My husband and I have been married for 7 years. He always made a great income, 100k+ since college and 200k+ for the last dozen years, and 600k+ for the last 5. However until we got engaged and he let me take over the finances he had NOTHING to show for it except 40k student loan from 25 years ago, 12k home equity loan from a house he hadn't owned in over a decade, 10k IRS back taxes, etc.
He's 50. He started at negative net worth when we were married and since then has gotten to 0 debt, no mortgage, and $2.4M net worth. Maxes 401k and HSA every year, and I'm setting up a profit sharing plan for our business to be able to contribute higher pre-tax. I have showed him how thanks to these changes, he can retire comfortably in 2 or 3 years. (He enjoys his work and most of his friends are business contacts, so he wouldn't mind working occasionally after retirement.)
The only monkey wrench in this plan is his family. His parents retired at 65 with no savings except a 200k annuity, and a 200k mortgage. Now 15 years later, the annuity is gone, they have 0 savings or assets, and the house is a couple grand underwater still even though they've been paying the mortgage all this time. (Bought in 2006.)
He's been sending them cash monthly for over 12 years. Until we got married and I insisted, his mother was actually a co-owner on his checking account and would just withdraw money. He has paid all their household bills (verizon cable package, landline phone, cell phone, utilities) for the same amount of time, plus one-off items like a plumbing fix, new ac system, property taxes, always something.
It's a pattern in his family too--his brother "borrowed" 5k from us last year that's yet to be repaid, his sister "borrowed" 2k for a car repair. These are forty-something college educated people who work sporadically (aka when they choose to take a job) and make $250k ish when they're working.
His family came to our house for christmas 2 years ago and his mother insulted our neighborhood that we'd just moved in to and were very happy with ("this is ugly"), and me ("You dont know how to make a bed properly, what good are you other than to clean HIS house?")
I sat on the front stoop of my own home, crying. When I came back inside, his mother was in a bedroom with the door shut, gossiping on the phone about me.
I told him he had to stop supporting them immediately or I'd divorce him. But here we are, 2 years later, and nothing has changed. He applied for elderly housing for them, and I think his mother throws the correspondence away and doesn't answer their phone calls, because she "hasn't heard anything."
Also for background these are people who spend maybe 300 a month on cigarettes, buy lottery tickets regularly, etc.
I would like to adopt a child, but it makes me anxious to do so when we're supporting 2 households. His mother's response when my husband said we were thinking of adopting? "You're too old." I even offered to have his parents move in to our home (after the nightmare christmas) and his mom said "no, can't have 2 women sharing a house." I offered even though his dad smoked inside after we asked him not to, and threw cigarette butts all over our patio.
WTF to do?
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