I am hoping to hear from other parents with almost-grown kids who have successfully combined households with a significant other who also has almost-grown kids. Did you get a bigger house despite knowing you'd be empty nesters almost immediately? Do you have an all-purpose guest room for whichever kid shows up? What did you do over college breaks? What happened when kids graduated but didn't have jobs right away? What worked? What didn't? Anything you would have done differently if you could go back and do it again?
I have been in a committed, long-distance relationship for the past several years (we live on opposite coasts of Florida, about 350 miles apart), and we are now reaching the point where we are ready/able to move toward the next phase of our life together. We are both 50ish, and both have two kids (ages 8 & 18 for me, ages 18 & 21 for him), for which we have both had primary custody... which is why we have been doing the long distance thing for so long. Since I still have a young child, he will likely move to my side of the state, so that said young child can still spend every other weekend with her dad. Two of the kids (my 18-year old and his 21-year old) are already off at college, and his 18-year old will be off to college in the fall. His kids are/will be attending colleges on my side of the state.
He has to sell his house after his youngest graduates (or buy out his ex), so at least one house is likely to be sold no matter what we decide. My house is 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, 1,700 sq. ft. I have a bonus room space that can be used as a guest room (I am currently using it as an office/fitness room during Covid times), so technically we have enough room for everybody to stay/visit/whatever. But that feels jerky... I wouldn't want his kids to feel like guests while my kids had real rooms. We could likely add on to my house, possibly making a space that could be used as a rental/mother-in-law suite if our kids didn't need it. Or maybe he rents a place nearby for the first couple of years as the kids begin to more fully leave the nest?
I'm not totally against selling my house and buying something bigger together, but it's not an ideal solution because: 1) housing prices in my little up-and-coming city are crazy, and 2) it's Florida (on the coast), so the long-term viability is... not great.
We are starting to have these conversations, so I am curious if there are some outside-the-box solutions that are worth discussing, too. Thanks in advance.