I'll jump in since we have some similar experiences, and DW works, has young kids, etc.
First, I agree fully with everything
@Laura33 had to say - she's speaking wisdom. Except for the one phrase about counseling never being a disaster - sometimes it is, especially at a first visit - but that just means that you may have landed a bad counselor (or you should express that it's stressing you so that he/she moves on for a bit), and that's something that's quick & easy to fix by finding another one (so really,
@Laura33 and I are agreed on that as well).
On counseling, you had a bad experience. It happens. You need a better counselor/experience. Bad ones happen. It's a little work up front finding the right person to be useful. And yes, a good one is not cheap. But it sometimes beats the alternative.
But your bigger challenges are how to work out a solution within your marriage. I would also recommend that you sit down with DH and find a balance that works for BOTH of you. I'll give you the example of what we do with these big-picture, big-stress items (which are more common when you have young kids): I'll come up with various options, and we'll discuss. We can have more house and more work, or less house and more time, or more house and more time, but more work (less commute), etc., etc. We discuss them all and finally settle upon a plan that has tradeoffs that work for everyone's mental health.
Sometimes we hit a point where
something isn't working anymore, like a job or a house, and so then we sit down and figure out what to do about it.
It's no surprise that you're experiencing this with a recent kiddo added on - that's a huge, stressful life circumstance! I'll add that I support DW a lot more during those seasons for that reason - it's too stressful on her otherwise - and then I have to work more in between the kids so that I can catch up on things like house maintenance/repairs/upkeep/work.
We find that there are some extremes/options that we both don't want, then some options that we'd lean more towards in the middle, depending upon circumstances/personalities, and some that we would lean more towards if we had more information (e.g. about job options/etc.), so we explore that. At the very least, we find out what we need to know/do to move things forward, and then we do that rather than wait for a collapse.
At the end of the day, it's all about tradeoffs: you can have more house or more time, more money or more time, etc. It's just a matter of figuring out what the real options are and picking the right combo of tradeoffs that you can both make work.
And those balances change over time, as life changes. It's not the same with one kid v. three kids v. four kids v. teenagers, etc. And with different jobs.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and that the balance needs to shift in a way that prioritizes your sanity and welfare. Stress is also bad for the body and personal health. So you need to explore some new options.
You both WFH, you say, so that gives you real options if you were to move. Maybe you have too much house for your salaries/situation, or maybe you can find some better tradeoffs. I mention the house because you mentioned that your mortgage is very high: that's something that you have control over, so maybe that's something that you can change in order to take all of the stress/pressure of working so much off of the two of you and give you more options (especially re: time/spending) other than paying a large mortgage.
In fact, I'll add that that's one of our own largest concerns right now - getting a house that's too expensive out of a desire for more space/better proximity to work - and part of why we're putting up with a house that's frankly too small right now so that we
don't end up in that position due to the stress, and instead, we manage things until we can afford more.
I wish you the best at working through your situation. It definitely sounds like a change is in order.