how to go grey gracefully

[Holyoak]

This whole thread is fascinating.  I never really understood how much identity is tied up avoiding gray, how much it costs both in money and mental bandwidth to keep up with the coloring, and how hard it can be to go back to natural.  It's just a further reminder that inflexible beauty standards are so oppressive.  Particularly those that favor youth.  We're all getting older all the time!  I personally aspire to live to be very old! So why beat ourselves up trying to look like we're younger than we are?

I'm a woman in my mid thirties and dark brown, with little bits of gray coming in around my temples, so I can't say I've really felt the pressure to dye as I would if I had gone gray younger.  But I did cut my hair really, really short which is good for exercising that "don't give a fuck" muscle.   And this thread has convinced me that I will NEVER color my hair.  Not worth it!

Kudos to everyone who has opted to move closer to natural and liberate themselves from the tyranny of color.

It is a shame the color of dead keratin, should have any negative impact at all.  As I mentioned earlier, gray can look absolutely fantastic, even exotic especially for women.  I wish I could post a photo of the gal I suggested she go gray, and have her tell you how much she loves it.  Yep, folks/family told her it will make you 'look old', and not to do it.  Hogwash, she has a full head of beautiful silver gray hair, and can barely go anywhere without people stopping her to say how much they like it.  It is gorgeous. 

Even with the same stylish cut, I think her beautiful silver hair has her appearing more young, than when she dyed...  Not kidding.  Perhaps as with any color, gray might not suit you, compliment other aspects of your appearance, etc.  But, I think more people should not dismiss it out of hand, and give it a chance - Might just be the perfect thing for you, you'll save a ton of $$$ and precious time to boot.  Good luck.

[geekette]

If only I would end up with a beautiful full head of silver grey...  Instead, I have the same head of fine, straight,  dirty dishwater colored hair with a sprinkle of grey and a few grey streaks instead of the rich auburn I enjoyed and got complimented on for years. 

It's not that it makes me feel old, it's more like I no longer have my favorite outfit to wear.  I have always hated my natural color, and that's not changing with the addition of a little grey.

[Unique User]

I've been weighing on and off about dying for the last 5 years or so, I keep saying when the grays start to be more noticeable.  I have very dark brown hair and have a streak of gray/white on the left side that started appearing in my mid 30s.  I'll be 50 in the fall so now the streak is really noticeable, but very few other grays.  This thread is great, I've been noticing lots of lovely ladies with gray lately and it's completely changed my mind from when I dye it to I'm not dyeing it!

[couponvan]

I've been weighing on and off about dying for the last 5 years or so,

I'm glad you decided on not dying. Not dyeing and living with the grey is a much better idea. ;-) 

[Unique User]

I've been weighing on and off about dying for the last 5 years or so,

I'm glad you decided on not dying. Not dyeing and living with the grey is a much better idea. ;-)

Note to self - do not multi-task while posting in order to prevent dumb spelling mistakes that very smart forum members will ALWAYS pick up on. 

[couponvan]

I've been weighing on and off about dying for the last 5 years or so,

I'm glad you decided on not dying. Not dyeing and living with the grey is a much better idea. ;-)

Note to self - do not multi-task while posting in order to prevent dumb spelling mistakes that very smart forum members will ALWAYS pick up on.

It is usually me with the funny misspelling!

[Off the Wheel]

I'm still not dying, but I will admit I do pluck. It's these pesky grays that stick up right in the middle of my part, and stick straight up for 2-3", as opposed to laying flat with the rest of my hair.

I didn't catch up on the whole thread, but I've also been getting increasingly hippie in all my 'beautycare', trying to minimize chemicals, plastics and costs, so... I'm seriously considering giving up commercial shampoo and conditioner. I've been reading about using baking soda to shampoo, and then an apple cider vinegar rinse to condition (or, technically, restore the PH balance.)

Has anyone else tried that?

[Need2Save]

It's not that it makes me feel old, it's more like I no longer have my favorite outfit to wear.

I can relate to this.  I had always been a brunette. Over time I tried slightly different variants with the color of choice with hints of red in it or slightly lighter or darker, but always with a brown base. As a brunette, I wore lots of shades of brown that looked good with my hair.

When I stopped dying a year ago, it was a process to figure out that my natural brown hair was quite a bit darker than I had remembered it (I still have quite a bit of dark brown on the back/underneath). But now that in the front I'm much more silver/white/steel colored than brown, I let all of my clothes go that were brown and tan colored because they just don't look good on me anymore. I'm def. still adjusting to what colors look good on me. So for 40+ years I was a brunette and now not?  I tease with my husband and kids that I have granny hair, but truthfully I don't feel 'older' just because I'm letting the natural self shine through. It's just something that comes with my family genes.

To @Off the Wheel, I haven't gone to home-made shampoo yet but I'm paying more attention to the type of shampoo/conditioner I'm using and I'm using less of it and less often. I used to wash my hair 5 or 6 times a week and now it's more like 3 times a week. It's something I wouldn't mind trying in the future but I'm not there yet.

[chaskavitch]

Haha, I feel like I post this in all sorts of threads.  I hope I'm not too repetitive.

@Off the Wheel , I've been using shampoo bars with an ACV rinse for almost a year.  I got my shampoo bars at Ulta, solely because they were the only place I could find that had them listed online as in-stock in my city - I didn't want to try to reduce my plastic, etc., by shipping things across the country.  They do have bar shampoo at my local Natural Grocer / Vitamin Cottage, but I didn't find that out until afterwards.

The ACV rinse is VERY necessary for me.  I have long, fairly thick/coarse hair, and if I don't have the ACV rinse my hair just feels gross.  There's a feeling of buildup and soapy-ness that just is unpleasant.  However, as long as I don't forget the rinse, I feel like my hair overall is very healthy now, and I am pleasantly surprised.  I only wash my hair once a week, maybe every 5 days.  Partially that's because it's winter, I have a desk job, and I haven't done anything sweaty my entire pregnancy, so I don't get that dirty, but still.

On another note - I am considering going to a pixie cut, half because having long hair while nursing seems like a pain, and half because the texture of my hair without product is just more suited to short hair.  It's got a ton of volume and a little bit of wave, and with the short hair, I hardly have to do anything to it at all. 

I just got a few inches cut off to get rid of my split ends, and I was like "Holy crap, my hair looks GREAT!" when I got home.  Turns out that's because of all the product and mousse and the half-hour of blow drying with a round-brush.  Ain't nobody got time for that in my house.  There's just barely too much personality to my hair to leave it alone when it's long, but I'm lazy so that's what happens.  I'm a little worried that when I cut it short, the few grey hairs I do have will stand out (and up) more because they won't be weighed down by a foot of length.  I guess I'll see, assuming I can get an appointment super quickly before my due date.  On Wednesday.  It seems unlikely...

[Off the Wheel]

@chaskavitch good to know about the ACV rinse. I'm concerned because my hair is long and thick but very fine, so it looks greasy quick. I may make my own coconut oil baed shampoo bars first, before trying the baking soda method, but I was waiting until it was warm enough to deal with the lye outside.

[JLR]

It's been three months since I last dyed my hair.

I'm in my mid-30s and very grey at the front. I started dying my hair when I was 28.

I've considered going to the hairdresser to get them to better match the ends of my hair to my roots, but am holding off. I don't have too strong a line (though my ends are very different to my roots. Can I claim ombre?) I'm also nervous that a fast change from dyed to grey framing my face right down to the tips might be too much of a shock for me and I will start dying again.

It's so nice to be free of regular dying. I had gotten to the point it really needed to be re-done every 4 weeks to keep on top of it. I don't have the patience for something that high maintenance!

I'm looking forward to my hair being in better condition, and not having to always be thinking about what special treatment I should use this week to keep it feeling nice and not dry.

Through this process I've thought of you ladies often. Thanks for helping me feel I have the confidence to do this (and thank you to my husband for continuing to compliment me on my looks! Ha! I'm so vain!)

[kei te pai]

Hang in there! It is so liberating to be free of the dyeing/regrowth cycle, and just enjoying healthy hair. Not to mention saving on products and hairdressers.
For me it has actually helped me accept getting older. I like feeling fit and active and would rather feel happy about that than worried about my appearance.
Having said that, not working makes it easier.

[pachnik]

Hang in there! It is so liberating to be free of the dyeing/regrowth cycle, and just enjoying healthy hair. Not to mention saving on products and hairdressers.
For me it has actually helped me accept getting older. I like feeling fit and active and would rather feel happy about that than worried about my appearance.
Having said that, not working makes it easier.

+1. 
I coloured my hair for about 20 years and then stopped two or so years ago.  My natural colour was dark brown with quite a bit of grey/silver in the front i.e. the bangs. 
So I'd go to the hairdresser, get it coloured and then 3 weeks later, the grey/silver roots would start showing right at the part.  Very freaking visible there.  I didn't want to go to the hairdresser more often than every six weeks so i spent 3 weeks looking at my part and watching the roots grow in.  :( 

Anyway, finally got fed up with this 2-3 years ago, went to a new hairdresser for a consultation.  She suggested low lights to blend in the non-dyed growth.  I did low lights for maybe a year and half and then stopped those.   Now, I my hair is completely natural.  I just love it.  No more staring in the mirror at my part as the silver comes in.  It really is very freeing!

[Tabitha]

My natural hair was dark auburn. I started getting grays (and plucking them) in my 20’s. In my 30s & 40s I used a box dye. The one time I got a salon dye job, I loved the wonderful mix of red, auburn and caramel, but not the price. When I turned fifty, I did a few last dye jobs in successively lighter red dyes, finishing with reddish-blonde. The skunk line lasted for about 6 weeks then faded in to the reddish blonde.
 I now have overall light reddish color with a largish white streak on one side of my face and a larger white patch on the back. My hair is long and I’m happy with it. Sometimes I miss the dark auburn, but mostly I miss the thick texture of youth that I didn’t value enough then.

Retirement is coming in 1 to 3 years and I figure this just prepares them :)

[StarBright]

So I was really tired of how blah my salt and brown hair looked. My base is still pretty brown but I have perfectly evenly distributed white hair all over the top of my head (like baby highlights). My hair just looked like a non color - I had almost no cool white streaks.

I've been wrestling with maybe getting it colored for a few months.

I ultimately decided to get some platinum (basically silver) balayage-style highlights right around my face. They start around my eyebrows so I don't have to worry about roots. If I get tired of it, it will be easier to cut short faster. But for right now- I really love it. They make my hair look intentional instead of like I can't be bothered.

I scheduled a few consultations and most people were uncomfortable with taking the brown to white. Eventually I called someone who specializes in crazy colors and she was 100% on board. She takes people to white on a regular basis.

Just wanted to put this out there if people have grown their hair out and aren't loving it. My pinterest inspiration keywords were balayage, money piece, white, silver etc.

[RetiredAt63]

I still don't have a lot of gray yet (one noticeable temple streak) but what bums me out is I have lost my red highlights.  I am straight medium brown now.  I miss the red!

[bluebelle]

I still don't have a lot of gray yet (one noticeable temple streak) but what bums me out is I have lost my red highlights.  I am straight medium brown now.  I miss the red!

when I was much younger, and didn't have alot of grey, I used henna, that gave me lovely red highlights where the grey had been

[RetiredAt63]

I still don't have a lot of gray yet (one noticeable temple streak) but what bums me out is I have lost my red highlights.  I am straight medium brown now.  I miss the red!

when I was much younger, and didn't have alot of grey, I used henna, that gave me lovely red highlights where the grey had been

Much kinder to my hair than a semi-permanent dye, but still work.  I am getting lazier, or maybe I just don't care anymore.  Being close to 70 than 60 will do that to you!   ;-)

[mistymoney]

if the hair grows so quickly - you could get a cropped cut after just a few months.

or you could color it progressively lighter as time goes on and it would just fade from lighter to darker, might be kinda cool. Maybe do a few of the lighter colored streaks after a bit.

[freya]

I started growing out my silver/gray hair after dyeing my hair dark brown (#2) for many years.  The thing that was really stopping me was how to deal with the grow-out process while remaining presentable at a workplace full of gossipy "Housewives of Orange County" types.  Now that I'm 3 months into it, though, I found that the patch of silver/gray on top actually looks good - much better than the dyed hair, in fact.  I got opinions from a few friends   So no need for any coloring treatments or the root powder I was using to hide the skunk stripe.

I may go get highlights or something down the road, but for now I don't see any need for it.  And it's better not to mess with coloring if I don't have to - the last thing I need is more hair damage and more bright orange brassiness.  Plus, I liked the dark brown and would like some time to say goodbye to it.

[LilyFleur]

If only I would end up with a beautiful full head of silver grey...  Instead, I have the same head of fine, straight,  dirty dishwater colored hair with a sprinkle of grey and a few grey streaks instead of the rich auburn I enjoyed and got complimented on for years. 

It's not that it makes me feel old, it's more like I no longer have my favorite outfit to wear.  I have always hated my natural color, and that's not changing with the addition of a little grey.

I had that color of hair. I would just spray a bit of Sun In to brighten it, cut it once a year, and trim my bangs myself. Almost free hair maintenance. I thought other women who paid for hair color were wasting their money.

Then I got cancer. I lost my hair. And when that ugly dingy dark blonde hair grew in, I decided I was going to celebrate being alive and go blonde. I spend the money now to get pretty blonde highlights, every other month. I am 59 and have very little gray. But now I am blonde (like when I was a child/teenager), and I am having FUN! I even got a pink streak last year, and that was fun, too.

[A Fella from Stella]

Please watch the Chris Rock documentary "Good Hair." Hair Dye is bad for you, and the scientists who work with the chemicals wear gloves while working with them.

If you let yourself be free of the cost and worry, and just have healthy hair with moisturized skin, you'll look fantastic and have more money.

Could you consider trading your hair dye costs for a high-end conditioner?

[frugaldrummer]

I wear my brown (dyed) hair long and like it that way for now in my early 60's). But I imagine the day will come when I want to give up dyeing it. My hair is COMPLETELY gray (almost white - and I know from my mom's hair what that will look like. It's an attractive gray but will make me look washed out with my fair skin).

I imagine I will have to go blond first then grow out the gray, and this will likely require cutting my hair short. So for now I'll just keep seeing my hairstylist every 2-3 weeks.

[freya]

frugaldrummer, I hear you...I also dyed my hair dark brown, and was worried about white hair washing me out too.  To my surprise, it actually has brightened up my face - it looks much better than I thought it would!

You could try increasing the time between dye sessions by using root coverup powder.  The trick is to apply it AFTER your hair has dried, then it stays put beautifully and doesn't rub off on the pillow.  It washes out easily.   Also, you can let your white hair grow out so you can get an idea what it would look like.  I let it grow out as much as an inch a few times in the past, using the root powder the whole while so that no one was the wiser

The biggest problem is that the dyed brown hair is turning orange in the front, where the hair is most damaged and breaking badly.  I thought about refreshing the dye on just that area, but I was worried about accidentally hitting the newly grown gray. I got a tube of Aveda Blue Malva conditioner and use that as a leave-in directly on the orange spots, to tame the frizz and reverse the orange at the same time.  Works well.

[Need2Save]

I was thinking of you fine folks earlier this month. We went on a short trip to Scotland in the middle of August. I have to say that it must be a cultural thing in the U.S. that women of most ages feel the need to cover up the natural aging/greying process. I was surprised at the number of women of all ages just letting nature speak for it's self there. It was nice to be among the natural colored folks for a while. I fit right in now that I'm 18 months in and just the tinest of color is left at the ends on some layers. At a concert we went to, a woman who I had just met said she loved the color of my hair which was very nice to hear. Anyway, if you live in a country other that the U.S. it may be that your society is more welcoming/accepting than ours!  Something to celebrate.

[Linea_Norway]

I was thinking of you fine folks earlier this month. We went on a short trip to Scotland in the middle of August. I have to say that it must be a cultural thing in the U.S. that women of most ages feel the need to cover up the natural aging/greying process. I was surprised at the number of women of all ages just letting nature speak for it's self there. It was nice to be among the natural colored folks for a while. I fit right in now that I'm 18 months in and just the tinest of color is left at the ends on some layers. At a concert we went to, a woman who I had just met said she loved the color of my hair which was very nice to hear. Anyway, if you live in a country other that the U.S. it may be that your society is more welcoming/accepting than ours!  Something to celebrate.

For me it varies. At work, all my female coworkers paint there hair. But more than half the women in my mushroom picking hobby group leave their hair naturally greying. So it depends on who you hang out with. My office culture is obviously quite demanding for women. I try not to care about it. My grey hairs are slowly multiplying in numbers.

[couponvan]

I’m happier with my gray than I could have imagined. Luckily mine still looks like highlights. Major $ saved in the past year!

[Nederstash]

I'm in my early 30s so I'm still fighting the grey. I color every 6 weeks with Syoss hair color (around 8 euro per pack in discount stores) and I've always been 'topping up' with mascara in between colorings. Recently found 'Magic Retouch' spray which is basically a spray on colorant which holds until shampooing, I've been really happy with that.

[OzzieandHarriet]

I'll be 62 soon (can't believe it) and have some grey mixed with my dark brown hair. I never planned to color my hair -- in fact, I always swore when it started to get noticeably grey I'd cut it short. But I'm not quite there yet, so it's still shoulder-length-ish.

When I see photos of myself these days, though, I'm always surprised how MUCH grey hair I have.

[msbutterbean]

Turning 50 this year and have never colored. I'm simply too lazy to commit to the upkeep. Have been graying since about age 40. I work in a high-profile position in my company where there are no other gray-headed females, but a lot of young, very beauty-standard-conscious women. Not judging ... I assume (or at least hope) it comes from a place of personal choice. I do have moments of doubt, especially with the big birthday coming, and wanted to recommend for anyone who is on Instagram and needs some inspiration, check out #openlygray, #grombre, and #silversisters. It reminds me that we are not alone!

[Trifle]

I'm 52, born a brunette, and started going gray at about 30 years old.  I fought it for a long while, coloring at home with the 6-week color in a box.  I finally gave that up about five years ago, and I'm SO GLAD I did.   I'm at a great stage now -- salt and pepper with some white streaks.  I was getting my hair cut the other day and another customer at the salon -- a young guy with dyed gray hair (!) -- gave me a compliment.  He said "oh man, I would kill to have your color . . . "

I never got any compliments on my hair until I went gray.  One of the perqs of getting old I guess, haha. 

 

[RetiredAt63]

What is really crazy is that since I started taking an iodine supplement for low thyroid my hair has started regaining some colour. I still have a distinguished grey streak at one temple and bits of grey elsewhere. Unfortunately the red highlights have not come back.    ;-(

[mspym]

At my last haircut, my hairdresser asked me if I had considered dying my hair. I just laughed and said I had dyed it from 15-35 and I was done. Sorry, not prepared to sign up for another piece of maintenance work.

[freya]

At my last haircut, my hairdresser asked me if I had considered dying my hair. I just laughed and said I had dyed it from 15-35 and I was done. Sorry, not prepared to sign up for another piece of maintenance work.

So glad you said no!

I'm now almost 5 months out from my last hair dye, and my hair is in better condition than it has been in YEARS.   Plus the natural gray looks so much better than the dyed hair.  I can't believe how much time I spent not just in dye sessions but daily, to manage my badly damaged hair.  And the products I was buying to try to control frizz, add shine, etc.   I only wish I quit the hair dye years ago.

[Linea_Norway]

At my last haircut, my hairdresser asked me if I had considered dying my hair. I just laughed and said I had dyed it from 15-35 and I was done. Sorry, not prepared to sign up for another piece of maintenance work.

So glad you said no!

I'm now almost 5 months out from my last hair dye, and my hair is in better condition than it has been in YEARS.   Plus the natural gray looks so much better than the dyed hair.  I can't believe how much time I spent not just in dye sessions but daily, to manage my badly damaged hair.  And the products I was buying to try to control frizz, add shine, etc.   I only wish I quit the hair dye years ago.

In the past I had permed hair. When I stopped perming it, I had the same feeling of my hair being so much more healthy. Before that I always had many dead ends.

[Mellow Mallow]

I'm going grey, and I really like it. Mind you, I'm in my 40s. If I'd gone grey younger, I might have had a different perspective on it.

My plan is never to dye it. I like the silver. I love the way it looks on women (and men) - distinguished.

[mspym]

At my last haircut, my hairdresser asked me if I had considered dying my hair. I just laughed and said I had dyed it from 15-35 and I was done. Sorry, not prepared to sign up for another piece of maintenance work.

So glad you said no!

I'm now almost 5 months out from my last hair dye, and my hair is in better condition than it has been in YEARS.   Plus the natural gray looks so much better than the dyed hair.  I can't believe how much time I spent not just in dye sessions but daily, to manage my badly damaged hair.  And the products I was buying to try to control frizz, add shine, etc.   I only wish I quit the hair dye years ago.

This haircut I *did* have a shock when I looked in the mirror after the wash and ALLLLLL my silvers were standing up and crazy while the rest of my hair was wet and dark with water! Luckily, after the cut the silvers all blended back in and it was a lot less of a heart attack. Phew.

[couponvan]

Who is grateful now they went gray before all the hair salons are closed with coronavirus? For those who are now having to consider going gray I hope this thread gives you some good suggestions and tips.

[bluebelle]

Who is grateful now they went gray before all the hair salons are closed with coronavirus? For those who are now having to consider going gray I hope this thread gives you some good suggestions and tips.

Actually, I was thinking it was a good time for anyone on the fence about it.....social distancing is going to go on for a while.....

I'm fully grown out - think it's a spectacular shade of white/silver (IMHO) (and I get compliments on it).

I was thinking that this would have been a good time to try out pink streaks - it I didn't like it, no one would see it anyway. 

[ZsaZsa]

I am 62 with originally black hair, straight down to my lower back, now black with silver streaks. I love it. Coloring it was never for me, I tried and hated the texture, and the constant trying to hide the roots. It grows too fast, and even if I tried to do it myself, the cost was ridiculous. Now with my mustachian efforts, Mr. Z is doing my hair trims, taking off an inch or so for free. I, of course, return the favor, buzzing his graying mop with clippers.

[debbie does duncan]

Ha ha... Covid Grey now trending.

[Linea_Norway]

Who is grateful now they went gray before all the hair salons are closed with coronavirus? For those who are now having to consider going gray I hope this thread gives you some good suggestions and tips.

Ha ha, all female celebs over 40 in Norway are complaining about out growth. Mostly the women who are unnaturally blond. Some of the women in the country are breaking the corona rules and inviting hairdressers to come to their homes and do their work for three times the price.

[freya]

I see so many skunk stripes out on the street now that it's practically a fashion trend.  This is a perfect time to quit the dye and grow out natural grey.

I'm past the 1 year mark now, and the gray is wonderful.  Salt and pepper, almost like balyage with a bright white streak on one side. When I first started growing out the gray I had no idea it would look this nice.  It took around 6 months before I started to see how beautiful it is.  I'm kicking myself for not doing this years ago.  The good thing about it, it's a reversible decision.  You can always elect to go back to the dye.

[Cassie]

I am a redhead so going white. It’s been 5 months but have a appointment the end of this month. Just don’t like how it looks.

[frugaldrummer]

Yeah I'm rockin' the coronavirus look too! I'm completely gray and usually get my hair colored every two weeks (back to my original color brown). Now I've got a skunk streak a mile wide.

I've learned something in the process too. Always thought my gray hair would be like my mom's silver hair. Nope. Mine is albino white, like my brother and my aunt (picture Mike Pence's hair). My hair is long, and I admit, I've tried to picture what I might look like with long, bright white hair. But I'm pretty sure I'd just look like an old crone, not ready to go there yet. Patiently waiting until my hair stylist (in her early 70's) can safely work on me again. In the meantime I wear it as a badge of honor.

[sui generis]

Wow you got your hair colored every two weeks? You must be saving tons of money AND time right now. Are you not a little wary of giving that up when you are able?

[frugaldrummer]

My hair stylist is actually very reasonable, and my hair looks fabulous. She studied with Vidal Sassoon in the 60's and knows her sh!t.  I'd rather spend the money on that and give up a restaurant dinner out. Everybody has different priorities. 

I wouldn't actually be opposed to going gray if I thought it would look good on me, but I just don't look good as a blonde - too washed out.  I'm 63 but not ready to look 80.  Or to look like Johnny Winter. ;)

[Cassie]

When I worked I had mine colored every 8 weeks. Since retiring I do it every 12.

[StarBright]

Bringing it back because I am particularly liking how my natural gray and brown is working with silver face framing highlights. with Pics!

[couponvan]

Beautiful!!