Author Topic: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?  (Read 38248 times)

C. K.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #100 on: November 17, 2014, 04:35:25 AM »
I've read of a couple who met at a Dave Ramsey seminar. Go to places with your interests and you'll likely meet compatible people. It's cliche, but it seems to work.

Malaysia41

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #101 on: November 17, 2014, 05:20:28 AM »
DH and I hated each other at first. I thought he was sooo arrogant.  Turns out, he thought the same of me.

We met at an adventure race.  We were on different teams sponsored by our common employer (we worked in different departments and hadn't met). 

I'd say we were neither frugal nor profligate when we met. We both should have been maxing out our 401k contributions but at least we were contributing to our 401ks beyond the employer match.  I've had my ups and downs with frugality / investing / saying 'f* it' and spending a lot, whereas he never really put a lot of thought into money.  He made it and spent it.  That was it. (of course he had no problem dropping coin on music equipment or biking gear).

Now in FIRE, he understands his freedom hinges on frugality and he's amazing at it.
« Last Edit: November 20, 2014, 10:08:30 PM by Malaysia41 »

DecD

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #102 on: November 17, 2014, 05:30:48 AM »
We didn't start dating until we were 28, but we grew up around the corner from each other and were close friends starting in high school.  So our friendship goes way back- we'd been close friends for 12 years when we started dating.

We are both naturally frugal.  Both had parents who taught us to spend within our means.  So we're both savers, making financial stuff pretty easy for us. 

2ndTimer

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #103 on: November 17, 2014, 06:36:13 AM »
We met and married in grad school.  We were both frugal to the extent that we finished out PhDs with a total of $500 debt between us. 

rubybeth

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #104 on: November 17, 2014, 09:14:43 AM »
I love this thread!

DH and I met in high school, he was 16 and I was 17. It was 1998, and I had switched schools just prior to my senior year, and became friends with his friends. I thought he was cute, and knew he was a good guy from what all our friends said. I finally admitted liking him (via a note passed via one of our friends), and he took me out on one date in the summer after I graduated, but then we fell out of touch due to school stuff. He occasionally e-mailed me to check in. Fast forward to 2003, I was living in another state, he was studying abroad. He e-mailed me again, and we started e-mailing more regularly, and we got to hang out a bit when he was on semester break and back in the states (I'd moved home). It wasn't until he finally graduated and was back in our hometown that we hung out more and more, until he finally officially asked me out in November 2005. He admitted he'd liked me all along, and after just a month of so of dating, basically said we'd probably get married eventually. We've been together ever since, got married in 2008. We've now known each other about half of our lives, which I think is pretty cool. I still think he's really cute. :)

As for frugality, I guess we just aren't big spenders and we agree on how to spend the money we have. He grew up kind of poor with a single mom, and I grew up in a frugal middle class family. We never argue about what to spend on, and we were nearly done with the goal of paying off our student loan debt when I shared the idea of early retirement, and he was immediately on board with very minimal discussion. The discussion went nearly exactly like this:

"Hey, you know all that money we're putting toward student loans right now? What if, when that's paid off, we just take that money and invest it? I read this blog and I think we could easily retire before age 50 if we do this."
"Really? Sounds excellent. Let's do it." [I showed him the actual math a bit later.]

I think a lot of this financial happiness/accord/whatever comes down to shared values and priorities. For example, we have season tickets to the orchestra, and while it's kind of expensive, it's a shared value so there's no disagreement about it being a priority. We also discuss any major purchases (things over $100) and easily come to agreement on what's a need and what's a want (and sometimes I even encourage his wants, because they are so few and he works so hard).

justplucky

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #105 on: November 17, 2014, 05:36:04 PM »
My husband and I met at work. He thought he didn't have a chance with me; I avoided him in order to not come off as a creeper by ogling him too much. We spent about two years being vaguely friendly before hanging out an office holiday party where I gave him my number at the end.

One of the top reasons I married him was his frugality.

sobezen

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #106 on: November 19, 2014, 10:27:52 PM »
What a refreshingly optimistic thread!  :)  Currently single but with the last serious significant other, we both were students so we struggled together and knew how to find value. I am enjoying reading these stories as it gives us single Mustachians, hope.  Thank you.

flamingo25

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #107 on: November 19, 2014, 11:39:31 PM »
I was fairly frugal but still bad at buying too much "stuff." Even cheap stuff.

My husband was also fairly frugal but did have a ridiculous car loan (no more!).

We've cleaned things up and become more frugal in our 5 years of marriage.

We met at mutual friends' wedding.

mak1277

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #108 on: November 20, 2014, 07:39:54 AM »
My wife and I met at work.

She was always the frugal one, and I was ridiculously spendy and irresponsible - mainly spending on "experiences", not stuff, but still living basically paycheck to paycheck (despite a fairly high paying job for my age), with car loan, student loan and CC debt.  She fronted the entire down payment for our first house...got me to pay off CC's and accelerated student loan payments. 

I'm lucky to have found her, and lucky that she and I have very similar views on not needing "stuff". 

Jon_Snow

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #109 on: November 20, 2014, 07:43:44 AM »
A computer paired us up. That reminds me, I should buy that computer a drink.

brian313313

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #110 on: November 20, 2014, 07:47:57 AM »
When I was dating, I had a few "rules" of compatibility. One of them was that she should have NO credit card debt unless there was a valid reason, like a recent unpredictable health event or something like that. Definitely a no on shopping debt. I made pretty good money and knew that spending can escalate to any level of income easily so wanted to protect myself. My wife met those criteria, however, our first couple of years were still difficult. She did not want to borrow, but she did want to spend all of it. She came from a poor background (as did I) and it was the first time she had any access to money. Finally, we came to an agreement and spent quite a bit less getting back on track for early retirement. Recently, thanks to MMM, she has really seen the light and is actually pushing me to save more. She wants out of the workforce and finally gets that it's what you spend more than what you save. Each $50 we knock off our spend is $15k less we have to save. It can also be addicting trying to find "another" $10 or so to knock off. We're at about 2k/month now which is about as low as we'll get. We've even finally lowered our winter heat to 68, which she always insisted on 74 before. :)
 

Dicey

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #111 on: November 20, 2014, 12:19:28 PM »
Our story began in 2001. I bought a 1700 sf town house and my realtor's contractor bid the interior painting job at 7k. I mentioned to a neighbor/friend that the bid was crazy high. He said "Well, I know a guy..." to which I responded that I was looking for a licensed contractor because the work needed to be done while I was away on a business trip. He said his guy was a licensed contractor. Since he had steady employment in a related field, he painted houses on the side and his preference was empty houses. So I hired the guy, who did a beautiful job for $2300. His work was so good, I recommended him to friends, neighbors, and customers over the years.
In 2012, I called him after I scored a killer deal on new wool carpet (I worked for the mfr.) and needed to repaint. His high school sweetheart wife had recently passed away, so he was happy to do the work to fill some time. The carpet was mistakenly sent back to the mill, so I had to postpone the painting until I got the carpet back. In between, we just started talking. And talking. When he asked me out to dinner, I wasn't even sure if it was a date. It was summer, so I decided if he wore long pants and hard-soled shoes, it was indeed a date. I was grinning from ear-to-ear when he showed up at the door. We were married on 10-11-12.
P.S. It is my first marriage. I was 54 and well on my way to solo FIRE because I didn't think the right guy was ever going to come along. All you single ladies who want to be married - never stop looking! It can happen to you.
« Last Edit: November 23, 2014, 05:19:54 PM by Diane C »

blue mutant

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #112 on: November 20, 2014, 12:54:20 PM »
DW and I met while working a part time job at a Building Materials Store. I was and continue to be frugal and had RRSPs while still completing my undergrad while she wasn't and still struggles with frugality. Having said that, we have only 1 car, no cell phones and lots of second hand clothes at a pretty high income so relatively speaking, we're both pretty frugal. My inclination would be to be a bit more extreme.

Mesmoiselle

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #113 on: November 21, 2014, 07:45:54 AM »
I met him online November 2010. We clicked on so many levels (his willingness to be vegetarian one of them)but money was barely one of them. I mean, it was attitude about debt and money that was more important, not how or what they spent it on. I'd been with someone before that just shrugged off debt loans given to him because he couldn't afford them and wouldn't even try. I'd rather be with someone who was willing to mail a $1 a month to who they owed than a person who would give up and still buy a $5 video game. When I broke it off with him, part of the long drawn out break up discussion is that marrying him would ruin my credit.

So it was more like financial responsibility and pride about promise keeping. Any who.

We met online and he was struggling in debt with temp jobs he walked or took the bus to get to in winter. When he moved in in January 2011, and saw my expense tracking spread sheet, he told me I was spending way too much money on food. I had only known him three months, but paid off the $2500 of CC debt he had. To further represent the "financial responsibility and pride" I was mentioning, he still paid rent to his brother for the apartment he had just abandoned to live with me; $300/month until the lease ended. Hubba Hubba. My kind of ethical till it hurts man.

Some of his frugality rubbed off on me. Some of my luxury spending rubbed off on him.

7 months ago he lost his job, my beloved dog got ill,and we had a whole lot less income and a crap ton of medical bills on our plate. I fretted, I Googled. I found YNAB (thank goodness) and then the YNAB forum introduced me to MMM. I have heavily impressed my husband with my adaptability to the new financial situation. We're still in that middle ground but way closer to his side of frugality now. At 27 and 28, I'm gung ho about FI or semi retirement in 10-13 years so we can work low paying dream jobs (with exotic travel) without worry and stress.

Our financial attitudes were on par,I think was the most important thing not really frugality.

Together almost 4 years, married almost 18 months.
« Last Edit: November 21, 2014, 08:11:53 AM by Mesmoiselle »

flashpacker

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #114 on: November 21, 2014, 09:12:50 AM »
We were both frugal, and in fact our families are complaining that we have made each other "worse" hahaha. Guess I will laugh all the way to the bank on that one.

myrax

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #115 on: November 21, 2014, 03:43:12 PM »
Mutual friends set us up on a blind date because both of us are bike helmet skeptics. I suggested we meet for happy hour at a place that didn't serve food, so there would be no possibility of the date stretching into dinner. We hit it off so well that we stayed at the bar for three hours talking and drinking pricey beer.

When we met, we were both pretty frugal on big ticket items, but spent too much money on going out or buying clothes (me) and video games (him). We both had student loan debt from graduate school and I even had credit card debt, as I had moved cross country to take a new job and financed my first month of living expenses, along with furnishings, on a 0% interest credit card. (I moved via train as I didn't have or want a car, so I ended up needing to buy basic stuff like a bed, a pillow, and a couple of pans). Luckily, he overlooked my CC debt, and we got married within 5 months of our first date.

About a year ago, I discovered MMM and became way more frugal and my husband has joined me for the most part. I had already taken over all of the food/cooking and finance tasks, as he was busy working full time and finishing his PhD, so I could make adjustments without my husband noticing. He's been pretty enthusiastic though- and now he even makes our laundry soap!

My husband successfully defended his dissertation yesterday and we made the final payments on our student loans today, so now we get to start saving and thinking about the future! It's weird to think that less than three years ago I was sleeping on a cardboard box in an empty apartment and knew no one in this city.

jeromedawg

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #116 on: November 21, 2014, 04:09:04 PM »
Met my wife through church. I am the ultimate cheapskate though. She wasn't as mindful about expenses and 'frugality' per se but has always lived with a mindset of "living with less" because she had a rough financial and emotional childhood. Her parents couldn't really provide a whole lot for her financially and also were so busy running their restaurant that they didn't spend much time with her. Of course, after she went off to college and now that we're married, the dynamic has changed but a lot of how she grew up has made her into who she is. Her parents have little to no concept of financial health and absolutely no idea of anything related to investing. They used to spend their money very recklessly, even while they weren't doing so well, which I think in turn caused my wife to flip the other way. However, she never learned about or got into investments (big scary word) so we're trying to move that direction. When we first got married she brought some student loans and car payments into the picture but fortunately she was pretty responsible about her payments beforehand so they weren't out of order, and we got those paid off the first year.

I grew up relatively privileged so I think I took financial freedom and also investments for granted. Now I'm trying to smarten up a bit and get things on a better track for the both of us. In general though, I think my wife and I are very similar in that we play it "safe" - we're the kind of people who generally fret over being late to some event, only to show up early enough to where we really didn't have to fret at all. I think I have more of this trait and get this from my mom.

Anyway, my wife is pretty frugal but she tries not to be cheap, which is something I've sort of rubbed off on her. Early on in our relationship before marriage she got really upset at me when I paid for dinner at Wood Ranch one time with a gift card (this was on our second or third date), as well as another time when I used BOGOF coupons to eat somewhere with her (also early in the relationship). Hahahaha, so guys, try to be sensitive about this - she keeps telling me that most girls would have dumped me not long after for pulling stuff like that.  I think it just made her feel under-appreciated and not very special considering we were just starting out. Ironically, now she always reminds me to use coupons whenever we go out.
« Last Edit: November 21, 2014, 04:14:44 PM by jplee3 »

FrugalInTheBigSky

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #117 on: November 29, 2014, 01:53:29 PM »
We met over 17 years go and still not married. I had just moved to Montana in the past year. Needed a "town bike" to go the bars (young then!). He worked at a local bike shop and sold me a cheap bike from his buddy. Apparently asked me all sorts of questions that I don't remember. He was the outgoing guy, I was the reserved (snobby)girl. A few weeks later I was invited to a 4th of July party at my friend's family ranch. Ugh- I thought. A bunch of old people I won't know. When we can go to the rodeo in our skirts looking for hot cowboys. Anyway, as I walked across the ranch lawn, a guy called out my name. I was horrified. Dirty straw hat, wrap around sunglasses, shorts, flip flops, weird mustache-- who was this guy and why did he know my name? Turns out he was the "bunkhouse boy" caretaker at the ranch, and the same guy who sold me the bike.

We run in to each other a few more times that fall. I accept another invite out to the ranch to "look at the stars". Good grief. But I'm a country girl and being out there captured my heart. He also knew how to cook and to bake bread. He also captured my stomach.

We were both raised with a frugal consciousness and I think that helped us in our life together (see post on "amazing relationships).

Zarya

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #118 on: November 29, 2014, 03:39:22 PM »
Like many others here, we met in college -- at a school that had offered both of us free-ride scholarships (covering room and board as well as tuition and fees). We got married in 1990 at the courthouse; I guess it cost us $20 for the license. (Sensing a theme yet?) Our honeymoon consisted of driving around the U.S. in our 1964 VW Karmann Ghia and visiting all the relatives we had cheated out of a fancy wedding (thereby having free places to sleep and eat along the way). Oh, we did include a brief visit to Paradise (MI), where we stayed in a budget motel and had a beautiful, clean, sandy beach (Lake Superior) just a few steps away and entirely to ourselves. That was luxury.

Graduate school? You guessed it, we went to the one city where we both got fellowships and completed master's degrees with zero debt (including a life-changing year abroad funded by a Rotary Club fellowship). Doctoral studies followed a similar path. The only student loan we ever took out was used to buy a piano, which I immediately started using to earn money (by teaching lessons). The loan interest was paid by the government until I graduated, and the day that happened I paid it off in full.

Despite all of this (and more), I wasn't looking for frugality in a partner. It wasn't even on my radar screen. (I don't think most people in their early 20s actually have a coherent "shopping list" for desired characteristics in a partner.) He was more inclined to frugality than I was, having grown up one of several kids putting in hard work on the family farm. But neither of us felt comfortable buying things we couldn't afford (we only carried CC debt once in our lives, and that was only a couple of months because we hated the expense so much that we borrowed the money from my brother to pay it off and then repaid him as quickly as possible).

GuitarJim

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #119 on: December 03, 2014, 08:19:55 AM »
My SO (25+ years together) got her skills from her mom who made the kids keep a ledger of what they did with their allowance FROM THE AGE OF FIVE!!!!  They had to provide a financial report each week and show the balance before they could get the next allowance.   By the age of 8, she was making interest-bearing loans to her two older brothers so that their books would balance out.

I'm retiring next year at 52 because of her, there's no doubt about it.  We met right after I got out of the military at age 24 and went to work at the company where she had worked for some time.  The company was immediately shipping me off to Korea for 6 months, so I didn't know anyone there, and she offered to write letters to me (no email back in those days) to keep me up to date on what was going on in company.  By the end of the 6 months, we were writing every day.  From the letters, I had no idea she was frugal, just that she had integrity and solid decision-making skills.  As it turned out, she's a total mustachian and helped me to curb my enthusiasms as I transitioned from being a low-ranking military NCO to making decent money in IT.  I hit the lottery with her.

And, we both know we ultimately owe it all to her mom for whom we are creating a memorial scholarship for her at Baylor University where she graduated in 1947.




cacaoheart

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #120 on: December 03, 2014, 09:20:00 AM »
My wife and I met in college at an information session for a volunteer trip to help rebuild houses in New Orleans in 2007. She was one of the drivers since she had an on-campus job and I came along with about a dozen of my friends. She was and remains more frugal than me, while I was just getting back to my frugal roots, having camped out for the last 7 months of college and saving my scholarship/grant money for a cushion after graduation. I skipped graduation to go on the trip while she was still a junior.

Our first date involved sharing a root beer float at a nearby cafe (the only expense of the date) and then walking around the arboretum and climbing a tree. I was impressed at how well she shimmied up the tree barefoot. It was in putting down floors and installing fiberglass insulation in hot attics together that we really grew close, and we were effectively living together within a few months, marrying 3.5 years later. This month marks 7 years together. For Christmas she wants a rack to put on her bike :-)

Given that we're polyamorous we have other frugal partners as well. We haven't made any of them thrifty, rather we seem to be drawn to each other from similar interests. We hang out at each other's homes and craft together, cook together, do partner acrobatics where we make each other fly in the air. Most of it doesn't cost much if any money. I was actually introduced to the Mr Money Mustache blog by one of the women I date, and then found that the other woman I date also reads it :-)

PtboEliz

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #121 on: December 03, 2014, 09:13:36 PM »
And, we both know we ultimately owe it all to her mom for whom we are creating a memorial scholarship for her at Baylor University where she graduated in 1947.

What a lovely tribute! :)

C. K.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #122 on: August 13, 2015, 11:53:31 AM »
We got married in 1990 at the courthouse; I guess it cost us $20 for the license.

Sounds very mustachian. :)