Babies, sleep-training, co-sleeping, comfort-nursing, cry-it-out, asdf!@#!!!

[StarBright]

My second baby was a milk allergy reflux baby and while she never really slept through the night (still doesn't at age 2) we could get 2-3 hour stretches out of her if we swaddled her using a woombie and put her in the rock and play. We didn't rock her and did not play music but the combination of position and woombie would let her doze off and stay down for a bit.

Once the baby didn't need to nurse much at night my husband and I (both work full time) would take shifts ensuring that we each got at least a 4 hour uninterrupted stretch of sleep each night.

I don't know if you ever get up with your wife while she's nursing - but your post made me remember that in the first couple of months with both of my babies my husband would get up and get me a snack and water in the middle of the night. It made me feel so supported and like we were such a team.

Good luck! and it will get better. You are in the hardest patch right now.

[TomTX]

Hang on in there! 2 months is still very small. I know it's not very mustachian to throw money at the problem but maybe invest in one of those crib thingies that is on an incline?

Used a chunk of 2x4 to raise one end of the crib, is that what you mean?

[csprof]

(a)  If the reflux continues, you might try the full-on elimination diet:  http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/feeding-eating/feeding-infants-toddlers/food-allergies/elimination-diet

We did this.  It sucked.  But after a week of it, our daughter's food allergy-related symptoms were 100% gone.  (For us, this was easy to diagnose, as it involved blood coming out of places that blood is not supposed to come out of.  Reflux and other somewhat-more-nebulous things are a bit harder.)  It turns out, though, that it sucked a lot less than having a sick and screaming child.  Over the course of about two years, we were able to re-introduce everything, though we had a few setbacks.  Soy and dairy stayed out almost the whole period, and there was that unfortunate accidental test of almonds thanks to a careless mother-in-law (almonds, it turns out, were one of our true positives on the allergies).

(b)  CIO -- with appropriate cautioning of your child beforehand, etc., -- is effective, and not at all inhumane.  Letting your child develop poor sleep habits *is* inhumane.  But it's true that you don't want to do it before 5mo.

IIRC, things start to get better around 3 months for many kids.  That time was very hazy.  It was, in fact, quite horrible.  But it gets better soon.  Good luck!

[Kitsune]

(b)  CIO -- with appropriate cautioning of your child beforehand, etc., -- is effective, and not at all inhumane.  Letting your child develop poor sleep habits *is* inhumane.  But it's true that you don't want to do it before 5mo.

We did what might be referred to as CIO-by-logistics when our daughter was 13 months old (co-sleeping prior to that, for parental survival). She moved to her own bed, in her own room, which was immediately next to ours. We did NOT use a baby monitor, but left both doors open. Logic: if she was fussing and getting herself back to sleep, she didn't wake us up (not loud enough), and she learned to put herself back to sleep (necessary life skills!). If she was actually unhappy and needed us, she'd cry, and that was louder, and then we'd hear her and obviously go.

Result: within a week, she was reliably sleeping through the night. Even now, at 18 months, there's the occasional night where she'll wake up and fuss a bit at 2am and get herself back to sleep within a minute or two. She just needs to be given the opportunity to do it. (And then there's one night every month or so where she wakes up in a FIT in the middle of the night and everyone is up for an hour, but that's children/teething/illness/what did you expect, right?)

[elaine amj]

The whole baby alignment/bad baby positioning thing sounds so crazy now to me. I googled to find out what a Rock and Play is - looks like the baby will be in the same positioning as bouncy chairs/carseats. Can't imagine why that is not a "natural position" (Imagine how squished up baby was in the womb! Now THAT was an unnatural position).

My SIL went to extreme lengths to buy an "ergonomic" baby carrier that spread her baby's hips "naturally". She absolutely would not consider simple cloth wraps.

I get it though - when I was a new parent, I was nervous about all those things too.

We had a bouncy hammock for my own kids (traditional where I grew up).


However, I was in Canada and I just could not get out of my head some stray comment that it was "unnatural" for a baby not to sleep on a flat surface. Although it was my son's preferred place to sleep, I would move him out as soon as he fell asleep to the more "natural" bassinet next to my bed. And as far as possible, I would try to get him to go to sleep in the bassinet. Looking back, it seems rather ridiculous. I should have just left him to sleep where he felt most comfortable. The hammock sling hugged him snugly and supported him well. 

Anyway, you are absolutely normal new parents dealing with a new baby you love intensely who is being very difficult to manage. Try not to get too caught up in parenting "rules" - there are millions of them and like a PP pointed out, they often contradict each other. I know it's much easier said than done. Hang in there - one day, you'll be the sage parent doling out advice to new parents :) Just shower that baby with love (babies are very, very forgiving) and be kind to each other.

[junglejim83]

Does your wife have a large portion of any one thing in her diet?  Maybe the baby is allergic to something in your wife's diet, dairy, wheat, yeast etc?

My son was breast feeding and had pretty bad reflux.  In addition, what we thought was baby acne seemed to be getting worse and worse over a period of a few weeks.  It turns out it was hives.  The doctor couldn't ID the source but she said try removing some things from my wife's diet.  When my wife cut dairy the hives went away in a couple days and the reflux reduced significantly. 

Any time my wife would have a little dairy his issues would reappear.   We have found some non-dairy alternatives, whether it is goat cheese, almond milk or coconut milk ice cream, so she doesn't miss the dairy much. 

As far as the sleep goes - he is 9 months old and we are still trying to figure it out.  We got a box of 200 memory foam ear plugs and take turns with night duty.

[csprof]

(b)  CIO -- with appropriate cautioning of your child beforehand, etc., -- is effective, and not at all inhumane.  Letting your child develop poor sleep habits *is* inhumane.  But it's true that you don't want to do it before 5mo.

We did what might be referred to as CIO-by-logistics when our daughter was 13 months old (co-sleeping prior to that, for parental survival). She moved to her own bed, in her own room, which was immediately next to ours. We did NOT use a baby monitor, but left both doors open. Logic: if she was fussing and getting herself back to sleep, she didn't wake us up (not loud enough), and she learned to put herself back to sleep (necessary life skills!). If she was actually unhappy and needed us, she'd cry, and that was louder, and then we'd hear her and obviously go.

Result: within a week, she was reliably sleeping through the night. Even now, at 18 months, there's the occasional night where she'll wake up and fuss a bit at 2am and get herself back to sleep within a minute or two. She just needs to be given the opportunity to do it. (And then there's one night every month or so where she wakes up in a FIT in the middle of the night and everyone is up for an hour, but that's children/teething/illness/what did you expect, right?)

Our experience was similar.  As she got older, there have been a few flat-out screaming-fests that we gritted our teeth through.  The pattern we'd see was something like:  (1)  A legitimate thing would occur that required us to go help her at night (illness, teething, actual scary dream, something).  That would go on for a few nights, and a pattern would start to form;  (2)  The underlying cause of the awakening would go away;  (3)  The demand for mommy or daddy would not go away, and the former reason would now turn into an excuse to get us in there;  (4) we'd slowly catch on and realize what was happening;  (5)  one night of CIO - ugh, awful;  (6)  back to normal sleep patterns - yay!

The occasional fits - it happens.  She gets hugs and as much time is needed.  (Said for others, because you and I obviously see it the same way):  CIO isn't about denying kids attention when they need it, it's about teaching them to learn to put themselves to sleep when nothing's wrong.  The hardest part is deciding which situation you're in.  We've tended to err on the side of helping her to sleep if we're not certain, and I don't regret that.  She sleeps well most of the time.

[obstinate]

Sleep can be bad at two months. It's perfectly normal. Most people don't start sleep training until 5 mos at the earliest. It's not likely to take at this age.

We did do unmitigated extinction (cry it out with no comforting) around 5 1/2 months, and it seems to have worked great for us.

Hang in there for a couple more months. You'll make it.

[purple monkey]

We ended up co-sleeping with comfort nursing. That's what worked for us and we'll do it again with the next one. People break it a lot earlier than we are - we're approaching 2 and she still nurses, or hangs out on the boob, to sleep. But we've all gotten plenty of sleep since two weeks in, and that's definitely made me a more capable parent.

+1
And sleep is very sweet with them latched.