Author Topic: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet  (Read 1435 times)

PoutineLover

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Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« on: July 31, 2019, 08:22:14 AM »
Work is dragging me down to the point that I feel upset and irritated almost constantly. It's always been a somewhat annoying job with a rather incompetent supervisor, but I was able to put up with it. Now it just feels like I'm at the end of my rope due to a few incidents over the past few weeks that have brought everything to a head. I want to quit, or not renew my contract which is up in 6 weeks, but I'm scared.
I have been keeping an eye on job postings, but nothing looks good and I think I'm just in such a state of low level depression and stress that I need time to clear my head and reset before I can even think of moving on to the next project. My partner has a job that could cover our basic expenses, and I have some liquid savings and some investments. He is supportive of me finding a new job and offered to pay the bills while I look, as he also really needs a new job and would do the same once I got a new job. I really don't want to draw down the investments, but I don't know how long it might take to find a new job. The thought of just leaving with no plan is scary, but I feel terrible every time I walk into work and it lasts all day. I can't even focus on the work I do have, which feels pointless and repetitive.
I need help to work through this to save my mental health and get to a better place. Can anyone help me formulate a plan?

Rdy2Fire

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2019, 08:56:10 AM »
If you don't re-new your contract can you collect unemployment? Maybe, since you said your partner could cover the expenses, this is an option to slightly subsidize while you look for a new gig; just a thought.

Regardless if your mental health is taking a beating I say you have to leave the job if you can. Sorry I know we are all looking to FIRE and be good with our money but you only have one life and there is always more money to be made.

teltic

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2019, 09:12:49 AM »
Mental health should be a top priority.

How much are you getting paid, relative to what the market would pay?  If you're below market pay = bounce..

I currently hate my job.  I've only been here for 4 months... But good god I just hate it.... and quite honestly I suck at it too (I think this is the #1 reason why I hate my job.).  I believe I am being overpaid by about $20k, so while I fantasize about quitting without a concrete plan in place.... I shouldn't.

I hate my job so much that I posted last week on this forum that I'm quitting my job and going to travel the world on my mini retirement... But I didn't quit my job... But it felt good writing that post!!! haha

I'm opening up more and more to the idea of getting therapy.  If therapy will help me mentally enough to keep my miserable job, or at least look at it differently... It should be worth the cost (especially since I'm overpaid.  I don't believe I could get back to this salary if I left).


How long have you had this job?  I would suggest giving it a good effort on trying to make the situation better, before quitting.  Does your boss know how miserable you are?  Is there a possibility of switching jobs/departments? Have you talked to coworkers on how they are dealing with it all?

 

bbates728

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2019, 09:15:45 AM »
This is one of the few posts that I actually have experience in!

It is 100% worth leaving. You don't have to FIRE totally to be able to use a couple months of runway to get yourself in a better place. Make sure you take care of yourself first and your stache second.

Example: I was working in public accounting and since the first day I began a descent into depression and anxiety. I left after only 8 months with nothing lined up, moved with my wife 2000 miles away from our home to the coast. It took a few months before I was able to find a role that I was excited to pursue.

Fast forward 2 years and I am looking to move roles again but it is not from a state of depression/anxiety it is from a position of a more experienced professional and my negotiations reflect that. I regretted leaving early while looking for work and dealing with rejection but once I had the time to decompress from the mental damage that I had endured I was able to come back stronger and obtain a role that fit my criteria. Not once since have I missed the few months salary that I missed due to this move.

It is scary, and it may feel like you are giving up on something but look closely at how this reflects on you. Do you want to be someone who perseveres through tough times or someone who is able to pivot away from emotionally abusive environments and can find ways to make money while being happy and enjoying your life? I respect that second one more and continue to work on gaining those skills.

Please feel free to ask any invasive questions you may have regarding this experience and good luck to you. Please give us an update throughout your decision!

mozar

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2019, 09:31:13 AM »
MMM doesn't say kill yourself to get to FIRE. I get the impression that he was ok with his job. But not everyone has that privilege. What's the point of having FU money if you don't use it?

PoutineLover

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2019, 09:37:22 AM »
Thanks for the responses so far. I'll try to address some of the questions/suggestions.
I can't collect unemployment if I leave voluntarily, unless I can prove that I had no other choice but to leave. While I think my supervisor is a bad manager, I don't think I can prove that she has been abusive.
My current pay is okay, but nothing exceptional. The only good thing is that I have a 4 day schedule, so I get more time off which is nice. If I have to start working 5 days, I'd make more money for sure. I've been working here for 5 years, which I think is too long anyway. It was never meant to be a permanent job, I just got comfortable.
There is a potential to switch to another department, I'd have to apply though and I think I'd rather just be in a new workplace and have a change of scenery. I don't have very many coworkers, and the job is very isolating. Other people realize how crazy my supervisor is, but they don't have to deal with her as directly as I do.
I think I should look into therapy, talking through the problems would probably help. My work has a program for a few sessions of free counseling, I could take advantage of that before my contract is up.
@bbates728 I really appreciate hearing your perspective and experience. I think I will be better off if I leave, it's just making that leap that is terrifying, since it feels like I'm leaving for something unknown. I would feel better if I had something lined up, but I'm finding it really difficult to search for work through this foggy lens of "everything sucks, I'm no good, no one will want to hire me". I know I can be a good worker, I have education and experience that I am not using to my full potential, but I feel so stuck here.
I know this is what FU money is for, and I think I'm just looking for confirmation and encouragement that I'm making the right call. I think I'm going to immediately put any unnecessary expenditures on hold to have the maximum cash available to tide me over, and give myself a hard deadline of non renewal of this contract. That means 6 weeks to save, get therapy, reset my head and start looking for a new job.

Rdy2Fire

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2019, 09:49:56 AM »

Thanks for the responses so far. I'll try to address some of the questions/suggestions.
I can't collect unemployment if I leave voluntarily, unless I can prove that I had no other choice but to leave. While I think my supervisor is a bad manager, I don't think I can prove that she has been abusive.


Not necessarily true.. If they don't fight the claim you could collect and if they did you could probably even claim you left due to lack of work, been there 5 years and they haven't hired you.

Also if you went down the therapy path you might be able to take some short term disability or time off as a medical leave; probably would need to speak to a doctor and your insurance on that.

Again just some thoughts but it reads like you need to GET OUT!

PoutineLover

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2019, 09:58:00 AM »

Thanks for the responses so far. I'll try to address some of the questions/suggestions.
I can't collect unemployment if I leave voluntarily, unless I can prove that I had no other choice but to leave. While I think my supervisor is a bad manager, I don't think I can prove that she has been abusive.


Not necessarily true.. If they don't fight the claim you could collect and if they did you could probably even claim you left due to lack of work, been there 5 years and they haven't hired you.

Also if you went down the therapy path you might be able to take some short term disability or time off as a medical leave; probably would need to speak to a doctor and your insurance on that.

Again just some thoughts but it reads like you need to GET OUT!
That's an interesting angle, I would definitely need to look into it more. I've been on 4-8 month contracts for 5 years, with no job security. And if I saw a therapist, maybe they would be able to recommend leave if I was depressed, I'm not sure if I would meet a clinical definition but the way I'm feeling I wouldn't be surprised. I think that sort of thing is covered, also something I should look into in detail. I'm in the process of setting up an appointment now, I should be able to get more information from them.

Rdy2Fire

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2019, 10:07:48 AM »

Thanks for the responses so far. I'll try to address some of the questions/suggestions.
I can't collect unemployment if I leave voluntarily, unless I can prove that I had no other choice but to leave. While I think my supervisor is a bad manager, I don't think I can prove that she has been abusive.


Not necessarily true.. If they don't fight the claim you could collect and if they did you could probably even claim you left due to lack of work, been there 5 years and they haven't hired you.

Also if you went down the therapy path you might be able to take some short term disability or time off as a medical leave; probably would need to speak to a doctor and your insurance on that.

Again just some thoughts but it reads like you need to GET OUT!
That's an interesting angle, I would definitely need to look into it more. I've been on 4-8 month contracts for 5 years, with no job security. And if I saw a therapist, maybe they would be able to recommend leave if I was depressed, I'm not sure if I would meet a clinical definition but the way I'm feeling I wouldn't be surprised. I think that sort of thing is covered, also something I should look into in detail. I'm in the process of setting up an appointment now, I should be able to get more information from them.

Even if you didn't get unemployment (you probably have a good chance especially if they don't fight it) or some kind of medical out your health is first so take care of that and worry about the money later.

PoutineLover

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2019, 10:22:42 AM »
So I have a phone appointment with a counsellor this Friday and they sent some resources to look at in the meantime. I already feel better that I've started this process. The financial side of things is okay as long as it doesn't take forever to find a new job and my partner manages to keep his. I'll probably have to look into getting on his health insurance too.

fuzzy math

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2019, 10:35:48 AM »
I went to my employer's EAP (employee assistance program) and it was helpful. Lots of boundary setting discussions.

kei te pai

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2019, 01:09:07 PM »
I would use an EAP provision if its there, but only to prepare yourself for leaving! Time is up with this job. You are "taking some time between contracts to explore opportunities for ongoing professional development".
Or "whatever sounds like a good reason".
Honestly, I took the leap multiple times in my working life when I just couldnt stand it anymore in a workplace. Despite lack of finance and planning it worked out OK. My regrets looking back were always that I had stayed as long as I did and tried to convince myself to tough it out.
I think you are preparing well, and when the decision is made you will feel happy and relieved.

mspym

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2019, 02:44:27 PM »
Another vote for Leave and get your head in a good space. I have done this twice, the first time I was so burnt out that I needed 9 months off before I could handle working again, the second time I left a bad situation I hadn't tried to power on through for several years so it was a summer off and then I was ready to go again.

If it's been 5 years and it's not improving it's about 3.5 years past moving on time.

Dee

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2019, 05:16:26 AM »
That sounds awful, PoutineLover. And it does sound like some sort of burnout. It it difficult to anticipate ever feeling good again but you will. Once you are better rested/less stressed out, you will be able to look at things with a fresh perspective and finding a new job won't seem so daunting and you will find employment that is much more suitable.

mozar

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2019, 10:02:08 AM »
I was fired from my last job and still got unemployment benefits.  You just have to use the right language when you file the claim. I don't know what that would be in your case. Let go due to lack of work maybe?
It's unlikely your company will fight it. My unemployment office didn't even call that job I was fired from because I had worked for a few weeks at a different company after that job.
Mozar, would you like 11k and all you have to do is file a form once a week? Me: yes please!

PoutineLover

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Re: Help! My job is killing me but I can't FIRE yet
« Reply #15 on: August 01, 2019, 10:14:03 AM »
Already the thought that yes, I can leave and I don't have to put up with this bullshit anymore has felt like a weight lifted. I'm looking up potential new companies at the moment, and going to compile some questions/topics to discuss for my appointment tomorrow. I think if I have a solid plan to execute before my contract ends, I can make a lot of progress towards getting a new job, or at least mentally changing my mindset to get myself in a healthier and more productive head space.