The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: COlady on December 01, 2015, 12:32:55 PM
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My husband just RSVP'd us for his Christmas party. He is an engineer that works for a telecommunications company. He sent me the email and said "I RSVP'd us yes!". Then I see at the bottom that it says COCKTAIL ATTIRE REQUIRED. NO CHILDREN. I let out a big sigh. Cocktail attire for a man is generally a full on suit. Do you think my engineer of a husband owns a suit??? Nope. I'm sure his argument against buying one will be "none of the other engineers will be in a suit". I have a dress that will easily work for this event so I'm not worried about me. So what to do?
1) Just roll with it and go with him wearing black pants (not dress pants but rather khaki type pants because he doesn't own any dress pants), button up shirt and tie?
2) Don't go and be disappointed because I was looking forward to this and already have a babysitter lined up.
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I'm sure the outfit you outline for him will be fine. Does he not have even a suit jacket though? You may want to pick up one of those used if it ever comes your way.
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I would go with the clothes he already owns. I'm sure you will be fine.
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I'd go with the clothes he has.
Of course, I wouldn't have ever thought cocktail required a suit. Maybe a sport coat. To me a suit is formal, and cocktail a level below that.
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Does he care about potentially being under-dressed? Sounds like probably not. I have struggled with similar issues in the past. I know it's hard, but let him do his own thing and don't be embarrassed for him. He's an adult.
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When I started reading your post I expected you to say that "sure, he has a suit [on account of him being an adult male]" but that you wouldn't have the proper dress.
I'm sure he'll be fine with his current clothes - if he doesn't care what he looks like the rest of the time, no reason to think he'll care at the Christmas party.
Real question, since I've heard "engineer = crap clothing" a few times around here. Why is that? Why do engineers dress like crap...admittedly by them? (my friends that are engineers dress just fine)
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Go with your husband and have a good time :)
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Now I'm even more worried...I just texted one of his best work friends (who wears similar attire to work as my husband) and he said last year (we didn't go last year) everyone was very dressed up, even the engineers. He said he's planning on buying a suit before this year's party. Uhhhh...I think my husband just needs to suck it up and buy a basic suit. It doesn't have to be super expensive.
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Go to a thrift shop or two in a nice part of town and pick up a jacket for $5.
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thrift shop for jacket and dress pants.
our holiday party is formal and we are all engineers. I wear a nice dress and heels and my husband wears a jacket and tie with dress pants.
I'm also shocked that "even the engineers" were dressed up. Are we talking computer engineers, here? I think my team dresses quite well. Usually I'm the odd one with my thrift store "dress" clothes at work.
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Go to a thrift store in a nice area. Might have to check a couple of them, but chances are you'll find a very nice suit or dress pants/ sport coat that will probably need very little altering unless your husband is unusual hard to fit.
And it will be waaaaaaay less than buying new.
My husband had three suits, but then he lost over 60 pounds and they look ridiculous on him and we had a wedding to go to. On a whim, we swung by our local Goodwill and found him two really nice sports coats that look like they were tailored for him, and way better quality than what he owned for like $15 each (he got compliments on how good he looked!). And we found some amazing dress shirts at another store for like $5 each that were fancy-schmancy designer brand.
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He has a plaid sport coat that his mom bought him shortly after college. Not sure if it fits or not. I think the pants and jacket should be part of a matching set rather than separates which is hard to find at a thrift store. I realize I'm probably on the wrong site to be talking about him going out and buying a suit...but in my opinion there are some basic wardrobe necessities and this is one of them.
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Real question, since I've heard "engineer = crap clothing" a few times around here. Why is that? Why do engineers dress like crap...admittedly by them? (my friends that are engineers dress just fine)
I think many engineers feel that they can dress as they like because they are recongnized for technical abilities and do not need to "dress to impress". I'm sure plenty of engineers do like to dress nice; but, if it isn't important for your happiness or success, why bother?
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Well, maybe it's time to work with the pros
http://www.menswearhouse.com/hdn/cyber-monday-2015/clearance-suits-november?cm_sp=2015_11_30-_-HPHERO-_-CYBERDEALS-149CLRSUITS
I guess a guy is supposed to have 1 decent suit for 'births, deaths, and weddings'... and the occasional fancy Christmas party :)
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Personally I like non matching separates more and think they are more fashionable.
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Every Goodwill I've been to has at least 1 full rack about 20 feet long of nothing but suits (matched pants/jackets, sometimes vests). Should at least give it a try (but take him with to try on) since chances are good you might find something suitable (pun intended).
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My husband just RSVP'd us for his Christmas party. He is an engineer that works for a telecommunications company. He sent me the email and said "I RSVP'd us yes!". Then I see at the bottom that it says COCKTAIL ATTIRE REQUIRED. NO CHILDREN. I let out a big sigh. Cocktail attire for a man is generally a full on suit. Do you think my engineer of a husband owns a suit??? Nope. I'm sure his argument against buying one will be "none of the other engineers will be in a suit". I have a dress that will easily work for this event so I'm not worried about me. So what to do?
1) Just roll with it and go with him wearing black pants (not dress pants but rather khaki type pants because he doesn't own any dress pants), button up shirt and tie?
2) Don't go and be disappointed because I was looking forward to this and already have a babysitter lined up.
He's an engineer, let him wear what he has. It will be fine.
I'm an engineer, as is my husband. His company's party this year is cocktail attire (last year it was Dr. Suess theme, lol!) He owns a suit and will wear it, but there will be plenty of men there with pants, shirt, and tie, or pants and sweater.
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Every Goodwill I've been to has at least 1 full rack about 20 feet long of nothing but suits (matched pants/jackets, sometimes vests). Should at least give it a try (but take him with to try on) since chances are good you might find something suitable (pun intended).
I wish I or him had time to shop around Goodwill. We have 9 month old twin boys, going Goodwill shopping is out of the cards. I buy the boys clothes used from twins sales but we buy our clothes new on deep discount. There was a time in my life that I enjoyed and had time for thrift store shopping but now is not that time.
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Good responses. Don't buy a new suit, just wear what he already owns.
The whole "dress for success" thing doesn't carry as much weight as it used to in most circles.
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I'll counter this with: be an adult - own proper clothes*.
(I'm a math nerd, I get it. But I also dress appropriately, as do my engineer friends.)
*this doesn't mean expensive. My very fashionable wardrobe has all been purchased at outlets and/or at least 40% off sales. High-end items at k-mart prices.
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I understand being stressed with twins, but couldn't he go to a consignment store or a nearby Goodwill during his lunch hour or one night after work while you watch the kids?
I'm also of the mind that a dark suit is essential to have in the event of a funeral. They usually come unexpected and the last thing you want to do when you are grieving is have to shop for proper clothing.
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Macy's has suits + separates on sale:
http://www1.macys.com/shop/mens-clothing/mens-suits?id=17788
This is a one-time purchase that should last a long time assuming your husband doesn't gain weight, etc. If money is an issue, like others have suggested, a thrift store should have everything available!
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I understand being stressed with twins, but couldn't he go to a consignment store or a nearby Goodwill during his lunch hour or one night after work while you watch the kids?
I'm also of the mind that a dark suit is essential to have in the event of a funeral. They usually come unexpected and the last thing you want to do when you are grieving is have to shop for proper clothing.
I wish he would do this, but he won't. Actually wearing the suit would be painful enough. Shopping for clothing is like the worst thing in the world for him. He would probably rather just buy the thing from Men's Warehouse at a discounted price then spend the time looking at multiple thrift stores (and he's really CHEAP....err FRUGAL).
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Macy's has suits + separates on sale:
http://www1.macys.com/shop/mens-clothing/mens-suits?id=17788
This is a one-time purchase that should last a long time assuming your husband doesn't gain weight, etc. If money is an issue, like others have suggested, a thrift store should have everything available!
I saw that today! I saw a few I really liked! If I knew what size jacket he needed I would just buy it online and call it good! I guess I could buy like 5 sizes and then return the ones that don't work.
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Macy's has suits + separates on sale:
http://www1.macys.com/shop/mens-clothing/mens-suits?id=17788
This is a one-time purchase that should last a long time assuming your husband doesn't gain weight, etc. If money is an issue, like others have suggested, a thrift store should have everything available!
I saw that today! I saw a few I really liked! If I knew what size jacket he needed I would just buy it online and call it good! I guess I could buy like 5 sizes and then return the ones that don't work.
Bring him to Macy's and have the guy fit him. It will take 30 minutes.
And yeah, a grown man should own at least one suit (usually one is plenty). My go-to suit was bought when I was 19 (from Macy's). I'm 25 now, and wear it about 6 times a year, and probably will continue to do so for the next 10 years.
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We had to attend a wedding recently, and my DH's black suit no longer fit so a new one was in order. I went to Goodwill a couple of times, but I didn't find anything that worked. I ended up buying a basic black suit (pants and jacket separate) from Walmart for around $70. It looked fine and didn't stand out as being a "cheap suit." If it needed to wear it often, we would have gone for a more expensive suit, but since he wears one every two years, I didn't see the point.
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I would not wear a suit to a cocktail party unless I was in an industry that wears suits every day- law offices and undertakers etc! Suits also require a nice tie and its easy to spot one left over from the Clinton administration.
Even as a consultant, I usually wore dark slacks and a nice long sleeve dress shirt. Most important to have decent shoes however to pull this off- and it doesn't hurt if the Missus is easier than you to look at :-)
I agree with the "adult clothes" comment above, but it doesn't have to be expensive.
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I understand being stressed with twins, but couldn't he go to a consignment store or a nearby Goodwill during his lunch hour or one night after work while you watch the kids?
I'm also of the mind that a dark suit is essential to have in the event of a funeral. They usually come unexpected and the last thing you want to do when you are grieving is have to shop for proper clothing.
I wish he would do this, but he won't. Actually wearing the suit would be painful enough. Shopping for clothing is like the worst thing in the world for him. He would probably rather just buy the thing from Men's Warehouse at a discounted price then spend the time looking at multiple thrift stores (and he's really CHEAP....err FRUGAL).
If he won't, I don't think the answer is for you to stress yourself out shopping for him. He's the one who RSVP'ed, it's his workplace, and he appears to be the one concerned about what others are wearing. I would be irritated to have to do unnecessary errands for a person who is simultaneously creating a problem and refusing to solve it.
Instead, I think the answer is for him to wear the slacks, shirt and tie that he has already. Cocktail usually means a jacket (a suit would actually be overkill, in my opinion; khakis and a sport coat is more like it) but it's really not that strict of a definition. He will be in the neighborhood and that's all one really needs to be comfortable. For me, as long as I'm in the neighborhood even if I'm not 100% on the dress code, I can enjoy myself and nobody will be offended or concerned.
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Every Goodwill I've been to has at least 1 full rack about 20 feet long of nothing but suits (matched pants/jackets, sometimes vests). Should at least give it a try (but take him with to try on) since chances are good you might find something suitable (pun intended).
Maybe if he's average (i.e. an old, fat dude), but when I checked goodwill it was all giant suits that would look dated and goofy in the 90s. Any moderately fit guy that want a nice looking, stylish (slim) suit needs to buy a proper one and have it tailored. Even so-called "slim fit" at macys or Jos A bank is hilariously baggy. I've been searching for a suit for a while now and it's frustrating. Banana republic and JCew have decent modern looking ones, but they cost. I'm considering splurging on an online made-to-measure suit so I have one nice, well-fitting one. I mean it would hopefully last for a decade anyway. These cost in the $500-800 range. Some good ones I found in my research:
http://www.indochino.com/
https://blacklapel.com/
http://www.pointclicktailor.com/
Also, how can a grown man not own a suit?! Does he not meet with clients ever? Or go to weddings/funerals? Job interviews..? Even as a junior engineer I came along to client meetings and had to be able to dress properly. If I didn't own a suit that would have been a problem. Even if he's not wearing it to this party an adult male needs to own a suit.
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My husband just RSVP'd us for his Christmas party. He is an engineer that works for a telecommunications company. He sent me the email and said "I RSVP'd us yes!". Then I see at the bottom that it says COCKTAIL ATTIRE REQUIRED. NO CHILDREN. I let out a big sigh. Cocktail attire for a man is generally a full on suit. Do you think my engineer of a husband owns a suit??? Nope. I'm sure his argument against buying one will be "none of the other engineers will be in a suit". I have a dress that will easily work for this event so I'm not worried about me. So what to do?
1) Just roll with it and go with him wearing black pants (not dress pants but rather khaki type pants because he doesn't own any dress pants), button up shirt and tie?
2) Don't go and be disappointed because I was looking forward to this and already have a babysitter lined up.
I'm torn on this.
I 'think' the right answer is go with him however he wants to dress: it's his party.
But...I also think that 'one' suit---however it is acquired---isn't the worst thing that can happen to a man. If he whines, mention that it's not like they're asking for adult circumcision without an anesthetic: there will be booze served, right?
And then unless I missed it up thread, your third choice: rent the damn thing. Any place that rents to school seniors will have trendy suit you can acquire for an evening...possibly cheaper than a thrift store + alteration in price.
Good luck. Bottom line: you go to the party. "Oh, he took ill at the last moment, sorry. Hey, is that shrimp cocktail?"
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No kakis at a cocktail party. He's not going to be under a desk fixing a computer or something.
Also a tie does not need to be worn with a suit in a non-business meeting setting.
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How about borrowing something? Does he not have a friend or relative who is his size? Absent that, I'd consider adding a sweater over the shirt and tie and wearing hard-soled (i.e. dress) shoes. Make sure every thing is clean and sharply pressed, with dress socks and shiny shoes.
Yes, every man should own a presentable suit and accessories, but buying them at the last minute is a good way to make a very expensive mistake. Learn the lesson. Go as you are this year (use the twins=no time to shop excuse), but plan ahead for next year. That way, he'll be splendidly attired, with budget intact, next time the situation presents itself.
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I had no idea a guy should wear a suit to a "cocktail party". H totally would have worn khakis and a dress shirt, no tie, if we got that invite. Cuz that is his "dress clothes" that he wears to work every day. And he even owns a suit, it just wouldn't occur to him to wear it for, well, anything except a job interview or funeral.
2 nerdy engineers, checking in!
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Every Goodwill I've been to has at least 1 full rack about 20 feet long of nothing but suits (matched pants/jackets, sometimes vests). Should at least give it a try (but take him with to try on) since chances are good you might find something suitable (pun intended).
Maybe if he's average (i.e. an old, fat dude), but when I checked goodwill it was all giant suits that would look dated and goofy in the 90s. Any moderately fit guy that want a nice looking, stylish (slim) suit needs to buy a proper one and have it tailored. Even so-called "slim fit" at macys or Jos A bank is hilariously baggy. I've been searching for a suit for a while now and it's frustrating. Banana republic and JCew have decent modern looking ones, but they cost. I'm considering splurging on an online made-to-measure suit so I have one nice, well-fitting one. I mean it would hopefully last for a decade anyway. These cost in the $500-800 range. Some good ones I found in my research:
http://www.indochino.com/
https://blacklapel.com/
http://www.pointclicktailor.com/
Also, how can a grown man not own a suit?! Does he not meet with clients ever? Or go to weddings/funerals? Job interviews..? Even as a junior engineer I came along to client meetings and had to be able to dress properly. If I didn't own a suit that would have been a problem. Even if he's not wearing it to this party an adult male needs to own a suit.
I had the suit discussion with him last night and said precisely what you said above. He sees no reason that he needs to own a suit and absolutely refuses to buy one. He said if it's that big of a deal he would rather not go to the party. Gahhhh....he is so STUBBORN!!! I said fine, then we won't go (which was what he wanted to hear I'm sure). Later I told him I'm going to go as the date of his friend that works at the same company (he said nothing lol). Then I finally told him he can wear whatever he wants and that if he's underdressed it will be his problem. He does not meet with clients, he works for a corporation as an electrical engineer designing stuff (I don't really know what he does). Candidates do not routinely wear suits to interviews (he is on the interview panel). Most weddings we go to aren't fancy enough to require a jacket, he typically wears a button up shirt and tie though. Although a suit would not have been overkill for a lot of the weddings we've gone to in the last 5 years.
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Every Goodwill I've been to has at least 1 full rack about 20 feet long of nothing but suits (matched pants/jackets, sometimes vests). Should at least give it a try (but take him with to try on) since chances are good you might find something suitable (pun intended).
Maybe if he's average (i.e. an old, fat dude), but when I checked goodwill it was all giant suits that would look dated and goofy in the 90s. Any moderately fit guy that want a nice looking, stylish (slim) suit needs to buy a proper one and have it tailored. Even so-called "slim fit" at macys or Jos A bank is hilariously baggy. I've been searching for a suit for a while now and it's frustrating. Banana republic and JCew have decent modern looking ones, but they cost. I'm considering splurging on an online made-to-measure suit so I have one nice, well-fitting one. I mean it would hopefully last for a decade anyway. These cost in the $500-800 range. Some good ones I found in my research:
http://www.indochino.com/
https://blacklapel.com/
http://www.pointclicktailor.com/
Also, how can a grown man not own a suit?! Does he not meet with clients ever? Or go to weddings/funerals? Job interviews..? Even as a junior engineer I came along to client meetings and had to be able to dress properly. If I didn't own a suit that would have been a problem. Even if he's not wearing it to this party an adult male needs to own a suit.
I had the suit discussion with him last night and said precisely what you said above. He sees no reason that he needs to own a suit and absolutely refuses to buy one. He said if it's that big of a deal he would rather not go to the party. Gahhhh....he is so STUBBORN!!! I said fine, then we won't go (which was what he wanted to hear I'm sure). Later I told him I'm going to go as the date of his friend that works at the same company (he said nothing lol). Then I finally told him he can wear whatever he wants and that if he's underdressed it will be his problem. He does not meet with clients, he works for a corporation as an electrical engineer designing stuff (I don't really know what he does). Candidates do not routinely wear suits to interviews (he is on the interview panel). Most weddings we go to aren't fancy enough to require a jacket, he typically wears a button up shirt and tie though. Although a suit would not have been overkill for a lot of the weddings we've gone to in the last 5 years.
Well he sounds more like a child than an adult gentleman. If he has such a tantrum dressing as a grownup then I'd say forget it. Doesn't sound like it's worth the effort. And if he really never needs a suit I guess he's fine. Hard to believe but ok. Nobody wears a suit in the office here either, but interviewees always do.
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I had the suit discussion with him last night and said precisely what you said above. He sees no reason that he needs to own a suit and absolutely refuses to buy one. He said if it's that big of a deal he would rather not go to the party. Gahhhh....he is so STUBBORN!!! I said fine, then we won't go (which was what he wanted to hear I'm sure). Later I told him I'm going to go as the date of his friend that works at the same company (he said nothing lol). Then I finally told him he can wear whatever he wants and that if he's underdressed it will be his problem. He does not meet with clients, he works for a corporation as an electrical engineer designing stuff (I don't really know what he does). Candidates do not routinely wear suits to interviews (he is on the interview panel). Most weddings we go to aren't fancy enough to require a jacket, he typically wears a button up shirt and tie though. Although a suit would not have been overkill for a lot of the weddings we've gone to in the last 5 years.
I am glad to hear the final outcome of your discussion.
I agree that a grown man should own a suit. But you are not his mother and it is not your responsibility to dress him. Even if people notice and care that he is not wearing a suit, it is not your problem. How else will learn that he needs to own a suit? If you don't allow him to take responsibility for choosing his own clothes, you will be nagging him for the rest of your life.
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Every Goodwill I've been to has at least 1 full rack about 20 feet long of nothing but suits (matched pants/jackets, sometimes vests). Should at least give it a try (but take him with to try on) since chances are good you might find something suitable (pun intended).
Maybe if he's average (i.e. an old, fat dude), but when I checked goodwill it was all giant suits that would look dated and goofy in the 90s. Any moderately fit guy that want a nice looking, stylish (slim) suit needs to buy a proper one and have it tailored. Even so-called "slim fit" at macys or Jos A bank is hilariously baggy. I've been searching for a suit for a while now and it's frustrating. Banana republic and JCew have decent modern looking ones, but they cost. I'm considering splurging on an online made-to-measure suit so I have one nice, well-fitting one. I mean it would hopefully last for a decade anyway. These cost in the $500-800 range. Some good ones I found in my research:
http://www.indochino.com/
https://blacklapel.com/
http://www.pointclicktailor.com/
Also, how can a grown man not own a suit?! Does he not meet with clients ever? Or go to weddings/funerals? Job interviews..? Even as a junior engineer I came along to client meetings and had to be able to dress properly. If I didn't own a suit that would have been a problem. Even if he's not wearing it to this party an adult male needs to own a suit.
I had the suit discussion with him last night and said precisely what you said above. He sees no reason that he needs to own a suit and absolutely refuses to buy one. He said if it's that big of a deal he would rather not go to the party. Gahhhh....he is so STUBBORN!!! I said fine, then we won't go (which was what he wanted to hear I'm sure). Later I told him I'm going to go as the date of his friend that works at the same company (he said nothing lol). Then I finally told him he can wear whatever he wants and that if he's underdressed it will be his problem. He does not meet with clients, he works for a corporation as an electrical engineer designing stuff (I don't really know what he does). Candidates do not routinely wear suits to interviews (he is on the interview panel). Most weddings we go to aren't fancy enough to require a jacket, he typically wears a button up shirt and tie though. Although a suit would not have been overkill for a lot of the weddings we've gone to in the last 5 years.
I agree that a suit can be useful and "grown up" for an adult male, even an engineer. My husband owns one suit, plus one jacket.
He wears the suit to the holiday party every other year, and to my company party also (except the last 2 years they have been on the same date).
He wears it to weddings, but the last wedding we attended was two years ago? Funerals are rare, probably the last one was 10 years ago. (My mother died more recently than that, but it was unexpected - we were already there but didn't have dress clothing with us).
He wears it to occasional business trips, but usually only the ones where he presents to government folks.
That said, honestly, dark slacks, a tie, and maybe a jacket would be fine for most of these things. I've seen engineers wearing sweaters and slacks or jeans at a holiday party. Will he feel uncomfortable or out of place? If not, then go for it. I have an acquaintance who only goes to the holiday parties that don't require "looking nice". My husband's company party is a "theme" party each year, so every other year is cocktail attire. For example, last several years have been: James Bond (cocktail/ tux), Dr. Suess (dress down OR cocktail), Ugly sweater, 40's, etc. She went to the Dr Suess and ugly sweater parties.
As a female engineer, I've done anything from a black skirt and blouse, or slacks and blouse, to my plain black dress. I get so many compliments on the black dress. It's the only dress I own.
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3) go and don't give a crap how he is dressed he is an adult and is responsible for his own actions. Have a good time!
I agree, every man should have a decent suit, most providently in a darkish color in case of funeral.
My husband sounds like your husband (though not quite as bad). He did have a thrift suit for a long time but when it wore out did not replace it. We were going to this country club wedding. I told him where it was (country club), and that other guys would probably be wearing suits. But I am over being his nanny so I didn't check what he packed or nag. So, he brought thrift store slacks and a plaid short sleeve button-down shirt. And he's looking around realizing he is looking out of place "I didn't realize it would be this fancy, you should have told me!." And I said "I did tell you." He actually looks really good in a suit, but you can't have everything.
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i dont understand why you care. its his company and his career, let him wear what he wants. now if it were your Xmas party i could see you having a say in what he wears. but its his and he knows his company, i dont understand the concern at all ... glad to see you decided to let him make the decision on what he wore.
worst case he's underdressed(they dont fire you for being underdressed at an XMAS paryt) - plus he sits in on interviews so he's likely good at his job.
best case he goes under dressed feels a little foolish and then you can get him a suit.
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STOP CARING! It doesn't matter at all plain and simple... First of all it's him and his company and his party and you will be dressed fine so it doesn't affect you... Second, No one will care, notice, or remember and if someone cares enough to judge him then again... you shouldn't care because it's not you who's being judged and why would you want judgey friends anyway.
I had the suit discussion with him last night and said precisely what you said above. He sees no reason that he needs to own a suit and absolutely refuses to buy one. He said if it's that big of a deal he would rather not go to the party. Gahhhh....he is so STUBBORN!!! I said fine, then we won't go (which was what he wanted to hear I'm sure). Later I told him I'm going to go as the date of his friend that works at the same company (he said nothing lol). Then I finally told him he can wear whatever he wants and that if he's underdressed it will be his problem.
Why the hell are you letting something this small and stupid cause you so much stress and arguments? This is ridiculous just go to the party and have fun lol. Your arguing about him wearing formal clothes to an extra formal party... You shouldn't be stressing out this much even if he was insisting on wearing shorts, t-shirt, and flip flops.
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http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-cocktail-attire.htm
For men, the definition of cocktail attire is relatively simple, although there is room for variation. A dark suit or well-pressed pants, sport coat, and a crisp dress shirt and tie is sufficient for most occasions.
I'm an engineer. At my first company, it was fairly laid back (jeans at work are fine). Our Christmas party wasn't even cocktail attire, and all the men there were wearing suits.
At my current company, it's pretty formal (khakis or nicer and dress shirt), and everyone at the last cocktail attire xmas party had suits or nicer. At my current company, there's tradition of dressing up, and if someone wore less than a suit, it would be noted. At my current company, I've known of people who didn't get a call back because they were only wearing dress pants, dress shirts, and a tie to the interview.
I'm in the south, were things are typically more old school. If you lived in California, I wouldn't expect this to be true.
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I wouldn't overstress it. If he is willing to wear dress pants, a button down long sleeved shirt and a tie, that's plenty, even for a cocktail party. As for suits, 90% of DH's suits don't match. They're mostly all black so it's not like it jumps out at you as obvious anyway. Yes, a matching suit is nice - but frankly, he's comfortable, looks appropriate, and nobody gives him weird looks.
That said, I live in a blue collar city and things just don't seem as dressed up here (I dress up a whole lot more when I visit my hometown).
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Cocktail attire in CO (especially amongst the engineering industry) is so all over the place. There will likely be a broad spectrum of "cocktail attire". I would not stress about this.
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My husband is an engineer and I work for an engineering firm. Dress attire always varies at these events. My husband usually goes for dress pants and a shirt and tie, sometimes with a sweater over the top. He's never looked out of place. I wouldn't push this.
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My husband couldn't find his black jacket for his holiday party tomorrow night. He was skeptical that he would find one in his size at Goodwill, but he found one! Eight dollars well spent.
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If you are easy on the eyes and have a rockin body, wear a low-cut, tight fitting dress that shows off your figure. No one will even notice him in his khaki shorts and flip flops.
the guy sounds like a baby!
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Just because this is bothering with my OCD-ness and my style sense...
- Suit jacket should only be worn with the matching suit pants. Suit pants should only be worn with the matching suit jacket.
- A sport coat, or a blazer (technically there is a difference--in reality they're the same thing), is something that is much more versatile. That can be worn with khakis, dress slacks, and even jeans (although I abhor that look).
- Colors
- Unless you're going to a funeral or playing in an orchestra, don't do a black suit. Get a charcoal or navy suit. Even grey. MUCH more versatile.
- Navy sportcoat is probably the most versatile. Wear it with Khaki's and any dress slacks that are not blue or black
- After that, a Khaki/brown/tan colored sportcoat is the next most versatile. Wear it with charcoal/grey slacks, navy slacks, olive slacks... Basically anything except for khaki's.
So don't separate a suit. If you want to do that, just get a bunch of slacks/khaki's, and 1 or 2 sportcoats (Navy is a necessary one).
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I wouldn't worry about what my husband wore to his work event, but I think every person should have one decent dressy-ish outfit. My husband doesn't dress up for work (teacher), but has a suit he wears to weddings, funerals and other formal events. He is very tall and would never find anything in a thrift shop, but he's used his suit for over ten years now, so not a bad expense. We both have huge families, and there are lots of weddings and funerals.
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Just because this is bothering with my OCD-ness and
- Suit jacket should only be worn with the matching suit pants. Suit pants should only be worn with the matching suit jacket.
- A sport coat, or a blazer (technically there is a difference--in reality they're the same thing), is something that is much more versatile. That can be worn with khakis, dress slacks, and even jeans (although I abhor that look).
- Colors
- Unless you're going to a funeral or playing in an orchestra, don't do a black suit. Get a charcoal or navy suit. Even grey. MUCH more versatile.
- Navy sportcoat is probably the most versatile. Wear it with Khaki's and any dress slacks that are not blue or black
- After that, a Khaki/brown/tan colored sportcoat is the next most versatile. Wear it with charcoal/grey slacks, navy slacks, olive slacks... Basically anything except for khaki's.
So don't separate a suit. If you want to do that, just get a bunch of slacks/khaki's, and 1 or 2 sportcoats (Navy is a necessary one).
Agree with all of the above!
My husband is a great partner, father and employee. I guess his lack of dressing up is a downfall but overall he's a great guy so I'll quite my bitchin.
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A) Cheap suits look shitty, and no one wants to look shitty
B) Not-shitty suits are expensive and increase the cost of a Mustachian man's wardbrobe by ~ 8x, which is a violation of one's sacred badassity (in effect an infringement on religious beliefs)
That said, I begrudgingly admit that it is useful for a dude to own a suit for weddings and funerals (I do, don't tell anyone).
But suits are not for parties or job interviews. If you need to wear a suit for a job interview, it's a shit job, same goes for parties.
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A) Cheap suits look shitty, and no one wants to look shitty
B) Not-shitty suits are expensive and increase the cost of a Mustachian man's wardbrobe by ~ 8x, which is a violation of one's sacred badassity (in effect an infringement on religious beliefs)
That said, I begrudgingly admit that it is useful for a dude to own a suit for weddings and funerals (I do, don't tell anyone).
But suits are not for parties or job interviews. If you need to wear a suit for a job interview, it's a shit job, same goes for parties.
incorrect a suit to a job interview is an expectation in the professional world. suits at parties are fun.
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I understand being stressed with twins, but couldn't he go to a consignment store or a nearby Goodwill during his lunch hour or one night after work while you watch the kids?
I'm also of the mind that a dark suit is essential to have in the event of a funeral. They usually come unexpected and the last thing you want to do when you are grieving is have to shop for proper clothing.
Not saying you are wrong, but DH has had the same damn two suits hanging in his closet for 25 years, unworn. I say to him "if you aren't going to wear a suit at your mother's funeral, when ARE you going to wear those suits?" He didn't wear them at the funeral,of his own mother. He is a bit of a hoarder and will not let go of them.
His dinner jacket, OTOH, he wears at least once a year. So, he wears jacket and tie for some events and dinner jacket for others. No suits.
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I've been in similar situations. No one will care what he is wearing. I guarantee at least one man will show up in jeans.
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A) Cheap suits look shitty, and no one wants to look shitty
B) Not-shitty suits are expensive and increase the cost of a Mustachian man's wardbrobe by ~ 8x, which is a violation of one's sacred badassity (in effect an infringement on religious beliefs)
That said, I begrudgingly admit that it is useful for a dude to own a suit for weddings and funerals (I do, don't tell anyone).
But suits are not for parties or job interviews. If you need to wear a suit for a job interview, it's a shit job, same goes for parties.
Suits are not for job interviews... Well, Gotta disagree with you. Good luck with that in the east and the midwest.
As for the cheap suits look shitty, well, yes, cheap suits usually do. However, inexpensive suits do not necessarily look bad. Most, if fitted correctly, look good. And if you then take it to a tailor and spend $30 to get it to fit your body right, it will look awesome.
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Every Goodwill I've been to has at least 1 full rack about 20 feet long of nothing but suits (matched pants/jackets, sometimes vests). Should at least give it a try (but take him with to try on) since chances are good you might find something suitable (pun intended).
This brings back a funny memory. I used to belong to a sailing club, where some members were rich, but many were not. A couple was marrying on their boat -- full-time cruisers who came into town every summer to earn some bucks. They had no money, so he went and got a very nice suit at Goodwill (this was in a wealthy part of Florida), dry cleaned it and had it tailored. It looked great -- except they had to let out the arms a bit and the crease where the cuffs had been just wouldn't go away, no matter what they tried.
An old salt (think popeye type, homeless but for his boat, rough around edges but heart of gold) declared "Ya' never gits yer suit at the Salvy!" That phrase stays with me to this day -- every time I'm in a thrift shop I hear ol' Walt declaring "Ya' never gits yer suit at the Salvy!"
I'm betting a nice white shirt and christmas tie would do just fine, otherwise -- don't git yer suit at the Salvy, or else the cuffs will look odd!
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An observation about our culture: many people will think badly of the wife if the husband is poorly dressed. No, it's not fair, but it still happens.
So sometimes, you care and fight the battle because you know that someone else will be judging you. Even though it's really not a battle you need to fight. And in my experience, at least half of men don't have a clue that this is happening. Give OP a break, because if she's facing this, I don't blame her at all.
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Why care what other people think? If you care, you dress up. I'm not wearing a suit and tie because you are worried what acquaintances or even strangers might think about you.
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Just because this is bothering with my OCD-ness and my style sense...
- Suit jacket should only be worn with the matching suit pants. Suit pants should only be worn with the matching suit jacket.
- A sport coat, or a blazer (technically there is a difference--in reality they're the same thing), is something that is much more versatile. That can be worn with khakis, dress slacks, and even jeans (although I abhor that look).
- Colors
- Unless you're going to a funeral or playing in an orchestra, don't do a black suit. Get a charcoal or navy suit. Even grey. MUCH more versatile.
- Navy sportcoat is probably the most versatile. Wear it with Khaki's and any dress slacks that are not blue or black
- After that, a Khaki/brown/tan colored sportcoat is the next most versatile. Wear it with charcoal/grey slacks, navy slacks, olive slacks... Basically anything except for khaki's.
So don't separate a suit. If you want to do that, just get a bunch of slacks/khaki's, and 1 or 2 sportcoats (Navy is a necessary one).
Hmm...guess we are not particularly stylish. I like clothes well enough and do pay a certain amount of attention to my own clothes, but rarely have patience for multiple fashion rules. If I wasn't there to nag, DH would still be wearing nasty pink/purple/whatever plaid shirt around 20 years later. And I'm terrible - I have not yet figured out the difference between a sport coat, a blazer, and a suit jacket. They all look the same to me.
I had no idea DH was breaking the rules all these years :)
I took a look at a bunch of pick of khaki/tan jackets with grey pants and absolutely hated the color combination. Since DH only wears jackets for evening events, I really can't picture a scenario where he would use a tan jacket. So unfortunately, it wouldn't be versatile for him. A Navy jacket and dress pants doesn't scream evening to me. But maybe I need to consider this look more.
It still seems to me that, for our particular lives, the most basic and useful formal clothes would be a black suit. Around here, pretty much everybody wears a basic black suit for evening functions. Although I guess a charcoal suit would work fine too. Black suits always seemed more practical since he could use pair the pants with dress shirts to go to work.
Except...is that a fashion faux pax?
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Just because this is bothering with my OCD-ness and my style sense...
- Suit jacket should only be worn with the matching suit pants. Suit pants should only be worn with the matching suit jacket.
- A sport coat, or a blazer (technically there is a difference--in reality they're the same thing), is something that is much more versatile. That can be worn with khakis, dress slacks, and even jeans (although I abhor that look).
- Colors
- Unless you're going to a funeral or playing in an orchestra, don't do a black suit. Get a charcoal or navy suit. Even grey. MUCH more versatile.
- Navy sportcoat is probably the most versatile. Wear it with Khaki's and any dress slacks that are not blue or black
- After that, a Khaki/brown/tan colored sportcoat is the next most versatile. Wear it with charcoal/grey slacks, navy slacks, olive slacks... Basically anything except for khaki's.
So don't separate a suit. If you want to do that, just get a bunch of slacks/khaki's, and 1 or 2 sportcoats (Navy is a necessary one).
Hmm...guess we are not particularly stylish. I like clothes well enough and do pay a certain amount of attention to my own clothes, but rarely have patience for multiple fashion rules. If I wasn't there to nag, DH would still be wearing nasty pink/purple/whatever plaid shirt around 20 years later. And I'm terrible - I have not yet figured out the difference between a sport coat, a blazer, and a suit jacket. They all look the same to me.
I had no idea DH was breaking the rules all these years :)
I took a look at a bunch of pick of khaki/tan jackets with grey pants and absolutely hated the color combination. Since DH only wears jackets for evening events, I really can't picture a scenario where he would use a tan jacket. So unfortunately, it wouldn't be versatile for him. A Navy jacket and dress pants doesn't scream evening to me. But maybe I need to consider this look more.
It still seems to me that, for our particular lives, the most basic and useful formal clothes would be a black suit. Around here, pretty much everybody wears a basic black suit for evening functions. Although I guess a charcoal suit would work fine too. Black suits always seemed more practical since he could use pair the pants with dress shirts to go to work.
Except...is that a fashion faux pax?
Well, in full disclosure I really only like a "tan" sportcoat that is really more of an olive green, and usually with a bit of a pattern.
Look closer at the black suits you see everywhere. I'd suspect that they're really a dark charcoal or a dark navy. The reason that you don't want to wear a suit pant or jacket separate from its mate is that one will wear faster than the other, and will fade. It will be minor, but it is there. The other reason is that a suit is typically a better/finer knit. I can tell this because I'm super OCD about it, but 99% of people would never be able to tell. Realistically the only difference in the jacket and a sportcoat is that the sportcoat will have flashier buttons. Change out the buttons and who would know?
FWIW, I never wear black pants. Period. Never see anyone at work do it either, and we're in a bank. It is always blue, tan, grey, olive, etc.
All of this being said, I'm picky about what I wear. I notice these things. I'm one of the few probably who does. And I don't spend much on my stuff either, 1 suit was from goodwill, 2 hand me downs, and 1 was about $250 when all was said and done. I get my dress shirts and slacks at Costco, and wear them til they rip or fray at the collar or cuffs. I think my annual clothing budget is probably around $75 most years.
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incorrect a suit to a job interview is an expectation in the professional world. suits at parties are fun.
Opposite on the West Coast (depends on the company a little, but 2/3 companies I've worked at in CA would judge people a touch negatively for wearing a suit. The other wouldn't care either way but did hire me when I didn't wear a suit. I wore a suit to 1/3 and they made fun of me for it, though hired me anyway).
For parties, cool if people enjoy wearing suits to parties, you do you, but it's shitty to expect people who don't like doing that to acquire a very specific and expensive article of clothing for such an event.
Like, I like guitars, but I wouldn't make everybody that came to one of my parties own and bring a guitar to my party. That would just be a very weird thing to expect of people.