Author Topic: GRIT  (Read 7959 times)

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
GRIT
« on: September 29, 2015, 06:09:12 PM »
I am not a gritty person. At all. I honestly believe that is what has held me back in life. I am a huge procrastinator, follow through (forget it), and I just lack personal motivation to get things done. It has gotten progressively worse and I am at a breaking point. I wish I had a person or have a person now who would push me hard. I know no one can push you harder than you can push your self, but it helps to have that peanut gallery (at least for a person like who really never suffered from a closed door).

If you are wondering where this all is coming from, these 2 threads:

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/what-was-your-big-break-in-life/

and

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/i-got-laid-off!

sparked this connection to GRIT. Actually DR mentioned it a month or so ago on his show and it resonated. Leading me to this TEDtalks education video:

http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit?language=en

I cried all the way through.

Sorry if this all seems crazy to any of you. Maybe it's a generational thing. Maybe it's just me. lol

I want to scream so hard right now. I know it won't solve anything. I need to face my reality head on and head strong. I feel ready, but I if past predicts the present, this too will be short lived. I need a thousand face punches right now.


But enough about me....

1. How do go about finding that support group of people to push you?
2. What is your best story of GRIT?
3. How have you foster GRIT to overcome things in your own life?

I did find this article that talks about how to foster GRIT in the classroom http://www.opencolleges.edu.au/informed/features/16-ways-to-promote-grit-and-delayed-gratification-in-the-classroom/ so I already have some ways to get started.

I just don't want to lose this motivation.

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6169
  • Location: BC
Re: GRIT
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2015, 06:17:05 PM »
I have the most grit when other people need me to get things done or they have large problems.


e.g., Husband, Kids;  or managing a team.

I can definitely get a lot of stuff done that I don't care for under those circumstances.

little_brown_dog

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 915
Re: GRIT
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2015, 07:45:39 AM »
As we age and go our separate ways, many of us start to back off from pushing others because we donít want to rock the boat or cause a problem. There is this weird mentality going around where people are constantly afraid of offending someone, or they are afraid theyíll be accused of not respecting someoneís choices (even if those choices are damaging and should not be supported at all). As a result, I think fewer and fewer of us have honest truth tellers in our lives who do the dirty work of telling us like it is even if we donít like what they have to say. I am lucky to have a partner who can be painfully honest. He keeps me grounded and will totally call me on my BS when Iím being weak, whiny, or just an otherwise crappy version of myself.

Another weird way to inspire yourself is to read books or watch movies/documentaries about gritty people, whether or not they are fictional or based on true events. I know the hunger games series got a lot of criticism, but one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much was how REAL the characters were (comparatively speaking). Even the heroes were flawed, judgmental, selfish, and sometimes downright nasty at different points in the series. I think the author really nailed the message that you can be a normal person (aka: vulnerable, weak, scared) and still keep getting up, pushing through, no matter how tough things get.  Other inspirational stories are memoires like Angela's Ashes - man, watching that scene where the mom swallows her pride and collects coal on the road with her sons is really moving and inspiring.

humbleMouse

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 296
  • Location: Minneapolis
Re: GRIT
« Reply #3 on: September 30, 2015, 07:57:33 AM »
step 1) go to the gym or yoga class or do some other form of intense physical exertion. 

Working your body is the easiest way to gain motivation - it gives you more energy and self-esteem. 

acroy

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1702
  • Age: 41
  • Location: Dallas TX
    • SWAMI
Re: GRIT
« Reply #4 on: September 30, 2015, 08:15:21 AM »
Find your own tribe:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2015/08/19/urban-tribe/

Get your brain back:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2015/01/08/new-years-resolution-getting-your-brain-back/

Finally: take some time to understand your temperament. There are 'the big 4'. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_temperaments You can get fancier but doing some studying of the big 4 will help you understand who you are, how to play to your strengths and improve your weaknesses

Good luck

matchewed

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4313
  • Location: CT
Re: GRIT
« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2015, 08:21:24 AM »
Maybe you  just need some therapy to help adjust your perspective. Grit or willpower is still a finite resource. You can work on developing it but you can't rely on it if you posses very little to begin with. You need to develop strategies and thought processes that can take over for when you're out of grit/willpower. Doing that solo can be very tough thereby continuing the cycle of failure.

That aside I personally subscribe to the concept of working towards the person I want to be but to not hold every action to that as an ideal so as to prevent extinction burst.

AZDude

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1298
Re: GRIT
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2015, 01:09:33 PM »
You need goals in life. Ones you actually *want* to achieve. Not other people's goals, yours. What do you want out of life? You need to answer that question before you can start working toward (whatever it is).

FrugalShrew

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 588
Re: GRIT
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2015, 04:58:31 PM »
I like the comments that have already been made. Mrs. Money Mustache had a great article about how people get motivated in a variety of ways: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/05/24/mrs-money-mustache-routine-will-oil-the-machine/.

In particular, having someone hold you accountable can be a really powerful motivator (this is one reason why personal trainers can be effective and teaming up with a buddy or support group can improve one's chances of success for weight loss and exercise goals). Or have everyone hold you accountable: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/11/12/got-a-serious-goal-make-it-public/.


Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2015, 09:34:27 PM »
I have the most grit when other people need me to get things done or they have large problems.


e.g., Husband, Kids;  or managing a team.

I can definitely get a lot of stuff done that I don't care for under those circumstances.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone reliant on me. But I can use that as motivation: If someone was...would I be okay with the example I've been setting?

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2015, 09:39:18 PM »
As we age and go our separate ways, many of us start to back off from pushing others because we donít want to rock the boat or cause a problem. There is this weird mentality going around where people are constantly afraid of offending someone, or they are afraid theyíll be accused of not respecting someoneís choices (even if those choices are damaging and should not be supported at all). As a result, I think fewer and fewer of us have honest truth tellers in our lives who do the dirty work of telling us like it is even if we donít like what they have to say. I am lucky to have a partner who can be painfully honest. He keeps me grounded and will totally call me on my BS when Iím being weak, whiny, or just an otherwise crappy version of myself.

Another weird way to inspire yourself is to read books or watch movies/documentaries about gritty people, whether or not they are fictional or based on true events. I know the hunger games series got a lot of criticism, but one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much was how REAL the characters were (comparatively speaking). Even the heroes were flawed, judgmental, selfish, and sometimes downright nasty at different points in the series. I think the author really nailed the message that you can be a normal person (aka: vulnerable, weak, scared) and still keep getting up, pushing through, no matter how tough things get.  Other inspirational stories are memoires like Angela's Ashes - man, watching that scene where the mom swallows her pride and collects coal on the road with her sons is really moving and inspiring.

I'm that truth teller in my life, so I've never really had anyone be that blunt with me. It as started to frustrated me lately as I think of my "friends" and it seems like I always fill that role.

so the Hunger Games and Angela's Ashes. Any other gritty people to focus on?

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2015, 09:40:21 PM »
step 1) go to the gym or yoga class or do some other form of intense physical exertion. 

Working your body is the easiest way to gain motivation - it gives you more energy and self-esteem.

I definitely need to. I want to lose about 60 lbs. I am going to start by walking 30 minutes a day.

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2015, 10:08:44 PM »
Find your own tribe:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2015/08/19/urban-tribe/

Get your brain back:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2015/01/08/new-years-resolution-getting-your-brain-back/

Finally: take some time to understand your temperament. There are 'the big 4'. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_temperaments You can get fancier but doing some studying of the big 4 will help you understand who you are, how to play to your strengths and improve your weaknesses

Good luck

Thank you for directing this back to the blog. I looked at those posts and another about moving and I just thought how much I need both those things. I am not really apart of any community at all, right now. Didn't think that was possible. lol. I have started attending church and part of a financial peace class right now. Haven't connected with anyone yet.

Yeah I spend too much time on here and a couponing site. I also like checking Indeed and seeing what jobs are posted and their requirements (odd past time of mine. But yeah if I eliminate the ability to do those things, I would have a lot of "extra" time to do the things I really need to be doing.

Of the 4 temperaments I am Melancholic, not surprised. Definitely looking at the weakness side of things.

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2015, 10:11:37 PM »
Maybe you  just need some therapy to help adjust your perspective. Grit or willpower is still a finite resource. You can work on developing it but you can't rely on it if you posses very little to begin with. You need to develop strategies and thought processes that can take over for when you're out of grit/willpower. Doing that solo can be very tough thereby continuing the cycle of failure.

That aside I personally subscribe to the concept of working towards the person I want to be but to not hold every action to that as an ideal so as to prevent extinction burst.

Definitely agree. I am working on finding communities where I feel I can freely express my mind and give a voice to my goals.

I am the Queen of extinction burst. lol

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2015, 10:13:07 PM »
You need goals in life. Ones you actually *want* to achieve. Not other people's goals, yours. What do you want out of life? You need to answer that question before you can start working toward (whatever it is).

Yeah having goals has never been a problem for me. COMPLETING GOALS is the problem for me. I know what I want for my life but.. after that I kind of get discourage. The link between knowing and doing is broken.

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2015, 10:14:15 PM »
I like the comments that have already been made. Mrs. Money Mustache had a great article about how people get motivated in a variety of ways: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/05/24/mrs-money-mustache-routine-will-oil-the-machine/.

In particular, having someone hold you accountable can be a really powerful motivator (this is one reason why personal trainers can be effective and teaming up with a buddy or support group can improve one's chances of success for weight loss and exercise goals). Or have everyone hold you accountable: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/11/12/got-a-serious-goal-make-it-public/.

Yes this what I need. I need help in the short term and long term. Essentially that is what friends are for, but I have none at the moment. Well maybe 1.

Edit to add: very good links
« Last Edit: October 01, 2015, 10:23:16 PM by Kaikou »

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2015, 10:23:48 PM »
As a fellow procrastinator I find this thread very interesting, posting to follow.

Will post incredibly insightful thoughts on how to motivate oneself later :)

Sent you a PM

FrogStash

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 73
  • Location: TX
  • Get there...FASTER!
Re: GRIT
« Reply #16 on: October 20, 2015, 02:50:13 PM »
I still procrastinate more than I would like, but I would consider myself a recovering procrastinator.  What got me started on the road to recovery?  A very painful lesson:

I bought a house with a front flower bed defined by that thin flexible green metal edging held down with big metal stakes.  I always looked at that edging and thought, "Wow, that flower be is the wrong shape and that edging looks dangerous.  I should reshape it and build a gorgeous stone boarder."

Three years later I slipped while running through the wet grass and landed on one of the stakes that was not quite installed completely...lots of stitches, lots of pain.  On top of that, my wife with her giant pregnant belly was pushing me through the hospital in a wheel chair...ego thoroughly bruised.

After getting patched up, I vowed to stop procrastinating.  As soon as my injuries healed, I replaced the edging.

As I write this, I now realize that two years ago, I sold that house and bought one...with a front flower bed defined by that thin flexible green metal edging held down with big metal stakes.  I should replace that....
« Last Edit: October 23, 2015, 01:21:49 PM by FrogStash »

tyort1

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2229
  • Age: 47
  • Location: Denver, Colorado
Re: GRIT
« Reply #17 on: October 20, 2015, 03:13:37 PM »
I used to be a huge procrastinator and for me it was always about the opportunity cost - why do something that was slightly unpleasant (or work) when I could do something fun that I enjoyed.  And most things could slide without much issue.  For a time.  But little by little the volume of things to do built up and the pressure became so great that I could no longer avoid it.  And then I went into mad intense "get things done NOW" emergency mode till I was back at a relatively stable point again.

That's a pretty stressful way to live life.  So now I just have one rule - if I see something that needs to be done, I don't think about all the time/effort needed to complete it. I just tell myself "just get started, that's all", and then once I am in the flow of actually doing it, I often find it's pretty easy to just keep going a bit longer till it's done.

For me, that phrase was key "Just get started".  No commitment and I do what I feel like.  But it's like magic, I always do more than I think I will. 

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #18 on: October 20, 2015, 03:19:08 PM »
Thanks guys for the new responses. In the time that I have first wrote this I started to feel better about the situation, improvement is probably minimal, but my mindset that couldn't change or that a little progress is worthwhile is definitely changing.

I agree with the standpoint of just start. Completing something , even if it is just one thing is better than completing nothing.

tyort1

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2229
  • Age: 47
  • Location: Denver, Colorado
Re: GRIT
« Reply #19 on: October 20, 2015, 03:32:40 PM »
Also, how is your sleep?  I used to have terrible sleep (sometimes still battle with it), and that had a huge effect on my daily life - if I slept poorly, I felt bad all day, and then I DEFINITELY didn't feel like getting things done beyond the bare minimum. 

Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #20 on: October 20, 2015, 06:55:40 PM »
Also, how is your sleep?  I used to have terrible sleep (sometimes still battle with it), and that had a huge effect on my daily life - if I slept poorly, I felt bad all day, and then I DEFINITELY didn't feel like getting things done beyond the bare minimum.

I have always been a 6 hour sleeper. Waking inintermittently in between. I usually end up with 8 hours nowadays. Sleep has never been bothersome to me fortunately

Astatine

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3623
  • Location: Australia
  • Pronouns: they/them
Re: GRIT
« Reply #21 on: October 20, 2015, 07:21:06 PM »
I have tried in the past to make big big changes from who I am. Turns out it doesn't work so well for me and leads to me feeling frustrated and down at myself, which just compounds the problems. Instead, I try to adapt my life to suit my personality, not the other way around. I too am a procrastinator. My procrastination comes from a number of internal sources. One is the terror of making a mistake, which in childhood for me was linked to my life being in danger - my upbringing was very abusive and dark. It's extremely difficult to switch off the fear of death if it's ingrained from a very young age. So, I try to work with it not fight it.

My favourite resource for living with procrastination is structured procrastination. The aim is to still get lots of useful stuff done but in a way that works with procrastination, not against it. So there is less internal angst and less willpower and major teardown/rebuild of fundamental personality traits required. I use this in most parts of my life (at work and at home). Stuff gets done. Just not necessarily in the most logical order :)


Another weird way to inspire yourself is to read books or watch movies/documentaries about gritty people, whether or not they are fictional or based on true events. I know the hunger games series got a lot of criticism, but one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much was how REAL the characters were (comparatively speaking). Even the heroes were flawed, judgmental, selfish, and sometimes downright nasty at different points in the series. I think the author really nailed the message that you can be a normal person (aka: vulnerable, weak, scared) and still keep getting up, pushing through, no matter how tough things get.  Other inspirational stories are memoires like Angela's Ashes - man, watching that scene where the mom swallows her pride and collects coal on the road with her sons is really moving and inspiring.

Yeah, this. I found Captain Vimes and Carrot in Terry Pratchett's Nightwatchmen series to be particularly inspirational. Vimes was a down and out drunk but pulled himself together and Carrot is the epitomy of integrity. It's a humorous fantasy series but has a lot of deep themes under the surface layers of the story.
« Last Edit: October 20, 2015, 07:22:37 PM by Astatine »

FLBiker

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 953
  • Age: 42
Re: GRIT
« Reply #22 on: October 21, 2015, 09:50:58 AM »
Probably not helpful, but I was a wicked procrastinator until I quit drinking / smoking pot.  I always thought procrastinating was some innate aspect of my personality, but that wasn't the case at all.  Really surprised me, actually.

Axecleaver

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3366
  • Location: New York
Re: GRIT
« Reply #23 on: October 21, 2015, 11:00:21 AM »
Hi Kaikou,

Your question is about personal accountability and what works. For most people, I agree with the suggestions for finding a buddy to help drive personal accountability. This is basic human psychology, and it works for most (about 90%) of people. This is the central concept of Alcoholics Anonymous and Weight Watchers. It works particularly well for people who seek external validation. Free Accountability Meetup groups are out there, lots of churches and social clubs (Elks, Lions) run them, in addition to specific groups like AA and WW that work off this mechanism.

So what do you do if you're in the 10% of people who don't get value from external motivation? Write it down.

I tend to be internally motivated, which to most folks, will make it seem like I have my crap together all the time. I have "grit." Everything looks easy for me. I'm confident in meetings, I have grace under pressure, I make all the right choices. But I still struggle all the time with following through on goals, staying focused, getting discouraged with slow progress, and I'm my own worst critic with an internal voice that would make you cringe. I still need personal accountability, but it doesn't do much for me to have someone else hold me accountable.

I found that writing down my goal, and progress toward achieving it, got me through this. It was the only way I've ever been able to successfully lose weight. I write down business goals, I have a personal investment plan, I have a five year plan. I found that if I wrote down my goal, and my progress against that goal (quarterly for investing, monthly for finances and budget, daily for dieting) it helped me keep my promise to myself.

Why does this work? It seems there is a connection between the part of your brain that reads and writes, and personal accountability. I can actually feel this when I'm dieting and keeping a journal of what I eat: I think about eating something naughty, and I have an intense visceral reaction to having to write it down later. It's the writing that keeps me from falling off the wagon. Some documentation on this here:

Sid Savara writes a lot about accountability and productivity, you might like his other stuff.
http://sidsavara.com/personal-productivity/fact-or-fiction-the-truth-about-the-harvard-written-goal-study

Author cites a meta-study on goal setting which found successful goals are Measureable, Actionable (you can articulate the steps to get there) , and Achievable (you set goals that you believe you can meet). Writing it all down helps with these three steps.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/the-science-of-goal-setting_b_6335764.html


aceyou

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1566
  • Age: 36
    • Life is Good - Aceyou's Journal
Re: GRIT
« Reply #24 on: October 21, 2015, 11:27:19 AM »
I procrastinated on finances for years.  It bothered me because I knew it was important and I knew I was hurting myself by putting it off.  Here's how I got grit...

I started thinking about how I wanted my life to go...the big picture.

My wife was expecting a second child.  I was a decade into a career...a very good career, but a decade is a long time and I had 2 decades more till a pension. 

I realized I wanted to not have to work in the summers anymore.  I wanted to travel with my children as they got older.  When they get to the point of being out of the house I wanted to be able to travel the world with my wife, something I've never done.  I wanted to not have to work any more when my children get out of high school. 

-------------------------

After I had a very clear picture of how I wanted life to go, setting and sticking with goals became 100x's easier.  I wasn't just saving money to save money, it was getting me closer to a real and tangible life that I want...and can't have unless I set and stick with these goals. 

It turned things like investing and budgeting from tedious activities to exciting challenges. 

_________


So, maybe step 1 isn't creating goals, but rather mapping out how you want your life to go, and how awesome it will be to have/work towards that life.  Once you know that, start setting small goals to get you there, tracking your progress along the way. 


Kaikou

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: United States
  • Kermit is like a box of chocolates
Re: GRIT
« Reply #25 on: October 21, 2015, 09:42:25 PM »
I thought someone posted this here, not sure how I came across it yesterday, but this site explains perfectly procrastination as I see it or rather experience it:

http://waitbutwhy.com/2015/03/procrastination-matrix.html

The funny thing is I don't even know what my instant gratification monkey is seeking. When I avoid things (aka basically everything) I honestly do nothing. I don't really do "fun" things.

arebelspy

  • Administrator
  • Senior Mustachian
  • *****
  • Posts: 27539
  • Age: -999
  • Location: Traveling the World
Re: GRIT
« Reply #26 on: November 08, 2015, 04:38:35 PM »
The first step is recognizing it.

The second is just pushing yourself when the opportunities arise.  Develop the mental strength to force yourself through difficult things.  That's grit.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out our Now page to see what we're up to currently.