Hello everyone -
First of all, I want to say thank you to MMM and the MMM community! I found out about MMM four months ago. In that time I have learned -so- much about investing, retirement, reasonable monthly expenses, budgeting, etc. It has been a huge eye-opener for me to think about what is really important in life. I still have a long way to go, but reading MMM's posts and these forums really helps.
Alright, on to the issue at hand. My sister and I are both getting married this summer. The problem I have is an internal struggle - when to say "no" to her wedding expenses. Here are my estimates on how much I am about to spend up to her wedding date in late August:
Bridal shower:
1. $300 plane ticket to bridal shower and back.
- I already bought this ticket and am going so that I can meet her fiancé’s family for the first time. It is important for both of us to meet each others’ families, and in general try to be more family-oriented.
2. Maybe $60 for airport parking and meals.
The wedding:
1. Plane tickets for me and my fiancé, plus airport parking: $680
2. Hotel rooms for Thursday - Sunday: $500
- How I calculated this: The hotel blocks my sister reserved are $160 and $200 per night. She is staying in the $200 per night hotel. ****ing ridiculous, I know. I would like to stay in her hotel the night before and of the wedding to be sisterly, supportive, etc. On the other night, we will be staying in a cheap hotel by the airport.
3. Extra food during the weekend: $150
- I realize this is high, but my family is a bit extravagant restaurant-wise when we get together. Fiance and I will still try to be as reasonable as we can.
Maid of honor duties:
1. Dress was $65
2. Will need to purchase shoes - will try to keep this cheap, around $30-40
3. Gift - $50 tops
By now I am up to around $1,800. In my mind this is insane, but I suppose the cost of doing business in the wedding world. I am sure it is not cheap for my family to come to my wedding either.
Here is where I need the most help: the bachelorette party. I don't make a ton of money ($2,000 net per month), but I don’t have any debt. However, my fiance has $50,000 in student loans. Our plan is to pay off all the loans that are currently accruing interest after we receive wedding gifts from friends and family, and then slowly pay off the other loans (luckily since my fiancé is in graduate school they will be deferred for awhile). Plus, I don’t have much in savings/investments – around $4,000 total. I really need to beef this up.
To pay for the bachelorette party, I estimate:
1. $300 plane ticket
2. Sister wants to rent a house. I think my costs for this will be around $350
3. Eating - everyone will probably want to go out all the time to "celebrate." I hope I can keep this under $150.
So, that is another $800!!!
Personally, I am offended that my sister would even ask for such an extravagant bachelorette party. I would never imagine doing the same – I didn’t even want one, but when we realized that everyone would be in town for my bridal shower, my sister suggested we go out to dinner to celebrate. I have tried to see if she would come up with a more reasonable party, but she will not budge - her response is always "If you can't afford it then don't come."
I am REPULSED at having to pay for this. However, this is my first time being a part of a bridal party, let alone the maid of honor. Can people who have been in similar situations give me some advice? How would you handle this? Am I being unreasonable because a wedding and all its activities are once-in-a-lifetime, so I should be more supportive and less selfish? Or is this ridiculous? Advice on how to handle ALL the wedding expenses listed above, what is appropriate to pay for, what is not, etc. would be greatly appreciated :)
Thank you in advance for your help!