Author Topic: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?  (Read 14789 times)

oldtoyota

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Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« on: July 27, 2013, 07:59:15 PM »
Just curious if you all mention your financial goals to your parents.

I lead a frugal lifestyle, so I figure it has to be somewhat obvious to some what my plans may be.

I'll be ready to retire in 9 years and SO--as of now--wants to keep working. My plan is to start a business once I reach FI while he continues to work at the job he loves (his job has a lot of meaning for him and gives him summers off).

So, I told a parent. They looked at me in disbelief. I shared that my dream is to start a business, and they said, "Oh, you would still have an income then."

Something about the conversation was making me uncomfortable. It seemed like they thought it was not possible or that I was crazy...so I was thinking maybe I should keep these thoughts completely to myself (and SO, of course).

I am willing to make sacrifices to reach FI, and--unknown to my closest friends probably--I have enormous self discipline when it comes to anything I set out to do. I'm cool with not traveling much and with eating cheap food and with moving to a less expensive area. And, as of now, SO is on board with this.

SO will have summers off most of the time, and I really would love to spend more time together during those months. That is part of the reason I want to retire sooner rather than later.











« Last Edit: August 07, 2013, 06:45:30 AM by oldtoyota »

matchewed

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2013, 08:05:00 PM »
I'm vey open with my parents about it. I'm not sure how much they believe is possible, I think that they believe I'll retire early, my guess is they think 55 or so when I say 40-45.

oldtoyota

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2013, 08:08:45 PM »
Matchewed--What do they say to you when you talk about it? One comment I got was, "You can't retire in your forties!"

Oh, yeah?! heh heh

I would make them faint if I mentioned some folks are retiring in their 30s. Hee hee.


KMMK

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2013, 08:18:19 PM »
My parents, yes. My father retired at 54 so he's familiar with early retirement. My side of the family is all good with money and won't be surprised if I retire mid-forties to fifty, as is our plan.

We don't tell my husband's parents any specifics though as his siblings aren't good with money and we're not comfortable with them knowing how much money we have, or will have.

Russ

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2013, 08:19:48 PM »
I don't share the big stretch goals with my parents since they tend to be overly sympathetic when things don't go exactly as I plan (which I don't really care about, it's all about moving in the right direction), but I have mentioned early retirement as a concept a few times. They were open to it, as they are to most things, and were mostly curious about what I'd do with my time. They're pretty cool TBH.

PS: This same parent explained to me that Canada has provinces and not states. (?!?!?!?!?!) I tried not to be insulted. So, you can see where I'm at here. Maybe the parent still thinks I am five?


Well it's true, isn't it?

Michelle119

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2013, 08:21:38 PM »
My dad is behind our plan to get rid of all debt besides the mortgage before kids and for me to reduce my hours dramatically at work. I will probably never fully retire, I am a CPA/Real estate agent and love both and will probably just cut back to more normal-ish hours. DH loves his job and I don't think he would want to quit since he enjoys it, he might cut down once kids our older/once we pay off the mortgage. I don't dare share my plans with FIL/MIL since they make snarky remarks that we can afford non-store brand pickles and it must be nice to have all our money. We actually just had dinner with them and retirement came up/staying at home with kids and they said they will never be able to quit working since they are so poor.

matchewed

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2013, 08:45:09 PM »
Matchewed--What do they say to you when you talk about it? One comment I got was, "You can't retire in your forties!"

Oh, yeah?! heh heh

I would make them faint if I mentioned some folks are retiring in their 30s. Hee hee.

They mostly smile and nod. Mind you they raised five kids. So whatever nontraditional forms of retirement they may or may have had went bye bye some time ago. I'm pretty sure Dad understands the drive, he understands me but may also be humoring me as he doesn't buy into controlling consumption, he just doesn't think it's that easy I think. Mom isn't a person who follows financial matters so she accepts it at face value.

kkbmustang

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2013, 08:51:59 PM »
Not really. Both of my parents are under the mistaken impression that I'm not working now, even though I'm working part-time, from home and am self-employed. Because I'm no longer practicing law and working 60-70 hours a week a lot of people think I'm not doing anything other than lying around. But, whatever. I don't really talk about it with anyone else other than the Hubs. Very few people actually get it and I don't want to waste my energy talking to brick walls.

kkbmustang

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2013, 09:12:25 PM »
They might. I sincerely don't care what other people think. So long as The Hubs and I are on the same page and know what our financial situation is, I couldn't care less what other people assume.

Zikoris

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2013, 09:45:05 PM »
I've mentioned to both my parents that I save 60%+ of my income and have no desire to work a day longer than I have to. They don't seem to really care much one way or another, and we quickly move on to other topics.

My boyfriend has hinted at it with his parents - they're very old-school traditional types, so career goals are a frequent topic they like to bring up. He hasn't outright told them he wants ER, but mentions saving a ton for retirement. His parents retired pretty young as well, which should help.

Neither of us particularly cares what anyone thinks(INTJs), which helps a lot in situations like this.

ch12

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2013, 09:48:40 PM »
I did tell my parents and it was pretty much an utter disaster.

My first plan was to go and hang out with them in a bit in their low-cost, beach-infested (heehee) area. I love beaches with warm water. My dad was initially on board with this, but I think that he thought it was a fantasy. He was upset about it and asking why I went to college at all. And I told him that if he would be ok with me being a SAHM, then he should be ok with this, and he stopped that line of questioning. And he's been rather derogatory about it since then. He told his sister/my aunt that I planned to retire in 10 years and she scoffed and said that she couldn't retire now. That's absolute rot, but, hey, I try not to rock the boat and I just nodded. Asian filial piety strikes again.

My mother's kneejerk reaction was "You're not allowed to do that. You have to work." Pretty much verbatim. My mother often tells me that I am "not allowed" to do things, like be vegan. Obviously I already was vegan at that point...so it was really moot.

My parents are not happy about the prospect of my early retirement.

EK

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2013, 11:07:23 PM »
Well my parents are in their early 50s and set to be officially retired (though they may pick up part time stuff if they want here and there) early next year.  Due to their thriftiness, they put two kids through private school and college with one income earner- my mom.  My dad stopped working a traditional job and was a stay at home dad from the time I was 7 or 8 (I'm 26). They won't be early retired by mustachian standards, but considering that they made a conscious choice to be a single income family, and make a lot of expensive choices like private school, they have done really well.

My mom is an accountant, and she loves talking about money and saving with me and helping me make little excel graphs and spreadsheets.  I've told both my parents that we're working towards 50% savings rate and hoping to be financially independent much earlier than most.  They think its really cool!!

gooki

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #12 on: July 28, 2013, 01:00:58 AM »
I tried to bring it up with my dad. I was talking about buying a house in a beachside town. His response, "why would you do that, there's no jobs their". Which was kind of the point, we wouldn't be working. I think the response threw me so I dropped it.

I'd had thought from their perspective, they would have encouraged us to be 1.5 hours drive away, instead of on another island that costs them about $500 every time they want to visit.

They know our financial situation, mortgage free, one income. Which came as a shock to them, as they've always seen us (my brother and I) as consumerist spenders in comparison to their frugalness. And I was, except I knew how to stretch my entertainment spending. So they never assumed my wife and I could possibly have, bought a house and paid it off, renovated it top to bottom, got married, had our first child, and travelled overseas twice, all within 5.5 years.

Katnina

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #13 on: July 28, 2013, 03:01:25 AM »
My parents know.  When I was 18 I told them I was going to get a job on Wall Street after college and retire at 35.  I'm 32 and retired & they were surprised that I actually did it.  My mom was super proud when I paid off my mortgage 3 years ago, but I think she thinks it's weird that I don't want to go back to full-time work.  I think it's because she doesn't know what to tell her frenemies when they are all bragging about their kids being soooo successful in their careers.  And she's just like, ummmm...my daughter owns rental houses, no more high powered finance job, I can't keep up with you in the my kid is sooooo successful game. She also is a doctor and loves her job so I think she just doesn't get the idea of not wanting to work.  My dad is super proud, but I don't think he understands why I wouldn't want to work anymore either.  He's a workaholic, owns his own business, looooovees working.   
We haven't told my husband's side of the family.  We make it seem like I am much more hands on with my properties than I am so they don't ask when I'm going to find a new job.  They won't understand the early retirement thing.   They are very much 'this is how much we get in every month =this is how much we can spend,' non-savers.  DH doesn't want them to know our financial status because he's afraid they'll hit us up for money for wants (obviously we'd help if someone were in need, but you want a new car just 'cuz? Nope, not helping.)

DaftShadow

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2013, 06:02:23 AM »
Imagine you are 55 years old, you have lived your whole life in a certain way, and one day your child comes to you and says something like "mom, dad, I love you, but you're doing it ALL wrong...  Working my 40k/yr job, in 5 years I'm going to save enough money to retire, forever.  Isn't this AWESOME!?!"

...

Sounds pretty absurd, doesn't it?  :)

When I first read ERE years ago, I scoffed at it, closed the page, and didn't go back for over 2 years!  To my mind then, it's ideas were so absurd, I couldn't imagine it made sense.  And then I found it again accidentally, after I had changed enough, and realized that it was possible...  I wonder if you did similar. 

Your parents are just the same, except they are also scared for your safety.  You've dropped a bomb on them.  You have literally told them that everything they know about money, retirement, savings, and work, might be wrong.  If you were warren buffett they might listen respectfully (probably not, but possibly), but you're just a punk-kid with no life experience.

And it's not just about your age...  there's also a sense of innate comparison here that everyone has.  "How come she gets to live comfortably, while I have to scrimp to pay the bills on my credit card?!?"  "How come my neice gets to retire, while I've worked for 40 years and can't afford to do it?!?" "What if everyone did this, then no work would get done and society would collapse." "What if it *is* true, and I've wasted my whole life... oh god!".  Every time you tell your plans to someone, these sorts of reactions will come up.  It's natural. 

The best thing that I can recommend in this situation is smile, tell them you love them, and thank them for their input.  Share your plans if you want (and there are many good reasons to), but don't do it constantly.  And then save your money, invest it, and 5-10 years from now listen respectfully when they give you an earful after you announce your retirement.  (it's coming, but don't worry, you can handle it).  After plenty of discussions that go something like "mom, dad, I love you, this is what I'm doing, stop talking about it or I'm not coming over for thanksgiving"...  they will finally accept that you know what you're doing, and while they still probably won't understand, they will move on... 

Sometimes they will actually be impressed enough to listen, and you can help them grow too.  But don't worry if they don't...  This is life.  You've got a lot more like it coming.  Good thing you're getting prepared financially.  You'll do great.  :-)

Cheers,
~ DaftShadow

ender

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #15 on: July 28, 2013, 06:08:47 AM »
I say, as a 25 year old who has a car worth about 1/3 what both younger brothers' vehicles are worth (when I make probably as much as both them combined right now) something like

"I have some pretty aggressive financial goals"

whenever the subject comes up. I've yet to tell anyone outside close friends I am planning on being quite comfortably retired at age 40 :)

DaftShadow, what you say here is SO true

Quote
  it's not just about your age...  there's also a sense of innate comparison here that everyone has.  "How come she gets to live comfortably, while I have to scrimp to pay the bills on my credit card?!?"

Adventine

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #16 on: July 28, 2013, 07:00:50 AM »
DaftShadow summed it up nicely. Many parents will always believe they know better than their kids.

limeandpepper

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #17 on: July 28, 2013, 07:59:44 AM »
I don't remember saying anything about early retirement to my parents, but I think they would be happy for me if I could pull it off. The reason I haven't said anything is because I'm not so sure I'll be fully retiring anytime soon - early semi-retirement is certainly a possibility, though. At this point I am probably more interested in using my frugality to save up a good stash, and then go do some major travelling with my boyfriend. We'll try to work as we travel, and avoid dipping into our savings/investments if possible, to let them continue to grow, but the money will be there if we need it. I don't know about other people, but this idea is more likely to cause consternation with my family. Financial stability is important to them, hence why I think they'd be delighted if I can achieve early retirement, but this route I'm leaning towards, on the other hand, is really rocking the boat! And yes, I have told them about these potential plans. They do have their concerns, but also say that I'm an adult now and can make my own decisions. :)
« Last Edit: July 28, 2013, 08:01:18 AM by limeandpepper »

impaire

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #18 on: July 28, 2013, 08:17:47 AM »
My first plan was to go and hang out with them in a bit in their low-cost, beach-infested (heehee) area. I love beaches with warm water.


Hum... Where would that be? I'd love to join you guys :p

I'm not telling my parents, at least not right now, because I think they would pretty much react just like yours. They both worked incredibly hard their entire lives, lived a mustachian-to-the-max lifestyle (other than having 5 kids!), and saved tons, being doctors. Yet my dad is working until he will be kicked out of the system, because he's so anxious not to ever have enough money. He mentioned that leaving a large inheritance is important... So to them working and making money is a moral value more than a means to an end.

I actually spent all my money (on experience, not stuff) in my 20s in reaction to their mode of life. I didn't want to live for later and deny myself everything in the meantime. Now I think I'm coming to a behavior that's much closer to theirs, but the values I'm still not on board with--I'm still trying to live now, except not systematically by throwing money at it :p

Zamboni

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #19 on: July 28, 2013, 08:49:18 AM »
Another + DaftShadow.

I just got back to listening to all of my aunts and uncles discuss money with my parents.  They are all traditional retirement age, but none of them are retired.  As far as I can hear they all suck with most aspects of money, to be blunt.  Without social security they'd have no hope of even ever cutting back on work.

No, I didn't chime in, nor will I.  Some of my older relatives *think* they have financial acumen.  My Dad's wife, for example, will give others advice and lectures about money even though she has actually had to declare bankruptcy once already (prior to marrying my Dad.)  According to him they've no hope of truly retiring the way they currently spend even though my Dad is in his 70's.  She tends to leave the bankruptcy part out, so few know about it.  The people in my family who probably know the least about managing finances seem to be the most vocal opinionated.  Better just to leave them as they are.

My extended family all seems to assume I'm poverty stricken because I'm a single mom, always cook at home, and don't have a nice car.  They also assume my cousins (both HS math teachers) are poor because they also drive an old beater minivan.  In reality we all earn more $$$ than they do and we all save WAAY more.  But we just keep quiet, which seems the respectful thing to do in this situation.  I do insist on paying my fair share for visits with them; I suspect they still don't let me pay the correct amount for my share, but at least I try.  Maybe we all learned from watching them spin their wheels?

DougStache

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #20 on: July 28, 2013, 09:08:54 AM »
I have talked about it briefly with both my parents, and my wife's parents (before being married, even).  I normally agree with MMM that using the word "retired" instead of "financially independent" delivers more of the shock factor, but I choose to pass on the shock factor when explaining it to parents.

I explained it as not needing to work for money anymore, but continuing to work on things we find interesting.  This especially rung true to my wife's parents, because they know it's her dream to start a business in giving music lessons.  This approach is better with parents because "retirement" to them means doing what they currently do: sitting in a chair watching CNN, doing crosswords, occasional housework, talking politics with other retirees, and going golfing.  Whereas "financially independent" to them sounds a lot more like being an entrepreneur without the risk of starving to death / losing your house if your business plans flop.

AlmostIndependent

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #21 on: July 28, 2013, 09:13:08 AM »
My father and I both work for the same organization. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that he's going to be shocked as shut when I retire before he does. I'm looking forward to it :)

wing117

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #22 on: July 28, 2013, 09:19:54 AM »
I come from a very close knit family, so my mother and sister both know. My sister scoffs at the idea, my Mother is genuinely interested but already retired. I started the talk with what I was looking at doing with my money, not necessarily "early retirement" - reduce spending, saving more, begin investing wisely... I eased into the 'early retirement' discussion after she made the comment "Well, I have 10k sitting in a savings account, maybe I'll just let you invest it for me!" Bingo. I earned her financial trust and things went swimmingly well afterwards.

Sometimes you have to ease parents into new ideas.

Crash87

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #23 on: July 28, 2013, 09:38:32 AM »
I convinced my whole immediate family to retire early/become FI with me. I put together an excel sheet for them to track their savings and annual spending that really helped get them comfortable with the idea. Being a CPA probably helped also, despite most of my IR knowledge coming from bogleheads and this forum.

rubybeth

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #24 on: July 28, 2013, 09:56:23 AM »
My parents know I read MMM and want to retire as soon as I can. I've told them that MMM retired at 32 and my mom asked how, so I explained. I think this inspired her to recently sit down and really figure out when she can stop working, and we figured out she can retire any day she wants, which my dad has been telling her, but seeing the numbers was interesting to her. I think knowing she can quit whenever has helped her work stress a lot. :)

They also know that we've been aggressively paying down debt--they helped us with this by giving us part of an inheritance they received and felt they didn't need. I don't think they would have given us that money if we weren't planning to pay down debt with it. I told my mom we'd finally take the trip to Paris that she's wanted to go on forever, as soon as we are out of debt. Since that's happening this year, we are beginning to map out our travel plans for next summer.

I got a lot of my frugal habits and opinions about money from my parents. My dad is a huge DIY-er, fixes everything around the house that he can, plus the cars. He designed their house back in the 1970s to save money and maximize space (hint: no hallways). My mom is a super bargain shopper, finds awesome things secondhand, and lives to brag about how much money she's saved. :) They shop at ALDI, paid off their mortgage early, and my dad retired from his job in order to start his own business from home, doing something he enjoys.

Really, they are an inspiration to me and DH about how to live well and never worry about money. DH's parents, OTOH, have no idea of our plans.

oldtoyota

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #25 on: July 28, 2013, 07:37:40 PM »
And she's just like, ummmm...my daughter owns rental houses, no more high powered finance job, I can't keep up with you in the my kid is sooooo successful game.

Except that she could keep up. ;-) I'd say you are successful.

Katnina

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #26 on: July 28, 2013, 08:01:32 PM »
^ awwww, thanks!!!   Reading that made me super happy. 
I think people's definitions of 'success' are VERY, VERY different.   For me, when i was in college, my definition was: I will consider myself 'successful' when i can bring my dog in to work every day.   i got to that point at 27 and realized i didn't feel successful at all-yeah, i brought my dog into my office every night (night shift, trading asian stocks, i was alone in the office and told them i needed my dog 'for security reasons,' when really, i was just bored & lonely), but i was miserable!
so now, i think of myself as successful since i don't work for anyone else anymore, unless i choose to (see: lucrative mystery shopping side biz, but i'm an independent contractor for that), but for my mom's peers, i'm not successful at all- i have no kids, drive an 11 yo car, live in a studio apartment with my husband, have no letters after my name, didn't have a big fancy wedding, etc.
it's all subjective. i feel successful, because i have more than enough assets/rental income to support both me & my husband & our furkids, but people who are not my husband or sister or close friends just think i'm a slacker who is wasting her education :).
« Last Edit: July 28, 2013, 08:03:45 PM by Katnina »

RedMaple

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #27 on: July 28, 2013, 08:21:50 PM »
I told my parents about it... my mother asked me to take a look at her retirement fund. My aunt on the other hand had this long talk with me regarding enjoying life. I couldn't get it through her head that materialism and consumerism doesn't make you enjoy life. I find it to be a distraction to life than anything else.

dragoncar

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #28 on: July 28, 2013, 09:03:49 PM »
Yep, they are excited that we can all retire together.  But I think they deep down think it's a phase.  And it might be...

Khan

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #29 on: July 29, 2013, 05:08:25 AM »
For my dad, I haven't discussed my financial position or plans with him because he has this victim complex with the world... and it kills me to talk to him.

For my mom, I've discussed my savings and investments. She helped me make my decision to buy a Mustang GT(you only live once), and she was the first person to know when I sold it. I've told her of my dreams of financial independence, but not early retirement, and I'm not at the stage where it's much more then a dream. She does know I hate being a wage slave, but I don't think she quite understands how much I'm working on escaping. I'm 25 now, and I think in around 5 years the financial aspect will be falling into place, with a stash of between 200-400k depending on investment returns. Other things have yet to fall into place though, such as spouse, and if I'll have children.

That's what she's more interested in, is my personal life. As willing as I am to talk money with her and help her become mustachian, I'm absolutely unwilling to let her know how little interest I have in children.

ace1224

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #30 on: July 29, 2013, 05:27:47 AM »
yep.  they think its bad ass and are totally jealous they didn't think of it "back in the day".  they try to help anyway they can.

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #31 on: July 29, 2013, 05:41:03 AM »
No, because its still quite some ways off. And besides I'm single so my family situation could (or could not) change, so there's no use in even start guessing about FI dates yet. I do let them know that I have my finances in order, and they seem to have picked up on that. But they might think I'm spending a bit more than I actually am since I don't talk about it in detail. My parents are frugal and I admire them for that, but it still took MMM to get me to go all the way. I should probably thank them for the fact that I've always been decent with money, despite not catching completely on until recently.

jdoolin

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #32 on: July 29, 2013, 08:35:40 AM »
Both my parents and in-laws know, and a fair bit of other close family and friends.

My parents are both pretty confident we'll do it and they've even taken some of the same measures to save money themselves.  My in-laws, I'm not sure completely believe it will happen.  I think they believe we'll still end up working until our mid-50's because "that's just how it is".

Most other family members are supportive, though I think skeptical but not outwardly.  Most are skeptical about the investing part.

But my parents and in-laws have BOTH done huge parts in helping us get moving toward our goal, regardless of whether or not they think we'll actually retire in 10 years or less.  They still believe what we're doing is good for us financially.

Rebecca Stapler

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #33 on: July 29, 2013, 08:49:59 AM »
I don't frame it as "retirement," but I do tell them that we would like to be financially independent. Maybe there was a semantics issue? When I hear "retirement," even now, I think "not working." But starting your own business is a lot of work! That's how I make sense of her comment.

MsSindy

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #34 on: July 29, 2013, 09:21:38 AM »
My Dad was a true Mustachian, and I didn't even know it.... we just always joked that he was a cheap SOB and a true hippie!

His life was spent either building sailboats for himself/family or making money by building boats for other people (def $50k without a degree!).  He always worked on his own terms, and spent money on his own terms, always lived in non-traditional housing.  Never had a desire for most material things, other than boat stuff and photography (he's very creative).  His only regret is that he didn't travel outside of the US, and now that he's in his 70's, he doesn't feel confident to tackle international travel - and knowing my rambunctious Dad, we decided that it was probably best, because he'd probably get arrested or something!

My dad never had any love for Corp jobs, and really couldn't understand how I could stomach it - although he's proud of me, he was prouder when I told him I was working on getting "the hell out", to start to experience more of life.  My dad is a very 'free spirit" - he spent time traveling the US by riding the trains "hobo style" to each town; he built a shack on the rocky beaches in So. California and lived there for a summer (no one every bothered him).  Then he got my pretty Mom knocked up and things changed :)    But his spirit never did, he's always been a bit of a "hippie" without the drugs :).  I took after my Mom and went very traditional and stable.  Now, I'm looking forward to taking after my Dad and live life with a little more "free spirit".

As for my in-laws, we don't really discuss money stuff with them.  They know we make good money and don't spend a whole lot, and don't have kids.  We're on the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.  I don't like people telling me what I should/shouldn't do with my money, so I don't bother bringing it up, not sure that they would understand, and I don't feel the need to convince anyone.

avonlea

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #35 on: July 29, 2013, 01:37:34 PM »
It's very interesting that this topic should be on the forum at this time.  I just visited my family last week.  I didn't plan on talking about my financial situation or future plans, but it happened. 

I think that my parents have thought for years that my husband and I are just barely getting by.  We live in what they consider a small house (a little more than 1500 sq feet), but we feel it's more than adequate for a family of 4 and it is paid in full.  They think it is unfortunate that we don't have a playset in the backyard, but we live 200 feet from a small public playground and 0.5 miles from a large public park.  We don't buy the kids a lot of toys or clothes. We have one car, the same car that we've used the whole 12 years of our marriage.  My poor husband HAS to bicycle to work. I could go on and on, but you get the gist of what I'm saying. (And what's amazing is that my parents really were poor when I was young.  One year, in order to get by they took out money my grandparents had put into our children's savings accounts--they eventually had enough to deposit it back, though.) 

Anyway, on this last visit, they started implying that they were worried about my husband's and my financial well-being.  Do we have any savings at all?  Do we have insurance? I told them that we were really okay.  The lifestyle we live is by choice.  We save 1/2 of my husband's after-tax income.  If either of us dies, insurance will pay for a couple of rental houses.  If hubby loses his job, we are not going to have to go into panic mode.  He loves his job now, but circumstances could change.  If that occurs, he can easily leave.  When/if I return to the workforce, I can get a job that I find rewarding.  After my answer, my parents looked a little baffled, said that they were happy to hear that...and then went back to watching HGTV and talking about how great my brother's big house is.  Oh well. 

Spork

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #36 on: July 29, 2013, 01:53:02 PM »

yeah, my dad knows.  His brother retired at 49 (and is a little bit of my hero for that).  I think I can make 50, though I might drag it a year past that just because I tend to be overcautious.  On the other side of that: my dad is 84 and still working (and not because he needs to.)

Samsam

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #37 on: July 29, 2013, 01:57:59 PM »
My Dad laughed at me :'(  Haven't talked about it since.

Eric

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #38 on: July 29, 2013, 03:00:15 PM »
My father and I both work for the same organization. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that he's going to be shocked as shut when I retire before he does. I'm looking forward to it :)

Hahahahahaha!  That is awesome!

mlipps

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #39 on: July 29, 2013, 03:09:52 PM »
I've mentioned it in passing to my parents. To be honest, my big holdup is that I'm kind of uncomfortable with how much we make compared to how little my parents earn. They refuse all my offers of help and I know they're not at all resentful, but I don't want them to feel like I'm bragging.

Jerod

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #40 on: July 29, 2013, 04:29:00 PM »
I tell my parents that I am saving oodles of money and plan to retire early at every opportunity I get.  They started out not believing me, they are starting to listen a little bit more, but I think it will take about another year before they understand that I'm serious and maybe another year after that before they let me sit with them and maybe help them with their finances (something I'm dying to do).

I find that stating savings and retirement goals aren't poorly received, but that saying I'm going to bike everywhere is met with "you can't do that", "that's dangerous", "why not just buy a car", etc.  Similar reactions to living inexpensively in other ways, like cheapest housing available instead of most comfortable and not buying new things all the time to replace slightly used, older things.

I think telling your parents is a great idea if only to expose them to a different idea about how to live one's life.

atlbrew

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #41 on: July 29, 2013, 05:20:31 PM »
I have discussed with my parents, they are on board with it as my dad is retiring next year at 56 which I guess is early for "traditionals" and my mom has been "retired" for a while (since I was born).

We run into problems with the in-laws.  They are very much of the opinion that it is better to spend all you have, plus some, to achieve happiness.  Needless to say, we have not discussed our plans with them.

Mini-Mer

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #42 on: July 29, 2013, 06:59:48 PM »
Sometimes - mostly when my plans are non-controversial or unavoidable.  My parents are frugal, so the basics are not a problem.  We did discuss my buying a house while I was doing that.  I tried to avoid talking about law school, until the oversupply of lawyers got published and I could say I told you so.

One thing I wish I could not talk to my parents about: my father has started nagging me to get a new car.  A Chevrolet Volt.  My father did not raise me to spend that percentage of my salary on a depreciating asset.  But it is shiny, and American-made, and I live in a city, so I should have one.  I expect I'll be hearing about it until I do buy a car that is not that car.  My car is old, but not expensive or unreliable, so that could be a while.

Unless he reads this forum.  In which case: Dad, I love you, lay off! :)

ch12

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #43 on: July 29, 2013, 07:15:58 PM »
My first plan was to go and hang out with them in a bit in their low-cost, beach-infested (heehee) area. I love beaches with warm water.


Hum... Where would that be? I'd love to join you guys :p

I'm not telling my parents, at least not right now, because I think they would pretty much react just like yours. They both worked incredibly hard their entire lives, lived a mustachian-to-the-max lifestyle (other than having 5 kids!), and saved tons, being doctors. Yet my dad is working until he will be kicked out of the system, because he's so anxious not to ever have enough money. He mentioned that leaving a large inheritance is important... So to them working and making money is a moral value more than a means to an end.

They have a retirement house in Sarasota, FL; it has that warm Gulf of Mexico water. My dad is already a Florida resident, but my mom is still working...pretty much for the same reason as your dad. She doesn't want to stop. I've run the numbers with her over and over again and she has a 100% chance of living a superb life in retirement. But she won't do it.

This is a picture of a nearby island from November of last year, when I hopped down to spend Thanksgiving with my father.

CorpRaider

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #44 on: July 30, 2013, 06:17:50 AM »
I would probably only mention it when I could say; "Well I've got $X in savings." When they inevitably questioned the decision.  Seems only normal for a parent to be concerned when a child expresses a desire to deviate from the norm.  I think we have to remember this is the person who bought you those drums, or karate lessons or tuba or whatever that you never used, so they COULD be a bit skeptical.  haha.

impaire

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Re: Do You Tell Your Parents Your Plans?
« Reply #45 on: July 30, 2013, 10:40:11 AM »

This is a picture of a nearby island from November of last year, when I hopped down to spend Thanksgiving with my father.


I'm sold!