I'm so sorry for your loss and for the added complexity and burden of questioning from family/friends/society. Although I am not in at all a similar situation in the specifics, I have been through grief like yours, and feeling so separate and different (in all the wrong ways, not the cool ways!) from everyone else.
I noticed you mentioned upthread that this is like a grief for you, and as you can tell from my comment above, I think it very much *is* grief. And I don't want to psychoanalyze, but it sounds like you are in the very early stages with some denial, pain and depression. And no wonder all the suggestions here don't seem so attractive or fulfilling, since you are not through that grief, and particularly those early stages. I have no doubt that someday you'll be availing yourself of many of the options mentioned here, but now may not be the time for that. It's totally legitimate to just grieve and accept for some time without the pressure of putting on a happy face and picking out your particular lemonade recipes for the lemons you've been given. You deserve time to just be with your grief.
With some of the grief I've suffered, there has been varying amounts of time during which I just needed to describe the ways in which the loss was unfair at length and exacting detail of how many things and in which ways they were ruined. This is where I found having a combination of a group setting and a private therapist super valuable. It took me a long time to find the right settings and people and to get over the stigma of having to seek that kind of help. But, I'm so glad I did and that I made time for that in my life.
I hope you can find the right tools for you as you're working through this grief. That you won't feel pressured to rush it, even though it feels so awful.
There is a happiness waiting for you in the future. I know how it feels to be told this (both feeling that it's probably not true and even if it is, who cares, since you don't want to "settle" for that happiness that is a sad substitute anyway!) and it not to matter to the here and now. But sometimes, that reminder may be comforting. When and if it is, I do hope you'll embrace it.
I am happier now than perhaps I have ever been in life. Not because of the grief and I'm certainly not grateful for the losses I experienced. When I think about them right now, I begin to cry again just remembering. It's always there with me. But it's possible to both always hold that grief *and* to be happier than you thought you could be even before you experienced/realized this loss. So it's worth working toward and taking your time with.
Most of all, I just want to say, I understand how you feel. I understand how it feels to think everything you've done is worthless, everything you are doing will be worthless, everything is stupid and ugly. That you don't fit in and the cosmic unfairness of the destruction of everything you've tried to build. Of course, I want to tell you all about how that isn't necessarily true and doesn't *have* to be true. But that really isn't the point right now, and it doesn't matter anyway. These feelings will never go away just because a stranger, or even a dear friend, tries to reason you out of feeling them.
Treat this like the grief it is - and pursue options for treating that grief that seem most plausible for you. I wish you the best.