Coworker advice needed

[dividendsplease]

I have a coworker that I am not a fan of and need advice.

We have the same title. The person started three months before me. The person is a total butt kisser to our boss and the levels above the boss. The person can basically do no wrong and come and go when they please. Meanwhile, I get questioned like I'm a felon if it's 4:45pm and I'm leaving for the day when I came in early and worked through lunch. The person interjects themselves into anywhere they can and asks to be invited to meetings they shouldn't be involved in and management agrees and lets them. This person talks down to myself and other coworkers and always has the 'I'm smarter than you' mentality and openly tells the boss how coworkers have not done something the way they would have liked it done in team meetings. My boss loves this person.

Now this coworker has been asked to take the lead on a project I was working on and my boss told me to suck it up and deal with it because the boss above my boss wants it that way. I literally cannot stand this coworker but put on my happy face for eight hours a day.

Any advice you all can give me? Right now I have motivation to finish up some professional designations so that I can differentiate myself and then move on but that might take a year or more. I'm not a butt kisser, I'm a get the work done person, but literally cannot stand dealing with this person on a daily basis.

[SwordGuy]

https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-People-Stand-Revised-Expanded/dp/0071785728/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491951586&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+deal+with+people+you+can%27t+stand

Awesome book.

[GetSmart]

You must be working with my old co-worker :)  I feel for you - can imagine what you're going through.  I was in this exact same situation -- it did not end well. 

If it were me knowing then what I know now I'd do the following:
Carefully document everything you do - hours of coming and going and exactly what you were working on (painful but possibly helpful in the long run).  Could also be helpful to document CW's hours of coming and going.  Keep in a notebook that goes with you at all times-- don't leave in office.

Also keep notes on what CW said to you or to others regarding project (or any personal comments if not appropriate); Track, time-stamp and organize all emails and other correspondence.

Keep your name in circulation for another job; keep resume updated; start planning now for your 1 year move.

Always take lunch (and breaks if possible) out of the office (even if you have to go sit in your car in the parking lot -- I used to drive to the park down the street -- even if the weather sucked -- or walk around the building for a break) and be a stickler about the time; it eliminates the ammo against you.

If they like to engage in small talk - always keep the conversation about the other person -- never give any personal info or you could say 'love to chat -- but I'm on a deadline here - sorry'.

Keep some stock phrases that you can rely on in response to the belittling such as: 'really? that's interesting... I'll have to look into that' which doesn't obligate you to do a single thing and should give them the ego boost they're looking for.

Usually this is just an ego power-play ironically from a person with low self-esteem.  If you can keep your ego out of the situation the other person will eventually do themselves in.

Good luck !

[Frankies Girl]

Had one of those at my former workplace - referred to them as the ButtKisser (BK). While they were completely competent at their job, instead of just working hard and being nice to everyone and climbing up the ladder through being a badass, they still felt the need to suck up constantly (to the point of nausea for those of us witnessing the actions). BK made it a point to denigrate peers they saw as a threat as well, so not only did the boss feel like this person was their bestest friend (and started hanging out together socially as well), they felt like the rest of the department was against the boss, and hated them - so it was a masterful move to both become the boss' can't-live-without worker, they also made sure that no one else could get close or would be trusted by the boss in any case so they were the one to reward or deny other workers as they saw fit.

Fun thing was, eventually when BK was firmly ensconced in the number 2 position, BK started a smear campaign against boss with higher ups, then took over the department, and the former boss was regulated to a secondary position with less authority. And it was all thanks to BK's subtle campaign to make boss look incompetent every chance BK got. In every meeting - where boss person wasn't attending since that was one of the delegated tasks for BK to handle - there was at least one dig about how boss didn't know how to use "standard program" or wasn't capable of understanding so BK would have to take on that project themselves to ensure it would be done correctly. So not only did boss end up being isolated and hated by their own department, they were eventually seen as a helpless airhead throughout the company.

I personally gave up advancing myself because I wasn't willing to go to the extremes of sucking up that BK was, and frankly I didn't want to do boss's work in addition to my own (which is what happened for close to a year before BK was rewarded with perks). But I also was targeted (like several other coworkers), by BK until BK realized we weren't interested in competing with them. It sucked for a very, very long time. But I was around 3 years away from retiring completely and I had no place that I could have moved to that would not have been a big step backwards at the point in time that made no sense... so I put my head down, did my work and tried to ignore the stupid shit as best I could.



SOOOOO. The TL/DR version of the above? These types of people pop up now and again, and they are never someone you want anything to do with because they are out to climb to the top of the ladder, and will do so gleefully over your body if you get in the way (or are perceived to be a threat). And it sounds like your BK is definitely gunning for you. So the best thing I'd suggest is either fight back by being super productive and start your own sucking up (as much as you can anyway), or start looking for a transfer within the company if possible or new job elsewhere. Because unless you can out-kiss this kissass, you're likely going to continue to have your work nitpicked, every little thing you do placed under a microscope and basic bullying becoming commonplace (and your bosses sound like my former boss - stupid and easily manipulated if they get their ego stroked by the BKs out there).

[checkedoutat39]

You get paid the same regardless of who listens to you or what the cow orker does.

Play the long game. Start looking for other jobs. In the intervew don't make it about the cow orker, but instead something about advancing all you're able to where you are, wanting bigger challenges, wanting to be a bigger part of the core business where you work or some similar BS.

See where you can spend less and same more so you can RE that much earlier and say screw it.

You're probably not the only person the cow orker is pissing off. Try to find some allies around the office. Doesn't necessarily accomplish anything but corroborates your experience and helps you feel better. Maybe they're looking for other jobs too. If you interact with people outside your company, start networking.

Now you know why some of us try to RE. How far you get in cubicle land isn't always up to you.

[jade]

I worked with someone like this recently, luckily they moved on but I found it really hard to be in the same room as this person, so feel your pain!

As someone said, it's usually an indicator of low self esteem.... I do think that's true though doesn't always make their behaviour easy to handle. Also, google "narcissistic co-worker", it helped me try to understand what was going on with my BK. :)

[Zero Degrees]

I would like to offer a different perspective. Although I'm not a fan of butt kissers, it is our job to make our boss look good and to make their lives easier. Some people just tend to go overboard here and trust me your boss sees through it.
 
Continue to work hard and make sure your boss is aware of the projects that you're working on.  Instead of being upset your project was reassigned,  volunteer for another more complex one. In time the boss will notice, unless it's truly the boss that is the issue

You can't change your boss or employees behavior. You can only change yours.

Good luck.

[plog]

Your post came off as sour grapes to me.  Mostly because you are conflating 2 relationships into 1 issue, trying to make yourself the victim of both. 

1.  You dislike your coworker for various reasons.

2.  Your superiors treat you poorly.


Not saying those 2 issues don't exist or aren't important;  I am saying you have 2 seperate issues.  You're coworker may be condescending to you, but it doesn't sound like the coworker has undermined you to your bosses.  The co worker has simply endeared themself to your superiors better than you have.  You cannot blame your coworker for your superiors' relationships with you.

If you literally cannot literally stand dealing with this person on a daily basis, then don't.  Find a new job.   

[SKL-HOU]

It is what it is. Worry about your own performance and comings and goings. Life is not always fair and as much as we all would like to believe if we do a good job, we will get what we deserve, in real life that is not the case. You need to be political, not necessarily kissing butt.

[mpcharles]

Read the 48 laws of power and put it into action mwahahaha

Sent from my ASUS_Z00AD using Tapatalk

[BlueHouse]

I've been there too.  My co-worker's name was "Becky Buttinski" (BB).   

This part was definitely true, but it didn't make my life any easier. 

Usually this is just an ego power-play ironically from a person with low self-esteem.  If you can keep your ego out of the situation the other person will eventually do themselves in.

So I took matters into my own hand. 

I had just finished my own job search, so I was very familiar with what was out there, and had even interviewed for some jobs that were just slightly out of my reach.  But because BB had been doing this job longer than me, she might be qualified for the jobs I didn't get. 
I sent her name and contact information to the company recruiters.  She was happily gone within 3 weeks and out of my hair. 

A few years ago, I did the same thing to a colleague who was simply miserably incompetent.  I was able to get a copy of his resume (HR set up appointments in conference rooms using Outlook, and attached applicants' resumes to the appointments, and everyone in the company could access the "conference room" schedule, and a co-worker who turned me on to this fact had downloaded every single person's resume that had ever interviewed at the company and was storing them)! 
Anyway, a job came up on Monster that looked perfect for his on-paper skills.  I submitted his resume, and he got the job.  It really was better all around because he wasn't a good fit for where he was.   

I'm not sure if either one of them could ever trace it back to me, but if so, I'm sure they were more grateful than anything else.  Now, my employers would have fired me for sure, had they found out. 

Not sorry. 

[ltt]

I've been there too.  My co-worker's name was "Becky Buttinski" (BB).   

This part was definitely true, but it didn't make my life any easier. 

Usually this is just an ego power-play ironically from a person with low self-esteem.  If you can keep your ego out of the situation the other person will eventually do themselves in.

So I took matters into my own hand. 

I had just finished my own job search, so I was very familiar with what was out there, and had even interviewed for some jobs that were just slightly out of my reach.  But because BB had been doing this job longer than me, she might be qualified for the jobs I didn't get. 
I sent her name and contact information to the company recruiters.  She was happily gone within 3 weeks and out of my hair. 

A few years ago, I did the same thing to a colleague who was simply miserably incompetent.  I was able to get a copy of his resume (HR set up appointments in conference rooms using Outlook, and attached applicants' resumes to the appointments, and everyone in the company could access the "conference room" schedule, and a co-worker who turned me on to this fact had downloaded every single person's resume that had ever interviewed at the company and was storing them)! 
Anyway, a job came up on Monster that looked perfect for his on-paper skills.  I submitted his resume, and he got the job.  It really was better all around because he wasn't a good fit for where he was.   

I'm not sure if either one of them could ever trace it back to me, but if so, I'm sure they were more grateful than anything else.  Now, my employers would have fired me for sure, had they found out. 

Not sorry.

OMG...classic...you need to put this on the mustachian wall of comedy (if there is one). Hahahaha!!

[SKL-HOU]

I've been there too.  My co-worker's name was "Becky Buttinski" (BB).   

This part was definitely true, but it didn't make my life any easier. 

Usually this is just an ego power-play ironically from a person with low self-esteem.  If you can keep your ego out of the situation the other person will eventually do themselves in.

So I took matters into my own hand. 

I had just finished my own job search, so I was very familiar with what was out there, and had even interviewed for some jobs that were just slightly out of my reach.  But because BB had been doing this job longer than me, she might be qualified for the jobs I didn't get. 
I sent her name and contact information to the company recruiters.  She was happily gone within 3 weeks and out of my hair. 

A few years ago, I did the same thing to a colleague who was simply miserably incompetent.  I was able to get a copy of his resume (HR set up appointments in conference rooms using Outlook, and attached applicants' resumes to the appointments, and everyone in the company could access the "conference room" schedule, and a co-worker who turned me on to this fact had downloaded every single person's resume that had ever interviewed at the company and was storing them)! 
Anyway, a job came up on Monster that looked perfect for his on-paper skills.  I submitted his resume, and he got the job.  It really was better all around because he wasn't a good fit for where he was.   

I'm not sure if either one of them could ever trace it back to me, but if so, I'm sure they were more grateful than anything else.  Now, my employers would have fired me for sure, had they found out. 

Not sorry.

Whether they were grateful or not, this is a shitty thing to do. You can't beat them by doing better at your job than them so you eliminate them by forging job applications??? Wow!

[BlueHouse]

OMG...classic...you need to put this on the mustachian wall of comedy (if there is one). Hahahaha!!

Thanks.  I have long considered this strategy to be my single biggest accomplishment at work (sad, I know).  Too bad I can't share my "evil genius" with anyone except anonymously! 

[Miss Piggy]

I've been there too.  My co-worker's name was "Becky Buttinski" (BB).   

This part was definitely true, but it didn't make my life any easier. 

Usually this is just an ego power-play ironically from a person with low self-esteem.  If you can keep your ego out of the situation the other person will eventually do themselves in.

So I took matters into my own hand. 

I had just finished my own job search, so I was very familiar with what was out there, and had even interviewed for some jobs that were just slightly out of my reach.  But because BB had been doing this job longer than me, she might be qualified for the jobs I didn't get. 
I sent her name and contact information to the company recruiters.  She was happily gone within 3 weeks and out of my hair. 

A few years ago, I did the same thing to a colleague who was simply miserably incompetent.  I was able to get a copy of his resume (HR set up appointments in conference rooms using Outlook, and attached applicants' resumes to the appointments, and everyone in the company could access the "conference room" schedule, and a co-worker who turned me on to this fact had downloaded every single person's resume that had ever interviewed at the company and was storing them)! 
Anyway, a job came up on Monster that looked perfect for his on-paper skills.  I submitted his resume, and he got the job.  It really was better all around because he wasn't a good fit for where he was.   

I'm not sure if either one of them could ever trace it back to me, but if so, I'm sure they were more grateful than anything else.  Now, my employers would have fired me for sure, had they found out. 

Not sorry.

I can't decide if these are the most ingenious or the most underhanded approaches I've ever heard about...either way, well played, BlueHouse, well played.

[MrMonkeyMoustache]

I imagine someone like this must be quite charismatic. It helps in nearly all aspects of life. At all of my previous jobs, I could get off with far more than my coworkers (but still didn't, because I'm a damn good worker). Why? The boss' boss thought the world of me, just because I was moderately charismatic.

[Larsg]

Anyone still in corp America should read "Primal Leadership." I has some great tools for dealing w/difficult situation sand people in the workplace. Best of Luck to you...all advice I have read in the threads is good. This too shall pass and these Animals will cross your path again. Arming yourself with skills on how to protect yourself and find the tribe that you like working with is Key. Seth Godin's Tribes is also very good.

[BlueHouse]

Whether they were grateful or not, this is a shitty thing to do. You can't beat them by doing better at your job than them so you eliminate them by forging job applications??? Wow!

Well, I don't look at it in quite the same light. First, I never forged anything. It was more of an anonymous referral, in the first case to recruiters and in the second, to recruiters through a website.

Second, I wasn't trying to beat them at anything. I was simply trying to exist and the first one was actively trying to get me fired from my first day on the job for no reason other than fear and jealousy. The second one was a very poor fit and for many reasons, I know everyone came out happier. (Including Mgmt, because they knew they had a problem but didn't know how to deal with it)

Yes, I could have survived it with years of behind the back sniping to contend with, but nah...this way was actually way more effective. No regrets and zero guilt.

[SKL-HOU]

A referral is different than submitting one's resume without them knowing. And if the employers were so happy, why would you think you would get fired if they found out? I still don't think it was acceptable behavior (because you submitted someone's resume and not simply referred them).

[BlueHouse]

A referral is different than submitting one's resume without them knowing. And if the employers were so happy, why would you think you would get fired if they found out? I still don't think it was acceptable behavior (because you submitted someone's resume and not simply referred them).

I truly don't care what you think, but I'll play anyway.   First, employers being happy with the end result doesn't necessarily mean it was acceptable behavior.  Of course it wasn't!  If you have employees who are helping other employees out the door, in any manner, then that's not an okay situation from a managerial perspective.  I would have fired me if I had found out about it.  That's why I didn't tell anyone. 

I could go into detail about why everyone was happy in the end, but that part doesn't matter.  It's not acceptable for a "loyal employee" to do and if caught, I fully expected an appropriate punishment. 

My previous comment was objecting to your classification of my motive as an inability to do "better at your job than them" and my behavior as "forging job applications".  Neither of those two statements is true. 

Was I sneaky?  Hell yes.  Was it underhanded?  probably. Was it deceitful?  yep. 
Did I break any laws?  Nope.  Did my actions hurt anyone?  Just the opposite.  They seemed to have helped every party involved. 

So my take away is... 

Still not sorry.

[Chrissy]

BLUE HOUSE IS MY HERO.

[SweetRedWine]

BLUE HOUSE IS MY HERO.

Blue House is my hero too! 

[Lanthiriel]

I imagine someone like this must be quite charismatic. It helps in nearly all aspects of life. At all of my previous jobs, I could get off with far more than my coworkers (but still didn't, because I'm a damn good worker). Why? The boss' boss thought the world of me, just because I was moderately charismatic.

Yeah, I honestly thought while reading this that it could be about me. I'm pretty sure that at least 50% of my professional success has resulted from having the right people like me. And yeah, it's pretty calculated. I don't throw anyone under the bus, but I make sure that my efforts, and those of the people I work most closely with, are noticed. Like most places, my work has an "in crowd" and it comes with special privileges. Welcome to Corporate America. It's all a game.