Author Topic: how to go grey gracefully  (Read 28460 times)

couponvan

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #200 on: March 12, 2019, 08:32:45 AM »
Well, less than 3 weeks until my wedding and I've stuck with the no plucking my grays for well over 6 months now. I have a few quite visible on or around my part and they are sort of kinky - even when I blow dry/flat iron they do not un-kink.  I don't think I mind the color as much as that funky kink!

Mine will be a small wedding, but I have one friend in particular that is coming and I bet will notice.  I doubt she'll say anything over the weekend, but we'll see.  I would be happy to have the chance to say I'm going natural to make my little contribution to normalizing this!

For your wedding - if you do mind the color, look at just putting in a dry shampoo spray which will cover the grey.  I only have them in the front, and when I have a fancy occasion, I use the spray to cover them right up.  They look just fine. If you want to make a statement and go natural, then by all means, just do that too! :-)  I admit to using my DH's JCrew gel to make the greys lie flat.  I don't own any lady gel.  But if I put the gel on the front when it's wet and let that bit dry naturally, it doesn't kink or act funky.  I have fine hair though so your mileage may vary.

Aelias

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #201 on: March 12, 2019, 09:17:22 AM »
This whole thread is fascinating.  I never really understood how much identity is tied up avoiding gray, how much it costs both in money and mental bandwidth to keep up with the coloring, and how hard it can be to go back to natural.  It's just a further reminder that inflexible beauty standards are so oppressive.  Particularly those that favor youth.  We're all getting older all the time!  I personally aspire to live to be very old! So why beat ourselves up trying to look like we're younger than we are?

I'm a woman in my mid thirties and dark brown, with little bits of gray coming in around my temples, so I can't say I've really felt the pressure to dye as I would if I had gone gray younger.  But I did cut my hair really, really short which is good for exercising that "don't give a fuck" muscle.   And this thread has convinced me that I will NEVER color my hair.  Not worth it!

Kudos to everyone who has opted to move closer to natural and liberate themselves from the tyranny of color.

Linea_Norway

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #202 on: March 13, 2019, 01:31:26 AM »
This whole thread is fascinating.  I never really understood how much identity is tied up avoiding gray, how much it costs both in money and mental bandwidth to keep up with the coloring, and how hard it can be to go back to natural.  It's just a further reminder that inflexible beauty standards are so oppressive.  Particularly those that favor youth.  We're all getting older all the time!  I personally aspire to live to be very old! So why beat ourselves up trying to look like we're younger than we are?

I'm a woman in my mid thirties and dark brown, with little bits of gray coming in around my temples, so I can't say I've really felt the pressure to dye as I would if I had gone gray younger.  But I did cut my hair really, really short which is good for exercising that "don't give a fuck" muscle.   And this thread has convinced me that I will NEVER color my hair.  Not worth it!

Kudos to everyone who has opted to move closer to natural and liberate themselves from the tyranny of color.

I am 10 years older than you are, but also getting grey at the temples and an annoying grey hair in the front. I just let it be grey. I don't want to be part of the coloring tyranny. I also think grey will help to make me look older when I FIRE (hopefully next year).

Holyoak

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #203 on: March 13, 2019, 05:46:16 AM »
This whole thread is fascinating.  I never really understood how much identity is tied up avoiding gray, how much it costs both in money and mental bandwidth to keep up with the coloring, and how hard it can be to go back to natural.  It's just a further reminder that inflexible beauty standards are so oppressive.  Particularly those that favor youth.  We're all getting older all the time!  I personally aspire to live to be very old! So why beat ourselves up trying to look like we're younger than we are?

I'm a woman in my mid thirties and dark brown, with little bits of gray coming in around my temples, so I can't say I've really felt the pressure to dye as I would if I had gone gray younger.  But I did cut my hair really, really short which is good for exercising that "don't give a fuck" muscle.   And this thread has convinced me that I will NEVER color my hair.  Not worth it!

Kudos to everyone who has opted to move closer to natural and liberate themselves from the tyranny of color.

It is a shame the color of dead keratin, should have any negative impact at all.  As I mentioned earlier, gray can look absolutely fantastic, even exotic especially for women.  I wish I could post a photo of the gal I suggested she go gray, and have her tell you how much she loves it.  Yep, folks/family told her it will make you 'look old', and not to do it.  Hogwash, she has a full head of beautiful silver gray hair, and can barely go anywhere without people stopping her to say how much they like it.  It is gorgeous. 

Even with the same stylish cut, I think her beautiful silver hair has her appearing more young, than when she dyed...  Not kidding.  Perhaps as with any color, gray might not suit you, compliment other aspects of your appearance, etc.  But, I think more people should not dismiss it out of hand, and give it a chance - Might just be the perfect thing for you, you'll save a ton of $$$ and precious time to boot.  Good luck.


geekette

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #204 on: March 13, 2019, 08:12:05 AM »
If only I would end up with a beautiful full head of silver grey...  Instead, I have the same head of fine, straight,  dirty dishwater colored hair with a sprinkle of grey and a few grey streaks instead of the rich auburn I enjoyed and got complimented on for years. 

It's not that it makes me feel old, it's more like I no longer have my favorite outfit to wear.  I have always hated my natural color, and that's not changing with the addition of a little grey.

Unique User

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #205 on: March 14, 2019, 08:02:33 AM »
I've been weighing on and off about dying for the last 5 years or so, I keep saying when the grays start to be more noticeable.  I have very dark brown hair and have a streak of gray/white on the left side that started appearing in my mid 30s.  I'll be 50 in the fall so now the streak is really noticeable, but very few other grays.  This thread is great, I've been noticing lots of lovely ladies with gray lately and it's completely changed my mind from when I dye it to I'm not dyeing it!

couponvan

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #206 on: March 14, 2019, 08:05:08 AM »
I've been weighing on and off about dying for the last 5 years or so,

I'm glad you decided on not dying. Not dyeing and living with the grey is a much better idea. ;-) 

Unique User

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #207 on: March 15, 2019, 07:46:04 AM »
I've been weighing on and off about dying for the last 5 years or so,

I'm glad you decided on not dying. Not dyeing and living with the grey is a much better idea. ;-)

Note to self - do not multi-task while posting in order to prevent dumb spelling mistakes that very smart forum members will ALWAYS pick up on. 

couponvan

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #208 on: March 15, 2019, 08:17:42 AM »
I've been weighing on and off about dying for the last 5 years or so,

I'm glad you decided on not dying. Not dyeing and living with the grey is a much better idea. ;-)

Note to self - do not multi-task while posting in order to prevent dumb spelling mistakes that very smart forum members will ALWAYS pick up on.

It is usually me with the funny misspelling!

Off the Wheel

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #209 on: March 15, 2019, 10:05:47 PM »
I'm still not dying, but I will admit I do pluck. It's these pesky grays that stick up right in the middle of my part, and stick straight up for 2-3", as opposed to laying flat with the rest of my hair.

I didn't catch up on the whole thread, but I've also been getting increasingly hippie in all my 'beautycare', trying to minimize chemicals, plastics and costs, so... I'm seriously considering giving up commercial shampoo and conditioner. I've been reading about using baking soda to shampoo, and then an apple cider vinegar rinse to condition (or, technically, restore the PH balance.)

Has anyone else tried that?

Need2Save

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #210 on: March 16, 2019, 04:55:48 AM »
It's not that it makes me feel old, it's more like I no longer have my favorite outfit to wear.

I can relate to this.  I had always been a brunette. Over time I tried slightly different variants with the color of choice with hints of red in it or slightly lighter or darker, but always with a brown base. As a brunette, I wore lots of shades of brown that looked good with my hair.

When I stopped dying a year ago, it was a process to figure out that my natural brown hair was quite a bit darker than I had remembered it (I still have quite a bit of dark brown on the back/underneath). But now that in the front I'm much more silver/white/steel colored than brown, I let all of my clothes go that were brown and tan colored because they just don't look good on me anymore. I'm def. still adjusting to what colors look good on me. So for 40+ years I was a brunette and now not?  I tease with my husband and kids that I have granny hair, but truthfully I don't feel 'older' just because I'm letting the natural self shine through. It's just something that comes with my family genes.

To @Off the Wheel, I haven't gone to home-made shampoo yet but I'm paying more attention to the type of shampoo/conditioner I'm using and I'm using less of it and less often. I used to wash my hair 5 or 6 times a week and now it's more like 3 times a week. It's something I wouldn't mind trying in the future but I'm not there yet.

chaskavitch

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #211 on: March 17, 2019, 06:55:10 AM »
Haha, I feel like I post this in all sorts of threads.  I hope I'm not too repetitive.

@Off the Wheel , I've been using shampoo bars with an ACV rinse for almost a year.  I got my shampoo bars at Ulta, solely because they were the only place I could find that had them listed online as in-stock in my city - I didn't want to try to reduce my plastic, etc., by shipping things across the country.  They do have bar shampoo at my local Natural Grocer / Vitamin Cottage, but I didn't find that out until afterwards.

The ACV rinse is VERY necessary for me.  I have long, fairly thick/coarse hair, and if I don't have the ACV rinse my hair just feels gross.  There's a feeling of buildup and soapy-ness that just is unpleasant.  However, as long as I don't forget the rinse, I feel like my hair overall is very healthy now, and I am pleasantly surprised.  I only wash my hair once a week, maybe every 5 days.  Partially that's because it's winter, I have a desk job, and I haven't done anything sweaty my entire pregnancy, so I don't get that dirty, but still.

On another note - I am considering going to a pixie cut, half because having long hair while nursing seems like a pain, and half because the texture of my hair without product is just more suited to short hair.  It's got a ton of volume and a little bit of wave, and with the short hair, I hardly have to do anything to it at all. 

I just got a few inches cut off to get rid of my split ends, and I was like "Holy crap, my hair looks GREAT!" when I got home.  Turns out that's because of all the product and mousse and the half-hour of blow drying with a round-brush.  Ain't nobody got time for that in my house.  There's just barely too much personality to my hair to leave it alone when it's long, but I'm lazy so that's what happens.  I'm a little worried that when I cut it short, the few grey hairs I do have will stand out (and up) more because they won't be weighed down by a foot of length.  I guess I'll see, assuming I can get an appointment super quickly before my due date.  On Wednesday.  It seems unlikely...

Off the Wheel

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #212 on: March 17, 2019, 11:49:13 AM »
@chaskavitch good to know about the ACV rinse. I'm concerned because my hair is long and thick but very fine, so it looks greasy quick. I may make my own coconut oil baed shampoo bars first, before trying the baking soda method, but I was waiting until it was warm enough to deal with the lye outside.


JLR

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #213 on: March 17, 2019, 02:43:25 PM »
It's been three months since I last dyed my hair.

I'm in my mid-30s and very grey at the front. I started dying my hair when I was 28.

I've considered going to the hairdresser to get them to better match the ends of my hair to my roots, but am holding off. I don't have too strong a line (though my ends are very different to my roots. Can I claim ombre?) I'm also nervous that a fast change from dyed to grey framing my face right down to the tips might be too much of a shock for me and I will start dying again.

It's so nice to be free of regular dying. I had gotten to the point it really needed to be re-done every 4 weeks to keep on top of it. I don't have the patience for something that high maintenance!

I'm looking forward to my hair being in better condition, and not having to always be thinking about what special treatment I should use this week to keep it feeling nice and not dry.

Through this process I've thought of you ladies often. Thanks for helping me feel I have the confidence to do this (and thank you to my husband for continuing to compliment me on my looks! Ha! I'm so vain!)

kei te pai

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #214 on: March 17, 2019, 09:22:16 PM »
Hang in there! It is so liberating to be free of the dyeing/regrowth cycle, and just enjoying healthy hair. Not to mention saving on products and hairdressers.
For me it has actually helped me accept getting older. I like feeling fit and active and would rather feel happy about that than worried about my appearance.
Having said that, not working makes it easier.

pachnik

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #215 on: March 18, 2019, 11:20:02 AM »
Hang in there! It is so liberating to be free of the dyeing/regrowth cycle, and just enjoying healthy hair. Not to mention saving on products and hairdressers.
For me it has actually helped me accept getting older. I like feeling fit and active and would rather feel happy about that than worried about my appearance.
Having said that, not working makes it easier.

+1. 
I coloured my hair for about 20 years and then stopped two or so years ago.  My natural colour was dark brown with quite a bit of grey/silver in the front i.e. the bangs. 
So I'd go to the hairdresser, get it coloured and then 3 weeks later, the grey/silver roots would start showing right at the part.  Very freaking visible there.  I didn't want to go to the hairdresser more often than every six weeks so i spent 3 weeks looking at my part and watching the roots grow in.  :( 

Anyway, finally got fed up with this 2-3 years ago, went to a new hairdresser for a consultation.  She suggested low lights to blend in the non-dyed growth.  I did low lights for maybe a year and half and then stopped those.   Now, I my hair is completely natural.  I just love it.  No more staring in the mirror at my part as the silver comes in.  It really is very freeing!

Tabitha

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #216 on: March 21, 2019, 08:20:20 PM »
My natural hair was dark auburn. I started getting grays (and plucking them) in my 20ís. In my 30s & 40s I used a box dye. The one time I got a salon dye job, I loved the wonderful mix of red, auburn and caramel, but not the price. When I turned fifty, I did a few last dye jobs in successively lighter red dyes, finishing with reddish-blonde. The skunk line lasted for about 6 weeks then faded in to the reddish blonde.
 I now have overall light reddish color with a largish white streak on one side of my face and a larger white patch on the back. My hair is long and Iím happy with it. Sometimes I miss the dark auburn, but mostly I miss the thick texture of youth that I didnít value enough then.

Retirement is coming in 1 to 3 years and I figure this just prepares them :)

StarBright

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #217 on: July 12, 2019, 12:53:38 PM »
So I was really tired of how blah my salt and brown hair looked. My base is still pretty brown but I have perfectly evenly distributed white hair all over the top of my head (like baby highlights). My hair just looked like a non color - I had almost no cool white streaks.

I've been wrestling with maybe getting it colored for a few months.

I ultimately decided to get some platinum (basically silver) balayage-style highlights right around my face. They start around my eyebrows so I don't have to worry about roots. If I get tired of it, it will be easier to cut short faster. But for right now- I really love it. They make my hair look intentional instead of like I can't be bothered.

I scheduled a few consultations and most people were uncomfortable with taking the brown to white. Eventually I called someone who specializes in crazy colors and she was 100% on board. She takes people to white on a regular basis.

Just wanted to put this out there if people have grown their hair out and aren't loving it. My pinterest inspiration keywords were balayage, money piece, white, silver etc.

RetiredAt63

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #218 on: July 12, 2019, 04:56:08 PM »
I still don't have a lot of gray yet (one noticeable temple streak) but what bums me out is I have lost my red highlights.  I am straight medium brown now.  I miss the red!

bluebelle

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #219 on: July 12, 2019, 05:43:15 PM »
I still don't have a lot of gray yet (one noticeable temple streak) but what bums me out is I have lost my red highlights.  I am straight medium brown now.  I miss the red!
when I was much younger, and didn't have alot of grey, I used henna, that gave me lovely red highlights where the grey had been

RetiredAt63

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #220 on: July 12, 2019, 06:55:15 PM »
I still don't have a lot of gray yet (one noticeable temple streak) but what bums me out is I have lost my red highlights.  I am straight medium brown now.  I miss the red!
when I was much younger, and didn't have alot of grey, I used henna, that gave me lovely red highlights where the grey had been

Much kinder to my hair than a semi-permanent dye, but still work.  I am getting lazier, or maybe I just don't care anymore.  Being close to 70 than 60 will do that to you!   ;-)

mistymoney

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #221 on: July 13, 2019, 08:10:32 AM »
if the hair grows so quickly - you could get a cropped cut after just a few months.

or you could color it progressively lighter as time goes on and it would just fade from lighter to darker, might be kinda cool. Maybe do a few of the lighter colored streaks after a bit.

freya

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #222 on: July 13, 2019, 03:31:22 PM »
I started growing out my silver/gray hair after dyeing my hair dark brown (#2) for many years.  The thing that was really stopping me was how to deal with the grow-out process while remaining presentable at a workplace full of gossipy "Housewives of Orange County" types.  Now that I'm 3 months into it, though, I found that the patch of silver/gray on top actually looks good - much better than the dyed hair, in fact.  I got opinions from a few friends   So no need for any coloring treatments or the root powder I was using to hide the skunk stripe.

I may go get highlights or something down the road, but for now I don't see any need for it.  And it's better not to mess with coloring if I don't have to - the last thing I need is more hair damage and more bright orange brassiness.  Plus, I liked the dark brown and would like some time to say goodbye to it.

LilyFleur

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Re: how to go grey gracefully
« Reply #223 on: July 16, 2019, 11:23:57 AM »
If only I would end up with a beautiful full head of silver grey...  Instead, I have the same head of fine, straight,  dirty dishwater colored hair with a sprinkle of grey and a few grey streaks instead of the rich auburn I enjoyed and got complimented on for years. 

It's not that it makes me feel old, it's more like I no longer have my favorite outfit to wear.  I have always hated my natural color, and that's not changing with the addition of a little grey.
I had that color of hair. I would just spray a bit of Sun In to brighten it, cut it once a year, and trim my bangs myself. Almost free hair maintenance. I thought other women who paid for hair color were wasting their money.

Then I got cancer. I lost my hair. And when that ugly dingy dark blonde hair grew in, I decided I was going to celebrate being alive and go blonde. I spend the money now to get pretty blonde highlights, every other month. I am 59 and have very little gray. But now I am blonde (like when I was a child/teenager), and I am having FUN! I even got a pink streak last year, and that was fun, too.