There is no way I could tell my parent or in-law (who sacrificed their life to give us the advantages we have and who has been in the workforce for 40+ years to do so) that they had to keep working.
Even when they are retiring early, before full retirement age?
My answer would likely be different if all of their savings had gone to drugs, alcohol, or crazy frivolous spending.
We don't know yet if there has been crazy frivolous spending. What we know is that the MIL has spent almost every dime she's earned throughout her life, and now optimistically thinks she can cut back the budget to the bare bones. What I characterize as frivolous spending on a $43k budget is different than frivolous spending on a $100k or $250k budget. And yes, if there's not retirement savings in the $43k budget by age 50+ for a presumably single woman with no dependents, there likely some frivolous spending going on unless there were unusual circumstances such as significant medical emergencies. I saved some money for retirement even at 22 on a 28K budget - while paying off student loans.
I would not be keen to take on an indefinite liability (my grandmother is 94, so that's possibly at least 30+ years) of funding a relative's living expenses. I also would not be able to deal with living with most of my relatives even though I enjoy visiting them. This could mean funding almost $30k of float a year ($43-15.6k) for a relative who *chose* to retire early. NOW she has a few options. In a few years, those options will start to narrow.
Agree. I've been through this scenario with both my mother and my mother in law. Both worked, at least on and off (keep in mind that up until the 1980s, it wasn't assumed married women WOULD work, and divorces left many women of the silent and early boomer generations in very difficult financial straits). Both made consistently less than optimal financial decisions throughout their lives as well. Both reached their 60s as low-earning, low-skilled workers, renting, with no assets other than a few bits of furniture. Both faced poverty as old women, with little hope to change their situations.
One of these women lived half way across the country and wouldn't consider moving, wouldn't give up pets to get on assisted living housing waiting lists, was very stubborn, and was inclined to give away any money given to her to her constantly-in-trouble other kids (drugs/jail/underemployed). She now lives in poverty (for a time, in a tent) and is too poor of health to work. That's how it is, and we do not help except to occasionally throw a grand at her during emergencies (her phone being shut off for lack of payment, stranded somewhere b/c her car broke down, etc.) Living with her would NOT be doable (massive personality differences, and we do not have remotely large enough a house). The alternative would be trying to support someone that we know is irresponsible with money via a steady stream of cash, never knowing where the hell it being pissed away to.
She's going to live poor until she dies in poverty. It sucks, but at this point, there's not much we can reasonably do without upending our entire lives.
The other mother was more agreeable and open about her finances, and agreed to move when we were able to purchase a modest second home for her to live in. Originally, our plan was to have her get a job and postpone taking SS as long as feasibly possible, but it was 2008, so....she was never hired (she had significant physical disabilities by that time also). So she took SS a year or so after she became eligible (reduced check) and now she lives on 900$/month after the medicare premiums are taken out. We provide housing, car, and phone, and pay most of her utilities. That 900$ allows her to pay for food, entertainment, gas, typical medical copays, the occasional utility bill, and small stochastic expenses such as plumbing repairs etc. It is expensive to support another person, and it caused huge stress to us in the first 3 or 4 years we did it (we initially tried having her actually live with us b/c we get along ok, but it caused huge strain on our marriage). But this did stabilize her longer term situation.
To the OP, I've obviously been where you are, and we came to two different conclusions about how to handle it with two different people. Be aware that once you start helping support someone, it's very difficult to find an off ramp. We have turned down opportunities to move to a couple of more desirable cities over the years b/c we simply couldn't afford to support her there. In the early years, support cost about 10K/year, but in the past 10 years it has ratcheted down to about half that. But that's still going to end up costing us hundreds of thousands in the long run, assuming she lives into her late 80s.
So...you need to think very hard about what you are actually capable of doing (emotionally/financially) and what you are WILLING to do, and consider carefully the long term implications of what you choose. The decision will affect you, your partnership (if any), and your relationships with other family members. Don't make a mistake with a 'short term fix' that will end up sticking with you for possibly decades.
