How to Achieve 'Balance' with MMM

[RH]

I'm a big MMM fan....but there are times when I think I worry too much about FIRE, savings %'s, etc... Example: Whenever a discretionary expense comes up (happy hour, small vacation, clothes, etc...), I always immediately think how much will this end up costing and how much would this be worth in 10 years if invested instead. It's really pretty crazy. I need to get more balance where my mind says it's OK to not be 100% mustachian....85% would be OK. It's as if the finance aspect of things is bearhugging me so that it's hard to relax and breath freely.

My wife and I are doing great with healthy 401K's, Vanguard accts, rental property, low mortgage, simple lifestyle, etc... Our net worth is about $700K after working very hard/saving/investing for 10 years. 

Any advice? 

[neo von retorch]

I was just reading this thread: http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/help-avoiding-fi-push-burnout/. Came back to see your thread... I think there's a lot of great advice that relates in a lot of ways. Happy hunting!

[arebelspy]

Here's MMM's article about it: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2014/05/29/give-yourself-the-gift-of-not-worrying-about-money/

[RH]

arebelspy, Thanks for that article. It's really helpful!

[ender]

I find taking a break from these forums to be useful for this.

If you regularly read MMM's blog or these forums, just take a break.

The "keeping up with the Jones's" here is far worse for me than the consumeristic side of America. There are always people here saving more, making more, retiring earlier, and otherwise besting me in financial goals than I can ever achieve. It's demoralizing, especially when I forget that my life is no less defined by "when did you RE?" than it is "how many cars do you buy?"

[Cathy]

...otherwise besting me in financial goals than I can ever achieve.

Sounds like complainypants to me. ;-)

When I read about people achieving impressive stuff that I haven't done yet, my reflexive reaction is "I can do that too. What do I need to do to make that happen?" I don't usually think "I could never do that".

I would challenge you to move your mental bar of "impossibility". There is no limit to what you can do.

[arebelspy]

...otherwise besting me in financial goals than I can ever achieve.

Sounds like complainypants to me. ;-)

When I read about people achieving impressive stuff that I haven't done yet, my reflexive reaction is "I can do that too. What do I need to do to make that happen?" I don't usually think "I could never do that".

I would challenge you to move your mental bar of "impossibility". There is no limit to what you can do.

There's some limits.  You can't retire five years ago, for example.

You can't double the amount in your 401k overnight, with 99% certainty.

But the limits there are are few, and less than we think.

[JoeMor]

I find taking a break from these forums to be useful for this.

If you regularly read MMM's blog or these forums, just take a break.

The "keeping up with the Jones's" here is far worse for me than the consumeristic side of America. There are always people here saving more, making more, retiring earlier, and otherwise besting me in financial goals than I can ever achieve. It's demoralizing, especially when I forget that my life is no less defined by "when did you RE?" than it is "how many cars do you buy?"

This might be one of the wiser things I have read.  Trading one lifestyle of 'you're not good enough' for another.  Isn't the whole point of this stuff to realize self happiness?

Hell is other people.

[arebelspy]

I find taking a break from these forums to be useful for this.

If you regularly read MMM's blog or these forums, just take a break.

The "keeping up with the Jones's" here is far worse for me than the consumeristic side of America. There are always people here saving more, making more, retiring earlier, and otherwise besting me in financial goals than I can ever achieve. It's demoralizing, especially when I forget that my life is no less defined by "when did you RE?" than it is "how many cars do you buy?"

This might be one of the wiser things I have read.  Trading one lifestyle of 'you're not good enough' for another.  Isn't the whole point of this stuff to realize self happiness?

Hell is other people.

It's definitely a good point to keep in mind--comparing yourself to anyone isn't desirable unless it gets you towards your personal goals, and shouldn't affect your happiness/satisfaction.

However that may be a good exercise in practicing that mindset, both here on the forums and in the real world.  "Taking a break" insofar as you're using it to remind yourself of that is helpful, but just taking a break because you're bad at it just means you need more practice and reminders that you don't need to base your self worth on others. Take a break, but come back and realize that ___'s progress should not affect my happiness.

If someone else is saving  80% of their income, and you're managing "only" 60%, why would that ever make you unhappy?  If it is, it's definitely time for a mindset shift.

[ender]

...otherwise besting me in financial goals than I can ever achieve.

Sounds like complainypants to me. ;-)

When I read about people achieving impressive stuff that I haven't done yet, my reflexive reaction is "I can do that too. What do I need to do to make that happen?" I don't usually think "I could never do that".

I would challenge you to move your mental bar of "impossibility". There is no limit to what you can do.

I know what you mean.

However there are some lifestyle choices which do result in increased expenses/decreased income ;)

[BPA]

I find taking a break from these forums to be useful for this.

If you regularly read MMM's blog or these forums, just take a break.

The "keeping up with the Jones's" here is far worse for me than the consumeristic side of America. There are always people here saving more, making more, retiring earlier, and otherwise besting me in financial goals than I can ever achieve. It's demoralizing, especially when I forget that my life is no less defined by "when did you RE?" than it is "how many cars do you buy?"

This might be one of the wiser things I have read.  Trading one lifestyle of 'you're not good enough' for another.  Isn't the whole point of this stuff to realize self happiness?

Hell is other people.

It's definitely a good point to keep in mind--comparing yourself to anyone isn't desirable unless it gets you towards your personal goals, and shouldn't affect your happiness/satisfaction.

However that may be a good exercise in practicing that mindset, both here on the forums and in the real world.  "Taking a break" insofar as you're using it to remind yourself of that is helpful, but just taking a break because you're bad at it just means you need more practice and reminders that you don't need to base your self worth on others. Take a break, but come back and realize that ___'s progress should not affect my happiness.

If someone else is saving  80% of their income, and you're managing "only" 60%, why would that ever make you unhappy?  If it is, it's definitely time for a mindset shift.

I agree.  The competition for you should be against yourself.  Getting inspiration from others is great, but comparing yourself to them is not all that healthy.  For example, I will have far less accumulated than most here when I finally retire later this year (about $500k including my home).  I consider it more an FU that will like mean FIRE.  I will continue to challenge myself to continue optimizing, and not compare myself to others with different circumstances.