immediately reply at 1am!?  Encourage him to read our replies & take control of his downtime!

GizmoTX

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2015, 04:36:50 AM »
Unlike a phone call, the beauty of email/text is that it can be sent on the sender's schedule without interrupting the recipient; unless marked urgent, there's no need to immediately read & reply, especially during non-working hours.

Turn the vibrate off. Do not respond to the emails until the daytime. If you are using an iPhone, it can be set to Do Not Disturb.

DecD

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #10 on: March 03, 2015, 05:29:57 AM »
I just sent a work email at 6am- it's actually 4am out on the west coast, where recipients are.  It never crossed my mind I might wake them up.

The solution to this problem just seems so obvious and simple....

Set phone to silent, or turn off the notification from the email if you don't want to silence the phone completely.  Problem solved.  As long as she isn't expecting a response immediately, what's the issue?  It's not fair to ask her to change her habits of sending emails all hours of the day.  Just like it wouldn't be fair for her to ask your husband to reply at 2am.  Perhaps she just sends stuff as she thinks of it.

pbkmaine

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #11 on: March 03, 2015, 05:52:26 AM »
Set boundaries. When I interviewed for a senior manager position at a large accounting firm, my future boss told me he went into the office most weekends. I said: "In the case of global nuclear annihilation, I will go into the office on weekends. Otherwise, I will check emails." I got the job and expectations were set. I had senior people emailing and calling me at all hours. I let them know that the phone and Internet got turned off at 10 pm and not turned on again until 6 am. I would let calls go to voicemail and emails sit unanswered when it was inconvenient. If questioned, I would say: "I was with my family." Unreasonable requests were met with humor and firmness. This did not negatively impact my career in any way. In fact, I got a lot of respect for standing my ground.

chasesfish

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #12 on: March 03, 2015, 06:15:44 AM »
I also get work email on my iPhone.

There's this really nice switch inside the Settings area that allows me to just turn that email off.

Your husband should try it between the hours of 9pm - 7am.  Its fine for his boss to email all night, as long as the boss doesn't expect an immediate response.  If its an absolute emergency, the boss will call. 

madgeylou

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #13 on: March 03, 2015, 06:20:20 AM »
I also get work email on my iPhone.

There's this really nice switch inside the Settings area that allows me to just turn that email off.

Your husband should try it between the hours of 9pm - 7am.  Its fine for his boss to email all night, as long as the boss doesn't expect an immediate response.  If its an absolute emergency, the boss will call.

Yes, I do this most nights and every weekend. Otherwise, I know myself, I will check the email and get sucked into whatever drama/requests are waiting for me there, and then I don't ever get any parts of my life that are not about work.

Shut it off and turn it on the next morning -- the boss may not like it at first but they'll get used to it.

Ricky

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #14 on: March 03, 2015, 06:21:08 AM »
I'm sure her husband has thought of turning the notifications off... That's a pretty simple fix. Sounds like something more going on here.

James

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #15 on: March 03, 2015, 06:26:19 AM »
The big issue is that it isn't you who has the job, you are asking advice for yourself dealing with a husband who doesn't set boundaries for work, you aren't directly dealing with the boss.


So I think you need to have a significant talk with your husband, letting him know what those alerts and him replying is doing to you. Let him know you understand the importance of his job, and that he might have a hard time dealing with this issue, but he has got to figure out a way to "turn work off" at night. Compromising on when those hours are depends on a lot of things, but he simply shouldn't be doing that to both of you all night.

madgeylou

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #16 on: March 03, 2015, 06:31:59 AM »
I'm sure her husband has thought of turning the notifications off... That's a pretty simple fix. Sounds like something more going on here.

I dunno ... I have seen situations like this happen many times. One worker busts their butt and devotes everything to the company while feeling taken advantage of, while another worker does a great job during regular hours but has healthy boundaries between work and life and doesn't treat every request like it's life and death to answer it right now.

The main difference between the two workers is that the first one doesn't draw any boundaries, then blames the company for taking advantage.

It's much, much, much, MUCH better to be the second worker. The second worker has more sanity and often makes more money, too, since they are seen as having their shit together and aren't afraid to negotiate.

"You know, you are working way too hard and not making enough money. Let's do something about that!" - said no boss ever. We need to be our own advocates here.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2015, 06:47:27 AM »
It's much, much, much, MUCH better to be the second worker. The second worker has more sanity and often makes more money, too, since they are seen as having their shit together and aren't afraid to negotiate.

This. I turn off my email when I'm done for the day, though when things aren't going well I've sent emails at 2 AM because that's when I'm working. I don't expect anybody to respond. And I get more respect from my employer than my older colleagues who do sometimes respond at 2 AM.

GuitarStv

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2015, 06:53:39 AM »
Don't work for free.  Is your husband being paid for the time that he's checking email after regular working hours?  If not, why the fuck is he checking his email?

JLee

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #19 on: March 03, 2015, 07:26:25 AM »
I *am* on call (every third week). That means phone call, not email. I do nothing with email unless I am in the office. If somebody needs me bad enough to get in touch with me when I'm not at work, that's what the phone is for. This may not work for everyone, but it is absurd for an employer to require 24/7 email contact - and I find it unlikely to be expected. I would turn off notifications.

ronrico77

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #20 on: March 03, 2015, 07:35:53 AM »
It may be that she's not expecting any responses during the night and she's just using email as a way to not lose her thoughts she's having in the middle of the night. As a night owl - I will sometimes send out emails to colleagues at all hours of the night, but i'm definitely not looking or expecting an immediate response. Any time tomorrow is fine. After reading this thread I'm going to be sure to make it clear to them thats my intention, I'd hate for people to be stressing out because I sent them an email at 3am.

Turn off your ringer, or put your phone into Do Not Disturb mode between the hours you want to be left alone, and don't worry about her emails. If she brings it up and wonders why there is/was no response: Then a talk would be warranted. As it stands now it's not clear to me she has any malicious intent.

mskyle

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #21 on: March 03, 2015, 07:37:07 AM »
So it sounds like he *is* responding to her emails in the middle of the night. You say he's asked her to stop emailing in the middle of the night, but if he's responding to the emails then he's demonstrating that he doesn't actually mean that seriously. He needs to say to her, "Look, if there's a real emergency you can call me, but I'm turning off email notifications from 10PM to 7AM." And then do it.

Maybe she'll think he's a bad employee for doing this, but in that case it's a real toxic workplace problem.

If your husband keeps responding to the emails, she's going to keep emailing him. If he refuses to draw this boundary with his boss, you have a husband problem as much as he has a boss problem.

goodlife

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #22 on: March 03, 2015, 07:43:14 AM »
Sorry, but no compassion from my side. I have a boss like that too, so what? Just put your phone on silent, problem solved. My boss emails me at 3am or whatever time of night...on weekends also...she clearly has no life...but I don't care, I don't answer (or even check) emails after 8pm and certainly not on weekends. People always take as much as you let them. Gotta learn to manage upwards.

Unique User

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #23 on: March 03, 2015, 07:46:36 AM »
My husband works at one of the major tech companies. Big pay, big responsibility, ok great. He's used to be plugged into his email after hours till about midnight or so for the last several years. BUT.

His new boss apparently has no life. She emails him constantly throughout the night. She wakes us up (it's on vibrate in the bed) at 11, 12, 2, 3, apparently might go to sleep from 330 ish to 7 and then the emails wake us up for the day. It's INSANE.

Does anyone else have a boss like this?! He has asked her to hold off from 10 till 7 before because he's not awake but she apparently doesn't give a crap and wants answers right away.

I mean I don't know what to do about it as I'm just the observer that is being awoken by this working maniac to which he has to respond.

What would you do/ have you done?

Does she really insist on answers at those times?  My husband has major insomnia and is awake at 2am every night.  He'll go work on his laptop for a couple hours then go back to sleep.  All of his reports have told him they no longer have their phones in their bedrooms because he is always emailing at that time.  But, he doesn't expect any response until normal working hours.  Maybe she is the same way?  I think everyone else has pointed out the obvious, turn off the email notifications, but I'd also suggest charging the phone elsewhere, like the kitchen?

yandz

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #24 on: March 03, 2015, 08:01:59 AM »
My boss emails at all times as well (as do I, to be honest, I work as I think of things which is sometimes at odd hours) but he doesn't expect responses immediately.  Typically, email means "I am sending this on my schedule, answer it on yours and by the deadline I state in the email if there is one."  Phone calls are more urgent, texts are most urgent of all. Boss and I agreed on this to best manage communications and it goes both ways.

Sounds like instead of asking boss NOT to email during certain hours (I would be pissed if someone said this to me), your DH should tell her that email will not be answered between certain hours, but to call or text if something is urgent.  If she starts calling at 2 and 3 am, I would consider finding a new job.

RunHappy

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #25 on: March 03, 2015, 08:39:46 AM »
It sounds like the boss emails the employees as part of a stream of consciousness.

Unless you husband is required to be oncall during certain hours, I would recommend he use his out of office automatic reply function.  He can set it to start every day at a certain time and end at a certain time.  In the out of office he should put something like "I'm out of the office between the hours of 9pm and 6am.  If this is an emergency please contact my home/mobile phone number, otherwise I will get back to you as soon as possible."  Then put the phone on silent, not vibrate.

in my experience most people will send an email hoping for a response but will not call someone after 10pm, especially on a home line.

MooseOutFront

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #26 on: March 03, 2015, 08:50:57 AM »
Will you please clarify the issue of whether he knows how to make his phone sleep between the hours of X and Y?  I don't care who your husbands boss is, there's no way she expects a response past 11:00 pm or so.

bogart

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #27 on: March 03, 2015, 09:10:24 AM »
I'm mystified that this is an issue.  My phone has a sleep setting; I use it.  Problem solved.

Like others, I work (etc.) quirky hours, and don't hesitate to text or email people at odd hours.  But I certainly don't expect them to reply straight away!

Personally, I'd just turn the phone off (set it to sleep) and only address the topic with the boss if one arises (and I'd start by saying, "Right, I didn't see your email until I got to work, as I've adjusted my phone settings to preserve my evenings as private time," or words to that effect, and only make an issue of it if she tries to push beyond that).

slugline

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #28 on: March 03, 2015, 09:10:46 AM »
Wow. Someone who works in advertising is having trouble keeping job/family balance?

There are some job fields that have legitimate reasons for needing to be on 24/7/365, but honestly, advertising? This is an anti-mustachian-shame-and-comedy-worthy situation begging for MMM facepunches!

Kris

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #29 on: March 03, 2015, 09:19:12 AM »
I agree with others that this is a very simple solution.

Turn off notifications (or just don't have your phone in the same room as you sleep).

The boss is perfectly within her rights to work throughout the night if she wants to.  Your husband is perfectly within his rights not to.  Remove the notifications from your sleeping area.  QED.

frugaliknowit

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #30 on: March 03, 2015, 09:47:08 AM »
1.  Set boundaries with the boss.  Tell her that you will not respond to email between X and Y and please do not phone me between X and Y unless it is an emergency.

2.  If boundaries cannot be set, he needs to find another job.  This time, during the interview process, find out the details of what is expected.

I'm a red panda

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #31 on: March 03, 2015, 09:51:22 AM »
I've had a boss that emails all hours of the night.  The problem is a boss who expects a response all hours (I do not work an on-call job.)

I just have a "sleep" setting on my phone, and it doesn't buzz or ring over night.  (It will only ring if it is my husband, sister, or parent. Everyone else is silent.)

This is why email/voicemail is a good thing. They can leave messages when they are working, and you can do the task when you are working.

My boss works super late at night. I don't.  But I get to it as soon as I start working.

johnstein

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #32 on: March 03, 2015, 10:11:19 AM »
Well.. you said it, big pay, big responsibilities.  If your husband's boss is very influential in the company, he better answer his emails.  Otherwise, look for another job.

I once had a boss like that, some of the employees tried to fight this work-around-the-clock emails by not responding, or told him they need to rest!  It was clear soon enough that those who do not respond were painted as not responsive, given less responsibilities, etc.  The boss is still around in that company but many of the employees left (including myself).  He's a great leader and management has a good opinion of him. 

At the end of the day, what do you want more?  Pay or time off?

SantaFeSteve

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #33 on: March 03, 2015, 10:21:16 AM »
Turn off the email notification sounds?

My new boss started out like this and I politely informed him that I do not answer any business communication between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am.  When he continued emailing at all hours of the night I simply changed my phone settings so that my email doesn't provide any kind of notification on my phone other than the icon. 


mm1970

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #34 on: March 03, 2015, 10:22:21 AM »
My phone is not by the bed, it is in the living room. Sometimes, it is off.

So, that's what you do.  Make it so that she cannot contact him.  He can check before bed and when he gets up.

You have to set boundaries.  Companies and people will push until you break.

If he's good at his job and has had the job for awhile, he will NOT get fired.  If he had a more reasonable boss (who only emailed when it was important), that would be different.  I used to work at a 24/7 company, and I managed a group at another company with 24/7 employees.  If something broke at 3 am, I'd get a call.  That was rare, and it was fine.

4 times a night is NOT an emergency.

Philociraptor

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #35 on: March 03, 2015, 10:36:12 AM »
This is a technology issue, not a boss issue. Most modern phones have a "quiet hours" setting. Disables all notifications but still allows phone calls. Have him set this up for when you like to sleep. Done.

MountainGal

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #36 on: March 03, 2015, 10:39:50 AM »
I own and operate my own business.  My phone is set to quiet mode from 9 PM to 8 AM.  My emergency contacts (family) will still ring through if necessary.

Tyler

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #37 on: March 03, 2015, 11:17:25 AM »
I once worked for a psychopath who contractually required all employees to answer their company-issued phone at all hours. He apparently did lots of drugs and never slept, and would regularly call and berate people at 3am. He was way beyond the setting boundaries limit, so I left in three months. I'm still amazed at the people who tolerate that kind of abuse for years.

Your husband's boss is simply leaving emails, which is nowhere near that level. I think there are a few levels of issues here.

The first question is why he has company email on his phone to begin with. If it's his personal phone then the problem isn't really the boss but his own addiction to work email. I've been there. Try what I did. Permanently turn off work email on all personal devices. On the iPhone (and I suspect other devices) you can still receive meeting invites even with the email off so that's no excuse. If he needs to read an email at home, take the time to login using a computer web browser. If he can't handle that and feels too cut off, deal with that core problem before blaming the boss. Personally, taking this step a few years ago was the best thing I ever did to reclaim my sense of self outside of work. I'll never go back.

If it's a company issued phone, that's the second layer. When there are core hours and it's not an on-call situation, disabling email away from the office is a good option. The stronger solution is to simply leave the phone at the office. Force them to call him on a personal number if it's really that important, and force him to physically leave work at work. Again, if he can't handle that and feels too cut off, deal with that core problem before blaming the boss.

If it's a company phone and he's required to have it active and with him and immediately respond at all times even in a non-critical role, then we're finally to the abusive boss phase. At that point the issue of boundaries and potential new jobs comes up. He needs to push back. But if it's really just more about your husband's inability to mentally leave the office, then even changing jobs may not fix the problem.
« Last Edit: March 03, 2015, 11:25:33 AM by Tyler »

MrFrugalChicago

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #38 on: March 03, 2015, 01:02:43 PM »
Ya I see this as a more a husband problem then a boss problem.

Husband needs to set boundaries. A fair boundary is "I won't check work email after 6pm. If there is an emergency, call me. But I won't always be able to take these, and only a few times a month, so use them wisely.

Maybe the boundaries book would be a good read?


http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Say-Yes-How-ebook/dp/B000FC2K9W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1425412946&sr=8-1&keywords=boundaries

hdatontodo

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #39 on: March 03, 2015, 01:18:40 PM »
I get emails from all over at all hours on my work phone. I do not set it to vibrate or sound.

Email is asynchronous. If they want me now, they can text me or call me.

MooseOutFront

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #40 on: March 03, 2015, 01:38:34 PM »
I get emails from all over at all hours on my work phone. I do not set it to vibrate or sound.

Email is asynchronous. If they want me now, they can text me or call me.
A great point and a good word.  I don't even expect quick response to email during work hours. 

begood

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #41 on: March 03, 2015, 02:19:26 PM »
She wakes us up (it's on vibrate in the bed) at 11, 12, 2, 3, apparently might go to sleep from 330 ish to 7 and then the emails wake us up for the day. It's INSANE.

Wait, the phone is IN THE BED? I'm on the wrong end of crazy when it comes to my phone, but at least it's on the nightstand.

hodedofome

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #42 on: March 03, 2015, 03:24:48 PM »
My boss also has no life. He tried calling and emailing/texting at all hours of the day an night when I first took the job. I just didn't respond. Eventually he got the hint that I have a life and I don't work after hours unless it's an emergency (which it never is). He still tries every now and again, but I never answer.

I either have my phone on silent, turned off, or I just don't answer.

Spondulix

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #43 on: March 03, 2015, 03:29:47 PM »
The first question is why he has company email on his phone to begin with. If it's his personal phone then the problem isn't really the boss but his own addiction to work email. I've been there. Try what I did. Permanently turn off work email on all personal devices. On the iPhone (and I suspect other devices) you can still receive meeting invites even with the email off so that's no excuse. If he needs to read an email at home, take the time to login using a computer web browser. If he can't handle that and feels too cut off, deal with that core problem before blaming the boss. Personally, taking this step a few years ago was the best thing I ever did to reclaim my sense of self outside of work. I'll never go back.
+1000. In my current job, I can't access my email outside of work and it's amazing what it's done for my quality of life. If anyone calls me when I'm out of the office, there's actually a union penalty! Work legitimately needs to get done 24 hours a day, but the difference is that there is someone available during the day, and someone else at night. That in itself helps you realize that it's not YOU that is needed to get the job done - it's a team of people.

I'm a red panda

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #44 on: March 04, 2015, 06:47:32 AM »
She wakes us up (it's on vibrate in the bed) at 11, 12, 2, 3, apparently might go to sleep from 330 ish to 7 and then the emails wake us up for the day. It's INSANE.

Wait, the phone is IN THE BED? I'm on the wrong end of crazy when it comes to my phone, but at least it's on the nightstand.

Seriously, this is not the boss's issue.  Boss is not waking you up.  The fact that your phone is not only set to alert, but is IN THE BED is waking you up.

Turn the alerts off, and get the phone out of your bed.

Retire-Canada

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #45 on: March 04, 2015, 06:51:02 AM »
Turn off the email notification sounds?

+1 - my phone won't ring from 10pm to 6am and I don't have work email on my phone.

My clients are welcome to call me or text me anytime they want, but I won't get a notification between 10pm to 6am.

I let my clients know this.

Just get your hubby to shut the phone off at night. There are very few situations where getting info at 3am will lead to meaningful action before 6-7am.

-- Vik

theonethatgotaway

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #46 on: March 18, 2015, 12:19:12 PM »
Hi Everyone,

Thanks so much for your feedback and tips. I feel very overwhelmed with the situation.

Here's the update:

I told my husband that I can't sleep and it has to stop. Move the phone/ sleep in another room for now/ set better boundaries.
He has had a couple of conversations with his boss since about a) he has a life outside of work and b) don't expect him to respond at all hours of the night. SHE DID NOT LIKE THIS.
Her response, I kid you not: "So, and so in our department (Her boss) has a baby and he is sure to be back on email 30 minutes from when he arrives at his house- do you not have a DAYCARE to put your children?" (!!!! What?! She also knows he has a stay at home wife- aka me)

He said he was so shocked my that response, and her stupidity, he wasn't sure what to say.

Normal etiquette, as you all pointed out, would seem it is appropriate to stop answering emails (turn on silent mode) and respond in the morning.
She wants a response as soon as she wants it, basically as soon as she sends the emails throughout the night.
She has alluded that his performance is lacking because of this particular issue - constant working hours/ non stop email communcation etc.
He delivers and does an excellent job in his work, but this woman is impossible. I've suggested that he goes to her boss and has a chat about it, because frankly he is getting close to resigning, but he says that since it's not a 'business' problem they can't do much. I think this is a business problem.

In short, nothing has changed right now.....

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #47 on: March 18, 2015, 12:29:41 PM »
Time to get a different job.

dividendman

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #48 on: March 18, 2015, 12:31:15 PM »
Time for some good ol' passive aggression (aka just slacking off and doing nothing while saying you are), let the boss not get any of the work your husband has slated done and look for a new gig.

Numbers Man

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Re: My husbands boss emails throughout the night. Help.
« Reply #49 on: March 18, 2015, 12:37:33 PM »
Sounds like your husband has the skills to pay the bills so it should be fairly easy to get another comparable job without the email baggage..