This is something my wife and I talk about a lot.
Early on in our relationship, she made about $20k more per year than I did. That quickly changed when I started my own practice. Now I basically work two jobs -- one as an attorney for the city, and also my private practice.
My annual income, if you include the value of the benefits I get, is probably around $150-175k, while my wife has taken a step back to three days a week and makes about $45k per year. Part of me thinks I am working way more now and would thus be entitled to pull the plug earlier; the other part of me knows my wife has her hands full watching our little one on her "days off."
I really do oscillate between plans. Sometimes I think it would be best to pick a date and have both of us attack that with vigorous zeal. Other times I think perhaps CoastFIRE (i.e., saving a bunch, letting that balloon, and just earning enough to pay bills) is a better option. And even other times I calculate FIRE based on her income alone and what we would need invested to make up the difference.
Ultimately we have decided to do the following:
1. Set a FIRE/debt payoff goal of 01/01/2030. This is about 9+ years. This is doable based on current income. Note that FIRE does not necessarily mean we will quit working.
2. Have $750k+ invested in index funds by this date. This provides a form of "fuck you" that gives us flexibility, both as a couple and individually.
3. Hold enough real estate to cash flow $5,000 per month. We are partnering up with another very similarly minded family, and we are going to structure this so that we contribute a little bit more capital and defer the day-to-day stuff to them. Again, this cash flow gives us options.
4. All of the above gives us flexibility. My post history on here somewhat demonstrates that I am comically Type A, always seeking to do something new. I want to start a mediation company, a couple blogs, ultralearn something, etc.
Now, what will my spouse and I do? I *think* she will want to continue to work part time, as will I. But we don't know. I think the discussion needs to be had probably a couple times a year.
There really is no right answer to this except having an open, respectful dialogue with your spouse and make sure you are both on the same team. I would not be able to work the way I do if it weren't for my wife and how selfless she is with our son, so it would be silly of me to use my income as a cudgel to retire before she did unless she was *entirely* on board with it.
Just my two cents.
