Author Topic: help on job/SAHD advice  (Read 8137 times)

Stache In Training

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help on job/SAHD advice
« on: August 28, 2014, 11:54:16 AM »
So I just quit my sales job in order to be a stay at home dad.  My wife makes much more, and I wasn't making much than day care would have costed.  So it made sense, and we wanted one of us to stay home with the kid if possible.  However, my old boss took me out for lunch today, and offered me a manager job.  The pay is almost 2x higher than what I had been at.  It makes it a bit more enticing.  But then I would obviously have that added daycare expense.  The math is looking to work out in favor of going back to work.

On just my wife's salary, we'll probably both be FI in 9-10 years.  However with this, it might be more like 6-7 years.

So, is it worth it to take a job and not stay home in order to FI slightly earlier, or post-pone it, but be home with your kid and have a slightly better lifestyle?  I realize this is one of those "Only you can tell the answer to that one" questions.  So please skip that response; I'd like to know if you guys have any advice or experience to share.

RFAAOATB

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2014, 11:58:51 AM »
Take the job.  Get the money.  When you both are free from having to work there will be less resentment.  And if you are completely incompetent as a manager, no big loss as you were planning on being unemployed anyways.

Mother Fussbudget

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2014, 12:01:30 PM »
I faced this situation - my ex-wife needed to work, we were FI.  I stayed home for 3 months to try being a SAHD for my newborn son, and his 3 year old brother.  For me, I really missed the in-office interactions with co-workers (i.e. other smart people).  I felt my brain slowly slipping away without smart interactions.  In the end, I went back to work, and my son had a GREAT time interacting with other kids at daycare.
My advice:  try SAHD for a few months, then decide.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2014, 12:06:46 PM »
Did you LIKE your job? Did the kid(s) like daycare? Did you and Wife always feel frazzled when you were both working? Are you done having kids, or might daycare costs go up again?

If the answers are yes, yes, no, no, then you should definitely go back to work. If not, think harder! If the kid(s) liked daycare, then they might benefit from having you FIRE sooner. Those middle school/high school years require close parental supervision IMO :-). The typical teen pregnancy is conceived between three and six pm, for instance...

mxt0133

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2014, 12:20:28 PM »
Do the math.  You say that the pay is almost 2x higher but that doesn't mean you will bring home twice as much, because that extra income will be in taxed at a higher tax bracket, and i'm not talking about marginal rates. 

How much will your expenses go up if you go back to work?   That include more than just daycare costs, commuting costs, clothes, eating out due to time constraints, ect.

Projected take home income increase - projected increase in expenses = financial benefit of taking the managerial job

Now you have to weigh that with the non-financial aspects of the new situation.  How much value you put with spending time with your kid, reduced family stress vs security of two incomes, personal growth, future income potential, reaching FI faster.

That's how I would approach this situation.

frugaliknowit

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2014, 04:38:18 AM »
Go back and don't look back!  The kids will be fine. 

Contrary to most folks on this blog, I am of the camp that believes letting your job skills slip (man or woman) is very risky business...there are so many "what ifs" in life (Death, illness, divorce especially...) that even if the math is not great, I say "work" if there is a choice.  Trying to revive a career is soooooooooo difficult!

Gray Matter

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2014, 04:49:35 AM »
Contrary to most folks on this blog, I am of the camp that believes letting your job skills slip (man or woman) is very risky business...there are so many "what ifs" in life (Death, illness, divorce especially...) that even if the math is not great, I say "work" if there is a choice.  Trying to revive a career is soooooooooo difficult!

I agree with this.  Obviously it comes down to risk tolerance, and how quickly your skills become obsolete, and how in-demand your skills are, but I personally wouldn't step out of the workforce until I was comfortable with the idea that I may not be able to step back in anywhere near the level I left.  As in, I can always get a minimum wage job, but that may be about it.

That said, if the thought of your precious wee ones in daycare twists you up inside and when you're at work, you long to be with them every second you're away from them, then that tilts the scale in the direction of staying home.


Timmmy

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2014, 07:36:26 AM »
What about part time or self employed home based business?  You can bring in a bit of income and still avoid the daycare and other extra costs.  Side benefit is that you will have remained at least somewhat in the job market so if you need to go back to work you can. 

Noodle

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2014, 07:53:50 AM »
I didn't see any mention of how young the child is...

Honestly, I think the littler the child, the more that staying home is for the parent who can't bear to miss time with kid, rather than the child's benefit. Babies want to be fed, changed, held, have a regular routine, and have someone interacting with them. They are not so picky about who does this for them and they won't remember the first couple of years anyway. (This is all assuming  you can find good care for them.)  Older kids have interests and personalities of their own and may or may not be suited to the regimen of organized care (I remember the few times I had to be in it, I hated it as an introvert who needed plenty of quiet time). They will also benefit more from time spent with parents.

So if your child is very young, you might think about working now so that you can have more freedom in the older years. I have one sibling who owns his own business and was very grateful for the flexibility round about middle school when he was at the principal's office twice a week for a challenging kid.

merula

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2014, 08:15:50 AM »
Did you LIKE your job? Did the kid(s) like daycare? Did you and Wife always feel frazzled when you were both working? Are you done having kids, or might daycare costs go up again?

If the answers are yes, yes, no, no, then you should definitely go back to work. If not, think harder! If the kid(s) liked daycare, then they might benefit from having you FIRE sooner. Those middle school/high school years require close parental supervision IMO :-). The typical teen pregnancy is conceived between three and six pm, for instance...

I second this. All kids, infants to high school and into adulthood, need their parents, it's just that the needs change. I think the constant is that kids do best when their parents are happy. Being a SAHP can get lonely. (And a SAHD is lonelier than a SAHM, because there are so many more SAHMs for support.)

Another thing to consider is whether the management position will take more of your time than your prior job. Maybe everything worked smoothly with you and your wife both working before, but are you going to have longer hours? Will you have more stress? More travel?

If you're still torn at the end of all of these considerations, I'd give the management role a 6 month trial. You can quit to stay home at any point, but it'd probably be a lot harder to call your boss and say "I'm done staying home, can I have that management job now?"

Stache In Training

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2014, 09:21:22 AM »
Thank you all for your feedback so far.  I'm still waiting on the official job description, and for some family to leave until I make the final decision.

So to answer some of your questions, the kid is 3 weeks old. I quit as she was born, and then they offered me the job.

So my kid hasn't had a chance to experience daycare yet.

We didn't feel frazzled, but we had other things we wanted to do by having one of us at home.  Though I do get the mindset: so work and get both done earlier.

Probably not having kids, so we'll probably face this dilemma in a few years again... maybe work and try to get us both FI for the second kid?

Part-time in this job wouldn't work... at least not in the same position, maybe my previous position, but it basically wasn't worth it full-time.  I have plans for side-job, but it'd be like etsy or blog stuff. so not really a lot of income, or job-skills, but just to keep busy.

Any other questions I missed?

wtjbatman

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2014, 10:09:36 AM »
Almost 2x the pay?? How could you NOT go back? Keeping in mind you are not an indentured servant, and you owe your boss(es) nothing, and if after a year you guys think the SAHP idea is still legit, then quit and go be a SAHD. Only now you have an extra year of income saved up and working for you in the stock market.

I feel like if you don't at least try to go back to work and see how it goes, it could be one of those wasted opportunities in life. You could look back and say "Why didn't I at least try it out?"

dios.del.sol

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2014, 10:27:32 AM »
Just thought I'd add my personal experience. I've had the opportunity to do a bit of work from home but mostly be a stay at home dad. It's been an amazing opportunity to be able to spend time with my now 9 month old. I'm supremely grateful. At the same time, it's a surprisingly difficult job, not because there's anything too complicated to do, but because it gives you almost no personal time. And as fun as babies are, they aren't much in the way of intellectual stimulation... and I suspect your job skills will start slipping away.

We've started sending him to daycare, first 3 days a week and now we're going to 5 days a week. I start back at work soon and I still have work that I promised to finish during my leave. The experience so far has been great. I went into it thinking of daycare as a necessary but substandard solution. I've completely flipped on it now. I love seeing how my boy socializes with kids of all ages and seems to thrive at daycare. Daycare seems better for him than home with boring dad. Yesterday he complained not when I dropped him off, but when I picked him up!

Janie

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2014, 10:47:19 AM »
Your new job pays twice as much. Does it now make sense for your wife to stay home or work part time (if that would make sense for her position)? I agree that keeping job skills fresh is a good idea for both partners. It gives you a lot more flexibility to deal with whatever life might throw your way.

ETA: just putting the wife staying home option out there if case having an at-home parent is something you both value highly (nothing wrong with daycare!)
« Last Edit: August 30, 2014, 10:49:45 AM by Janie »

Emilyngh

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2014, 11:19:35 AM »
So I just quit my sales job in order to be a stay at home dad.  My wife makes much more, and I wasn't making much than day care would have costed.  So it made sense, and we wanted one of us to stay home with the kid if possible.  However, my old boss took me out for lunch today, and offered me a manager job.  The pay is almost 2x higher than what I had been at.  It makes it a bit more enticing.  But then I would obviously have that added daycare expense.  The math is looking to work out in favor of going back to work.

On just my wife's salary, we'll probably both be FI in 9-10 years.  However with this, it might be more like 6-7 years.

So, is it worth it to take a job and not stay home in order to FI slightly earlier, or post-pone it, but be home with your kid and have a slightly better lifestyle?  I realize this is one of those "Only you can tell the answer to that one" questions.  So please skip that response; I'd like to know if you guys have any advice or experience to share.

DH is a SAHD and has been for 3 years now.   For us, the math would def be for him working (he and I were making close to the same).   Even with everything taken into account, it's costing us a lot for him to SAH.

With that said, I don't regret it for a second.   While I think DD would have been fine in daycare, him SAH has improved the quality of our family life 100 fold.   

-There's no rushing in the mornings to get everyone awake and out of the house.   There's nothing I love more than leaving on a cold dark winter morning seeing DH and DD still warm and toasty in the house taking their time in their pjs.   
-He does all of the regular cleaning and shopping while I'm at work, so weekends are for bigger projects or family time.
-He has time all for himself everyday (while DD naps) when he can workout, or even play video games or do whatever he wants.
-Dinner is ready when I get home and we eat and have the evenings together
-There's no rush for dinner, bath, bed, b/c when DD gets her baths, it's during the day before I get home.

With that said, I don't work at all for several months of the year, and have great flexibility and time at home (eg, WOH 1-2 days a week when working), so we both really have very relaxed lives and lots of time.   All of this has set back our FI (we have a stache saved from before when we both worked FT that we add some to) but are still about 10 years away from FI.   But, we are choosing great lives now with delaying the additional freedom of FI.

Oh, although DD is only 3 years old.   We are moving towards him working PT when she's in school.   

Emilyngh

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #15 on: August 30, 2014, 11:20:50 AM »
When you both are free from having to work there will be less resentment. 

This is not true at all in our case.   DH being at home is as much a benefit for me as it is for him.   I love it, actually.

Sarita

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #16 on: August 30, 2014, 11:31:52 AM »
If you had stayed you would have been eligible for 12 weeks of FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act).  How about saying yes to the job and negotiate to start in three months, so you can be with your child for the first couple months?  If they stall, remind them that you would normally have been eligible (presuming you had been there for more than a year)

Goldielocks

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #17 on: August 31, 2014, 01:44:50 PM »
You don't just miss the salary now, but future earnings.  My husband went from nearly $100 k at his peak earning to sahd for 10 yrs after a layoff then back injury. 

He is now finishing school again to get back to work and will start out at $40k per year.

Sahd is truly worth it when you are passionate about a parent being full time with the kids.  This is about so much more than money equation for the next couple of years.

MsRichLife

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2014, 12:08:18 AM »

With that said, I don't regret it for a second.   While I think DD would have been fine in daycare, him SAH has improved the quality of our family life 100 fold.   

-There's no rushing in the mornings to get everyone awake and out of the house.   There's nothing I love more than leaving on a cold dark winter morning seeing DH and DD still warm and toasty in the house taking their time in their pjs.   
-He does all of the regular cleaning and shopping while I'm at work, so weekends are for bigger projects or family time.
-He has time all for himself everyday (while DD naps) when he can workout, or even play video games or do whatever he wants.
-Dinner is ready when I get home and we eat and have the evenings together
-There's no rush for dinner, bath, bed, b/c when DD gets her baths, it's during the day before I get home.

With that said, I don't work at all for several months of the year, and have great flexibility and time at home (eg, WOH 1-2 days a week when working), so we both really have very relaxed lives and lots of time.   All of this has set back our FI (we have a stache saved from before when we both worked FT that we add some to) but are still about 10 years away from FI.   But, we are choosing great lives now with delaying the additional freedom of FI.

Oh, although DD is only 3 years old.   We are moving towards him working PT when she's in school.

+1

DH is a SAHD to our 2.25 year old DS. Having someone at home is wonderful for our household dynamic because we have a lot more leisurely time together in the mornings, evenings and on the weekends. We don't have two parents rushing to get to work on time, DH takes care of the shopping and cooking during the day so no rush in the evenings, etc etc. It has really simplified our life and I honestly couldn't imagine having both of us back at full-time work.


Stache In Training

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #19 on: September 05, 2014, 01:44:28 PM »
Just to give you guys an update, I did end up taking the job.  I think the experience and resume building made it too good to pass up, along with the missing of future income too.  The job description was changed to how I wanted it to be, and the pay plan is making it where it may end up being over 2x the pay (due to being a commissioned-based income).  So we're just going to buckle down and hopefully we can FIRE even earlier than originally expected.

Thank you all for your input and thoughts.

Janie

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #20 on: September 06, 2014, 06:19:16 AM »
Good luck with the new job and growing family!


Stache In Training

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Re: help on job/SAHD advice
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2014, 05:35:15 PM »
Wow! Funny that that article came out today.  Sad that employers feel that way.  I think it was just coincidence this time, because they have someone higher up that is a Mother.