Author Topic: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?  (Read 38236 times)

C. K.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #50 on: November 19, 2013, 12:10:32 PM »
my mom always told me to marry a man who makes me laugh and that's exactly what I did.  So while his frugality helps a lot, it's not why I married him.  The fact that he can always make me laugh is far, far more important to me.  I could work on a less-than-ideal money situation, but a lack of laughter in my life would kill me.
Your mother gave you great advice. Thanks.

scrubbyfish

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #51 on: November 19, 2013, 12:35:19 PM »
Not married or living together, but committed. We were both frugal before we met. I had been extremely frugal earlier in my life, but when we met he was moreso. He was dumpster-diving, etc. I had been forced by poverty to eat from dumpsters before and wanted none of that now, so he eventually began honouring my request that the food *I* eat be not from a dumpster. This cost him more, but he also learned from me how to save much, much larger amounts in other areas. We've both learned from each other to spend more in some areas (e.g., investing in legal consultation that can preserve or increase the financial oomph of a given project) and to spend less in others -while I still won't eat from dumpsters, I will now buy or accept dated food and eat more of what's currently cheap and less of my ideal/favourites. I think we've been a great influence on each other, with each of us (separate finances) gaining accordingly. We have different strengths and areas of knowledge and end up with lots of bases covered. We both know very little about investing, though, so we're both working on that.

homehandymum

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #52 on: February 07, 2014, 02:43:33 PM »
I was friends with his brother, and met at the brother's wedding.

We are both fairly frugal - identical cultural background and spending assumptions (All branches of both families originally come from Scotland).  He had already paid off his student debt by working during college.  Mine was big, despite working all through college! 

I was pretty good at the little frugal stuff - buying bulk, using store-brands, mending clothes, buying second hand, etc.  But not so flash at the big picture stuff.  I'd easily wipe out all the gains from my frugality by deciding I needed a new bed. Now.  And getting it on the credit card.  And not having a clear idea about my cash-flow so only making minimum payments.  Thankfully this tendency is a long way in the past.

He's good at the big picture planning stuff, and is now also excellent at optimising the grocery shopping etc.  His weakness is that once he decides a purchase is necessary he just goes and gets it, without comparison shopping.

But what drew me to him wasn't his frugality or our financial compatability.  It was the fact that he was totally at home with a group of strangers (at the wedding), treated me like a good buddy from our very first meeting, and gave thoughtful answers to personal questions (from a much more extroverted acquaintance).   As an introvert, it was just wonderful to hang out with someone who didn't need us to jump through the awkward getting to know you conversations.  And I actually felt more energised after spending a day with him. 

Still do :)

Threshkin

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #53 on: February 07, 2014, 04:09:17 PM »
We met on-line.  Plenty of Fish is a great (free!) dating site.  For our first date I met her at a Dim Sum restaurant where I had a 50% off coupon.  I told here about the discount and she did not mind.  Several future dates were at a local brew pub because she had received a stack of free drink coupons as a work gift.  Most other dates were at her house (already paid off) or mine.  Our major first summer dating project was DIY building a brick walkway at my house.  We clicked on many levels: frugality, DIY, life priorities to name a few.

Fast forward two years and I move into her place (too small for both of us long term), rent out my house (bad real estate market - cannot sell for a good price), and six months later buy a house we both love (hot deal had to act quickly).  About a year later we sell my house and use the proceeds plus joint savings to pay off our new house. 

From a cash flow perspective if may have been better to invest the money rather than pay off a low rate mortgage but the piece of mind that comes from no recurring debt was more important to us.  Plus we live in a good RE market and my wife negotiated a great price on the new house so our current "gain" in house value equate to very, although psudo, investment returns.
« Last Edit: February 07, 2014, 04:12:33 PM by Threshkin »

Dicey

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #54 on: February 08, 2014, 12:14:18 AM »
Oh, I love this question! DH and I met when he painted my house in 2001. He works for a local utility company and he's also a licensed painting contractor, so painting's his side gig. He did a great job at a very fair price and I recommended him to several others over the years. I knew that he was married to his high school sweetheart and that they had two kids.

In 2012, I got a screaming deal on new carpet and needed to repaint. I called him again. Sadly, he told me his wife of 29 years had passed away recently. He agreed to do the job. We talked as he worked, and then kept on talking after he was done. Neither one of us remembers exactly when it turned into a dating thing, but next thing you know, he proposed and I said yes. I had never been married before (I was 54!) and I worried that it was too soon after his wife's death, but we decided to look toward the future and not be afraid of the past. We married on 10-11-12. I am here to tell you that being married is more amazing than I ever imagined.

We are both frugal, but in different ways. He is outstanding at managing his needs. He can fix anything and keeps busy. If he's quiet, I will always find him at the computer, figuring out how to do something. He buys quality and takes care of it. His truck is a 2002, has only 70k miles and looks brand new. No punches - he's a painter. He walks to his regular job every day with a lunchbox that I fill with homemade goodness.

I was raised in a large family with a SAHM. My dad was a civil servant. They both knew how to stretch a buck. From them I learned about getting the maximum value for the dollars spent. I am also more focused on retirement savings, as I always believed I'd be going it alone and I didn't always love my work, to put it politely.  He is more relaxed about retirement, because he loves his low-stress job which includes incredible benefits and a pension. He also owns a motor home and two jet skis, which I would never buy. He bought them used and fixed them up. He enjoys camping and uses the jet skis to fish(!). Neither of us has trouble managing credit cards. We charge everything and pay it off every month.

We laugh together all the time and every morning we wake up with smiles on our faces, knowing how lucky we are. As crazy as this sounds, we love just being together, no matter what we're doing.

train_writer

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #55 on: February 08, 2014, 03:36:05 AM »
We met on the train where we discovered we had made a major similar life choice and exchanged
e-mail addresses.

We signed up for the same 2-week summer job abroad (agricultural) a few months later and have been together ever since.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2014, 03:48:21 AM by train_writer »

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #56 on: February 08, 2014, 04:12:56 AM »
I met my wife at the YMCA. I was divorced for about 4 years and really was just into work all day gym in the morning gym at night. We like each other for over a year which came out later. When i finally asked her out and picked her up I had a Harley and she had on the same clothes (Jeans, Jean Shirt and black vest) i had on. Im 6"3 and she was 6' (was because we have had 4 kids and I am sure she shrunk a bit) we went out and never were seperate again until after being married and years later maybe because of work for a day here or there. Been together 18 years. Anyhow she was a full ride everything from books to meals D1 volleyball player so had no debt and her parents didnt have much money growing up so she was low maintance, simple. I was on my way chasing the dream business wise so I was spending alot more but I wasnt over the top. I didnt have time to be. Over the years we did get caught up in always chasing the bigger house and having kids , cars, cabin, snowmobiles, atv's boats etc...but never out of our means and saved. However i always was looking for the next challenge as i liked starting biz and we would literally build our own house and move two years later and finally got stung but it was with our own money. So we sold took the loss bought a different house with cash and after being here a year and a half and age setting in , kids getting older decided time to really knuckle down. Ironically It started with me, thinking it must be the business guy in me again trying to see what i can do and she is appreciative of what i am trying to do because its in our best interest and I am basically ER she is running our biz 5-6 hours a week (goes to office does the accounting). So here we are at MM and I am tackling learning what I need to to be much more efficient and sharing what i know as well. So day by day we as a family are becoming more frugal. Shaved off at least 1k a month in expenses. Sold 3 snowmobiles. Have our Cabin up for sale in which all assets will go toward securing ER and some college stuff etc... Alot of work done. ALot to do. We also would like to buy at least one 4 family but i have alot to learn yet.

C. K.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #57 on: February 08, 2014, 07:43:21 AM »
I had never been married before (I was 54!) and I worried that it was too soon after his wife's death, but we decided to look toward the future and not be afraid of the past. We married on 10-11-12. I am here to tell you that being married is more amazing than I ever imagined.

Congratulations to both of you. I wish you the best.

C. K.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #58 on: February 08, 2014, 07:53:44 AM »
Thanks, everyone.

Your stories help to provide a little light on the subject for those jaded about finding a spouse or  who do not believe there is such a thing as a fun marriage.

Thanks again.

- C.K.

Dicey

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #59 on: February 08, 2014, 06:57:41 PM »
Thanks, everyone.

Your stories help to provide a little light on the subject for those jaded about finding a spouse or  who do not believe there is such a thing as a fun marriage.

Thanks again.

- C.K.

Oh, C.K., I wish I could reach out and hug every person who feels this way. I didn't want to post a long-winded response, but I have written more of my happy story on other threads, particularly libraryjoy's.

One thing I wrote and then edited out of my reply to you was that if I had known how wonderful it was going to be when I finally found the right person, then I really could have been miserable all those years before him. Suicidal, even. Instead, I made it a point to strive for financial independence, always keep a positive attitude, get involved in my community, have FUN at whatever point I was at in life and (forgive me, some of you won't like this) not to let myself go. If you feel fit and attractive, it shows! If you've fallen off that wagon, it's an emergency. If you have to spend a little money wisely to get out of that rut (assuming no piles of cc debt) then do it!

Finally, years ago, my younger brother advised me not to settle. It was so hard to listen to that advice, but now I am endlessly glad I did. P.S. My married name is Young, to which same brother retorted, "Your name may be Young now, but I'll always be younger." Smart and a smart ass. Best kind of brother.

DanielleS

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #60 on: February 14, 2014, 03:15:48 PM »
I married quite late, we were both in our early 40's although we'd been together for a few years before that. It was our 2-year anniversary last week. We are both retired, and we got there separately-yet-together :)

We met in a university where I was working and he was getting his MS in physics.

We were both very very frugal when we met. We were both vegetarian (and we are now both LF/vegan). We both love to read. Neither of us had a television. Neither of us had been married before. I could go on and on about what was similar about us. One of my husband's favorite stories is on our first date, he met me at my place of business which was on the 4th floor, and he was trying to think of some way of asking me if we could take the stairs down to the first floor instead of the elevator, while I was just heading for the stairs anyway, since I don't like taking elevators either!

Waiting for someone who shares my values was the 100% right thing to do. I never wanted children so this made it easier for me to wait, I assume. There are two long-term relationships in my past, and I ended them in part due to financial incompatibility. I knew I never wanted to get married if I wasn't sure of the other person. I knew it could wreak havoc on my life! In my last longterm relationship before I met my husband, the man made $100,000+ a year yet carried a $90,000+ credit card balance!! O.O He hid it from me for a long time, which was not a good sign either.... I tried to educate him in financial matters but he never listened. While he kept racking up dept I was saving tens of thousands of dollars. We bought a house together, which was the right thing to do financially because it appreciated $200,000 within 5 years, so when I ended the relationship he bought my 'half' by taking out an enormous new mortgage.

This is one thing I just cannot stress to anyone who is in the doldrums about finding someone. Don't give up, but don't settle. I admit to being depressed sometimes about relationships - who hasn't - but I didn't give up and I'm so happy now!

scrubbyfish

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #61 on: February 14, 2014, 10:25:27 PM »
DanielleS: WOW! And thank you!!!!!!!!!! That was awesome! Totally inspiring.

taperted

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #62 on: February 15, 2014, 08:39:01 AM »
My spouse and I met at work. We worked in separate groups, and were on the same floor, so we saw each other constantly. We had a lot in common, and I was able to use that to my advantage!! :D

My wife is intensely frugal, whereas I don't sweat the small stuff. You could say that she is penny-wise, pound-foolish and I am penny-foolish, pound-wise. So we meet somewhere in the middle and I think that has a lot to do with our financial well being.

She handles the day-to-day bargain hunting, coupon clipping, etc. I allocate our money, track our finances, plan our retirement and handle our portfolio, although when I buy stocks, we sit down together and discuss the companies. It sort of works out that she is responsible for maximizing the cash we have on hand, and I am responsible for taking that cash and growing it.

I think we've both converted each other a bit. Before, whenever I saw a stray charge on my bank account or statement, I would just let it go. But now, I call them up and argue with them until they reverse it. Also, we are debt-free and I am in the habit now of paying off the monthly balance. I am also very good about paying bills promptly (which I never was before meeting her). I also find myself looking more for bargains, such as deals or buying used.

With her, she was always very risk-averse. She didn't understand stocks and if she had her way, we would be stashing our money in coffee cans buried in our backyard. But over the last 10 years, she has seen that the stock market and real estate can be wealth building vehicles, as long as they are used wisely.

I think this middle of the road, constant push-pull between us has kept us on the right path to financial freedom. I wouldn't want to be traveling this path with anyone else! :)
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 08:42:11 AM by taperted »

Spork

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #63 on: February 15, 2014, 09:03:23 AM »

I was working in IT at a very large company.  Her computer broke.  When I went to fix it, we talked and I was immediately smitten.... in fact, so smitten that when I "fixed" her computer, I was flustered and took out the bad motherboard ... and replaced it with the very same bad motherboard.  I made a really lame excuse that "it must be a bad chassis"... but years later she admits she totally saw what I did.

We both grew up in the same small town and had quite a number of shared family contacts between us -- and met in a large city a few hours away.   


RedMaple

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #64 on: February 15, 2014, 10:47:30 AM »
I'm still looking. Having a very tough time finding someone frugal especially with online dating. Guys think that spending money on me will make me more receptive. When I suggest doing something other than restaurants or bars, they say I'm being finicky. This happened 2ce in a row.

TheRedHead

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #65 on: February 15, 2014, 04:47:22 PM »
Enjoying the responses. My husband and I met in college. I saw him across the cafe and said "who is that gorgeous Kappa Sig Freshman?!"  Literally felt like a physical blow. It was definitely lust at first sight if not love :) took us 2 years to start dating (had a lot of growing up to do) and then we never looked back. We will have been married for 19 years this May.

He wasn't frugal but definitely VERY aware of money and how much things cost. His parents did a great job of raising him to be very thoughtful and educated about money. He's definitely more of a saver than a spender though he doesn't mind spending money when he wants something. Me on the other hand? Oh boy. I was a train wreck. My parents NEVER taught me about money, I never had an allowance (I just asked for cash and they gave it to me) and I responded to every credit card deal that came my way not really understanding anything about interest. Ended up having to get a bank loan to consolidate my monthly payments. Felt pretty good when I paid that off BUT I didn't learn my lesson then. Took years before I finally figured it out. All those wasted years and dollars and my poor husband putting up with it (did I mention he's amazing? And patient.) I was the type to have my bonus spent before it hit. I shake my head now, we would be so much closer to his being able to retire if we (I) hadn't spent so much over the past 20 years. The only thing I wouldn't change is the travel we did and our sons adoption. Everything else was so meaningless. I am much more frugal now, focused on what's important. My neighbor called me frugal as a compliment and it really felt like one. I don't feel like I'm denied anything - it feels good.

And at least I will be able to raise our son how my husband was raised. We are already starting his education about money (he's almost 4). I won't start him off in life being clueless! We teach safe sex in school but nothing about finance. Sigh.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 04:50:27 PM by TheRedHead »

mikefixac

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #66 on: February 15, 2014, 10:11:56 PM »
Quote
When we were at a party, he brought homemade cookies and then washed dishes for the host/hostess. I figured he was a keeper based on that, and he then proved it many more times over. 

I love that story.

Met wife in college, but never dated. Then when she graduated, she had a party at her house and I was her first dance. Months later I took her to a baseball game at Angel's stadium. DW doesn't remember either dates. That's the overall impression I make on most people.

We've now been married over a decade and she's just starting to get my name right. On the good side, compared to her friends she's frugal. Compared to me, I make Jacob at ERE look like a spendthrift.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 10:13:36 PM by mikefixac »

KLina

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #67 on: February 16, 2014, 12:27:31 PM »
I met my future spouse in high school, technically, but we didn't date until we were in college. I'd never thought much about the best way to use my money. It was for food and shows and clothing, right? I didn't spend much, but I wasn't careful, either. His frugality made him seem like the smartest guy in our group of friends. That, along with his flowing, curly locks, made him extremely attractive to me.
 
We were both broke college students, as were most of our friends, but he was so smart about it. One friend used to go to Barnes & Noble and just buy like $50 worth of books and magazines any time he got the notion. Another guy I dated expected to go out to fancy meals with me, places I would never normally go, and split the cost. My husband knew how to bring a peanut butter and jelly sandwich along with him, and he lived in the cheapest co-op in our college town.

Our first "date" was taking a long walk all around town, and then eating at Subway. We just loved to talk, walk, and be together. Our wedding was very small and inexpensive, and he sold his car so we could backpack across Mexico for our Honeymoon.

He is finishing his medical residency now, and has taken a job in Texas that will help him pay off his loans quickly. We had been thinking of buying a big house and new cars, too, when we moved, but I am so glad I found MMM before we did. It's my turn to flex my frugality muscles and keep us on track to early retirement and FI.

Spork

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #68 on: February 16, 2014, 04:22:47 PM »
He is finishing his medical residency now, and has taken a job in Texas that will help him pay off his loans quickly. We had been thinking of buying a big house and new cars, too, when we moved, but I am so glad I found MMM before we did. It's my turn to flex my frugality muscles and keep us on track to early retirement and FI.

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much house you get for your money here.  I think you'll be able to find a merger of "nice house" and "frugal house" if you are so inclined.

KLina

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #69 on: February 16, 2014, 08:01:01 PM »
He is finishing his medical residency now, and has taken a job in Texas that will help him pay off his loans quickly. We had been thinking of buying a big house and new cars, too, when we moved, but I am so glad I found MMM before we did. It's my turn to flex my frugality muscles and keep us on track to early retirement and FI.

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much house you get for your money here.  I think you'll be able to find a merger of "nice house" and "frugal house" if you are so inclined.

Yes, I am very pleased with what I am seeing! It looks like $100-200k will get us something big enough for our family of 5 (or more, as I am thinking of fostering), and well-maintained, to boot. We will be renting for a while first, but with the prices in East TX, I am eager to buy.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #70 on: February 17, 2014, 09:45:10 AM »
I met her then built her frugality.  She came from a long line of spending without thinking.  We started living together before we got married and she didnt believe she made enough to fund an IRA.  well after a year of saying make a budget make a budget make a budget.  She finally looked at her numbers and saw how much money she was wasting.  Now she has a budget and we can fully fund her IRA and 401k. 

RadicalPersonalFinance

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #71 on: February 22, 2014, 01:56:36 PM »
We met in college and were friends for years. The fact that she wasn't/isn't "high maintenance" was a very important attractant for me.  I admired her sense of thrift. I simply always knew it was an important character quality in choosing a spouse and I wouldn't have considered one who wasn't thrifty.

In my mind, I wasn't looking for "extreme" frugality; merely someone who was sensible.

Dicey

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #72 on: February 28, 2014, 06:07:12 PM »
I'm still looking. Having a very tough time finding someone frugal especially with online dating. Guys think that spending money on me will make me more receptive. When I suggest doing something other than restaurants or bars, they say I'm being finicky. This happened 2ce in a row.

Hi Red Maple, I was going to gently sugggest that you soft-pedal the whole frugality thing initially. It can be a buzz kill of a lead-in. I have a friend who is too frugal (always wants me to drive, asking me to take her to the airport for her cheap 6:00am flights multiple times with no offer of gas money). It tends to obscure her other terrific personality traits. By leading with frugality, you could also attract someone who's a cheap bastard. What you really want is someone who is able to distinguish wants from needs and practices self control. People who can do that don't necessarily describe themselves as frugal. Hope this helps! Also, I second the two great comments from jhartt3 and 7years.

scrubbyfish

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #73 on: March 01, 2014, 08:14:41 AM »
+1.

I was thinking the last couple of days what Diane just said out loud. Specifically, I was thinking about how the most frugal people I know are so extreme in it that this would (and does) kill any attraction in me. There is a big difference between "frugality as a primary goal" and "living according to one's values", which I think MMM and YMOYL are about far more.

The extremely frugal people I know personally have a strong poverty/"victim"/defeatest mentality driving their frugality. I have my biggest happiness being with people who approach their finances with a joyful consideration of a wider range of values than "savings" alone.

meadow lark

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #74 on: March 02, 2014, 08:27:51 AM »
+1. 
My father is VERY frugal.  And in several ways it has served him well - he retired at 50, he has always done what he wanted with his time (fishing, kayaking, camping, hiking.). Excellent role model except in 1 major way - he is a pretty selfish person.  There are a lot of reasons for it, and mitigating factors, but at the end of the day he thinks what he wants to spend money on is reasonable, and what my mother wanted to spend on was stupid. 
I don't put up with selfish.  Married someone not very frugal - pretty middle of the road financially.  But she is very, very generous.  It took her hitting 50 to get really on board with frugality, if she had been more focused we might be FI by now, but that's okay.  She's worth it.

ch12

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #75 on: March 02, 2014, 10:59:37 AM »
+1. 
My father is VERY frugal.  And in several ways it has served him well - he retired at 50, he has always done what he wanted with his time (fishing, kayaking, camping, hiking.). Excellent role model except in 1 major way - he is a pretty selfish person.  There are a lot of reasons for it, and mitigating factors, but at the end of the day he thinks what he wants to spend money on is reasonable, and what my mother wanted to spend on was stupid. 
I don't put up with selfish.  Married someone not very frugal - pretty middle of the road financially.  But she is very, very generous.  It took her hitting 50 to get really on board with frugality, if she had been more focused we might be FI by now, but that's okay.  She's worth it.

My parents have a totally great financial relationship, but yeah, I've seen that in one of my friend's parents's finances. I hate the idea that anyone would categorize my spending as stupid [Mustachians get a free pass on this], even though I occasionally make frivolous purchases. I feel like someone like that is throwing stones in a glass house.

Reading this makes me realize that I'd be fine marrying someone who is middle of the road, but higher up in spending IF they could 1) separate wants from needs and 2) were a wonderful person who was worth it.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #76 on: March 02, 2014, 05:17:51 PM »
I don't have a frugal spouse, but a non-frugal one I met in college.  I think our money views are very much colored by each of our families.
 Both my parents were much older when I was born, and both had experienced The Great Depression, which influenced their view of money mostly in a good way.  My mom managed the money, and she and dad were frugal - if you don't have the cash, you cannot afford it, start saving. By used, and only what you need.  There were almost no financial investment options for the little guy back then, but there were savings accounts - they started mine ( with gift money I received) when I was in grade school. My parents felt you only borrowed money for two things:
1. To buy a house; and/or,
2. To pay for college
My parents had strict criteria for what you need vs. what you want (except for cigarettes - don't get me started; and definitely modeled delayed gratification (again, except for cigs!).
 My spouses parents were one generation away from TGD, and came from slightly poorer background.  When they got money, they spent it.  And they borrowed more/ used more credit. Sadly, when they bought things, they often bought the cheapest crap vs. saving a little more and getting something a little better made.
 Spouses family models the poverty cycle, and more instant or quick gratification.  They are both retired now and have both worked hard at low paying jobs. Luckily my FIL benefitted from a job with good retirement benefits (pension, healthcare, at least for now), and they get SS, likely Medicare.  They seem to have some savings, they had their family very young, so at least the highest earning years later on are after most of your kids are out on their own.

mh1361

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #77 on: March 03, 2014, 12:18:10 PM »
I met my SO in college. I've always been more frugal, but she's playing along for now. We'll be paying off debt for a couple years and I think she'll buy into doing it as soon as possible. She still thinks some of the things I suggest to save money are ridiculous, but I'm sure I'll wear her down :).

Elaine

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #78 on: March 03, 2014, 12:45:55 PM »
We met purely by chance at a bar. I had just turned 21 but was already done with college, and he was working and hadn't gone to college. It turned out he actually knew my roommates (who I was with), but we had somehow never crossed paths before. We hung out as friends for about two months before we even kissed, but then once we started actually dating we moved in together after about two weeks. We were extremely frugal out of necessity. I am definitely better at the planning aspect of frugal living (budgeting, long term goals, research on purchases), and my SO is better at eschewing basically all consumerism. Basically he will wear clothing until I actively remove it from his body and throw it in the garbage. And he won't get new clothing unless I select it and purchase it and then place it in his closet. He has been a good influence on me in this way because I am more swayed by little bits of luxury (a new scarf, a cute top). I'd say that I have been a good influence on him by actually planning and researching things (he's more apt to just buy something at the store closest to our house, etc.). I feel like at this point we're helping each other be frugal, I'd say we're pretty even.

MandyM

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #79 on: March 03, 2014, 01:10:19 PM »
I'm still looking. Having a very tough time finding someone frugal especially with online dating. Guys think that spending money on me will make me more receptive. When I suggest doing something other than restaurants or bars, they say I'm being finicky. This happened 2ce in a row.

I'm still looking too. I have actually found a guy or two online that are frugal, it just didn't work out otherwise. So they are out there. Of course, I also met a guy that worked in finance but somehow justified renting his furniture.

jscott2135

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #80 on: March 03, 2014, 01:24:14 PM »
At work.  We were both ending bad marriages.  He was a financial disaster and filed bankruptcy right after we got together.  I was always debt adverse.  I took over the money as soon as we moved in together and have managed it ever since.  He is super laid back so he goes with the flow.  We spent a few years making over 200k together and absolutely indulging our whims (never with debt, just stupid consumerism and impulse buys) Then I found Dave Ramsey and got smart.  Once I found MMM I got even smarter and more focused.  Now on one income we have tightened up, had kids and got smart.  There are a few things that I can't tolerate in a relationship (personal preference) Theists, Republicans, and spenders. Wait I don't like cowards either, or liars, well ok maybe there are a lot of things I can't tolerate :D

tmac

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #81 on: March 23, 2014, 06:26:38 PM »
At work.  We were both ending bad marriages.  He was a financial disaster. ...  Now on one income we have tightened up, had kids and got smart.  There are a few things that I can't tolerate in a relationship (personal preference) Theists, Republicans, and spenders. Wait I don't like cowards either, or liars, well ok maybe there are a lot of things I can't tolerate :D

Did I write this?

iris lily

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #82 on: March 24, 2014, 08:13:12 AM »
There was a couple who met on the Simple Living Network more than 10 years ago. I'm pretty sure that they are still together.

C. K.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #83 on: July 13, 2014, 08:52:15 PM »
Lots of new people have come since the last post. I hope they will share their story on this thread instead of having to start another one.

lizzzi

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #84 on: July 13, 2014, 09:10:16 PM »
I met my first husband in the Air Force, my first day on base. We were neighbors in the BOQ. I met my second husband in our church rectory--we were both there for a support group for divorced or separated Catholics. (No, we're not holy rollers.) Both were relatively frugal and handled money well, although the first was super-controlling, came from money, and had a huge sense of entitlement. Even as a much-younger person, I was never interested in guys who were foolish with money. I always made sure that I could support myself, and I just thought it was good common sense to go with guys who were also financially sound. Many other factors go into a relationship, of course. I've known financially stable guys who I wouldn't touch with a bargepole.

ketchup

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #85 on: July 13, 2014, 09:24:49 PM »
Not yet married, but we met on Omegle.com in 2009.  Yes, really.

decembeir

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #86 on: July 13, 2014, 09:28:31 PM »
I met my future husband at age 14 playing Dungeons and Dragons with friends. We started dating 9 days after I turned 15 and we got married exactly 7 years after that. We were both fairly frugal all along, but we really started saving more so we could go on a 3 month backpacking style honeymoon in Europe. Our wedding cost us about $150 and the honeymoon about $13k :) Once we got back we found MMM and realized we could be even more frugal, retire early, and travel as much as we want. We've been together 10 years total now and we make a great team- we should fire in 5 years when I turn 30 (and he'll be 32.5).

MBot

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #87 on: July 13, 2014, 10:13:49 PM »
My spouse had a great work ethic and low expenses (except for some stupid spending). He had dropped out of a degree program he hated and was working. I was a second-year.

As soon as we went over his checking account and saw where, things turned around pretty fast. Now he's more frugal than I  am. Although we both have our weak points, it's been a good journey so far (8 years married and counting)

Sunnymo

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #88 on: July 13, 2014, 10:22:38 PM »
As today is our wedding anniversary this is a very apt thread to reply to.

I did a very old fashioned thing - I married the boy (well, man) next door! I had purchased and moved in to my townhouse two months prior and one day in the driveway I met the neighbour who lived opposite me. And the rest is, as they say history! Dating a neighbour certainly cut down the costs of seeing each other. Our first date was me inviting him over for a home cooked meal. The second was him inviting me over for pizza and a movie.

While I wouldn't call us frugal we were both living below our means and there were so many similarities. We both were paying off homes and planned to pay them off well before the bank expected, cars paid off and several years from new with no concerns about what others thought. Both our credit cards were paid off in full each month (what is this 'interest' of which you speak?) and simple needs (no designer anything). I was on to my second property with an investment portfolio while living alone. No student debt (paid in full on the way through) for me and he didn't attend. Since marrying I have started him on share investing and we both have healthy retirement accounts.

We had similar upbringings with SAHMs and fathers earning middle incomes. My parents lived off one income while paying a mortgage at 18% in the 80s and sending three kids through private school. Holidays were low key and generally spent visiting family. His parents married young (21 & 18) and had him three years later. So frugality was modelled for both of us.

Now married, I am a stay at home while he earns about $140k gross per year. I am the financial controller, managing two investments properties and the share portfolios along with the budget. He works away and we pay for his travel; it is cheaper to live where we live and have him commute by plane than to live anywhere near his work. If we did what we currently spend for housing in a month would become our weekly cost. I flex the frugality muscles by optimising and minimising the commuting costs.

Like others have said we didn't marry because of financial compatability but it has definitely removed a potential source of friction. This is fortuitous as we met two weeks before my 40th birthday so were both quite set in our ways.

Glenstache

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #89 on: July 13, 2014, 10:34:11 PM »
Over beers and talk of bikes. It was as close to instant as these things get. We share a lot of common views and interests and give each other freedom to pursue those things that we don't share. We have slightly different takes on finances, but both recognize that there is an explicit need to save with specific goals in mind, and what the tradeoffs are. We are not married, but celebrate our anniversary as the day we met by going back to the original terrible beer and pizza place.

Cressida

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #90 on: July 13, 2014, 11:26:08 PM »
In grad school, as often happens. We were both sensible with money (lived within our means) but not Mustachian (saving as much as possible). I discovered MMM several months ago. DH is coming round slowly.

N

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #91 on: July 14, 2014, 08:59:00 PM »
I met my husband when I was almost 24 and he was 34.

We met in a bar. I had moved into an apartment a couple blocks away and had started going in to meet people. He was a regular there and knew the bartenders. He invited me to a pumpkin carving party and I went and now its almost 17 years and two kids later.

We had similar middle class upbringings and a lot in common and we got along great. He didnt have any savings or assets, and neither did I. We stretched to buy a condo that we couldnt really afford and we never got smart about financial stuff.

We've only been frugal for the last two years. We pretty much hit rock bottom and I realized that I had to get serious and massively change our ways.
I can only shake my head at the many missed opportunities and mistakes we made.

In some ways, he is pretty frugal-he doesnt want "stuff", he doesnt really care about labels or stuff like that, but he does like certain things: eating out, cable, a/c on a lot, high heat in the winter...he used to smoke cigarettes a pack a day, and now I think he its a pack or two a month (so frustrating).

Im reforming from my spendy spenderson ways. I like collecting things, I like starting new hobbies, I like gadgets and kitchen stuff, and eating out and spending money on my kids.

So, I guess my husband met his frugal spouse about 15 years into our relationship! Ha!

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #92 on: July 14, 2014, 10:18:30 PM »
Met my guy on OKC when I was in school.  I was 19, he 21.  When he deployed 2 months after we eloped, he gave me power of attorney and left me in charge of all his affairs, financial and otherwise.  Things have been that way ever since. 

I think the love really started to blossom when he didn't come back several months later to an empty apartment and an even emptier bank account.

He's not particularly frugal by nature, but he respects me and my decisions regarding our finances.  He loves to gloat to me about the fact that he's the only guy in the command not sweating the days before payday.  When an anxious co-worker asks him if he knows when they'll be paid, he tells me his favorite thing is being able to say, "I have no idea."

Things aren't always perfect, but there has never been a single fight or power struggle between us about money, and for that I am extremely grateful.

socaso

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #93 on: July 15, 2014, 12:42:39 PM »
We met via online dating. I was frugal and he was not. I don't think I factored that into my decision at all at the time. By the time I noticed that his finances had been a mess when we got together he was already working to change things and he has only gotten better. He has helped me, too because I used to always go for the cheapest solution to any problem and now I research my options much more and make better decisions. If I had picked apart his personality I might have said there were things that weren't going to work for me but I just liked him so much I didn't focus on individual bits and pieces. I thought he treated me like my dad treats my mom and he really let me know how much he liked me without playing any games. I think we have both become much better people because we married each other, both financially and personally.

MillenialMustache

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #94 on: July 15, 2014, 02:38:28 PM »
I met my husband through a camping club at our university. I had always been careful with my money, although not as careful as he was, I later found out. Our first date after the camping trip we went to a pizza place and he wanted to split a calzone. I knew he was a keeper then - brave enough about his frugal ways to share it on a first date. I later found out that he still had $6,000 in savings and less than one semester of college left - no loans. I think right about then I decided I was going to marry him.

P.S. - I have found that typically people who like to camp are also frugal in nature, so that would be a good way to meet people if you are trying!

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #95 on: July 16, 2014, 02:23:53 PM »
Divorced now (amiable and having nothing to do with money) but was married 17 years (together for 20). Meet him when we were both in the Coast Guard at a Maritime Law Enforcement school in VA.  Sort of lust at first sight but, being that I was the only female in a class of 50 or so guys and that I had a "no dating anyone I was stationed with" policy, we couldn't get together until after we left the school 8 or so weeks later. That lust grew into love and, fortunately, he was an even more mustachian person then I was. After almost 3 years of living in different states on different ships, we decided that the only way the CG would put us together was to get married. By that time we were both on our second 6 year tours and both ready to make a commitment (something I run from usually).  Neither of us ever had any debt, saved most of our money, and lived well below our means. Helped to make the eventual divorce an easy financial thing for us both.

Mrs. Frugalwoods

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #96 on: July 16, 2014, 04:03:39 PM »
Love (pun intended) this thread! My husband and I met our freshman year of college in a lecture hall class of 500 students. He later proposed in the very seats where we met and we visited those seats on our 5th anniversary.

We discovered early on in our relationship that we were both extremely frugal by nature. We had basically $0 when we got married at age 24 and so had no choice but to start saving and living frugally and, we never stopped. As our salaries have increased, our lifestyle has remained pretty much the same, which is key for our FIRE goals. We're really thankful that we're on the same page and that we found each other! We know that our approach to our finances is unusual (well, not to you guys) and I'm grateful that he's on board with me and vice versa.

libertarian4321

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #97 on: July 16, 2014, 04:57:04 PM »
We met through professional friends at a party.

Had to go through a few nice, but "in debt up to her eyeballs" girls, which I absolutely refused to marry, before I found her.

I can't imagine how much life would have sucked if I'd married one of those consumerist, spendy types that I used to date.

boarder42

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #98 on: July 16, 2014, 05:10:20 PM »
Met her dated her turned her frugal. She was already pretty frugal for the stereotypical woman. She doesn't buy much make up or get her hair or nails done or buy clothes or shoes. Her vice was decorations for the house. But now its decorated so we are good. I grew up frugal she didn't so she keeps and maintains a budget.

CaptainFrugal

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #99 on: July 16, 2014, 10:04:39 PM »
The wife was completely clean shaven without even a hint of upper lip stubble when we met. Was spending 100% of income with some CC debt on top of it. I've had a Wilford Brimley mustache my entire life.

We've had some rough times due to our differences, but I'm proud to say she at least has a Charlie Chaplin now. I felt proud when her car was wrecked and she said "I don't want a car payment, let's just search for something used I can pay cash for". We're now well on our way to FI together, but there were definitely some compromises along the road and still are to this day.