Author Topic: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps  (Read 30672 times)

DieHard_772

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #50 on: February 12, 2017, 03:56:56 PM »
I would also recommend the book, "Your Money or Your Life". Listen to the audiobook in her presence, maybe?

Good idea, I have a copy of it I read last year, we tracked our money in and money out for two months, which was quite
interesting, but to be honest, even for me it just seemed like more work than i wanted to do!  But she was willing to go
along with it.

Since december, our communication has improved.  I have been hearing her out more, and we are getting along better
over all with spending. 

Yesterday we had our 5 year anniversary, and we went out to lunch with a $50 gift card she had (her idea!), we got
our parking validated so it was free, and we rented a movie for $4 instead of spending probably $25 going out to a movie.
Most of this was her idea, so that is a win!

Several times lately she has also said she is a "convert" to this way of thinking.  For instance, she is a big fan of our shopping
regime... one a month shopping trips that we make to Dollar Tree/Grocery Outlet/Costco (usually in that order) with only a
few items we get a Safeway. 
We mostly eat at home nowadays, and this works with her diet anyway, which is quite restricted (no sugar, no or little carb)

She has even agreed to save 10% of her income from a new teaching gig she is starting... 5% for our HSa, and 5% for her IRA.
This is progress!

I am seeing the progress that comes from listening to her better and working on our communication.

lifejoy

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #51 on: February 12, 2017, 05:22:11 PM »
Sounds like it's going really well :)

It can definitely take time. My DH and I just today were chuckling about some of his past spendy inclinations, as in we can't even believe that was him! We've come a long way.

Sounds like you two are a great team :)

crossfit_mike

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #52 on: March 05, 2017, 06:31:16 PM »
Amazing list!! Thanks for this.


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lifejoy

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #53 on: March 13, 2017, 08:38:33 PM »
Amazing list!! Thanks for this.


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Hope it helps! :)
Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments!

DieHard_772

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #54 on: March 14, 2017, 08:42:08 AM »
Sounds like it's going really well :)

It can definitely take time. My DH and I just today were chuckling about some of his past spendy inclinations, as in we can't even believe that was him! We've come a long way.

Sounds like you two are a great team :)

We have definitely been making progress.  My wife and I talk more productively about money nowadays.

Positive signs:
--We continue planning our grocery shopping, and basically staying within budget of $400/mo (I probably can be more insistent on keeping exactly within the budget, yet last year we literally saved about $3000 through this strategy)
--We are clearing out a storage space of mostly her old stuff and that will save $84/mo.  (Still need to go through a lot of boxes and figure out where to store in our home... we also plan on selling and releasing a lot of it)
--My wife is now investing each month, and promises to put aside an extra 10% of the income from her new teaching gig for investing
--We have discussed the possibility of becoming a one-car family, possibly going the Prius/hybrid/electric route. 
--She says she is on board and gets what I'm doing, she also acknowledges that I am leading us in a good direction, and this empowers me to feel good about it

lifejoy

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #55 on: March 14, 2017, 09:48:31 PM »
Sounds like it's going really well :)

It can definitely take time. My DH and I just today were chuckling about some of his past spendy inclinations, as in we can't even believe that was him! We've come a long way.

Sounds like you two are a great team :)

We have definitely been making progress.  My wife and I talk more productively about money nowadays.

Positive signs:
--We continue planning our grocery shopping, and basically staying within budget of $400/mo (I probably can be more insistent on keeping exactly within the budget, yet last year we literally saved about $3000 through this strategy)
--We are clearing out a storage space of mostly her old stuff and that will save $84/mo.  (Still need to go through a lot of boxes and figure out where to store in our home... we also plan on selling and releasing a lot of it)
--My wife is now investing each month, and promises to put aside an extra 10% of the income from her new teaching gig for investing
--We have discussed the possibility of becoming a one-car family, possibly going the Prius/hybrid/electric route. 
--She says she is on board and gets what I'm doing, she also acknowledges that I am leading us in a good direction, and this empowers me to feel good about it

These small steps really add up! I'm seeing giant strides of progress here! Way to go!!!

startbyservingothers

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #56 on: March 15, 2017, 01:17:47 PM »
Really great list.  I like the advice about being helpful rather than critical.  It's easy to tell someone "They need to be doing better."  It takes much more effort to do the work yourself in order to capture the savings.  I.e.  Cooking as an alternative to eating out.  Packing a lunch that they will love, cleaning the house rather than having a cleaner (Using a cleaner is borderline to a justifiable reason for an Annulment in my book, but cleaning is a credible example.)  Overall creating solutions by playing to your strengths is an answer.

I'm fortunate enough to have a partner that has always been fairly tolerant of my cheap* and frugal* behavior.  I convinced her to ready Early Retirement Extreme, which was probably a bad place to start, but it did have the effect of further clarifying a starting point of what my 'needs' and 'dreams' are.  Her initial reaction was that we were going to be living in a trailer park depriving ourselves or something along those lines.  After things sinking in that we could still enjoy ourselves she became much more accepting.

Next, what started as one of the biggest obstacles, really created a huge synergy.  We hit a major roadblock when it came to having kids.  I was pretty certain I did not want to have any (Expensive, constraints, etc.)  She was very certain she did want to have them.  Being in our early 30's began to push this into a  "Now or never" type of situation.  Without a solution on this, splitting up seemed to be a likely outcome.

First I read a book titled "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids"  By Bryan Caplan.  I didn't care for the writing style.  A two star rating would be generous for this book.  -  However it was what I needed to read, and by the end of it I was more amicable to the idea of having kid(s).  I reached the conclusion that the biggest reasons I didn't want to have kids were: 

1. Money - Kids are expensive. 
2. I hated my job.  - Having kids would make having that job, or a similar crappy job necessary.   
3.  Raising a kid is today's modern society.  -  Both parents working full time, while the kid(s) go to daycare just doesn't speak "Family Values" to me.  Sure some kids may love daycare, but what's the point of having kid(s) you don't spend time with? 
4.  Environmental impact of having a child.  - If you care about the environment you understand this reason already. 
5.   Fear of divorce / broken family - Most people don't like talking about this, but this is a big fear for many people.  While some people just "Go with the flow" and "Worry about the consequences later"  having a child with someone conjured up images of "Paying child support for a kid you never see." etc.

We talked about these things, and I showed her the posts on MMM's child bearing expenses.  At some point in time I convinced her to read the full list of MMM blog posts.  She started buying used baby items on Craigslist / Close 5 at great prices.  We would get a good enough deal that even if she had second thoughts about the item, she would turn around and sell the item for a profit.

Also, I took some time off from my work to decide whether I wanted to start my own business, go back to my career, or change careers, and/or be a stay at home parent. 

I apologize that our scenario can be duplicated by very few people.  The points to take away from myself and Ops post are: ****

1.  Put forth the effort.
2.  Be positive.  **
3.  Make use of your strengths.
4.  Be balanced.  You and your Sig. Other both have a unique set of needs.
5.  Display excellent communication skills. ***
6.  Be patient.

7?  This is touchy subject since you're certainly "In love."  But (especially) if you don't have kids, or a similar obligation, you might consider whether you are compatible to be together long term.  I.e.  Are you satisfied being with someone set out to undermine your financial well being?  In our case, we both had something "We had to have." and we were fortunate enough to both get what we want with minimal sacrifice. 


*  Cheap is oftentimes bad.  Frugal is typically a positive trait.   By nature I'm cheap, but I've been trying to become more frugal.
** I haven't always been positive, but I've been much more positive in the last few years, than previously.
***I am convinced your financial communication often reflects your overall communication as a couple.  If you're fighting over money,  I'll put my money on there being other issues you are having communication problems with as well.
**** I am giving credit for any of these that represent Ops post.  Some may only be my opinion.
startbyservingothers
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DieHard_772

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #57 on: March 15, 2017, 02:15:40 PM »
Sounds like it's going really well :)

It can definitely take time. My DH and I just today were chuckling about some of his past spendy inclinations, as in we can't even believe that was him! We've come a long way.

Sounds like you two are a great team :)

Hey thanks,
Getting better at our communication all the time.
We already have a lot of great things going for us together: lots of fun together, enjoy being together, similar ways we like to live day-to-day, and we're both
complimentary in our creativity and professions.  so there's a really great foundation there.  Obviously the money thing was an important missing link, and things are definitely moving along...  Thanks for this post, it helped for sure

We have definitely been making progress.  My wife and I talk more productively about money nowadays.

Positive signs:
--We continue planning our grocery shopping, and basically staying within budget of $400/mo (I probably can be more insistent on keeping exactly within the budget, yet last year we literally saved about $3000 through this strategy)
--We are clearing out a storage space of mostly her old stuff and that will save $84/mo.  (Still need to go through a lot of boxes and figure out where to store in our home... we also plan on selling and releasing a lot of it)
--My wife is now investing each month, and promises to put aside an extra 10% of the income from her new teaching gig for investing
--We have discussed the possibility of becoming a one-car family, possibly going the Prius/hybrid/electric route. 
--She says she is on board and gets what I'm doing, she also acknowledges that I am leading us in a good direction, and this empowers me to feel good about it

These small steps really add up! I'm seeing giant strides of progress here! Way to go!!!

(I guess I forgot to write something here)

Thank you!
« Last Edit: April 06, 2017, 10:28:32 AM by DieHard_772 »

PaiMeiStash

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Re: How to Convert your SO to MMM in 50 Awesome Steps
« Reply #58 on: April 06, 2017, 01:29:45 AM »
Good lookin' out on putting together this extensive list, lifejoy! I'll be sure to implement many of the tips along my journey and hopefully my SO will eventually see the light. It will indeed take much persistence, patience, and manipulation love. But like anything worth having, after all the hard work has been put it, makes it that much sweeter.