Where is the actual job? West Linn is more expensive than other Portland suburbs, but is very safe with excellent schools. It would probably be beneficial to live there since both of your kids probably need special programs. By far the best high school in the area.
Sellwood is cute. My favorite place to be in all of Portland during the summer is the riverfront park on the other side of the Sellwood bridge. That said, Portland schools are terrible, and Sellwood homes seem grossly overpriced.
Vancouver has a pretty good school system, but if your husband has to commute to the Portland area, it would be punishing. The Columbia River Crossing project had been defunded, so light rail isn't going to connect Vancouver and Portland any time soon. Not to mention Vancouver is a completely drab and charmless commuter town, in my opinion.
Had I stayed in Portland and had kids, I'd likely have wound up in the downtown Beaverton/Cedar Hills area. It's pretty walkable, easy access to light rail, and the Beaverton school district, while probably not as good as either West Linn or Vancouver, is still much better than Portland.