Author Topic: 500 on a wallet  (Read 16647 times)

lolzmonster

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500 on a wallet
« on: June 04, 2014, 12:11:00 AM »
Hi all,

Just wanted an opinion on something with my fellow mustachians.
Recently been arguing a bit with partner over her excessive use of money. Like she wants to spend money on shoes and the next thing is she intends to buy a branded wallet (around 500). Is it just me or is this really excessive...

I feel like I'm forcing myself on her and I'm wondering if im just being too controlling.
 Also, We are in our early 20s, and are not working full time. Both supported by parents living at home.

Is this a big issue or am i just overthinking that she likes spending..?

Primm

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2014, 12:14:19 AM »
Bloody oath it's a big issue! She is being supported by her parents and expects to be able to spend $500 on a fricking wallet???

Zelow's have wallets that are perfectly acceptable, and even look good, for $20. If she has a problem with this then you may need to rethink whether she's the right person for you.

rmendpara

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2014, 12:19:46 AM »
Hi all,

Just wanted an opinion on something with my fellow mustachians.
Recently been arguing a bit with partner over her excessive use of money. Like she wants to spend money on shoes and the next thing is she intends to buy a branded wallet (around 500). Is it just me or is this really excessive...

I feel like I'm forcing myself on her and I'm wondering if im just being too controlling.
 Also, We are in our early 20s, and are not working full time. Both supported by parents living at home.

Is this a big issue or am i just overthinking that she likes spending..?

No, you're not overthinking it. This chick is bananas!

As far as being smart with money, this girl score 0 out of 10. She may be loving, caring, beautiful, and whatever else, but those spending habits will create some huge issues in your relationship in the future.

You live with your parents, which means you should be saving boatloads of money, and she wants to spend $500 on a wallet and shoes?

Why are neither of you working full time? Are you home to save money or because neither of you have found decent jobs yet? Are you still in school?

I'm not judging your relationship, but your life choice of living a life of luxury while living in your parents house is, uh... I'll be nice and leave it at that.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2014, 12:21:22 AM by rmendpara »

Argyle

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2014, 12:20:50 AM »
It's completely excessive.  It's insane.  But the solution is not to try to force her to do differently.  The solution is to consider whether your values are so far apart as to make you not very compatible.

lolzmonster

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2014, 12:36:23 AM »
Ah i forgot to mention yeah we're studying in uni. I am saving boatloads of money since well I am here, while paying for rent and other things.

but ive been struggling to get her on board, and its we just have arguments once a month about her spending too much. I mean shes really fortunate and has lots of money from her grandparents and parents, so no debt. But has a huge propensity to spend on shopping.

Primm

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2014, 12:50:15 AM »
Ah i forgot to mention yeah we're studying in uni. I am saving boatloads of money since well I am here, while paying for rent and other things.

but ive been struggling to get her on board, and its we just have arguments once a month about her spending too much. I mean shes really fortunate and has lots of money from her grandparents and parents, so no debt. But has a huge propensity to spend on shopping.

Yet...

Argyle

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2014, 12:51:38 AM »
The studies find that people in longterm relationships don't "solve" their differences -- they have the same conflicts and differences over and over again.  The key to the happy relationships is that they have chosen someone with differences they are okay with. As the saying goes, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them."  Once you've explained yourself and modelled the benefits of the behavior you're championing, that's as much influence as anyone has.  More pressure just makes everyone unhappy.  Now the responsibility is with you to decide whether this is a short-term relationship or a long-term one.

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2014, 12:59:14 AM »
She's your girlfriend, not your fiancée or your wife.  She is (legally) an adult who has the right to make her own choices and spend her own money.  By all means tell her what you think if she talks about her spending, but I don't see why you would want to have an argument over it.

I think a $500 dollar wallet is silly, so do you.  Your girlfriend doesn't, because she has bought into consumerist culture.  That isn't her fault: there is a billion-dollar industry aimed directly at persuading her that she needs that wallet (she buys women's/fashion magazines, I bet).  How about instead of arguing about her spending habits, you and she learn together about how advertising and marketing work, about compliance with cultural norms and how they change over time, and how to differentiate oneself from the herd through something other than spending money.

The people who tend to be successful in high school are the ones who can best comply with cultural norms, usually without even realising that is what they are doing.  After high school, compliance with cultural norms starts to have fewer benefits and thinking for yourself starts to have more.

bigchrisb

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #8 on: June 04, 2014, 01:03:13 AM »
Tell her she's dreamin!

You have already had a fairly frank and fearless assessment from the other posters.  I'll echo this - people don't change.  But as we age, we become more aware of what things we are prepared to accept in a relationship.  Do you (or does she) want to have those arguments once a month for the rest of your life?  You are the only one that knows if on balance this is a good deal or not.

The sad thing is, its probably an intractable problem - either you give up, and feel resentment about her spending, she gives up the spending and resents you for it, or you keen on fighting about it?

Sorry not to have a good answer for you, but better to find these things out sooner than later.


HappierAtHome

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #9 on: June 04, 2014, 01:10:54 AM »
The studies find that people in longterm relationships don't "solve" their differences -- they have the same conflicts and differences over and over again.  The key to the happy relationships is that they have chosen someone with differences they are okay with. As the saying goes, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them." 

This is so true. You should pick a life partner that you feel okay about still having the same arguments about in your eighties... not one who you need to change.

That said, when I met the BF he was already frugal while I spent every dollar I earned (without family support as a safety net so I was cruisin' for a bruisin'). Seeing his behaviour - mostly once we were already living together - led me to change my ways. So it's possible. Just not common.

What are her long term dreams and goals?

Kaminoge

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2014, 01:44:18 AM »
She's your girlfriend, not your fiancée or your wife.  She is (legally) an adult who has the right to make her own choices and spend her own money.  By all means tell her what you think if she talks about her spending, but I don't see why you would want to have an argument over it.

This.

I'd actually be pretty pissed off at a boyfriend who wanted to tell me how to spend MY money. Fine for him to have a gentle opinion or to point out options but anything further than that would be a big red flag to me in terms of him being far too controlling. Do I think $500 (or anything like it) is sensible for a wallet? Absolutely not. Do I think you have a right to tell your girlfriend how to spend her money? Absolutely not.

The Hamster

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2014, 02:56:34 AM »
She's your girlfriend, not your fiancée or your wife.  She is (legally) an adult who has the right to make her own choices and spend her own money.  By all means tell her what you think if she talks about her spending, but I don't see why you would want to have an argument over it.


This.  She is spending her money, not yours so really you don't have any say in what she spends it on.  Unless you intend to marry her or support her in some way I would keep my nose out of it. By all means try to educate her about good spending habits and who knows she may realise that a $500 wallet is going a bit overboard and adopt your way.

However, if you are engaged or intend to be one day then you need to consider if her spending habits are something you can live with and compatible with your goals.

P.S - what brand is the wallet?  Even if it were Louis Vuitton I wouldn't throw away $500 over it although in my spendypants past I owned a really nice pair of Tom Ford designer sunglasses...

T-Rex

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2014, 04:03:05 AM »
I will go against the grain here and say that her habits could change, especially if she is young. My wife and I talked about our goals with money and have changed out lifestyles to fit those goals. We talk each other out of over spending all the time. Maybe you can remind her of things like what percentage of a month's rent $500 is, or more valuable uses for that money that she has expressed interest in (Something altruistic? Something says she is trying to save up for?)

ReadingLearner

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #13 on: June 04, 2014, 04:39:42 AM »
Hello,

I think if you still would like to be with your partner, you should tell her how you feel if you haven't already done that. If she still does not make any effort, I would have separate bank accounts and don't pay for anything for her. Let her pay for her own expenses until she is more financially wise.  She may also have psychological reasons for buying this wallet. For instance, maybe she wants to impress people. Maybe you can point that out.

ReadingLearner

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2014, 04:48:46 AM »
Oh one more thing: I don't think it's completely hopeless that your girlfriend will not change. When I was younger, I had anti-mustachian spending behaviour, but the stress of having debt compelled me to change my ways. (FYI: I am completely debt free now) Maybe a strategy I can suggest is to see if she is willing to keep all her receipts and then tally it up.  I would have a small coin purse and then just put my receipts in there as I went on my day. Then at the end of the month or day, I would put it in an excel spreadsheet. This way, she can get a visual of all that she is spending. You can also ask her what her goals are. For example, if she wants to get a house, maybe you can remind her to keep on track so that she can save for that. Maybe she just doesn't have any goals set out yet.

warfreak2

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #15 on: June 04, 2014, 05:23:52 AM »
Quote
500 on a wallet

CarDude

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #16 on: June 04, 2014, 05:24:31 AM »
The studies find that people in longterm relationships don't "solve" their differences -- they have the same conflicts and differences over and over again.  The key to the happy relationships is that they have chosen someone with differences they are okay with. As the saying goes, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them."  Once you've explained yourself and modelled the benefits of the behavior you're championing, that's as much influence as anyone has.  More pressure just makes everyone unhappy.  Now the responsibility is with you to decide whether this is a short-term relationship or a long-term one.

I agree. Yes, she could change, but you need to be prepared to be with this fundamental person...or not.

chasesfish

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #17 on: June 04, 2014, 05:36:20 AM »
Before everyone goes too hard on the original poster, his girlfriend could just be a knuckehead with money today.

One of my good friends is extremely cheap and his very nice wife has converted from someone living at home and spending her entire paycheck to pretty darn frugal.

Its just a few conversations that need to be had about long-term goals as the relationship gets serious.  See what those goals are.  She could have so much family money that is really not that excessive of an expense for her.




Ottawa

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #18 on: June 04, 2014, 05:44:44 AM »
...she intends to buy a branded wallet (around 500). Is it just me or is this really excessive...

Jesus Mother of Fuck!  How about buy a $10 wallet and put $490 in it!

NewStachian

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #19 on: June 04, 2014, 05:46:24 AM »
$500 for a wallet in your early 20's isn't really that crazy. It is to those on this forum because we've been indoctrinated into the way of the 'stache. Don't forget your early 20's is when you've finally gotten through your schooling and you want to feel like you've made it. How many go out and buy brand new cars? that's WAY more wasteful than a $500 wallet. Frugality is a process and we're all at the Varsity level. We should try not to be too judgmental of this woman who probably just needs to learn a few lessons.

For the OP, I would be careful about picking 1 or 2 expenditures and attacking her over them. I've made this mistake with my wife before. My wife is wonderfully frugal and Mustachian, but occasionally treats herself to something. I've made the mistake of focusing too much on single purchases and it doesn't help us get where we want to be. We both end up getting angry and it doesn't help our spending because our spending is where it needs to be anyway. MMM's latest post on chilling out about money is a good read.

All that warm fuzzy stuff aside...

If she still does not make any effort, I would have separate bank accounts and don't pay for anything for her.

+1

I think this is a great way to go. There's no reason why her lack of frugality should affect you. I would maintain open dialogue with her about money, but not in a pressuring way. Just be very clear that you have financial goals that are too different from hers to combine them. When you are living a comfy life and she's stressing about having no money, maybe she will be more interested in talking about it.

On the topic of wallets, I got a fantastic leather wallet with Faraday cages throughout to protect from RFID identity theft and it ran me $35 online. If anyone needs a new one I highly recommend the ones from Identity Stronghold.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2014, 06:03:54 AM by NewStachian »

hedge

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #20 on: June 04, 2014, 05:56:38 AM »
It's completely excessive.  It's insane.  But the solution is not to try to force her to do differently.  The solution is to consider whether your values are so far apart as to make you not very compatible.

Yes it's not about the wallet it's about values and goals. Focus on those and ignore the wallet. In fact you will be doing this the rest of your life,  hopefully with someone who has more sense.  :-)

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mrF

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #21 on: June 04, 2014, 06:13:58 AM »
$500 on a wallet does seem like a lot.    Granted, maybe this is the last wallet she'll ever own?  In which case, it's still a lot, but at least you can argue the cost will be spread out over time.   I buy boots that cost between $150-$200, but I expect them to last me no less than 10 years (or longer if they can be resoled).

Money is a challenging opportunity for growth in a relationship, and it's fine if you can be okay with your differences.   It may mean that you need to be responsible for your money and she for hers.   It's probably good to be very clear with your partner about how you think about money, and how you feel emotionally around it as well.   Just make sure to own these thoughts as your own, and not what she should think.   

Something I learned over the past four years or so (since my divorce) is that one of the best things for a relationship is to communicate and act in a way that acknowledges the other person's intellectual and emotional autonomy.    This helps to reduce the anxiety in the room, and may even open up opportunities for your significant other to process what you're saying in a more calm and thoughtful way.


Bateaux

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #22 on: June 04, 2014, 06:36:19 AM »
I have a 5 dollar wallet and it's been a rare occasion to have $500 inside.   

MidwestGal

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #23 on: June 04, 2014, 07:25:15 AM »
My first reaction to your post was OMGWTFZBBQ!?!?!?!

...but I was there once as well.  Basenji mentioned a couple of posts up that what we have done in the past stays with us.  Have you ever said or done something REALLY awkward, or inappropriate, or just silly when you didn't mean to be?  Because we're human, memories like that tends to stay with us.  Now substitute this wallet.  Or a very expensive luxury automobile.  For me, it was (among other things) a $450 dinner for two a few years ago.  Yes, I deserved a mighty face punch for that but remembering back to that instance of a bad financial decision helps me realize that a nice dinner is just that.  A nice car is just that.  There are more frugal, more efficient ways to spend my hard-earned money and financial values can and do change with time.

In time, with your gentle leadership she may be where many of us mustachians are right now.  With luck and love, she may even surpass you.  As others have said, focus on the values that you share.  I'm in the midst of helping my spouse see our point of view, and it's a truly beautiful thing.

Red Beard

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #24 on: June 04, 2014, 08:00:52 AM »
Do you currently pay for all activities (movies, restaurants, other outings)? If so, then she isn't truly just spending her money. Earlier in my relationship I dealt with a similar situation, albeit on a much smaller scale - I would pay for "us" and she would buy things she "needed" with her money. Once we had a discussion and began splitting joint costs 50/50 those needs decreased quite considerably.

The Happy Philosopher

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #25 on: June 04, 2014, 08:31:44 AM »
They make $500 wallets?

JoyBlogette

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #26 on: June 04, 2014, 08:34:42 AM »
but ive been struggling to get her on board, and its we just have arguments once a month about her spending too much. I mean shes really fortunate and has lots of money from her grandparents and parents, so no debt. But has a huge propensity to spend on shopping.

Imagine having this same argument EVERY MONTH for the rest of your life.  You need to have a long chat about what's important to you both.  If she wants branded wallets and lots of shoes, she probably also wants fancy cars and a big house.  If you can't get her on board for the life you want for yourself, you may have to cut her loose.  Sorry.

frugaliknowit

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #27 on: June 04, 2014, 08:41:40 AM »
On top of what the others have said, unless she turns on a dime, you two have NO CHANCE of a successful long term relationship.  If you wanna have just a physical relationship, you might suggest that to her with the understanding that is all it will be.  Otherwise:

FAGETABOUTID!!!

luigi49

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #28 on: June 04, 2014, 08:56:50 AM »
wow 500 kangaroos.

former player

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #29 on: June 04, 2014, 10:27:42 AM »
They make $500 wallets?

No, they make wallets they sell for $500.

socaso

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #30 on: June 04, 2014, 11:02:19 AM »
It seems to me that if you are bothering arguing with her about her spending habits then you are worried about the long term picture with this person. I don't believe that it is true that people don't change but I know absolutely that it is true that you cannot change them. You can only lead by example in your own life.

I don't think spending $500 on a wallet is so bad if it is the last wallet she ever intends to buy...

anisotropy

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #31 on: June 04, 2014, 11:11:44 AM »
somewhat unrelated. yesterday i saw a coworker wearing a pair of coach shoes. I was convinced she had spent over 300 on them but turned out the shoes were "only" 100.

i was shocked. lol...

rmendpara

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #32 on: June 04, 2014, 11:28:26 AM »
$500 on a wallet does seem like a lot.    Granted, maybe this is the last wallet she'll ever own?  In which case, it's still a lot, but at least you can argue the cost will be spread out over time.   I buy boots that cost between $150-$200, but I expect them to last me no less than 10 years (or longer if they can be resoled).

Money is a challenging opportunity for growth in a relationship, and it's fine if you can be okay with your differences.   It may mean that you need to be responsible for your money and she for hers.   It's probably good to be very clear with your partner about how you think about money, and how you feel emotionally around it as well.   Just make sure to own these thoughts as your own, and not what she should think.   

Something I learned over the past four years or so (since my divorce) is that one of the best things for a relationship is to communicate and act in a way that acknowledges the other person's intellectual and emotional autonomy.    This helps to reduce the anxiety in the room, and may even open up opportunities for your significant other to process what you're saying in a more calm and thoughtful way.

Good points that several people made. You didn't mention if she is always this spendy, or if she has a thing for wallets and shoes?

Even I am guilty of having spent probably $3-4k on updating my wardrobe in the past year... though it was mostly related to work. Of course, I could have spent a lot less, but I am happy to pay up for good quality clothing (I'm a Ralph Lauren fan in general). Between moving and having to get a heavy winter coat, leather gloves, several pairs of dress shoes, belts, a few ties, 3 suits, 7 new dress shirts, and a handful of other things, the total easily went up. I do, however, plan to keep all of these items until they start to wear as none of them are "in fashion" products as I prefer more timeless clothing. I also recently purchased a $750 watch (I did use reward points, but I could have gotten creative and probably netted $600 if I sold it online or something).

Anyway, it's a long way of saying/asking that everyone has things they are willing to spend up for... and sometimes in big (read: expensive) ways. However, if your partner starts making a habit of buying things that are unreasonably expensive, it comes down to how you feel about that. You can't expect people to change to the way you want unless they want to change.

Regardless, IMO $500 for a wallet/shoes is way too much given you are still not even working at the professional level yet. What will happen once she/you both start working? Will she then want $300 shoes and $400 purses to go along with that? I'd have the honest conversation, but don't make it about the specific purchases alone. It's more about her feelings on spending money in general, and specific to your current situation.

Good luck.

lolzmonster

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #33 on: June 04, 2014, 11:40:43 AM »
thanks guys for all the wisdom and support.

sat down tonight and sorted most of it out. I mean at least in a compromise sense of the word. We do generally go dutch on most things, since we've been dating a while, and I think she is starting to learn from me. However, Like you guys have said, everyone does stupid things and reflect on it later. For now if it makes her happy, and she saves about 70%(which she does) I think its still okay, and Its not my right to help her decide her finances.

I do see this as a long term thing, so its probably just better to stick with it.

Argyle

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #34 on: June 04, 2014, 11:45:15 AM »
Wow, people are spendy in this thread.  You graduate from college and buy expensive stuff?  I remember when I got my first full-time real-world job, I went nuts and spent $70 on a lavish art book.  I felt kind of ill when I looked at it for many years, and finally I sold it on eBay for about $40. 

I was just feeling bad because I hadn't bought any new clothes in six years, and I spent $335 on a pile of clothes last week.  But $3000-$4000 per year on clothes?  If these are the people who are careful with money, no wonder the people who aren't careful are spending an insane $500 on wallets.

Mrs.FamilyFinances

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #35 on: June 04, 2014, 12:01:47 PM »
I'm curious how her folks feel. I would be offended if my daughter, who was living with me, spent that kind of money on something so silly.

seanc0x0

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #36 on: June 04, 2014, 12:04:09 PM »
They make $500 wallets?

My brother-in-law has a saying for things like this... "There is no Upper Limit"

rmendpara

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #37 on: June 04, 2014, 12:12:51 PM »
Wow, people are spendy in this thread.  You graduate from college and buy expensive stuff?  I remember when I got my first full-time real-world job, I went nuts and spent $70 on a lavish art book.  I felt kind of ill when I looked at it for many years, and finally I sold it on eBay for about $40. 

I was just feeling bad because I hadn't bought any new clothes in six years, and I spent $335 on a pile of clothes last week.  But $3000-$4000 per year on clothes?  If these are the people who are careful with money, no wonder the people who aren't careful are spending an insane $500 on wallets.

Hardly frugal in an absolute sense. I admit that up front. It was more of a necessary update to all my professional clothes (suits, shirts, ties, pants, belts, shoes, etc), but I definitely traded up for high quality/brand name items rather than going frugal and shopping for sales (I'm lazy and hate shopping, so just waited for decent sales on line and loaded up!).

I will say that since I finished the buying spree around January, I have spent $zero on clothing. I don't shop for fun.

Big point though: Things were a LOT more expensive than I expected. I anticipated maybe $1-2k total, until I realized good clothes (outside of clearance times) are much more expensive than I ever knew. I miss the days when my mom shopped for me... :(

MgoSam

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #38 on: June 04, 2014, 12:25:10 PM »
Is it the amount of money for something that doesn't appear to be worth it, or that this might be emblematic of her spending patterns? I think that is a serious question, I stopped dating someone partially because she was only happy with expensive things and expected me to contribute (fancy dinners, ect). How serious are you with this person otherwise? I ask this because if this is a fun relationship that you don't see going anywhere then I might not worry as much.

Either way, if you think she is a spendypants, it likely will be more effective to encourage her in positive ways to spend less. That is what worked for me, rather than thinking that I was wrong to do this, I instead found motivating in seeing how much cheaper things are if done a different way (like shopping at Aldi's).

catccc

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #39 on: June 04, 2014, 12:41:29 PM »
1.  $500 for a wallet.  That's nuts
2.  Sometimes, people change.

In college, it was not a big deal for me to walk into a store to get some cute clothes that I didn't need, and walk out 30 minutes later with $500 less in my pocket.  I magically did not go into debt.  Well, not so magically; I worked a lot and never spent more than I had.  I worked part time at 3 different jobs, sometimes full-time at one job and part-time at 2 others.  And I spent.  I paid for my own food, rent, tuition (before bargaining with admin for a scholarship), and oodles of clothes from popular brands.  I worked in retail and was in a mall at least 5 times a week.  I was a shopaholic and would buy junk I didn't need just because it was on sale, or some other stupid reason.  Shopping was like a hobby.

When I graduated and was making "real money," I was over the shopping.  IDK if it was the removal from the retail environment, or that I'd grown up and wanted to save for a house down payment, or maybe that I had my own salary and it seemed I should do something clever with it.  But the desire to spend stopped, and gradually, over the years, I have found that I am generally much happier saving a buck than spending it.  Of course, I do enjoy spending my money on things I really value.  But I don't value brands and stuff anymore.

There are a lot of reformed spenders on this forum.  Just want to point that out.
 


OldDogNewTrick

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #40 on: June 04, 2014, 12:56:20 PM »
Let me guess... Gucci? Now $500 on shoes, that's different, but a wallet? This coming from a woman who in a past life would drop $1500 on a purse. 

Encourage her to get a $15.00 wallet and put $500.00 in it. Much more chic. and desirable.






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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #41 on: June 04, 2014, 01:51:03 PM »
Early 20s is a time to learn a lot of life lessons. Right now you may both be heavily influenced by your family environments. Keep those in mind as you sort things out.

My first girlfriend was basically financially spoiled by her dad -- got a car in high school, grew up with household with maid service, spent money virtually at will. I learned the hard way that her expectations of me were molded by what she experienced. And it wasn't going to work.

Good luck to you both as you figure out each other.

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #42 on: June 04, 2014, 02:04:08 PM »
For $500, that wallet had better have a self-refilling feature.

MrsPete

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #43 on: June 04, 2014, 08:56:28 PM »
Obviously I'm with the majority here:  $500 for a wallet is insane.  Even if it's your "forever wallet", which we all know it isn't, it's a crazy amount of money.  You could have a new $5-10 wallet every year for the rest of your life for that much. 

However, we all know too that it's not really about the wallet:  It's about spending habits.  You say you've been dating this girl a while and you have an established relationship.  Here's where the tricky part comes in: 

If this is just "some girl you're dating in college", laugh a little at her expensive taste and move on.  If she's just "some girl", it's not your business.  Set a good example, keep your money separate. 

But if you foresee that this relationship may move on towards marriage, you need to decide whether this is something you can accept or not.  If you think this relationship may be "it", you should find a way to have some serious conversations about finances.  Topics that might matter:

- When /how much house do you see yourself buying?
- How often do you see yourself traveling?
- What type of splurges do you anticipate after you're both working?
- How much do you anticipate spending on holidays?
- How much do you anticipate spending on your children /their education?
- How will you teach your children about money?  what will you pay for your teenagers?
- How will you prepare for emergencies?  illnesses?  joy losses?
- Do you anticipate taking in your parents eventually when they're elderly?   
- What about saving for short term expenses, retirement, etc.? 

I remember my husband discussing these things and more on a long car trip -- it was around the time that we were both figuring out that we were heading towards marriage.  We talked and talked and talked about money, and it was a good thing.  It launched many other conversations later too.  We learned so much about each other's financial thoughts, and I think it is one of the reasons we've been successful together.

As for whether people can change, of course they can!  How many people on this board describe themselves as reformed spenders?  However, MOST PEOPLE won't change.  Most people will continue in their old habits -- unless they experience a crisis, or unless someone or some event pushes them in a different direction.  Examples:

- When my husband and I were dating, he was kind of spendy in little ways:  Eating out, buying a toy of some sort.  He didn't see the point in worrying over small transactions -- a couple dollars here, a couple dollars there.  I was much better at finding good values at the grocery store, on clothes, etc. 
- On the other hand, he had a much clearer vision of long-term investing than I did.  He was the one who was dead-set on buying a house NOW, on maxing out our 401Ks early, on setting aside money even though we were still struggling. 

The upshot was that both of us learned from the other, and we both changed.  In actuality, we each were already frugal, but we learned one another's good habits.   

avongil

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #44 on: June 04, 2014, 09:23:47 PM »
I think people are brainwashed into buying expensive stuff that is manufactured for 1/50th the price.  It's a tough lesson to learn. Some never do.
I persuaded my wife into buying a Timbuktu purse almost 8 years ago.  She was always happy with it. I think it was the cool factor of having a messenger back branded purse. It was 50 bucks and high quality.   
This is the only purse she uses.  Before that she had a bunch of cheap knock offs that fell apart in 1 - 2 years.
I still think its really sweat and laugh at the hideous designer purses  broke girls buy. 

Perhaps you can search for something else and brain wash her! Start a trend instead of being suckered into one.


-

Here is an idea...
http://www.timbuk2.com/bifold-id-cash-wallet/906.html


avongil

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #45 on: June 04, 2014, 09:43:03 PM »

sol

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #46 on: June 04, 2014, 10:13:00 PM »
Repeat after me. 

"If you spend $500 on a wallet then our relationship is finished."

Practice 10 times then go say it to her face. 

chasesfish

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #47 on: June 05, 2014, 04:54:22 AM »
Repeat after me. 

"If you spend $500 on a wallet then our relationship is finished."

Practice 10 times then go say it to her face.

Don't do that...yet

theSchmett

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #48 on: June 05, 2014, 05:04:40 AM »
I think we are all being a little hasty.

What is the wallet made of?

If the answer is $100 bills, unicorn hair, pixie dust, unobtanium, or gold pressed latinum I say go for it.

Greg

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Re: 500 on a wallet
« Reply #49 on: June 05, 2014, 11:01:04 AM »
Also, We are in our early 20s, and are not working full time. Both supported by parents living at home.

This is the part I don't get.  If someone has $500 to spend on a wallet, their parents shouldn't be supporting them, or are doing too good of a job of it.