My daughter is a college senior, so my information is four years old, but I did a lot of research then. One useful site is
https://ctcl.org/ Colleges That Change Lives, if either of your kids is interested in a smaller school. They hold events around the country that are free and have about 30 colleges represented. Meeting a college rep at one of these counts as a personal contact when you apply for merit scholarships. The cities vary each year so I would look for one where you live beginning in 10th grade. These schools are all private and many offer extremely generous merit scholarships (otherwise known as tuition discounting).
My daughter applied to 13 colleges and universities and received merit scholarship offers from 10, including 5 at 75% of tuition or higher. She ended up taking a 100% tuition scholarship (Her room and board has averaged $9500 per year. Tuition there is $38,000.) Her full tuition scholarship even covered attending semester abroad program. (This is a little unusual, and was a factor in her choosing that school.) One key to her getting a scholarship was her taking a locally run four Saturday ACT prep course, after initially taking the ACT and not doing well enough to get merit scholarships. I had a hard time shelling out that $400 but I sure am glad I did. I don’t know if the tips they taught her were key, or the confidence she gained through the program.
In applying for merit scholarships at private schools, you probably only want to apply where your gpa and ACT or SAT (and almost every school accepts either now) is at least at the 75% level for that college. The more “rare” you are for that school, the more likely you will get a generous offer. Every school wants students from all 50 states; on average you will get more from schools farther away. Schools offer you more if they think you are really interested. My daughter is shy, but she met reps at the CTCL program and then communicated with them regularly by email. We did not visit all the schools, although in the end one flew her up at their expense.
For state universities, you will usually get your best price in your own state, although some schools such as University of Alabama, are offering good deals to out of state students. I would first check your own state’s flagship school and see what the merit awards are. Most have very clear awards based on gpa and test scores, ranging from full to 25% tuition. One thing to keep in mind is that when it comes to scholarships, state schools and private schools operate very differently. Many state schools limit merit awards to residents of that state.
As others have suggested on MMM you can also save on college costs by earning college credits in high school or by first attending community college. I am sure some states have fabulous community colleges, but in my state they are geared toward very low level academic achievement.
My income was similar to yours and we did not qualify for financial aid, other than loans, anywhere. With two kids that might differ.
Once a student finishes junior year and you have that gpa and an ACT or SAT score you can go to the individual school’s website and get an estimate of aid. Those were extremely accurate and thus very helpful.
The smartest thing I did was have a frank conversation with my daughter about paying for college. I had 80k in her college fund and did not want to spend more than that. Whatever you decide the limit is, make it crystal clear and then do not do applications to schools that are not going to be in that range. My daughter’s high school counselors urged the kids to apply to “reach” schools. They like to list all the great schools to which their grads are admitted. I know of several kids who got into reach schools...at full tuition of $55,000 a year. Then their parents had to either pay it, or the kids took out loans, or the kids had to turn down the offer at the parents’ insistence. I now teach grad school and many, many students have told me how much they regret having undergrad loans when they could be in the same grad program now without having incurred that debt.
Best of luck! It’s great that you are planning ahead.