Thank you for the comments and suggestions! I'm going to try to address some of the questions so far:
Given your earnings potential, have you considered having your husband be a SAHP while you work full time?
We have considered this, and actually I was the full time worker until DH finished his degree 2 years ago. While my earning potential is higher, while the babies are little this is a sacrifice we are willing to make for the lifestyle we value (extended breastfeeding, etc.). We will probably reverse roles again once the kids are in school, we've thrown around the idea of my picking up more hours once the new one is out of toddlerhood.
Potatoes and rice are gluten free, eat them instead of specialty gluten free products. You don't say what your sons allergies are, but cooking from scratch should prevent them from being a big expense. Once you're cooking for yourself these won't be the crutch that they are at restaurants
That's a ton of gas, fix it. I like the one car idea; it takes some planning, but you can do it.
We have been doing terribly with our food budget, and this is one of the biggest areas we can improve on. We do eat mostly foods that are naturally gluten free instead of specialty items. It is really picking food up on the way home from work/school that was killing us. My son is allergic to nuts, easy to avoid when buying whole foods but trickier when buying processed items.
We have been throwing around the single car family idea, I only recently finished school that required I have transportation for clinical hours. I'm hesitant to sell either car because they are both very reliable, get good gas mileage, and we have owned them for a long time and I know their maintenance is up to date. My son and I also go to twice weekly playdates/meet ups (mostly free) at local parks, the library, etc. with other moms and kiddos and I'm hesitant to give this up. Once the newest kiddo can ride in a bike trailer, I will consider this more seriously. Our gas costs should go down now that I'm finished with school, however because I was commuting 2-3 times/week and I will mostly be at home now.
How big is your house? Would it be possible to rent out a bedroom to generate some extra cash?
I wouldn't necessarily advise refinancing. It costs money to refinance and you have other things like student loans, credit cards, PMI, etc., that you could focus on.
Our house is pretty small, meets our needs but not much room to spare. We actually did have my sister live with us rent-free for several months in exchange for childcare while I was finishing school. It was tight, we had no personal space whatsoever, and we only have one bathroom. I don't think I would be comfortable with anyone other than family in our small living area.
We've thrown around the idea of refinancing, but honestly I like the comfort of a smaller monthly obligation that we can throw extra money at when we get to that point. The interest rate is less than the student loans, so I was thinking we would tackle the mortgage once the crazy student loan debt was history. We have checked with the bank and the PMI will come off when the LTV is less than 80%.
Keep working on trimming out the waste and focusing on the loans. I'm not sure what your "repair projects" are, but I'd tackle those in order of how serious they are. If they're back-burnered now they probably aren't too serious? Certainly don't let anything do additional damage to your house (like a water-leak that will slowly rot floors for example) just to pay down loans.
None of our needed repairs are extremely costly, we need to replace some siding on the garage, replace some entry doors, more insulation in attic, etc. Mostly they just require time, which we have been short on until lately.