Author Topic: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!  (Read 9486 times)

Telecaster

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #50 on: August 27, 2018, 09:44:33 AM »

My assumption was the camaro is a 1960 model.  If he wants a new 2018, tell him to pack sand.

Gotcha.  My bad. I agree a vehicle of that vintage is unlikely to depreciate. 

Khaetra

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #51 on: August 27, 2018, 09:48:28 AM »
wait, if you guys are ahead of schedule on paying down the debt, how can you say he isn't on board with the financial plan? 

There is a lot of talk about compromise and hammering on this guy for not compromising... which doesn't seem entirely fair if they are currently *exceeding the main financial goal* of reducing the debt.

Reducing the debt is a good thing.  Wanting to buy an expensive toy (and adding debt) because Jack and coworkers want him to, is not good.  Would we be okay with it if she came here, but instead of hubby wanting a car she wanted a Hermes bag that cost $30K because 'Betty' and her coworkers wanted her to get one, even though 'they are exceeding the main financial goal'? 

Folks have offered up some good options, including renting one for a couple days.  The bigger issue I think is Jack, because if he does manage to talk hubby into the car against the OP's wishes, will the 'toy talk' end there or will it be something else?  "Hey, you know what would be cool?  If you had a boat!  And not just any boat, but one we could go out and hand out in on the weekends.  I don't think the car can tow a boat, so you might need a truck.  Here's a great one, a 2019...It'll be perfect!".  Slippery slope.  I think the best option would be to ditch Jack.

Psychstache

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #52 on: August 27, 2018, 10:05:23 AM »
wait, if you guys are ahead of schedule on paying down the debt, how can you say he isn't on board with the financial plan? 

There is a lot of talk about compromise and hammering on this guy for not compromising... which doesn't seem entirely fair if they are currently *exceeding the main financial goal* of reducing the debt.

Reducing the debt is a good thing.  Wanting to buy an expensive toy (and adding debt) because Jack and coworkers want him to, is not good.  Would we be okay with it if she came here, but instead of hubby wanting a car she wanted a Hermes bag that cost $30K because 'Betty' and her coworkers wanted her to get one, even though 'they are exceeding the main financial goal'? 

Folks have offered up some good options, including renting one for a couple days.  The bigger issue I think is Jack, because if he does manage to talk hubby into the car against the OP's wishes, will the 'toy talk' end there or will it be something else?  "Hey, you know what would be cool?  If you had a boat!  And not just any boat, but one we could go out and hand out in on the weekends.  I don't think the car can tow a boat, so you might need a truck.  Here's a great one, a 2019...It'll be perfect!".  Slippery slope.  I think the best option would be to ditch Jack.

For me, the bolded above is the most critical issue. Based on what the OP has shared, if the OP never met Jack this discussion never happens. This isn't some pining boyhood dream, this is just peer pressure.

As a personal example, based on a combination of a bad medical event and an injury, I have had what I lovingly call "old man back" since I was a tween. When I was a broke teenager working in the mall, I discovered something amazing: If I went to the Sleep Number store on my breaks to use the mattress there for even just a few minutes, I felt soooo much better. Flash forward 1.5 decades and I am getting married and moving into a house with my wife. She has heard me talk fondly about the SN bed for a number of years and we got one for our new house. It was expensive as all get out, but it is everything I had dreamed about for all of those years. It is important to note though that we talked about this for years and budgeted it into buying the new house, plus we tried out a number of options for the bed multiple times to make sure DW would be comfortable in the bed too.

Had I just came home tady and told DW that Dave down the street just got a the top of the line Sleep Number bed and I wanted to go buy one today so we could talk about our numbers, having never shown any preference or interest in our mattress before now, she should rightfully think I'm nuts, regardless of whether or not 'we can afford it' or that I 'work hard and therefore deserve it'.

mbl

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #53 on: August 27, 2018, 12:28:20 PM »
This thread is making me nauseous with anxiety. Posting to follow while I go get popcorn and praise God that this isn't my circus.

preach.....amen

trollwithamustache

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #54 on: August 28, 2018, 01:09:37 PM »
wait, if you guys are ahead of schedule on paying down the debt, how can you say he isn't on board with the financial plan? 

There is a lot of talk about compromise and hammering on this guy for not compromising... which doesn't seem entirely fair if they are currently *exceeding the main financial goal* of reducing the debt.

Reducing the debt is a good thing.  Wanting to buy an expensive toy (and adding debt) because Jack and coworkers want him to, is not good.  Would we be okay with it if she came here, but instead of hubby wanting a car she wanted a Hermes bag that cost $30K because 'Betty' and her coworkers wanted her to get one, even though 'they are exceeding the main financial goal'? 



OP is no mustache saint. 8 years of schoolin' debt is both a lot and a lot more than is actually needed to get a decent paying professional job. That amount of school should be viewed as a luxury. 

now, a few years later OP wants a different standard applied to the car luxury.  Not the car many of us would pick, but most of us here need to be aware that we are, well, weird and not normal in our financial values. Hubby wasn't a mustachio when they hitched up, and he hasn't changed.  As long as he didn't lie to OP and say he was a mustache, him not changing isn't a sin.

J Boogie

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #55 on: August 28, 2018, 01:23:05 PM »
My wife and I each get $100 a month to spend on whatever, or 1200 a year.

It keeps us from subjecting each other to our fanciful personal purchases.

Maybe you and your husband can work out an annual number that you each get to blow on whatever you like. He might just have to consider this a 5-10 year personal purchase.


Lady SA

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #56 on: August 28, 2018, 02:03:56 PM »
Maybe sitting and having a conversation with your husband with a curiosity mindset could help the situation. Here's an exercise called the "5 Why's" that may help DH realize that this purchase doesn't align with your family's stated goals. The trick is, YOU, op, enter this conversation from a place of curiosity and acceptance, NOT judgement. You listen to listen and absorb, not listen to formulate a reply. The conversation won't expire, you can leave the conversation, digest what he said, and come back with your own response/reaction/feelings another evening. In order for this to work, you have to keep DH from getting defensive and activated, so you need to be calm, patient, and interested-in-his-viewpoint to actually get the information you need.

Anyway, the "5 Why's" goes like this. You sit him down, and simply ask him: "Why do you want this car?" and listen/accept his answer. He might answer something like...
"Because it's cool."
"Because Jack has one and I like it."
"Because I deserve it."
"Because my old car isn't fun to drive."
etc.

Now, you follow the rabbit down the hole. Don't just leave his first answer as-is. You follow up with a second "Why". WHY does he think it's cool? WHY does he like it? WHY does he deserve it? WHY isn't his old car fun to drive anymore? And he will answer again. And again you follow the rabbit down the hole, each time dredging up more and more reasons, and more deep, personal reasons.

Eventually, the more levels of "whys" you go down, you might reach answers like:
"because I feel bad about myself and I think this toy may help me feel better"
"because I think Jack thinks I'm lame"
"because I don't want people to think I'm poor"
etc.

And THOSE^ you can have an actual, rational conversation about, instead of skimming the surface and addressing the symptoms and leaving the actual problem unaddressed. DH may not even know exactly what his problem is that he is trying to "solve" with getting this car, but this exercise could help him articulate it with you. You'll actually have something solid to grapple with, instead of getting deflected off any time you try to make headway at that surface-level (the level that is masking the actual "problem" DH perceives).
« Last Edit: August 28, 2018, 02:07:07 PM by Lady SA »

genesismachine

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #57 on: August 28, 2018, 02:51:31 PM »
I write this as definitely a car guy. Right before I met my wife, I had a sports car, tinkered with it constantly, and went to the track regularly (open course not drag racing). It was really fun, but the track is unbelievably abusive to cars, so I was always fixing something or tinkering. My car was 10 years old at the time, but it was so very very fun, enough power to get into trouble, but not too much.

The people with really expensive new-ish cars didn't really seem like car people. They liked cars, but never tinkered with them, and they were always onto the next new one. Some of them were really loaded and I would see them change out their car to another completely different model the next time I saw them.

I put an end to that because I was re-entering school for my master's and it wasn't aligning with my goals. My wife coming along 10 years ago prevented that from ever coming back as she is not at all a car person. I still think about it at least once a week. It was so much fun! Plus the camaraderie of car clubs, and car culture was so cool to be a part of. A purse or diamonds are purely status symbols, a car is not like that if you're using it like I did.

That being said, your husband's love of cars does not seem real deep. I knew people with 500hp cars, back then only rich people had them. They would blast it down the straights and go through corners in slow motion. Those cars are terrifying to drive truly fast around the track and not at all fun unless you are a very very good driver (which your husband is not, I can guarantee).

Also, I don't know of any car person who 'needs' a $60k car. Usually you can find a car you really like for a lot less than that. My old '98 BMW M3 cost me (at the time, 14 years ago) $12.5k and it was fast as hell around a track especially after all the work I did on it (which probably added another $5-10k).

RWD

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #58 on: August 28, 2018, 03:22:25 PM »
I write this as definitely a car guy. Right before I met my wife, I had a sports car, tinkered with it constantly, and went to the track regularly (open course not drag racing). It was really fun, but the track is unbelievably abusive to cars, so I was always fixing something or tinkering. My car was 10 years old at the time, but it was so very very fun, enough power to get into trouble, but not too much.

I put an end to that because I was re-entering school for my master's and it wasn't aligning with my goals. My wife coming along 10 years ago prevented that from ever coming back as she is not at all a car person. I still think about it at least once a week. It was so much fun! Plus the camaraderie of car clubs, and car culture was so cool to be a part of.

Any reason you can't get a fun car now or maybe again in the future? You can get some pretty enjoyable cars for under $10k that have stopped depreciating. You may be interested in my journal, if only to live vicariously through others.

marty998

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #59 on: August 29, 2018, 04:09:56 AM »
wait, if you guys are ahead of schedule on paying down the debt, how can you say he isn't on board with the financial plan? 

There is a lot of talk about compromise and hammering on this guy for not compromising... which doesn't seem entirely fair if they are currently *exceeding the main financial goal* of reducing the debt.

Reducing the debt is a good thing.  Wanting to buy an expensive toy (and adding debt) because Jack and coworkers want him to, is not good.  Would we be okay with it if she came here, but instead of hubby wanting a car she wanted a Hermes bag that cost $30K because 'Betty' and her coworkers wanted her to get one, even though 'they are exceeding the main financial goal'? 



OP is no mustache saint. 8 years of schoolin' debt is both a lot and a lot more than is actually needed to get a decent paying professional job. That amount of school should be viewed as a luxury. 

now, a few years later OP wants a different standard applied to the car luxury.  Not the car many of us would pick, but most of us here need to be aware that we are, well, weird and not normal in our financial values. Hubby wasn't a mustachio when they hitched up, and he hasn't changed.  As long as he didn't lie to OP and say he was a mustache, him not changing isn't a sin.

OP's education and career is not a depreciating asset.

Laura33

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #60 on: August 29, 2018, 07:38:38 AM »
OK, I am both a car guy* and married to a Spendypants, so I have a little experience with this.

First, please don't write this off as keeping up with the Joneses or being led down the wrong path by a bad influence.  It might be.  But it also might be that he has started to go do fun things with Jack that he had never done before and realized that he really enjoys them and so wants to be able to play himself.  Sort of like how I never understood why people went scuba diving when you could snorkel for free and see all the same stuff.  Then I married DH, who was a Dive Master, and tried it -- and was completely, instantly hooked.  Turns out it's nothing like snorkeling.  I had the same reaction when DH took me to see the Mustang convertible he was eyeing -- I had no idea I liked muscle cars at all until I heard the thrum of that V8.

But the bigger picture is that even if it is just a dick-measuring contest, so what?  It matters to your husband.  And shaming him or lecturing him about how immature that is will get you precisely nowhere -- he is a grown-ass man, he is entitled to make dumb-ass decisions with his own money if he wants to, and becoming the Place Where Fun Goes to Die is not good for the long-term health of your marriage.  You need to see his desire as meaningful to him, even if you cannot possibly think of anything stupider that he could possibly blow his money on.

Of course, that doesn't mean you need to say yes.  Because, really, it is massively stupid, and it is completely selfish and disrespectful of him to change your entire financial plan for a depreciating asset that is going to cost you an arm and a leg in insurance, gas, and maintenance to boot.  So your job is to figure out what it is about the car that compels him, and work with him to find a solution that will meet that legitimate need but in a way that has an acceptable impact on your budget.

So talk -- talk as if the car is a legitimate want.  What is it that draws him?  What feeling does it give him?  Because those feelings are important and legitimate, even if the way he has chosen to get there is not.

And also make sure to talk about your other life goals and plans.  How long do you both want to work?  Look at the Shockingly Simple Math post and see what kind of savings rate that requires, and compare that to where you are now (assuming you transition loan payments into investments once the loan is gone). 

But also look beyond the math.  I think there is a tendency to focus on FIRE as a simple math problem, and so anyone who can't see the obvious impact of their choices is just stupid.  But the reality is that most of us are driven by emotions.  FIRE itself is an amorphous concept; what you need is a vision of what you would actually do if you didn't have to go to work every day.  Do you want kids?  When?  If so, does one or both of you want the ability to stay home with them or work very part-time?  Do you want to be able to put them through college?  Do you want to take off work and travel the world?  Do you have a hobby or craft that you'd love to spend all day doing, maybe turn it into a side-business?  "Freedom" sounds good but doesn't really have any emotional impact to someone who is reasonably happy with his job and his life.  But "OMG I would love to be able to spend all afternoon in the woodshop every day" is a powerful driver to a guy who loves woodworking.** 

You need to find his "thing" -- and yours.  Because the only way he is going to be able to fight off his urge for the BrightShiny right in front of him is if there is something else that he wants more in the future, and he can see exactly how much choosing this debt now is going to postpone that dream.

FWIW, I love the idea of the classic cars.  Seems like Jack is big on Big and New and Powerful and Manly.  Unfortunately, the only way to compete on those terms is to spend a metric shit-ton of money on something that is even Bigger/Newer/More Powerful and comes with testosterone dripping from the tailpipe.  So find a way to change the playing field.  But don't just tell him -- go with him and get into it yourself!  Find a local classic car show and go together and look at everything that is out there.  Lead him to other options that allow him to scratch the car itch and one-up Jack not by throwing more money at him, but by buying a one-of-a-kind classic model that is even cooler than Jack's. 

And at the same time, set up a separate savings fund that you divert an agreed-on amount of money to each month to fund his StupidCar purchase when he finds just the right thing.  It is ok to have some basic ground rules ("no debt for a depreciating asset" seems pretty reasonable to me, except maybe for your first set of needed wheels, but you may have different priorities).  But you have to show him that you want to find a way for him to have the thing he wants -- that it is important to you because it is important to him.  There just needs to be a compromise -- in price, in time, in type of vehicle, etc.

Really, the tl;dr is that if you act as though you think his choice is stupid, you are forcing him to dig in more to justify the rightness of his position.  OTOH, if you can acknowledge that his feelings are legitimate, and show him that you want to find a way to make him happy (even if you don't quite get it yourself), he won't get his back up so much and may be more open to talking and considering a more reasonable compromise -- and then you may have to lead him to what those alternatives are so he can see for himself how cool they might be.

*For context, I currently drive a StupidCar that cost more than your husband's dream vehicle.

**Of course, the risk is that he decides cars are his "thing."  ;-)  Thanks to my dad's gift of the Porsche Sport Driving School many years ago, my "thing" has become driving a car very fast around a track.  So for me, it is worth it to work longer to be able to afford to do that even more when I have all that free time in retirement. 

trollwithamustache

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #61 on: August 29, 2018, 08:12:41 AM »


OP's education and career is not a depreciating asset.
[/quote]

Fair enough. whats the degree? Med school? or PhD in Philosophy? 'cause it matters a lot if you want to say the degree is cash valuable.

genesismachine

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #62 on: August 29, 2018, 10:13:47 AM »
I write this as definitely a car guy. Right before I met my wife, I had a sports car, tinkered with it constantly, and went to the track regularly (open course not drag racing). It was really fun, but the track is unbelievably abusive to cars, so I was always fixing something or tinkering. My car was 10 years old at the time, but it was so very very fun, enough power to get into trouble, but not too much.

I put an end to that because I was re-entering school for my master's and it wasn't aligning with my goals. My wife coming along 10 years ago prevented that from ever coming back as she is not at all a car person. I still think about it at least once a week. It was so much fun! Plus the camaraderie of car clubs, and car culture was so cool to be a part of.

Any reason you can't get a fun car now or maybe again in the future? You can get some pretty enjoyable cars for under $10k that have stopped depreciating. You may be interested in my journal, if only to live vicariously through others.

My wife hates cars and it would be a major sticking point. It's now 10 years later, and although I think about it a lot, I can't afford to spend that much time on a side hobby. Right now, we're very involved in real estate and I'm trying to FIRE in the next year or two, but real estate is literally consuming pretty much all my free time at this point. After I FIRE and the real estate is more on autopilot, I might reconsider.

But I also found a lot of other hobbies in the last 10 years that I'd like to devote more time to... reading, woodworking, investments, traveling, and generally learning. Cars are so fun, but I don't think I'll ever let it take over my life like it did for those few years. Plus, the environmental impact. I may get a Tesla Model 3 Performance though and take it for a spin on the track in 5 years when they're cheaper to buy used :)

talltexan

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #63 on: August 30, 2018, 07:44:44 AM »
I went through the graduating and money-crazy people and financed a new car. Fortunately, it was a 2009 toyota camry, which I still own.

Today, 120,000 miles in and in decent shape, it's a good MMM car. I visualize myself re-buying it every day. Couldn't imagine selling it for the price that mint plugs in for it, which has changed very little over the past tw years.

partgypsy

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #64 on: August 30, 2018, 11:53:05 AM »
I'm thinking similar to trollwithamustache. That you came on board with significant student debt while he didn't. While school debt is different than a car, he may feel, hey things feel more tight and I didn't get to enjoy this big paycheck I'm making! and I also understand that fear, esp with guys like Jack around, there may be another must have around the corner (stuff for the car, a boat, who knows?). It's a justifiable fear.

In my (prior) marriage I was the one who made more, but also had an unjustifiable interest (gems and jewelry). We had an informal rule that we would discuss any purchases over $100. We also agreed on a 1K yearly spending allowance for me. I could spend it monthly, yearly, or save up multiple years to get something bigger. that's how I got my anniversary ring. It is a really good system. Our system helped in that I don't typically spend money on things like manicures, makeup, hair or "fun" clothes, bags. 

Short of splitting up finances, having an allowance for these kind of discretionary expenses makes sense if you can stick to it. Heck, I would be generous enough to say something to the effect of, I appreciate you getting on board with our shared goals. I know that I came into this marriage with debt. As a one-time thing, I am OKing 20K (or X amount) for your hobby. But that's all I can OK. If you want something more than that you will need to save up for it.
So you are not saying no, in fact you are giving him permission. Permission with boundaries. 
« Last Edit: August 31, 2018, 11:07:16 AM by partgypsy »

Cassie

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #65 on: August 30, 2018, 11:45:18 PM »
PartG, I think that is a awesome compromise.

talltexan

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #66 on: August 31, 2018, 08:38:30 AM »
Without knowing your existing budget, I have no sense of how the $20,000 fits in. Are you willing to move to a smaller house to make additional money available for this car purchase?

hashbrowns

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #67 on: August 31, 2018, 06:57:05 PM »
Hmm F-you money car. Compromise, he can get a toy but tell him to get a C5 corvette. It'll be faster than his friends camaro, and you can get them for ~$10k.

RWD

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #68 on: September 01, 2018, 06:40:56 AM »
Hmm F-you money car. Compromise, he can get a toy but tell him to get a C5 corvette. It'll be faster than his friends camaro, and you can get them for ~$10k.
A new Camaro ZL1 is significantly faster than any [unmodified] C5 Corvette, at least in a straight line. I don't disagree with the advice though. Nobody needs a 650 hp vehicle on the street, especially not someone who just discovered an interest in cars.

Dr.Jeckyl

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #69 on: September 04, 2018, 06:12:16 PM »
Wait a minute, is this my wife? Hmmm...can't be she's the one always trying to get me to buy a new car cause I want a new car. I just don't want the payments.


the_fixer

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #70 on: September 05, 2018, 12:02:34 PM »
Have him ask Jack to co sign for the loan and see if Jack still thinks it is a great idea.

Basically that is what he is asking you to do since you will be equally responsible right?

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CorpRaider

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #71 on: September 05, 2018, 12:12:44 PM »
Tell him Jack hits on you constantly.  Just kidding...

Dr.Jeckyl

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #72 on: September 06, 2018, 09:46:10 AM »
So, extremely frugal car guy here. Or as I like to say I'm a car guy without a cool car. I drive a 15 yo Cavalier with 273k miles. Rusty but trusty. I absolutely hate every minute driving this car and I will eventually buy a newer car that suits me better. Last year when I thought I was going to buy a new car (wife threatened to sell the car I was driving because she wanted me in a safer car that I also liked) I instead started dumping extra money onto my student loans and paid them off. Then once they were paid off I started increasing my 401k to the max (IRA was already maxed). Sometime earlier this year I realized that I was sacrificing current wants too much by saving too much. What I realized is that life is a compromise. I could save, save, save and eat rice and beans everyday or the wife and I could compromise by choosing an early retirement date, make sure that we put enough money away to achieve that and then we could take family vacations, throw parties at our home, etc... We are to the point that we have a mortgage and a really small amount of student loan debt from her and that's it. We are even ahead of our early retirement goal. All that being said I still have that Cavalier because I haven't pulled the trigger yet because extreme frugality makes me feel guilty about buying stuff for myself.

Or another way to look at it is to put a dollar amount on the joy it brings. I was in sales for years and people would ask me if things were worth it. I would respond they are worth it if it brings that much joy to the person. For me a 60k car would bring me no more joy than a 16k car. You can get a really nice low mileage Camaro or Corvette for 16k. I like fast cars but in reality I wouldn't take my car to the drag strip so how fast can I go on old country roads?

talltexan

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #73 on: September 07, 2018, 06:35:57 AM »
Dr. Jeckyl, it sounds like you are mustach-ing correctly. Old, rusty junker that you hate driving. Wife begging you to get into something safer?

And--instead--you're pumping that 401(k) like it's one of the tires on that old car.

TomTX

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #74 on: September 08, 2018, 07:00:22 PM »


OP's education and career is not a depreciating asset.

Fair enough. whats the degree? Med school? or PhD in Philosophy? 'cause it matters a lot if you want to say the degree is cash valuable.
[/quote]

She did say that she out-earned hubby, so it seems plausible the school was worth it.

worms

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #75 on: September 09, 2018, 12:21:26 AM »
Quote from: trollwithamustache
Fair enough. whats the degree? Med school? or PhD in Philosophy?

Sorry to be pedantic...but, by definition, what else could a PhD be? :)

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #76 on: September 09, 2018, 07:39:09 AM »
Quote from: trollwithamustache
Fair enough. whats the degree? Med school? or PhD in Philosophy?

Sorry to be pedantic...but, by definition, what else could a PhD be? :)

Typically one has a specialization beyond just Philosophy.

worms

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #77 on: September 09, 2018, 10:31:53 AM »
Hmmm...  Philosophy...  philo love sophos wisdom.  A PhD just says that someone has shown their love of wisdom at an advanced level.  Even if (as in my case) that “wisdom” is in science, the degree is still a Doctorate in Philosophy - we shouldn’t let the Arts graduates steal the term Philosophy for themselves!

trollwithamustache

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #78 on: September 10, 2018, 08:13:04 AM »
Quote from: trollwithamustache
Fair enough. whats the degree? Med school? or PhD in Philosophy?

Sorry to be pedantic...but, by definition, what else could a PhD be? :)

Lol, I have several friends with PhDs in philosophy whose heads would explode at the implication that all people with PhDs are somehow all philosophers.
Hahaha! I might say this to them just to watch the steam come out of their ears. Too funny.

Piled Higher... and Deeper.

RWD

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #79 on: September 10, 2018, 08:25:59 AM »
Quote from: trollwithamustache
Fair enough. whats the degree? Med school? or PhD in Philosophy?

Sorry to be pedantic...but, by definition, what else could a PhD be? :)

Lol, I have several friends with PhDs in philosophy whose heads would explode at the implication that all people with PhDs are somehow all philosophers.
Hahaha! I might say this to them just to watch the steam come out of their ears. Too funny.

Piled Higher... and Deeper.

Which incidentally is the name of a web comic.

Car Jack

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #80 on: September 10, 2018, 08:33:25 AM »
So first.....I'm not trying to get anyone to buy any car.  In truth, I'm currently into offroad, so would probably be discussion the points of buying a new Rubicon vs finding a used one driven by some 16 year old girl.  How are your finances otherwise?  I didn't see it (scanned), but are all the student loans paid off?  Mortgage going along with extra payments?  Would this Camaro be paid for with cash?  If all of these questions can be answered yes, then make a deal with your husband.  He is allowed to buy this Camaro, but you want to buy an entry level Bentley.  A slightly used CPO one would be fine.  Then send an ad with a $200k CPO used Continental GT and say that this is the one you're getting.  Let it sink in with him that getting this Camaro is actually setting him back $250k.  It's a bluff, but it might work.

talltexan

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #81 on: September 10, 2018, 08:38:09 AM »
I'm starting to worry that CarJack is so wealthy that I can no longer put his advice to work.

Dr.Jeckyl

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Re: HELP! My husband is heading in the wrong direction!
« Reply #82 on: September 10, 2018, 04:12:11 PM »
Dr. Jeckyl, it sounds like you are mustach-ing correctly. Old, rusty junker that you hate driving. Wife begging you to get into something safer?

And--instead--you're pumping that 401(k) like it's one of the tires on that old car.

I like the way you put that. It is about the same frequency, good for the 401k bad for the tires, lol.