Can you 'teach' impulse control?

[Ms Betterhome]

A friend of mine has asked me to mentor her last year. She has made some huge positive changes in her life now: joined a Leadership training program at work, started running, lost 20 kilos, kissed her unavailable boyfriend goodbye and decided not to settle for being someone's fallback option. All really fantastic changes and I'm so happy for her.

She still has big issues with food and money, though. She has a personal loan and a credit card debt of around 30k and she's still spending. She wants to lose 10 more kilos ( she was obese when she started exercising), but ' doesn't like' cooking or even buying groceries.  If she had her first choice, she would eat takeaway all day everyday - obviously this doesn't help the debt or the weight.

I feel a bit bemused by this because I seem to be naturally programmed to delay short term gratification in pursuit of longer term goals ( as an adult anyway)  Because I never had to learn this as a new skill, I'm not sure how to explain it, or to motivate her to consider the advantages of this approach. I'm new to this community, and am guessing there are some folks here who have learned 'delayed gratification' as an adult, and might be able to help me understand some of the different ways people might set up new habits, and get over ' I want it now' syndrome.

I should add that i think there's probably some emotional stuff going on that I have no qualifications to deal with, so I have suggested she considers seeking some professional help with her attitude to food and eating - she agrees that could be helpful.

Any suggestions from the forum gratefully received!

[Insanity]

http://www.npr.org/books/titles/140516995/willpower-rediscovering-the-greatest-human-strength?tab=excerpt#excerpt

Willpower is a muscle that can be trained.  But given the other struggles she has been going through, she's using a lot of that up early on in the day which makes some things very difficult.

It might just take time to get her to that point.  It might help to work with her on cooking some meals so she learns how it can be fun to experiment and she can see how that rest of the weight can fall off.

[kiwi]

I really liked this book on willpower:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583334386/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1373833423&sr=8-2&keywords=willpower

It's easy to read, and has lots of very actionable steps to take. 

[MrsPete]

Of course impulse control can be taught -- to a person who is willing to learn, of course.  If this weren't true, we'd all still act like two-year olds! 

For help with both the food and the money issue, I'd suggest that your friend look into once-a-month cooking.  She might feel more "up to the task" if she could work hard at shopping /cooking for one day, and reap the benefits over the course of weeks.  I don't exactly do the once-a-month thing, but I do LOVE "batch cooking".  For example, say I find ground beef on a good price.  I'll buy perhaps ten pounds of it and spend an hour or so browning it, tossing in some onion and garlic, draining away the fat . . . then I'll freeze it in one-pound packages.  Then when I want to make spaghetti or sloppy joes, one big step is eliminated.  Similarly, when I find a good price on chicken thighs, I cook them and freeze them in family-meal sizes along with carrots, onions and green peas -- then they're ready to become chicken dumplings, chicken noodle soup, or chicken-rice casserole.  We enjoy lots of chicken meals, and I often mix up 8-10 packages of sauce; when it's time to cook them, I just brown the chicken in the pan, toss in the frozen sauce, and let it sauté a bit. 

You can find plenty of websites and cookbooks (at the library) on the topic of once-a-month cooking. 

[Ms Betterhome]

Thanks for the feedback (and the links). I don't think she's ready for oam cooking yet - the volume would freak her out. We have started with baby steps- going grocery shopping with a list ( otherwise she buys junk), and making weekday lunches.

[MrsPete]

Shopping with a list is a great starting point.

If you think once-a-month cooking is too much for her at this point, just push the idea of doubling one thing:  Make just two casseroles -- one to bake, one to freeze.  She'll realize that she's put in very little extra effort . . . for twice the results. 

She also might like a website to which my daughter turned me on recently:  The Big Red Kitchen.  Take a look at the Mason Jar meals that this woman makes.  She cuts up everything for salads all at once, and then she has the prettiest salads ready to go for the next week. 

[kdms]

I've got a friend in a similar situation, so I can relate a little bit.  Two points stuck out for me - you mentioned she wants to lose another 10kg and hates to grocery shop.  What about suggesting wearing a pedometer while she does her shopping (with the list you mentioned)? 

It's a very minor suggestion, but perhaps it would put a more positive spin on going grocery shopping....it worked for my friend, who even wears hers around the office now.  Helps her keep a positive attitude - even when nothing else goes right during the work day and as a result falls off the self-discipline wagon when she gets home, she can look at that pedometer and see that if nothing else good happened that day, she got some exercise, so the day wasn't a total loss.