The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: Manchester on June 07, 2019, 06:03:51 AM
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Hi all,
Just looking for some advice.
How much is an acceptable amount to spend on an engagement ring in your opinion?
I've read forums and the usual figures are between 1-3 months worth of pay. This is UK based and I'm not sure what the culture is like in the USA concerning engagement rings?
1 month for me would be around £3k. I was hoping to spend around £1k less than that. But is that still too much? What are your thoughts?
Some info on me:
25 (soon to be 26) years old
Have a net worth of around £20k, with no 'bad' debt (only debt is in mortgage)
Me and SO co-own our house, we have around £60/70k of equity in it (but I don't include this in N/W)
We're both in reasonably high paying jobs, no kids or other responsibilities
We've each got an emergency fund of 6 months savings
Despite us both being in an 'ok' financial position (or a brilliant financial position compared to our friends), my Girlfriend isn't conservative with money like I am. The idea that I've scrimped on her engagement ring would offend her.
My plan would be to save the money to pay for the ring, over the course of 3/4 months. Alternatively, I would buy the ring now with a deposit if they can offer 0% finance deals. So the money wouldn't put me in a precarious situation, it's just the lots opportunity cost of investing the money properly.
Thoughts?
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The amount you spend should be decoupled from your income. The 1-3 months pay metric is silly. The amount you spend should essentially be a rounding error in your finances (i.e. you don't need to save up for it over months). £1k is probably on the high end, in my opinion. You can save a lot by avoiding the ethical minefield that is diamonds.
If your girlfriend is offended by the amount you spend then that is a bad sign for financial compatibility. My dad bought used rings for my mom (made for a better story than just going to the jewelry store, at least). Maybe try to frame it as not succumbing to the marketing and consumerism instead of trying to be cheap?
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FACEPUNCH!
You do not NEED to spend anything close to "months" of salary on an engagement ring. The "how many months" thing was INVENTED by DeBeers as a MARKETING strategy for engagement rings.
Sorry, this topic just gets me fired up! My girlfriend (at the time - now my wife) was already on the same page in regards to anti-consumerism before we got engaged, so when I proposed with a beautiful but not expensive ring, she was still ecstatic.
Go buy something that is the style she wants, but search far and wide to avoid bullshit diamonds. Other gems are actually gaining traction and personally I think they're more interesting, and you can get a really nice gold ring with a non-diamond gem for a couple hundred pounds.
Don't fall for the DeBeers marketing bullshit!
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The amount you spend should be decoupled from your income.
^Absolutely.
Look, you (hopefully) know your significant other much better than anyone else, and certainly better than a bunch of strangers on the internet. But there's no reason why the commitment to your future spouse should somehow be coupled to how much you are willing and able to spend on a piece of jewelry. Your willingness to marry them is your commitment, coupled with countless daily deeds over the course of your entire relationship.
Hopefully your significant other does not have their heart set on a large diamond solitaire. If they do, I can't say I really blame them as we've been bombarded by craptastic marketing for decades which (like it or not) has shaped what we desire. I agree that avoiding diamonds is step#1 in finding a ring that is meaningful, personal and budget friendly. There are a LOT of stones out there which are sparkly and don't cost very much. Artisan jewelers can craft a ring out of a variety of materials with designs and symbols which could be meaningful to you both for a few hundred £- which IMO is way more personable than a stock diamond ring bought from a retail display.
@lifejoy might have some good suggestions.
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As a guy who has been on both ends of this ridiculous spectrum (when I was young and stupid I got my ex-fiance an engagement ring from Tiffany, 10 years later when I married my wife I got my wedding band from Amazon for $19.99 - how's that for a reformed consumer), don't fall for the marketing.
Plenty of other options, alternative gems, lab grown diamonds, any cool rings in her family or yours that have been handed down or are available to you?
At the end of the day, I would hope most of the people receiving engagement rings are simply wanting to feel special and loved. Something unique, which doesn't have to be expensive, and is accompanied with a memorable proposal that she can brag to all her friends about can accomplish that just fine. But if she thinks your love is measured in carats Kim K. style, you might want to start asking yourself some different questions.
Your homework is to read up on the history of black pearls. This is just one quick example I found but the story of the black pearl is a fascinating example of marketing, ingenuity, and human behavior: http://danariely.com/2010/12/10/black-pearls/
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First of all, what kind of jewelry does your girlfriend like/wear? I know more than one woman who deels obliged to wear a big rock everyday while they would have preferred a less flashy ring.
I also think it's silly to spend more than you'd like just because your income is higher. I get that she doesn't want to feel like you're being cheap in your choice of ring, but a nice ring that you picked for her and matches her taste should be enough. The price tag shouldn't matter.
Maybe I'm not the right person to ask because I accepted a proposal without a ring. You're getting wedding rings too (I assume) so I don't see the point of buying another ring just for the engagement period. It's not as common in here to get an engagement ring as it is seems to be in the US. I wouldn't have minded a <€500 engagement ring but anything over that amount, I'd have sent him back to the store to return it. Also, wearing diamonds during the day would be considered to be a fashion faux pas where I live (although this one wouldn't stop me if I wanted to wear something).
A very romantic way to save money might be buying a used ring and redesign it: the stone can be reused in a new ring (an antique stone in a custom designed ring! ) and the old ring could be sold for scrap. In my experience getting custom jewelry made isn't more expensive than buying a new ring in a fancy departement store and the markup for new rings is huge. The same diamond ring will sell for half as much when it's worn for a while.
Another idea could be to get a ring with one small stone with the plan to add more stones later on. I knew of a couple where the wife had a plain gold ring when they married because they couldn't afford much more, and then throughout their marriage they added stones to celebrate milestones like the birth of children and anniversaries. In that case a modest ring would be a symbol of the start of your life together and the ring would grow just like your marriage.
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Would people like salted caramel flavored popcorn or will regular do? I promise I'll buy it in bulk at Costco of course...
On a more serious note... OP: you know how every online forum has those 2-3 topics that get brought up a couple times a year and trigger an endlessly repeating but oddly entertaining flamewar? Guess what... :)
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/best-websites-to-buy-engagement-ring
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-much-engagement-ring-(if-any)
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/engagement-rings
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/buying-an-engagement-ring
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-much-to-spend-on-an-engagement-ring
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/so-i-really-want-to-get-a-diamond-engagement-ring/
Good luck whatever you choose! :)
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Check out lab created diamonds. They are chemically identical to natural diamonds, have none of the ethical problems, and are more economical. You can buy just the setting, even a designer setting, by itself if you work with a local jeweler and have the lab created diamond set in it. With this method you could get a ring that would have cost 2 or 3 months of your salary for 1 months salary or less. If it is important to her, make it important to you and spend some money. I can think of a lot of other things that are a bigger waste of money than something that will be worn constantly for the next 50+ years...
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My wedding band is stainless steel and cost 30$. My original plan was to buy a steel pipe from the hardware store and then just cut off a ring from that and grind the edges down, but it ended up not being much cheaper when I costed the whole thing out and I couldn't find a pipe that fit properly.
However, that was my wedding band. I bought into the whole spend a bunch of money on an engagement ring bullshit and spent a lot on my wife's ring. Years later we talked about it, and it turns out she likes the ring, but would have been just as happy with a much less expensive one. So my advice is to discuss the matter with your wife to be in advance and see what she thinks. Yeah, it's not out of the blue romantic and spontaneous like in a movie . . . but she's got to live with it so it's probably worth getting her opinion.
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In answer to the OP. I’m assuming fairly normal family relations and future spouse.
Your future wife is marrying into your family, and there is probably an old ring floating about in your family that has some emotional value. If you can’t get one of those family rings or your future wife isn’t interested, that should be a screaming klaxon to you about the likely future of the relationship.
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I agree with other commentors that it is best if you and your spouse are on the same page financially, and weddings are a big test in this regard. I just would not feel comfortable with an expectation that I would be required to drop X-months salary on a ring - or anything else really - as a symbol of affection.
In terms of rings, you might want to check out custom jewellery makers. You can find them online (for example Etsy) or at local craft markets. My wife's small diamond ring cost just over $1000 CAD, and is simple but elegant. I remember a couple years ago my colleague who wears a giant diamond rock that would have cost tens of thousands of dollars complimented my wife's ring at a work function. Afterwards, we had a bit of a chuckle.
As for myself, I wear a titanium wedding band purchased from Amazon for about $20 CAD. It's actually my second such ring - I lost the first one somehow, which sucked in terms of sentimental value but was a complete non-issue financially.
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Radical suggestion: don't make the ring a surprise. Make the proposal a surprise, but not the ring. Bring your girlfriend along as you do research and have her give you ideas on the setting/size/gem type. (If you happen to find similar items for cheaper, she doesn't need to know! For example, if she is set on a diamond, there are "qualities" that they measure that are invisible, like fluorescence. Ones with higher fluorescence are cheaper, even though they look identical except under ultraviolet light. She doesn't need to see the exact stone specs! I have no idea what the specs are of my diamond except that it is highly fluorescent because my DH proudly told me he got such a great deal on an amazing stone precisely because of this "defect").
You can tell her: "I want you to be happy when you look at this ring and feel how much I value and love you. So I want you to get what you want. With that said, the less we spend on it, that leaves a bit more leftover to spend on a great wedding party (or something else she would value). Some ideas I have to keep the cost down would be a lab-grown diamond -- I can get you something higher quality and its more ethical that way! Or I know your favorite color is red. I could get you a gorgeous ruby and your ring would be really unique and personal. What do you think?"
The trick is to "pitch" your ideas in a way that appeals to her. If she isn't as focused on saving money, then you telling her this will save money may not go over well as she might read it as you don't value her. If instead you show her how these slight changes could benefit her in ways she likes, she would be more likely to eagerly get on board. And both of you get to be happy that way!
My engagement ring was about $1000 USD. My wedding ring, about $150 (it is a plain silver band). My DH's wedding ring we splurged on, that was about $500.
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Me, personally? $0. I never had nor wanted an engagement ring, and I've been happily married for over 40 years. We did buy plain gold wedding bands, for the actual wedding, and that was far more important to me. They weren't terribly expensive.
I'm not a big fan of diamonds for a bunch of reasons, so if I did want a ring I'd look for something vintage.
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My wife's engagement ring is beautiful and we both love it. Kind of similar to this (but better!):
https://johnatencio.com/engagement-ring/regalia-engagement-ring.html
I know nothing of jewelry, but luckily have a very talented friend that works for a local high-end jeweler ("The Symbol of the Vail Valley"). Based on his recommendations and extreme skill, we got hooked up with "pro-deal" on a certified Canadian diamond (not a blood diamond, allegedly). My wife is humble and petite and her diamond matches. Small (carat), but very highly rated for color, cut and clarity. She's held it up side-by-side with friends' rings, that are much larger, and its almost embarrassing how much better hers looks. Went with white gold, with lower amount of real gold and higher amount of metal, so its more durable. She's a Colorado girl, so she wanted something low profile and durable. The pressure setting suspends the diamond and light radiates and its sparkley.
$2500, plus made an extra $2500 mortgage payment. She's a nerd, she ate it up.
Same friend made her wedding band, similar to this:
https://www.bluenile.com/pave-wedding-band-platinum_44687
Again, white gold, lots of teeny diamonds, she love it. I think $900?
Her rings went a bit over our budget. Mine? $17 with free shipping.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000M9OAJ6/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
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Or $1500 instead of $2500? It's been 5 years and I don't even remember.
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I went to an antique store and bought my wife a $500 ring -- followed by a $90 band. Most unique around and really special.
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Wow.
If my husband had spent three months' salary on an engagement/wedding ring for me, I would have ripped him a new one. Holy crap.
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Wow.
If my husband had spent three months' salary on an engagement/wedding ring for me, I would have ripped him a new one. Holy crap.
We joke that her engagement ring was several month's salary -- the joke being that we were both graduate students at the time and my only "income" was a few hundred/month TAing. But then I see working professionals earning six-figures who still follow this advice and I'm like "really?!"
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Hmmmnn - First engagement ring i bought was about $800, had a sapphire as the main stone. She really liked it....until she found out it didn't come from a fancy jeweler [ had to bring it back to get resized ] . We broke up eventually, she left the ring, i threw it into the garbage. How's that for a waste of money ??
2nd engagement/wedding ring - current wife's - we discussed a budget of $2200. I was making $$ with overtime then. Somehow at the store it turned into ~$3500 with tax. We shopped for it together -{ but it came with a "lifetime replacement warranty", even if the stone fell out - but you had to bring it back to the store every 6 months or so for free cleaning , and to check the setting - i think it made the trip back once - hardi har har ! }
Wanted a white gold style, but the sales consultant said white gold would tarnish and "wear down' if she was digging into paperwork filing cabinets for work. So we got platinum instead. Its a nice looking ring. She wore it for about 2-3 years. Last i saw it, the ring was in a ceramic ramikin [ a small sauce bowl ] in a kitchen cabinet. I haven't seen it in about 6-7 years, although i'm pretty sure she has it - somewhere....
Friend at work has a tattoo of a ring on his finger, it'll never get lost, unlike my $300 [?] ring, lost at work.
How much do you think $4300 invested at 3% or 6% per year would be worth 12 years later ???? Should have just bought cheap metal or wood bands both times. By my figuring ' and rule of 72' the opportunity cost is nearly $6500-$9000 dollars. Don't make the same mistake.
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50 bucks.
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$2,500-$3,000 including the wedding band.
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My wife is 1000x more frugal than I am. She usually buys wal mart make up, wal mart shampoo, get’s a single $20 haircut/yr, content with her 20 year old Camry, etc. All while I make $200k-$300k/year and we could easily afford much better.
That being said, I spent around $5500 on an absolutely beautiful 1 carat oval diamond with a halo of smaller diamonds around it. It is an absolutely beautiful ring, she loves it, and I enjoy looking at it. We’ve been married several years and she still comments how beautiful it is.
If I made a fraction of what I do (even though I made just over half when we got engaged) I would have likely not spent so much.
Wedding ring cost is a very personal opinion. People spend their money on very different things and justify it differently. Look at the “house cleaners” thread in the general discussion section. I could not comprehend hiring a house cleaner, while others could not comprehend a $5k ring. To each their own.
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Actually my $0 nonexistent engagement ring was any number you like’s worth of income at the time, since we were both in college and our income was pretty much $0 anyway.
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As a guy who has been on both ends of this ridiculous spectrum (when I was young and stupid I got my ex-fiance an engagement ring from Tiffany, 10 years later when I married my wife I got my wedding band from Amazon for $19.99 - how's that for a reformed consumer), don't fall for the marketing.
Plenty of other options, alternative gems, lab grown diamonds, any cool rings in her family or yours that have been handed down or are available to you?
At the end of the day, I would hope most of the people receiving engagement rings are simply wanting to feel special and loved. Something unique, which doesn't have to be expensive, and is accompanied with a memorable proposal that she can brag to all her friends about can accomplish that just fine. But if she thinks your love is measured in carats Kim K. style, you might want to start asking yourself some different questions.
Your homework is to read up on the history of black pearls. This is just one quick example I found but the story of the black pearl is a fascinating example of marketing, ingenuity, and human behavior: http://danariely.com/2010/12/10/black-pearls/
Yep, plus what Kris and other posters said. Maybe do some soul searching about values and compatibility.
Diamonds are a huge scam. Moreover, unless you are buying a "conflict-free" diamond (a dubious feel-good concept at best, because it ignores the environmental price that comes with mining the things) or a lab-made diamond, it will likely have come from a very unethical operation in a very conflicted part of the world.
Maybe explain to her that the cash could eventually purchase FI or (at least) a comfortable house? The whole ring and wedding thing is not something that I could ever understand re. splashing out a whack of cash on.
For some more giggles, you might want to read up on "chocolate diamonds" and the marketing behind them. Or read this: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/diamonds-are-bullshit_b_3708562
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It all depends on you both.
One thing is my wife and I got married in a church that had a formal spiel about rings, including that they were precious metal. This made getting gold bands important to us. We both like textures, and loved milgrains, so we chose basically this ring:
https://www.bluenile.com/milgrain-comfort-fit-ring-14k-white-gold-5mm_20380?elem=img&track=product&vtype=sample
We then went to a store and looked at thicknesses and sized our rings. Then we called around to compare/get quotes and looked online as well. I believe my ring was about $330, and hers was $200.
We were willing and in fact it was important to us to spend money on Gold, because of the precious metal bit. I loved cobalt, and she'd loved titanium, and we could have had our rings for much cheaper, and been almost as happy if not for that bit. I have no regrets, and most importantly, we could easily afford our rings.
1 months salary is insane - I can just think of so many better things to do with the money.
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Less than a month's salary at the time. Probably about a third of a month's actually. She would have been horrified at 3 months worth. Not that I got DW a ring and to be fair you don't have to get your SO one either. I think my DW expected to get a ring, but her reaction to a suggestion we go shopping was not positive ("you should know what I like!") and led me down a different path. Turns out it fits her far better than a ring ever would.
I'm being intentionally vague about "it" -- it should be durable, meaningful, and beautiful. Rings are essentially pieces of art that you have to wear around and try not to lose. Also they don't really resell that well, should things not work out, and there's that whole diamond problem as mentioned.
Broaden your art scope! Does she like stained glass? Is there a metalsmith who does work she likes? Pay a musician to write her a song? (okay, you can't resell that one either...) Mosaics (wall-art not floor)? Tapestry? Does she play music? Buy her a special instrument she'd never buy herself? Is she a gamer? Personalized wooden dice box/etc from one of the crazy "we realized gamers have money and will pay it for really top quality wooden stuff" outfits?
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My wedding band is stainless steel and cost 30$. My original plan was to buy a steel pipe from the hardware store and then just cut off a ring from that and grind the edges down, but it ended up not being much cheaper when I costed the whole thing out and I couldn't find a pipe that fit properly.
An old coworker actually did something similar... Got a stainless steel nut and asked one of the machinists to smooth out the inside. Honestly, I don't think he even bought a new nut for it, just dug one up out of the garage. I thought it looked really cool.
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We didn't do the engagement ring thing. We just have matching gold wedding bands with an engraved message inside that we exchanged during the wedding ceremony. Each ring cost a few hundred dollars. We got married a long time before discovering MMM but we've both always been frugal by nature and the wedding industry made me really uneasy with all the pressure to spend. I figured I'd enjoy a nice vacation or part of down payment on a house a lot more than a shiny rock on my finger that I had to constantly worry about losing. I'm also a feminist and don't see an engagement ring as aligned with my values (not criticizing those who do - this is just my personal view on engagement rings).
Anyway we had a tiny courthouse wedding, no wedding dress, no wedding party, no photographer, no engagement ring and very few gifts and we've been happily married now for 12 years with 2 beautiful children.
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I bought an engagement ring last month. Paid 300 AUD (~165 GBP) at an estate jeweller for a beautiful ring we both love. 0.3ct diamond in 18ct yellow gold and platinum setting.
I highly recommend you check out 2nd hand jewellers - they are so much better value than the normal jewellery stores.
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I got engaged young. My engagement ring was about $800 and my wedding band about $200. I wore the engagement ring all throughout our two year marriage, but we got a dog at the same time we got married and suddenly I was spending a lot of time out in the dirt at dog parks or hiking with our little guy and my pave setting was getting dirty. I bought myself a tungsten band and that was kind of the end of my wedding set. I wear it maybe a dozen times a year now for date nights or formal work parties. Otherwise I have a revolving cast of rings that I picked up over the years that serve in its place. Right now I’m wearing a sterling sliver Celtic knot ring that I picked up on our 10 year anniversary trip to Ireland for 30 Euro.
My point is, not every woman puts on an engagement ring and takes it off when she dies. I’d be cranky if we had spent $5000 on something that hardly sees the light of day. Just something to factor into your decision making.
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I never had an engagement ring and have never wanted one - for ethical reasons and I just don't like flashy jewelry.
My DH and I both wear silver wedding bands that cost $12.00 each. We also got married on the beach, had no photographer and I made my own wedding dress.
We are just 2 months shy of being married for 22 years and I can honestly say that an engagement ring would have been meaningless to me.
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When we got married 36 years ago I think I was making $9 / hr and she was making $6 / hr. Probably spend $200 on her ring and $100 on mine. I haven't worn a ring for years, was always worried about getting my finger hung up working on something. Later in life when we were much better off, I bought her an expensive ring, just because.
Those rules of thumb you hear are made up by jewelers and won't have any bearing on the success of the relationship.
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Hey everyone. Sorry for the late response. Thanks so much for everyone's feedback.
I've been doing a lot of reading and didn't realise quite how bad the diamond market is. Ethically, I wouldn't want to fund it. The 'lab-made' diamond route seems a good option to me. It's quite quirky as well and will add more character to the ring (as opposed to saying I picked it off a shelf in the shopping mall).
Some really interesting stories from you all. :)
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If she doesn't want a lab made diamond, consider going with a family heirloom or pawn shop find. Can always reset the diamond if the setting is too old fashioned.
We spent $500 on my husband's wedding band, 0$ on my engagement ring, and 0$ on my wedding band (both heirlooms, one from my family and one from his.)
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we got hooked up with "pro-deal" on a certified Canadian diamond (not a blood diamond, allegedly).
@tips^up Canadian diamonds are not "blood diamonds", please Google what the term means.
As meghan88 pointed out further down, there is always an environmental cost to any kind of mining.
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I proposed in 2005, and I researched the subject thoroughly beforehand.
I learned that if I buy something slightly under 1 carat, the price is considerably lower. So I found a GIA certified 0.91-carat diamond ring and, if memory serves me, paid about $900 for it. It's just the right size, and I've never heard a negative word about it. Back in 2005, it took me about 2-1/2 days of work to pay for it.
Spending 3 months' worth of salary on a ring makes as much sense as buying a new Chrysler 300 on credit and then ordering a set of 26" dubs for your ride, all to impress your bride . . .
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Take her ring shopping and let her pick it out. If she doesn’t get what she wants and settles she will never be happy with the ring. Within reason of course. You can buy a ring at a pawn shop and have the diamond taken out, the gold melted down and remade into any setting she would like.
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We didn't go for an engagement ring but did splash out on our wedding rings - $5k for two mokune gane rings made by a local goldsmith. It makes me happy every time I look at my hand and doesn't have any stones to catch on anything.
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The wedding ring, engagement ring thing is crazy. I’d give yourself $2k to buy all the rings, the engagement, and both of your wedding bands. Find someone who does custom jewelry and make it unique and meaningful to both of you. Also, have a sense of what her style is. Or maybe ask her to give you 4 different ideas of what she’d like and then you pick one and customize it. Don’t get caught up in the 3 month salary, diamond bullshit. I’m hoping if you’re on MMM you’re better than that and you’ve chosen a better partner than that.
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The wedding ring, engagement ring thing is crazy. I’d give yourself $2k to buy all the rings, the engagement, and both of your wedding bands. Find someone who does custom jewelry and make it unique and meaningful to both of you. Also, have a sense of what her style is. Or maybe ask her to give you 4 different ideas of what she’d like and then you pick one and customize it. Don’t get caught up in the 3 month salary, diamond bullshit. I’m hoping if you’re on MMM you’re better than that and you’ve chosen a better partner than that.
Thanks for the feedback. I'd say that I am better than the 3 month salary commercialism, hence why I feel outraged at the thought of buying a ring for that amount.
I don't know how this matches up with Mustachianism, I suppose it does to an extent. I'd rather pay more for a lab-made diamond. Having read into the working conditions, as well as the impact mining has on local eco-systems makes my blood boil. I have a few ethical taxes like that (free range, fair trade, plastic free etc). The bonus here is that I can buy a 'diamond' that's ethically MADE, looks the part, and costs a fraction of the price! :)
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The wedding ring, engagement ring thing is crazy. I’d give yourself $2k to buy all the rings, the engagement, and both of your wedding bands. Find someone who does custom jewelry and make it unique and meaningful to both of you. Also, have a sense of what her style is. Or maybe ask her to give you 4 different ideas of what she’d like and then you pick one and customize it. Don’t get caught up in the 3 month salary, diamond bullshit. I’m hoping if you’re on MMM you’re better than that and you’ve chosen a better partner than that.
Thanks for the feedback. I'd say that I am better than the 3 month salary commercialism, hence why I feel outraged at the thought of buying a ring for that amount.
I don't know how this matches up with Mustachianism, I suppose it does to an extent. I'd rather pay more for a lab-made diamond. Having read into the working conditions, as well as the impact mining has on local eco-systems makes my blood boil. I have a few ethical taxes like that (free range, fair trade, plastic free etc). The bonus here is that I can buy a 'diamond' that's ethically MADE, looks the part, and costs a fraction of the price! :)
Glad to hear that you are making an informed decision :-)
Whatever you end up buying (and in case it matters), buying any kind of new jewelry is even worse than driving a new car off the lot: it'll be worth about 50% less once purchased.
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We bought a stone from https://www.moissaniteco.com/index.html
It was way cheaper. And they are basically flawless diamonds, so it looks beautiful.
Unless you get a giant stone no one will know the difference. And that's only a visible difference because moissanite is actually so much less flawed than most diamonds that size are (2 carat or more range).
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I bought a handcrafted ring for around 350$.
https://shop.freywille.com/hu/classic-edition/jewellery-types/rings/ring-ultra-cm-412-2.html?___SID=U
For Weddings rings, we payed around 300$ for 2 custom hammered gold rings at a local jeweler.
What I wanted though was a 30$ Wolfram Ring form Amazon, but SO really didn't like it.
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We spent around £100 each on our wedding bands 21 years ago, and even that felt really extravagant.
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My wedding band is stainless steel and cost 30$. My original plan was to buy a steel pipe from the hardware store and then just cut off a ring from that and grind the edges down, but it ended up not being much cheaper when I costed the whole thing out and I couldn't find a pipe that fit properly.
I like you @GuitarStv.
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My wedding band is stainless steel and cost 30$. My original plan was to buy a steel pipe from the hardware store and then just cut off a ring from that and grind the edges down, but it ended up not being much cheaper when I costed the whole thing out and I couldn't find a pipe that fit properly.
I like you @GuitarStv.
The beauty of the pipe idea is that you can keep the pipe in the back of the garage and cut another ring off it in the future if you ever lose the first one.
:P
Sorry ladies . . . this big spender is taken!
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The beauty of the pipe idea is that you can keep the pipe in the back of the garage and cut another ring off it in the future if you ever lose the first one.
Lose which, the ring or the spouse?
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The beauty of the pipe idea is that you can keep the pipe in the back of the garage and cut another ring off it in the future if you ever lose the first one.
Lose which, the ring or the spouse?
That's the beauty of the system. It works for BOTH!
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The beauty of the pipe idea is that you can keep the pipe in the back of the garage and cut another ring off it in the future if you ever lose the first one.
Lose which, the ring or the spouse?
That's the beauty of the system. It works for BOTH!
Oh, now there brings up a question...
Some (most?) second spouses would feel very hurt/offended/betrayed if their spouse wants to just use their ring(s) from their first marriage instead of buy new. But logically, I mean, you already have it, it's already likely your "style" (I would assume so if you just want to reuse it), it's totally in line with reduce/reuse/recycle. It's the frugal, purely-logical-no-emotions choice! But man, can it piss off new-spouse-to-be...
Would a ring cut from the same pipe cause the same feelings of hurt/offence/betrayal (assuming new-spouse-to-be is totes cool with pipe ring to begin with)? Would you need to cut it from the opposite end (See, honey! The first end I used was obviously the ass end of the pipe. I made sure to give you the better end.) Would first-spouse aura-cooties travel down the length of the pipe therefore infecting the entire pipe? Would it be better if you traded your slightly-used pipe for Joe's slightly-used pipe so that the new pipe ring would still have all the practical and frugal features of the old pipe ring, but not be cut from the same pipe?
Why do rings have to be so complicated?!
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I mean, if it's a big issue you could always switch from plain steel to one of those fancy zinc coated pipes. Or even copper (if you're a big spender). The overall cost would of course increase, but you are doing it for the woman you love . . . so I suppose it would be worth it.
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My wedding ring cost $12.20 from Amazon, including $5 shipping, love the stainless steel if I had to have something... Depends on your significant other. I didn't want to spend anything on a ring for getting engaged, I really don't understand it, but my wife wanted something nice she could look down at and smile for the rest of her life. It's all about compromise. I ended up buying a GIA certified 1.13 carat platinum diamond ring on Craigslist for $6k, figured she was getting what she wanted, it was a pretty good bang for your buck I guess, and I didn't feel I was supporting the diamond industry, just recycling. #compromise.
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We bought a stone from https://www.moissaniteco.com/index.html
It was way cheaper. And they are basically flawless diamonds, so it looks beautiful.
Unless you get a giant stone no one will know the difference. And that's only a visible difference because moissanite is actually so much less flawed than most diamonds that size are (2 carat or more range).
+1 - we got my wedding ring from this company. It's stunning and well made and cost less than $800. I would never be comfortable wearing something as valuable as my ring would be if it were made with diamonds. If something were to happen to this one, I'd be bummed, but financially it's not that big of a deal.
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I think you should spend as at least as much on an engagement ring (which you'll wear for the rest of your life, look at every day, and hopefully pass onto your children) as you'd spend on a car. My male fiance didn't have an income or any savings when we got engaged (entrepreneur), so I purchased a beautiful 2 carat lab-grown diamond from Clean Origin and a platinum pave diamond setting from Blue Nile myself. Altogether, the ring cost about $8,500 and it's my most prized possession. I've been engaged for almost a year and looking at it throughout the day still makes me super happy - it's prettyyy! I've been lurking on this site for years and rarely splurge on anything (my net worth has increased by $200k over the past 3 years), but that ring was worth every penny.
ETA: I still think spending 3 months of your salary on a ring (or a car) is crazy. 1 month max!
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I think you should spend as at least as much on an engagement ring (which you'll wear for the rest of your life, look at every day, and hopefully pass onto your children) as you'd spend on a car. My male fiance didn't have an income or any savings when we got engaged (entrepreneur), so I purchased a beautiful 2 carat lab-grown diamond from Clean Origin and a platinum pave diamond setting from Blue Nile myself. Altogether, the ring cost about $8,500 and it's my most prized possession. I've been engaged for almost a year and looking at it throughout the day still makes me super happy - it's prettyyy! I've been lurking on this site for years and rarely splurge on anything (my net worth has increased by $200k over the past 3 years), but that ring was worth every penny.
ETA: I still think spending 3 months of your salary on a ring (or a car) is crazy. 1 month max!
What?! Spend as much as you'd spend on a car? $8,500 for a rock and some gold... that's a big no, and hell no.
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Nine grand for a fake diamond?
lol
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Obviously it's up to each individual couple and blah blah blah, but I do think if you GF would be "offended" by a cheaper ring, that's a red flag. I would think about that a bit more (maybe talk to her in more depth about what her expectations are?) and how your divergent attitudes might impact your future.
That said, my engagement ring was origami made by my husband, so quite inexpensive :) For my actual wedding ring I had my grandmother's ring re-sized to fit me. The re-sizing was around $60. Her ring is much more "me" than some of the more modern diamond rings I have seen people sporting. The stone is quite small but it has a pretty setting with some engraving. My husband was willing to buy me a ring if I wanted and I did actually spend some time looking at things and honestly didn't see anything I liked as much as my grandmother's, so repurposing it was a no-brainer as well as being thrifty.
Several of my friends have gotten vintage rings for a few hundred dollars. To me that seems an appropriate amount to spend on a piece of "forever" jewelry that you are going to wear every day, if you don't want just a plain band. Once you start going up and over one thousand though, I don't really see the point.
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I think you should spend as at least as much on an engagement ring (which you'll wear for the rest of your life, look at every day, and hopefully pass onto your children) as you'd spend on a car. My male fiance didn't have an income or any savings when we got engaged (entrepreneur), so I purchased a beautiful 2 carat lab-grown diamond from Clean Origin and a platinum pave diamond setting from Blue Nile myself. Altogether, the ring cost about $8,500 and it's my most prized possession. I've been engaged for almost a year and looking at it throughout the day still makes me super happy - it's prettyyy! I've been lurking on this site for years and rarely splurge on anything (my net worth has increased by $200k over the past 3 years), but that ring was worth every penny.
ETA: I still think spending 3 months of your salary on a ring (or a car) is crazy. 1 month max!
What?! Spend as much as you'd spend on a car? $8,500 for a rock and some gold... that's a big no, and hell no.
I wouldn't spend $8,500 on a depreciating asset that won't last 15 years (a car), but some people do and that brings them joy, I guess. I personally would much rather have my ring and ride a bike or take an Uber/train/whatevs.
These are obviously things a couple needs to talk about before buying an engagement ring. Most of my friends' rings are in the $30,000+ range and one of them doesn't even like her ring because it's simply not her style. I don't think anyone should buy a ring without the intended wearer's input (financial, style, ethical concerns, etc.) - it should be a decision the couple makes together.
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I think you should spend as at least as much on an engagement ring (which you'll wear for the rest of your life, look at every day, and hopefully pass onto your children) as you'd spend on a car. My male fiance didn't have an income or any savings when we got engaged (entrepreneur), so I purchased a beautiful 2 carat lab-grown diamond from Clean Origin and a platinum pave diamond setting from Blue Nile myself. Altogether, the ring cost about $8,500 and it's my most prized possession. I've been engaged for almost a year and looking at it throughout the day still makes me super happy - it's prettyyy! I've been lurking on this site for years and rarely splurge on anything (my net worth has increased by $200k over the past 3 years), but that ring was worth every penny.
ETA: I still think spending 3 months of your salary on a ring (or a car) is crazy. 1 month max!
Your ring cost more than my entire wedding, including rings.
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I wouldn't spend $8,500 on a depreciating asset that won't last 15 years (a car), but some people do and that brings them joy, I guess. I personally would much rather have my ring and ride a bike or take an Uber/train/whatevs.
You're in for a big shock if you think rings don't depreciate. Taking a quick peek at eBay it looks like you'd be lucky to get half your money back if you needed to sell. Since you're probably never going to sell it you're out the opportunity cost for life (about $0.5 million in today's dollars).
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I wouldn't spend $8,500 on a depreciating asset that won't last 15 years (a car), but some people do and that brings them joy, I guess. I personally would much rather have my ring and ride a bike or take an Uber/train/whatevs.
You're in for a big shock if you think rings don't depreciate. Taking a quick peek at eBay it looks like you'd be lucky to get half your money back if you needed to sell. Since you're probably never going to sell it you're out the opportunity cost for life (about $0.5 million in today's dollars).
I didn't say rings don't depreciate. I was comparing rings to cars because they're both depreciating assets that people buy for non net-worth maximizing reasons. Except one you will most likely have forever and the other usually lasts 15 years max.
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I wouldn't spend $8,500 on a depreciating asset that won't last 15 years (a car), but some people do and that brings them joy, I guess. I personally would much rather have my ring and ride a bike or take an Uber/train/whatevs.
You're in for a big shock if you think rings don't depreciate. Taking a quick peek at eBay it looks like you'd be lucky to get half your money back if you needed to sell. Since you're probably never going to sell it you're out the opportunity cost for life (about $0.5 million in today's dollars).
I didn't say rings don't depreciate. I was comparing rings to cars because they're both depreciating assets that people buy for non net-worth maximizing reasons. Except one you will most likely have forever and the other usually lasts 15 years max.
Most people don't own automobiles for decoration, they're built for utility. What's the utility value of a ring?
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I wouldn't spend $8,500 on a depreciating asset that won't last 15 years (a car), but some people do and that brings them joy, I guess. I personally would much rather have my ring and ride a bike or take an Uber/train/whatevs.
You're in for a big shock if you think rings don't depreciate. Taking a quick peek at eBay it looks like you'd be lucky to get half your money back if you needed to sell. Since you're probably never going to sell it you're out the opportunity cost for life (about $0.5 million in today's dollars).
I didn't say rings don't depreciate. I was comparing rings to cars because they're both depreciating assets that people buy for non net-worth maximizing reasons. Except one you will most likely have forever and the other usually lasts 15 years max.
Most people don't own automobiles for decoration, they're built for utility. What's the utility value of a ring?
If most Americans truly bought automobiles for utilitarian reasons, you'd see way more used inexpensive economy-size cars with high gas-mileage on the road (and people walking/biking/Ubering/taking public transportation), and yet I see huge, gas-guzzling luxury SUVs, outrageously expensive convertibles and sports cars, etc. everywhere. I've never owned a car and have never had a problem getting to wherever I need to go, so I just don't see the utility in owning your own personal car? Walking, biking, taking public transportation, and Ubering is cheaper, healthier, and better for the environment.
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Agreed. But some people being idiots about cars is not a good reason for being an idiot about jewellery.
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I wouldn't spend $8,500 on a depreciating asset that won't last 15 years (a car), but some people do and that brings them joy, I guess. I personally would much rather have my ring and ride a bike or take an Uber/train/whatevs.
You're in for a big shock if you think rings don't depreciate. Taking a quick peek at eBay it looks like you'd be lucky to get half your money back if you needed to sell. Since you're probably never going to sell it you're out the opportunity cost for life (about $0.5 million in today's dollars).
I didn't say rings don't depreciate. I was comparing rings to cars because they're both depreciating assets that people buy for non net-worth maximizing reasons. Except one you will most likely have forever and the other usually lasts 15 years max.
Most people don't own automobiles for decoration, they're built for utility. What's the utility value of a ring?
If most Americans truly bought automobiles for utilitarian reasons, you'd see way more used inexpensive economy-size cars with high gas-mileage on the road (and people walking/biking/Ubering/taking public transportation), and yet I see huge, gas-guzzling luxury SUVs, outrageously expensive convertibles and sports cars, etc. everywhere. I've never owned a car and have never had a problem getting to wherever I need to go, so I just don't see the utility in owning your own personal car? Walking, biking, taking public transportation, and Ubering is cheaper, healthier, and better for the environment.
You obviously don't live in rural farm country. There are no ubers, no taxis, no bike lanes. Closest store might be miles away. I'd say at least half the people I know buy automobiles for utilitarian reasons. Most also hated the "cash for clunkers" program because it took a lot of usable vehicles, and usable parts, off the market in the long term.
I've been to Europe five times and never had to drive there. I got everywhere I wanted with trains, buses, etc (well, except when we stayed with family and they drove us around). I love having that kind of access to transportation, so it's great if you have it. But, fact is, many don't. The US is a huge place with a lot of open spaces, and there are actually people living in those open spaces, but no one is going to run public transportation for them.
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I have decided that I want one ring, as both engagement and wedding ring, made out of some kind of durable metal I'm not allergic to, with a fake diamond (moissanite /amora) or better yet clear pink sparkly stone. I want it to be a solitaire... And to look slightly oversized and Disney ridiculous on my hands. Like in a wedding magazine. I think that can be accomplished for around 300. I don't have pinterest, so if it sounds like someone is thinking about marrying me, direct them to this description please.
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I think you should spend as at least as much on an engagement ring (which you'll wear for the rest of your life, look at every day, and hopefully pass onto your children) as you'd spend on a car. My male fiance didn't have an income or any savings when we got engaged (entrepreneur), so I purchased a beautiful 2 carat lab-grown diamond from Clean Origin and a platinum pave diamond setting from Blue Nile myself. Altogether, the ring cost about $8,500 and it's my most prized possession. I've been engaged for almost a year and looking at it throughout the day still makes me super happy - it's prettyyy! I've been lurking on this site for years and rarely splurge on anything (my net worth has increased by $200k over the past 3 years), but that ring was worth every penny.
ETA: I still think spending 3 months of your salary on a ring (or a car) is crazy. 1 month max!
What?! Spend as much as you'd spend on a car? $8,500 for a rock and some gold... that's a big no, and hell no.
I wouldn't spend $8,500 on a depreciating asset that won't last 15 years (a car), but some people do and that brings them joy, I guess. I personally would much rather have my ring and ride a bike or take an Uber/train/whatevs.
These are obviously things a couple needs to talk about before buying an engagement ring. Most of my friends' rings are in the $30,000+ range and one of them doesn't even like her ring because it's simply not her style. I don't think anyone should buy a ring without the intended wearer's input (financial, style, ethical concerns, etc.) - it should be a decision the couple makes together.
I just really wonder on what occasion you would wear a ring like that. I'm saying that as someone who spent way too much time yesterday admiring a beautiful used €200 ring and decided not to buy it because I wouldn't know when to wear it.
This particular ring was modest enough to wear to the office, but a 30k would probably be so flashy it would be inappropriate to wear to work. If you have a more practical job instead of an office job wearing rings is probably banned. At home I find any jewelry a nuisance because I spend most of my time doing things like cleaning, cooking, baking and gardening. I could wear a big ring to a party or going out, but those occasions are so rare (maybe 2 times a month) it wouldn't warrant the purchase of a ring.
Most folks I know don't even make 30k a year, as far as I know no one has spent more than maybe 1k on a ring. I got engaged without a ring and our wedding bands will be modest, durable and affordable. Being sensible with money is something I appreciate in my partner and spending a fortune on a piece of jewelry that many people stop wearing anyway after the novelty wears off just doesn't seem logical. I understand wanting to get a nice ring if you can afford it, but nice good quality rings can be found for 3 and 4 figure sums.
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Just to update you all....
She said yes!
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Just to update you all....
She said yes!
Congrats! What ring did you end up going with? It sounds like you were leaning towards a lab made diamond in your previous posts?
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I think you should spend as at least as much on an engagement ring (which you'll wear for the rest of your life, look at every day, and hopefully pass onto your children) as you'd spend on a car.
Wha........t the fuck?
I've been given a number of diamond rings in my time, and I've never made that big a deal out of any of them.
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Yay @Manchester !!! Congrats!!!
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Thanks @Imma !
@RWD I went with a lab-made diamond. Looks really good and my S/O was incredibly pleased with the ethical side of it. Used Brilliant Earth for the ring, they've been great.
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Thanks @Imma !
@RWD I went with a lab-made diamond. Looks really good and my S/O was incredibly pleased with the ethical side of it. Used Brilliant Earth for the ring, they've been great.
Congrats!
So happy for you and that you guys got a ring you can both be happy with!
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It depends on your partner. See what they like. My DW when we were young it was very important to her to have a more expensive ring. As soon as you announce an engagement they will be showing it off to everyone. Complete vanity but I wanted her to not be embarrassed to show it off like a friend of ours had been. Over time it became less important because we both became less insecure and could care a less about social status. Now she wishes we used it towards our house dp if we had a do over. People grow over time. Our insecurity cost a lot of money but in the grand scheme of life it was a small amount that was important at that time. Still inefficient though.
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Looking back, I would have loved if he spent 200 on a ring and the remaining 2800 on a investment certificate or investment in my name. (That I could use to buy a ring of my choice or save towards something else in 5 years).
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Congrats OP!
My wife spent like... $150? on a white gold band from Costco. Mine is wood and was $20 on Etsy.
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We didn't do engagement rings, but we did get a matched, similar but different, set of tungsten carbide with gold inlay wedding rings. I think they cost just under a grand total, and the tungsten carbide is indestructible! (the gold inlay not so much -- gold is soft.)
The whole proposal and engagement ring seems very anachronistic to me. I mean, isn't this something you both discuss and reach a mutually acceptable solution regarding, not spring on your unsuspecting significant other and force them to either accept or reject?
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Engagement ring was bought at Walmart, was quite inexpensive around $100. My husbands band was bought used and mine was bought new at a jewelry store in the mall. $200-300 each. Sounds like a lot now actually but we seen options that went sky high on pricing. Still love our rings 9 years later.