Oh my! So many good responses. Thank you all. This will be a mega-response post to all of you (short on time today!).
EXPECTATIONS OF LIFE AFTER BABYI feel like this thread has been slightly derailed by parents piling on and judging my expectations as naive. I wrote a long rant, but I think I'll condense it down to this:
Do I think that giving up a full time job outside the home will be replaced by a more than full time job inside the home? YES.
Do I think it will be hard? YES.
Do I know that I can handle taking care of a baby, cooking, and cleaning? YES. (Especially because my standards for cleanliness aren't particularly high, ha!)
Do I think that all the snarky and judgmental comments about how hard it is to take care of a baby says more about you and our society's lack of support for families than about me and my family? YES.
There is a difference between an experience that is objectively miserable and an experience that, subjectively, involves suffering. Both Mr. Sunflower and I regularly and voluntarily put ourselves into situations that are objectively miserable, but don't happen to involve subjective suffering for us. (I think this has a lot to do with our mindset and life philosophy and what we love, not any sort of super human powers.) Sleep deprivation and a diet of Clif Bars and string cheese is objectively miserable... but it's what we want, we love this baby, and we will not suffer because of it. I'm honestly sorry if you did.
Anyway! Why don't I tell you a little more detail about our postpartum plan. I would welcome constructive suggestions on whether it's reasonable and what you would change. And then we can get back to our regularly scheduled financial discussions. :o)
My expectations for the first few months are VERY low.
(1) RE: support system for first month postpartum: I really don't need to do anything other than recover from childbirth and nurse.
---My husband has the entire first month off from work and will be home with me and SunflowerSeed.
---We will have daily help around the house (dealing with crockpot, running errands, laundry, etc) for the first 2 weeks.
---My midwife will make ~2 house calls to me in that first week to check on my healing, adjustment, nursing, and baby.
---We are not scheduling out-of-town visitors until nursing is well established (I don't need that stress), and when they visit, they will be helping out during weeks 2-4.
---I already have the name and phone number of the lactation consultant I plan to use programmed into my phone, if I need her.
(2) RE: cooking and food: as this is baby #1 and I have the luxury of time, our freezer will have ~6 weeks of crockpot dinners in it by the time I deliver. We have eaten the same thing for breakfast for years, so that is easy. Lunches and snacks are not cooked, and honestly, will probably include Clif Bars and string cheese (and a bunch of other "staples")!
(3) RE: garden chores: baby is due after the end of the growing season. Our gardens will be put to sleep by then, so I will have no garden chores over the winter. Husband already knows that shoveling snow is his duty.
(4) RE: home renovations: Home renovation projects will be done by the time baby arrives (or they're not getting done).
(5) RE: social and emotional support: Already have the lactation consultant, as previously noted. Also have noted the various "new mothers" groups around town. Have started keeping a list of ideas of activities in case I get stir-crazy. And husband knows the warning signs of post-partum depression.
So, for months 2-4 months of baby's life this winter, my "job" is pretty simple: nursing, laundry, and keeping the kitchen from getting too gross.
I will deal with months 5+ once I get there. Those months will involve planning for the growing season, starting seeds, and planting. On the bright side, I do plan to wear the baby for much of its first year of life. This is common and "normal" where I live, and it seems to give parents much more mobility and flexibility (my anecdotal experience is that babies seem to cry much less when they're with/on you).
Regarding household cleanliness expectations: I haven't mopped my floors in 20 months (dark laminate for the win!). HAHAHA yeah, I don't dust. My standard of cleanliness is to keep outside outside and inside inside... mostly.
Do you still think I'm being unreasonable?
KID COSTS-Planning on nursing, breast pump covered in full by insurance. Great tip to connect with LLL now, before baby comes.
-Already building a stash of (used) cloth diapers
-Good tip on using samples provided by pediatrician - we end up throwing out OTC medicines because they expire
-Don't know the gender, hate both pink ruffles and camo, though I know my mother can't wait to bring out the pink ruffles (UGHHH ask me how my childhood was)
-Have bought everything used, including carseat, BUT that was ONLY because I knew the seller and the history and it doesn't expire for another 5 years
-Baby is sleeping in a closet. Yes really. Should cut down on the amount of crap people (grandparents) give us, as well as make it impossible to accumulate too much.
FOOD COSTSI grabbed our actual food spending numbers from the past few months. I was wrong, we totally went over $500 twice, when my morning sickness was at its peak.
Jan = 362
Feb = 379
March = 432
April =620 (hello, morning sickness!)
May = 578 (is it done yet??)
June = 374 (ok, we're starting to eat from the garden)
July = 365 (garden veggies definitely offsetting higher meat costs)
August = 456 (included a restaurant meal for a very special occasion)
Our food spending didn't increase because I was eating more - unlike catccc, it increased because I WAS eating differently. (Check out this sad face post from April:
http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/nausea-during-pregnancy-gt-lots-of-take-out-solutions-or-tips/msg624436/#msg624436). So, our actual food costs have averaged $450 for the two of us during a time when I was pregnant, dealing with morning sickness, and was purchasing a lot more organic animal products. Not saying it's good, just more accurate than my original post. I think it's reasonable to plan to go back to our old trusty mostly vegetarian diet after I'm done with pregnancy (or after I'm done nursing).
MY TO DO LIST-Stop throwing extra at the mortgage
-Consider opening a traditional IRA under my name while I'm not working
-Figure out how much more we can add to an HSA (whose?)
-Get a definitive answer about whether I can qualify for the marketplace tax credits for health insurance - I called the marketplace help line yesterday, and they DIDN'T KNOW. The website referenced above is relevant if I were employed and had an employer-provided health plan. I wouldn't. So, I'll call again and try someone else...
Thanks again for all of the suggestions!