Author Topic: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?  (Read 38237 times)

C. K.

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How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« on: November 02, 2013, 07:16:39 PM »
I'm looking for stories. Were both you and spouse frugal before you met? Were you both not frugal then gradually became so after marriage? Did one of you convert the other?

If this topic has been done already (I couldn't find it), point me to the link and I can delete this one.

Thanks.

- CK


NinetyFour

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2013, 07:25:37 PM »
Haven't yet met her or him!

Honest Abe

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2013, 07:51:37 PM »
She's frugal. She's always been frugal and grew up that way due to her parents. She had a Roth and Savings account when we met and it made my jaw drop when I saw her acct. balance for the first time. She definitely inspired me to do better and get my life together. So I married her.  :)

Did I mention she can cook?

HappierAtHome

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2013, 07:54:09 PM »
He was frugal. I spent 100% of my income. Was sort of set up by my sister, his friend.

He didn't actively convert me, it just kind of happened. Now I'm definitely more extreme than he is, but he's pretty great.

I'm definitely on the side of "pick someone who is at least open minded, they don't have to be frugal already". Money is just one of many, many issues you have to work together on in a relationship.

brewer12345

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2013, 08:08:40 PM »
DW and I met when we were sophomores in college.  We were both living in the same cooperative dorm/dining hall run by students with co-ed cattle showers.  I was too young and dumb to be looking for a partner with frugality in mind, so I guess I got lucky.  Looking back on it now, that environment was a perfect way to screen out the high maintenance and finicky.

Frankies Girl

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2013, 08:14:58 PM »
Met my husband at work. We are both graphic designers, and while we no longer work together, it's nice that we share so much in common as we can bitch about technical difficulties with our jobs to each other and know exactly what the other one is talking about.

He wasn't crazy with money, but not that super either when we first met. His parents were really stupid with money, and taught him nothing and pretty much everything he knows now, he's learned from me. He's much better now, and knows how to comparison shop and is in general good with saving. He has had some occasional lapses in spending on things where he just doesn't think, but he tries to be more conscious of not blowing money mindlessly. He definitely is great with delayed gratification so he'll save up for things, and does major research before purchase now, and those were a biggie for me.

I don't spend much on myself personally, so I have to constantly remind myself that it's okay for him to do so and I'm the weird one that doesn't like to buy things.

iamlindoro

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2013, 08:24:00 PM »
I met my SO in a charitable running group.  She's not frugal, but she's come a long way and I still have hope that she might someday be.

Norrie

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2013, 08:46:45 PM »
I met my husband by writing a fan letter to my favorite band in 1994. He's the guitarist. This makes me sound like a huge groupie, but I wasn't. Promise.
We've both been coming to frugality at about the same rate over the past three and a half years. Neither of us was good with money (I was almost certainly worse than him), and neither of us was taught anything about it as kids. He's more frugal than I am in some ways, and I'm more so than him in others. I think that we balance each other out well.

Ms Betterhome

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2013, 09:31:33 PM »
We met at a party, introduced by a mutal friend. She thought we would like each other - we did!

We were both comparatively frugal: he had already bought his apartment & an investment property, and was finishing a degree he was paying for up front. I was finishing my PhD while living off little bits of contract work and sessional lecturing contracts ( aka adjunct lecturing).

 I had just decided to 'learn about money' & cleared my credit card debt (forever) when we got together. Even so we were pretty spendy for the first couple of years - we went out to clubs or restaurants every couple of weeks, and often got takeout when we ate at his place. It wasn't until we decided to buy a place together that we got seriously frugal. I was fortunate enough to get a reasonably academic senior position as soon as I was awarded my PhD, but continued to budget as if I were a student with an allergy to debt.

 I think we both had it in us already, we just needed the motivation to go hardcore. His apartment was too small for two, and we both wanted a garden & a dog ( we have both now, and love them as much as we had hoped). We are very different people in lots of ways, but totally aligned on the frugality front.

Edited to add: we were in our mid 30s when we met, which I think made a difference in how we have negotiated things like budgets; and our individual wants & needs vs shared goals as a couple. I'm certainly way better at having 'big' conversations now than I was in my 20s.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2013, 09:37:24 PM by Ms Betterhome »

Deano

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2013, 10:12:41 PM »
I have a frugal spouse?

Nords

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2013, 10:28:59 PM »
I was too young and dumb to be looking for a partner with frugality in mind, so I guess I got lucky.  Looking back on it now, that environment was a perfect way to screen out the high maintenance and finicky.
Same here.

I met my spouse during my sophomore year of college when she needed a chemistry tutor.  I helped her get from a solid "F" to a low "B".  She's been paying that back for over 30 years now.

She caught me at a teachable moment when I was tired of running out of money.  She also knew lots of cheap ways & places to have fun in the local area, so we did.  Once we started saving money together, I never looked back.

Nudelkopf

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2013, 01:50:49 AM »
Haven't yet met her or him!
Or maybe you have :P

kt

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2013, 01:05:36 AM »
during my first year at uni. our first date ended with pizza from the market eaten sat on the kerb. that was a key moment for me! it was so chilled, fun and not what your told to do on a first date. another key moment in terms of frugality was the first time he mentioned something was or wasn't in his budget. that definitely made me feel more comfortable. i am frugal but was, like others, too young to be actively looking for anyone like that so i guess i too hit lucky. :D

gooki

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2013, 01:06:17 AM »
Through various university friends parties. I was less frugal back then, she was still living at home.

SauseBoss

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2013, 07:00:10 AM »
I'm only 23 in Toronto, so I'm still looking!
On another note, it isn't easy putting all these ideas into practice in such a high cost of living city.

sleepyguy

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #15 on: November 03, 2013, 07:07:35 AM »
Haha, yeah Toronto is super expensive!  I used to live near the Beaches area (Woodbine).

I met my SO/DW playing beach volleyball (hey it's free!)... I was TERRIBLE with money... she's always been great with it.

Consider myself very fortunate in life and meeting her is top of the list.

I'm only 23 in Toronto, so I'm still looking!
On another note, it isn't easy putting all these ideas into practice in such a high cost of living city.

davisgang90

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #16 on: November 03, 2013, 11:54:53 AM »
My wife was fairly frugal when we met in college.  We became less frugal as a couple and are becoming more frugal together.

Cecil

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #17 on: November 03, 2013, 12:25:40 PM »
We shared a class in university.

I knew she was frugal from the way she talked, but it wasn't until we moved in after 2 years together that I found out she had saved up $20k (at the age of 22 while going to school full-time).

Then we did the supremely irresponsible thing and merged our finances and bought a house together before we got married. Ah, the folly of youth. At least it all worked out in the end. :)

ch12

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #18 on: November 03, 2013, 12:31:38 PM »
Haven't yet met her or him!

Ditto. I wish that guys were more receptive to the idea. I started out in 2009 by being really happy about Jacob on ERE and my nonconsumerist friend who loves Into the Wild and rejects society's obsession with material things totally made fun of me for an hour/infinity. He's never stopped cracking jokes about it. He's a cool guy and he and his girlfriend are doing Teach for America, so it's not like he's an i-banker or anything.

From another one of my posts on the Mr. Money Mustache forums:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/forum/welcome-to-the-forum/mustachianism-almost-a-religion/msg75403/#msg75403
Quote
One has agreed that early retirement is a worthy goal and something he's interested in pursuing when he's actually making money. He uses his bike or his own two legs for most things and minimizes his car use for financial and environmental reasons.

Those things are all true, and he's really happy that at Cambridge (UK) he doesn't have to use a motor at all to get around. I wasn't successful in getting him to be serious about it.

He'd heard about ERE and he said, "Oh yeah, that guy who saved all of his money and never spends it?"

ME: "Not exactly. If he never spent money, he'd be Mark Boyle."

[Discussion of moneyless existence ensues and I tell him to read the Moneyless Manifesto]

And another excerpt from me:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/forum/ask-a-mustachian/really-strange-conversation-with-a-mustachian-friend-who-hates-mmm/
Quote
GL is a very dear friend of mine, but I was absolutely flabbergasted by the idea that he would hate MMM, who espouses the antimaterialism/anticonsumption and pro-freedom/pro-biking attitudes that GL is known for.

I'm not putting in the entire conversation, but GL goes on to say that he likes living in NYC and that he doesn't want to sit in a hacienda/farm for 40 years. These, to me, were valid points but he acted as if MMM was attacking GL's lifestyle...of low consumption and lots of fun experiences! Since that's what Mustachianism means to me, I was really confused.

#1 and 2 grew up with me. GL didn't; we met studying abroad in Ecuador and spent weekends traveling and having adventures together. Even though none of these guys has had a conversation with me similar to: "yes, we are now making decisions about being life partners. We both believe in financial austerity in our personal life and will only spend on things or experiences of real value", all of them are close enough friends that I felt safe pitching an off-the-beaten-path philosophy. No takers, except for a halfhearted buy-in from 2, and that's because he treats everything (including Soylent :( )as an interesting philosophical mind experiment.

MrsPete

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #19 on: November 03, 2013, 12:38:27 PM »
Met at work.  We attended the same (large) university, but we never met as students.

He was already thrifty in that he was already investing and depositing into a 401K, already thinking of long-term savings.  He quickly opened my eyes to what was possible if we started putting away a little bit of money from an early age, and as soon as I graduated and started working full-time, the two of us started saving a good percentage of our salary. 

I was already thrifty in day-to-day things such as watching prices at the grocery store, cooking nice meals instead of eating out, buying used clothing.  He had been shopping at the most expensive grocery store in town, thought coupons were for poor people, etc.  I surprised him by showing him it was possible to live much more cheaply than he had as a bachelor. 

teen persuasion

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #20 on: November 03, 2013, 12:59:34 PM »
We met in college.  A personal event got us thinking about moving out of the dorms and into an apartment together, and we realized that we could rent a nice apartment for 12 months and cook our own food for less than paying R&B for 8 months (and getting kicked out for holidays and breaks).  He showed me how easy it was to find jobs on campus, I showed him how outrageous it was to pay the minimum only on his credit card bills and carry a balance.  We were still near campus, so we rarely used a car.  In fact, I gave my car back to my parents when I realized what a costly pain it was to deal w/ parking tickets - parking changed sides of the road at 4pm on Wednesdays, and I had a lab from 3:30 - 4:30 on Wednesdays, so it was damned if you do (switch early), damned if you don't (wait to switch after lab).

He's not really interested in optimizing our finances; he's happy to let me do all the work, and occasionally complain that he'd like to spend more freely.  He does recognize that we wouldn't be nearly as comfortable as we are (on our low income) if I didn't run a tight ship, though.  Especially w/ 5 kids.

Zaga

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #21 on: November 03, 2013, 01:20:20 PM »
DH isn't super frugal, but he's okay.  He was in pretty dire financial straights when we married, and tells people that he married me to be his household CFO.  Or at least he tells people that whenever I start going on about finances :-P

We met on the side of a battlefield in the 12th century.  We're medieval re-enactors, and both like going to events like the war where we met.  Our first date was a week after war, we went to the after party at a mutual friend's house.  Many of our dates are still frugal :-)

mm1970

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #22 on: November 03, 2013, 02:20:24 PM »
We met in the Navy, a few months after I graduated from college (he is two years older).

We were both relatively frugal.  We both grew up in families that had to budget, and did not buy things on credit.  My family was poorer than his. 

We both went to college on ROTC scholarships.  He graduated debt-free, I still had some debt for room and board. (The difference between being middle class and lower class.)

We both started saving money right out of college, though we did have times of spending more than we should - we still did not go into credit card debt.  We did, however, eat out a lot in our 20's.

I "rediscovered" frugality in my early 30's.  It all started with needing to lose weight, learning to cook, and reading about frugality in the LA Times, of all things.  I believe the LA Times article was about The Simple Living Network.  It led me to The Complete Tightwad Gazette.  And the rest is history.

C. K.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #23 on: November 03, 2013, 03:18:58 PM »
Thanks, everyone, for your stories! You are all very interesting people.

This thread is not just some weird internet version of a Peeping Tom (well, maybe it is). I started this topic for the following reasons:

1. Because I'm genuinely interested in who we all are.
2. To discover if there must be some kind of frugality pattern in people before they set up house together or they are doomed to be extravagant spenders for life. [That doesn't seem to be the case.]
3. To give those whining want-to-be-married-but-can't-find-someone-who-would-like-an-inexpensive-date-so-I-guess-I'll-just-give-up singles on the forum a glimmer of hope.



Please continue.
-CK

P.S. Deano, if you look around and there is no frugal spouse, then the frugal spouse is you. :D

Koala0924

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #24 on: November 03, 2013, 07:57:05 PM »
Current DH and I grew up near each other, and were friends all through high school. I would never date him, but always really liked him. We lost touch, for a variety of reasons, and went our separate ways. I met and married a wonderful man, but wedded bliss didn't last long due to cancer. At 27 I found myself a widow, that time period was the hardest I've ever had to endure. I not only lost my husband, I nearly lost myself.

I had been frugal prior to DH1 passing away, but I was a mess in all ways following his death. Eventually, I started putting myself back together and ended up reconnecting with current DH. DH was not frugal in anything when we met, and I wasn't either for the first part of our relationship. I have rediscovered my frugality muscles in the past 2 years and DH is building his own. He doesn't really believe we can accomplish the things I think we can, but I do. I see us becoming more and more frugal.

expatartist

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #25 on: November 03, 2013, 08:15:11 PM »
I first saw DH in a Korean cafe, in a university part of town where we were teaching at the time. Wondered, "who is that handsome guy?" He was gearing up to leave for China; I was scheming an escape to Cambodia. We bumped into one another at a hole-in-the-wall bar later that week. Needless to say, we postponed our plans for a while to see if we'd work out first ;) Our priorities were similar in that travel was important; the adventure of discovering new things every day in the culture where we lived; the challenges of everyday life, etc.

Frugality to an extent was determined by our lifestyle and priorities, but took different forms. I thought we were being frugal, but we weren't saving well, or consistently...What's really helped since finding MMM is rediscovering the power of saving, which has 100% changed my attitude to my day job, and working life in general. His, too.

mrsggrowsveg

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #26 on: November 04, 2013, 06:49:25 AM »
We met at the brewery where I worked full-time during college and he worked a few nights a week to pay off his mortgage in addition to his "real job".  We were both bartenders and didn't really like each other at first.  I was spending all of my income and he was really frugal.

lizfish

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #27 on: November 04, 2013, 07:43:20 AM »
I met mine at work (Christmas party - don't ask!) I don't think either of us ever thought of ourselves as frugal, until we talk to other people about money. A lot of the people we know are up their eyes in mortgages, credit card debt and loans from parents. We don't always agree about money, and we choose to manage it differently on a month-to-month basis. But we've never been wasteful (well we are compared to MMM, but not compared to the normal sukkas) and always put money aside or in the mortgage when there was extra rather than finding an excuse to spend it. We're lucky that we're so similar in outlook to money, because I've seen what it's like for couples when one is a big spender and the other isn't - it's really hard. And where they're both spenders? Even harder.

Having said all that, growing the 'stache is a whole new level of 'not wasteful' for us. We found ourselves in the bathroom with a bucket last night trying to work out how much a shower costs us! ;-)

oldtoyota

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #28 on: November 04, 2013, 08:02:08 AM »
We met in grad school. Spouse was on degree three with. no. debt. Our school had a rule that we could not hold jobs outside of our assistantships. Thankfully, my future spouse told me to pay that no mind. I got a job and was able to get through my second year with no debt. I did have school debt for the first year and paid it off early.

When we were at a party, he brought homemade cookies and then washed dishes for the host/hostess. I figured he was a keeper based on that, and he then proved it many more times over.


lackofstache

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #29 on: November 04, 2013, 10:57:29 AM »
We met at work, though we were both in the same school as well. We were both fairly frugal out of necessity. We did okay seperately, but have gotten much better together.

Bruised_Pepper

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #30 on: November 04, 2013, 12:23:18 PM »
Hmm...so meet at work or college.  In other words, people around here are only hooking up when they're forced to be around other people?

iamlindoro

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #31 on: November 04, 2013, 12:33:09 PM »
Hmm...so meet at work or college.  In other words, people around here are only hooking up when they're forced to be around other people?

I would argue that there is little variation here from how most people meet significant others.  "We met in college" doesn't mean they were confined to a classroom, they were just both in college, and met at a social function!  MOST people don't meet their spouses at bars/other expensive functions.

http://voices.yahoo.com/top-5-ways-people-meet-their-spouses-significant-7031616.html

Quote
The top 5 ways to meet people for "Echo Boomers" (aged 18-27, which is my age bracket at my current age of 26, and I was 24 when I met my fiance) the most frequent way that people meet is via school, at 34%. Following is via work at 15%, through friends at 9%, social activities with friends at 8%, and 4% of "Echo Boomers" meet at a bar. The least popular way to meet someone is via a dating service (not online dating), at less than 1%.

Bruised_Pepper

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #32 on: November 04, 2013, 12:37:32 PM »
Hmm...so meet at work or college.  In other words, people around here are only hooking up when they're forced to be around other people?

I would argue that there is little variation here from how most people meet significant others.  "We met in college" doesn't mean they were confined to a classroom, they were just both in college, and met at a social function!  MOST people don't meet their spouses at bars/other expensive functions.

I'm not suggesting it's different from the population at large, it's just interesting seeing the recurring theme here. 

Mississippi Mudstache

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #33 on: November 04, 2013, 12:50:06 PM »
Hmm...so meet at work or college.  In other words, people around here are only hooking up when they're forced to be around other people?

Nope, I met my spouse on eHarmony. I had been through 5 years of college without finding "the one". I was in my first job, in a very rural area, and the pickin's were slim hefty hard to find. My future wife was a junior in college when we met and lived about 2 hours away. We got married the month she graduated, about 3 1/2 years ago.

We both definitely had a frugal streak from the very beginning. Our first date was dinner at a deli and then a walk in the park. Our second date was watching movies at her apartment. Our third date was a football game that she was given tickets for. The commuting was the most expensive part of dating her, by far.

The funny thing was, we were frugal in different ways. She is the kind of person who would pick up a $5 item in the grocery store, then change her mind and decide to put it back before checking out. But she never had quite as much rationality about big-ticket items. She almost demanded that I replace my '70s vintage couch when we got married, even though we absolutely did not have the money after paying for rings and the honeymoon. (Her grandmother saved the day by replacing her living room furniture and giving us her barely-used and much-more-modern loveseat). The salesman talked her into a $2000 extended warranty when she bought a used Prius, even though I was adamant that she didn't need it (it expired this year and we never once used it).

I, on the other hand, have always had the exact opposite problem: I tend to optimize the big purchases, while ignoring the little stuff that adds up into big expenses. We work well together and have strengthened each other's frugal tendencies. She doesn't care much for the "big picture" stuff, but she does most of the grocery shopping and feeds our family for about $300/month. She cloth diapers (her idea) and shops at thrift stores for our clothes. I manage our taxes, investments, and any big ticket items, like cars, furniture, renovations, etc. We each have control over the part of our finances for which we are best suited. Works out nicely.

CommonCents

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #34 on: November 04, 2013, 01:00:08 PM »
Post college, both played on the same soccer team for an adult sports league.  It was our college alum team (plus some friends and family).  I had played before law school, he joined after I left, then we met when I was back in the city and rejoined.  He was 4 years up in college from me, and we discovered later we had some friends in common (I dated a fraternity brother of his throughout most of college and was good friends with others). 

Our first dates weren't so frugal.  I had a number of folks up to my parent's lake house for a holiday weekend and we stayed up really late talking like we were young'uns.  Our first official date was Thursday of that week, drinks out at the harbor followed by dinner.  Second date was Saturday, again dinner.  Sunday we went sailing (free, with my membership).  Thereafter...I think some dinners out, but just more spending time together.

He was saving more than I - but has some bigger blind spots.  For example, due in large part to a family gift, he had a paid-off mortgage and lived simply, thus amassing for his salary some very solid savings.  (Err, that and getting college+grad school largely paid for helped tremendously.  I had maybe $60K in college debt and $180K in grad school debt to pay back.)  But, he likes to eat out and eat take out rather than ever cooking at home.  I've taught him how to grocery shop carefully with coupons and sales.  I liked to travel a bit more (albeit relatively cheaply).  I'm more apt to buy more clothes - but I work much harder to get them fairly discounted.  I had no car - but his was pretty reasonable - a cheap, paid off 2002 Honda Civic bought used he would use just for driving to soccer games and his mom 30 minutes away (I'd take the bus 2 hrs to visit my parents). 

nawhite

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #35 on: November 04, 2013, 01:37:07 PM »
Junior year of college, she was the lifeguard who checked me out for a concussion when a metal pipe fell on my head on the pool deck. I asked her out soon after.

As for the frugality thing, I think I just kinda forced the frugality on her after we graduated and it somehow took for both of us. In school we would go on expensive dates and dinner and drinks and shows etc. And then I learned what she'd have for student loans after graduation... She got out of school with over $160k in student loans. I just said "we are going to pay $3000 per month towards these loans." And it wasn't really a discussion. Given what we were making at the time it meant we had to be pretty darn frugal but as long as the loan money came out first, she just accepted that we only had X dollars per month left over and would budget effectively based on that number.

As we've gotten better jobs and paid off loans, I've just set up our bank accounts so that money is always coming out before we really see the account balance. We now are putting money into 401k, Roth IRA , Mortgage, Employee Stock Purchase Plan, and some leftover low interest student loans. The amount that ends up leftover to go towards the checking account has remained pretty constant and my wife just accepts that that is the amount of money we have (its not much compared to how much we make). When she asks if we can afford something, we look at the checking account balance together and, since we keep the balance low, it acts like a speed limiter.

I'm pretty sure that if I had never put my foot down about that student loan, we'd both be spending at a level much more normal for our income level.

Ms Betterhome

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #36 on: November 04, 2013, 02:13:58 PM »
I didn't reflect on family background in my first post, but I think it has made a difference to how we del with our money as a couple. Both my partner and I had parents whose first baby was a college 'surprise'. My folks were academics, his mum was a librarian & his dad was a schoolteacher; and both our mums stayed home with the kids for the early years. My mum was into health food, and made her own yogurt, and cooked everything from scratch - not unusual in the early 70s.

Basically, we both had fairly standard frugal 70s childhoods, which focused on sharing experiences, not status buying. I think it's easier living this way as an adult - it feels 'normal'.

pachnik

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #37 on: November 04, 2013, 03:03:13 PM »
I met my husband at a social group brunch for people with a particular health problem.   

He's better at not spending here and there during the day and I am better at long-term financial planning so we work well together. 

avonlea

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #38 on: November 04, 2013, 03:52:40 PM »
We were both frugal in different ways before meeting the October of our senior year in college. I was impressed by his voluntary simplicity but more by his kindness. We started dating in December, got engaged in April, married the following October. Frugality is wise, love is kind of stupid.  It's been great!

Actually, now that I think about it, he was definitely more frugal than I was.  I didn't care about status symbols and was used to living as a poor college student.  I guess I was just pretty malleable.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2013, 06:20:56 PM by avonlea »

ender

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #39 on: November 04, 2013, 04:46:39 PM »
3. To give those whining want-to-be-married-but-can't-find-someone-who-would-like-an-inexpensive-date-so-I-guess-I'll-just-give-up singles on the forum a glimmer of hope.

Thanks... I think?

:)

ch12

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #40 on: November 04, 2013, 05:27:26 PM »
3. To give those whining want-to-be-married-but-can't-find-someone-who-would-like-an-inexpensive-date-so-I-guess-I'll-just-give-up singles on the forum a glimmer of hope.

Thanks... I think?

:)

I don't want to be married, actually; you give up a ton of independence. I have enough low level bickering in my pseudo-household with my best friend and she's really laid back. I've definitely dated guys who were really high strung (like me) and probably would not be good choices.

I'd settle for finding a boyfriend (with no thoughts of marriage) who voluntarily wanted to wander around the parks next to my house with me.

Bruised_Pepper

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #41 on: November 04, 2013, 05:31:32 PM »
I don't want to be married, actually; you give up a ton of independence. I have enough low level bickering in my pseudo-household with my best friend and she's really laid back. I've definitely dated guys who were really high strung (like me) and probably would not be good choices.

I'd settle for finding a boyfriend (with no thoughts of marriage) who voluntarily wanted to wander around the parks next to my house with me.

...marry me.  I mean, don't.  You know what I mean.

Caoineag

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #42 on: November 04, 2013, 08:49:19 PM »
Met in college at the ROTC barbecue, the only source of free food on campus at that time due to it being move in weekend.

I was paying my own way through college using jobs, loans and scholarships and I wanted to run up as little debt as possible and he was too cheap to go buy food. Weren't looking for frugal (okay, we weren't looking period) but neither of us are idiots. When we found someone who we didn't want to strangle after spending a whole day together with, we knew better than to let them get away. Everything else, we have just figured out together along the way.

Osprey

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #43 on: November 05, 2013, 09:35:18 AM »
Hmm...so meet at work or college.  In other words, people around here are only hooking up when they're forced to be around other people?

In our first year at med school the professor told us to look around the room and then he said, "There is a very good chance that your future partner is sitting right here."
Everyone laughed at him.
Ten years later, I find myself sitting with my partner (who was in that room) and facebook stalking the weddings of our classmates, many of whom married each other...

I was brought up frugal by immigrant parents. He is oblivious/avoidant about money but finally beginning to come around, especially since I started getting broody.
:)
« Last Edit: November 05, 2013, 09:40:20 AM by Osprey »

KulshanGirl

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #44 on: November 05, 2013, 09:52:12 AM »
I will be looking to meet a new, hopefully frugal companion before too much longer I think.  My guess is that it will end up being some local single dad that I meet through match.com or on the playground, or I'll run into an old flame somewhere, or maybe I'll even throw down in the personals section here.  Heh.  Marriage isn't really something I'm looking for, although I'm not going to say never.  I'll be looking for a few other attributes above frugality, to be honest, but it would be preferable that he's not totally stoopit about finances.  I live in a pretty sustainability-minded town/area, so chances are good.  :)

hlca

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #45 on: November 05, 2013, 02:37:49 PM »
My wife and I met at a bar/club.  I went up to talk to her and she was receptive.  She probably wasn't very frugal at the time we met, but I've been working on her for a few years.  She's getting into the right mindset.

C. K.

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #46 on: November 14, 2013, 06:41:58 PM »
Thanks for the stories everyone. More, please.

chasesfish

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #47 on: November 14, 2013, 07:42:36 PM »
Nothing about how we met was frugal, she was an acquaintance of an ex girlfriend and I know it involved AOL instant messenger, alcohol, and her dorm room freshman year...long before internet dating became formal.

She was always frugal and I was always so interested in investing (and figured out that NOT having money created stress), I quickly figured out the habits it would take to have money.

iris lily

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #48 on: November 14, 2013, 10:03:45 PM »
He was in grad school and was very frugal, but had a newish car, a nice but typical 2 BR apartment (that he shared with another frugal guy.) Ok, here's what really impressed me prior to financial disclosure: each night he cooked a real dinner, set the table with a plate and cutlery, and ate dinner like a civilized person.

Me--I was grazing things from the microwave and eating in front of the tv, like an uncivilized student. Only I wasn't the student, he was.

On the financials: he had houses that he owned and rented out. After a while, I found out how many of them he owned free and clear --2 of the 3. I was on my 2nd professional job and back in those days people didn't have students loans. So I graduated from college with no debt, had a car that was paid for, and was saving money at the rate of--I specifically remember this: $500/month. Then I bought a house and my savings rate went down, ugh.

Anyway, we were both frugal. Men who have to spend money were an immediate turn off to me.

SisterX

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Re: How Did You Meet Your Frugal Spouse?
« Reply #49 on: November 15, 2013, 02:24:05 PM »
I love the story of how we met.  Technically we met once at a party before this, but I didn't notice him so I don't think that counts.  The better one is when I called him an asshole.  Seriously.  I was on my second semester at a new school (I'd gone to community college for my first couple of years) and didn't know too many people still.  I was also in a new dorm due to a horrible roommate situation and only sort of knew one guy down on the first floor, but that was about it in my building.  I was participating in one of the school's recreational sports leagues and had played a game earlier in the evening against this team of absolute jerks.  My team was not very athletic, and we knew it, but we were playing for fun.  They were obviously playing to crush others.  So I'm in my friend's room with about five guys (most of whom I'd just met) and going on and on about what douchebags this other team was.  I finally realized that most of the guys were snickering at me and I found out it was because, "Uh, he's on that team."  (The sport required helmets with face masks, so I hadn't seen his face during play.)  He gave me a sheepish little wave and nod and I looked right at him, smiled real big, and said, "Asshole."  He laughed, then he made me laugh for the rest of the evening.  We were pretty much inseparable by the end of the week.
Oh, and the friend whose room we met in?  One of our groomsmen.  :)
As for frugality, we both had pretty frugal tendencies when we met, but of course we each had blind spots about our spending.  When we decided to move off campus together was when we really kicked it up.  First we moved into a big house with 9 people, which didn't work out due to personality conflicts.  Then we moved into a dry (no running water) cabin for the winter and had to spend most of it pinching pennies any way possible to stay afloat on our pathetic student salaries and still pay for heat.  We talked about getting married, someday, before we moved in together but I think it slowly dawned on both of us that if we could make it through that winter (think of using an outhouse when it's -40 or colder!) with our senses of humor intact and not have thought even once of killing the other person, we could do anything together.
However, I will add this: my mom always told me to marry a man who makes me laugh and that's exactly what I did.  So while his frugality helps a lot, it's not why I married him.  The fact that he can always make me laugh is far, far more important to me.  I could work on a less-than-ideal money situation, but a lack of laughter in my life would kill me.