Author Topic: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.  (Read 18179 times)

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #50 on: June 13, 2014, 07:11:05 PM »
Does anyone have a link to these threads?  They sound interesting.  I used the search feature, but did not locate them.

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/things-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-20/

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/things-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-30/

Can't find the 40 year old thread. I think there was one, but maybe not.

Thank you sir!

little_owl

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #51 on: June 14, 2014, 05:15:20 AM »
Add me to those that would like to hear more about your future plans.  Right now, you are making money, but education (college, a trade / apprenticeship) is going to be critical to get you to a place where you can stand on your own two feet.

At 18, I left for college with all of my odd job / babysitting money invested in the market, and it was a $30k slug by the time I got serious about early retirement in my late 20s.  So, I understand wanting to get your money in the market to work for you.

However, I disagree with others that you should be hiding cash around the house.  As long as your parents cannot access the money without your permission, you should be okay.  If they can, consider putting it in a 1-year CD, sometimes those are more difficult to get out of (account co-owners may need to be involved.)  Another alternative would be opening a small safety deposit box and putting the cash in there.  However, you have to acknowledge that you are then getting negative returns on the money, not great.

Importantly, you have a great attitude, and I agree with others that you should avoid being preachy.  Keep your head down, nose clean, and plan for your future.  Your future may incude having to support your parents, so I recommend (say, in 5 years) having a come to jesus discussion with them.  Suze Orman actually has some decent scripting on this.  You want to emphasize that you love them, but they need to ensure they are able to support themselves in old age, and that you are willing to do what you can (non-financially) to help them, etc.  i think that is going to be your big challenge as a kid of 40 year olds with $10k in their 401k.  I had more than that at 18. :(

wtjbatman

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #52 on: June 14, 2014, 05:41:09 AM »
Iím going with my gut on this one and suggest that the current relationship with you, your parents, and money is NOT okay.  Your parents are not savers, they are parasites.

That's kind of harsh. They do seem to be providing everything that a normal teen should have (or more... I never got a free car from my parents, just a hand shake and a "good luck"). Obviously we are only getting his perspective, but even then, I don't think his parents are rising to the level of a parasite just because they asked if he wanted to go 50/50 on a boat, or they make him pay for the gas he burns driving around his own vehicle (?!).

homeymomma

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #53 on: June 14, 2014, 11:10:38 AM »
Iím going with my gut on this one and suggest that the current relationship with you, your parents, and money is NOT okay.  Your parents are not savers, they are parasites.

That's kind of harsh. They do seem to be providing everything that a normal teen should have (or more... I never got a free car from my parents, just a hand shake and a "good luck"). Obviously we are only getting his perspective, but even then, I don't think his parents are rising to the level of a parasite just because they asked if he wanted to go 50/50 on a boat, or they make him pay for the gas he burns driving around his own vehicle (?!).

Agreed. The OPs parents do not come across as parasites at all. Pushing boundaries of what a child will/can pay for is a reasonable way of preparing a kid for life outside the home. I agree that asking OP to go in on a boat sounds quite ridiculous, but he was allowed and did put his foot down on that one. Since his assets don't technically belong to him, as a minor, his parents do have a right to ask him to contribute to the household in whatever way they see fit. They are providing him with more than the bare minimum, (I.e. Shelter and food, clothing) and are going beyond that to provide a car and more from the OPs comments. It seems reasonable that he should pick up some $30 groceries here and there, and pay for the gas in his (otherwise free, parent-insured) truck.

Many families, when they are financially able, provide all they can for their children and allow the kids to keep the money they make from working, hopefully encouraging them to save for college or another larger goal. This is probably the OPs peer group. So it must seem particularly unfair that, compared to his peers, his parents are sucking him dry. However, many families expect kids to work at a certain age in order to contribute to the household. The kids income goes entirely toward the household. With one year left in high school and it sounds like the possibility of another year or two living at home to keep expenses low during college, maintaining a happy relationship with his parents here is crucial. Not to mention the 40++ years they still have on this planet together.

Don't forget, if the situation here was flipped and it was his parents posting on this board for advice- "son who refuses to pick up occasional groceries"- "we have a son who is 17 and lives at home. We take care of all his living expenses and even provide him a truck to drive to work in, which we insure ourselves- he gave us a hard time about picking up a few groceries the other day, saying it was his money. Posters on these boards would go nuts. The leech! The parasite! The ungrateful SOB! You pay for his car and he gave you a hard time about $30 groceries and paying for his own gas?!?

ch12

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #54 on: June 14, 2014, 05:38:02 PM »
Add me to those that would like to hear more about your future plans.  Right now, you are making money, but education (college, a trade / apprenticeship) is going to be critical to get you to a place where you can stand on your own two feet.

Importantly, you have a great attitude, and I agree with others that you should avoid being preachy.  Keep your head down, nose clean, and plan for your future.  Your future may incude having to support your parents, so I recommend (say, in 5 years) having a come to jesus discussion with them.  Suze Orman actually has some decent scripting on this.  You want to emphasize that you love them, but they need to ensure they are able to support themselves in old age, and that you are willing to do what you can (non-financially) to help them, etc.  i think that is going to be your big challenge as a kid of 40 year olds with $10k in their 401k.  I had more than that at 18. :(

I'd take your money out of the bank and open a new bank account when you turn 18.

+1 to using the truck as little as possible, as other posters have said

Definitely choose a path that will get you out of the house ASAP. You say you love your parents, and that's fantastic and good. Let's keep it that way by taking the money/contributing to the household part out of the picture. Maybe I'm anti-Mustachian, but I'd take student loans if I couldn't afford college at 18 and my parents were leaching my money.

Vocational school is a good bet straight out of high school. Getting your ASE certification and getting a job as a mechanic while still going to school seems to be an ok plan; you can get your ASE in a year of school. Picking up some sort of skilled job (could be EMT, CNA, etc.) which will keep you afloat while you go to college and finish out the rest of your years would be a good choice.

SJS

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #55 on: June 14, 2014, 06:03:06 PM »
Ethernet - Pat yourself on the back, dude!  You are already way ahead of many teens I know your age - - you are ambitious and you are WORKING!!!!  You are always starting to think about saving/spending money. This is HUGE at your age.    Just these things tell me you have a good head on your shoulders and the future is going to be awesome for you!  Keep making good choices!!  And keep saving!! 

mm1970

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #56 on: June 14, 2014, 06:23:58 PM »
Yeah, you are benefitting from the household in various ways, so it's actually pretty reasonable for them to expect you to help pay for household expenses. What's not reasonable is expecting you to directly subsidize frivolous purchases like a boat(?!).
Well, I disagree because he's only 17.

mm1970

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #57 on: June 14, 2014, 06:32:45 PM »
Hey all, lots of great advice here and I've definitely appreciated the different perspectives.

While I do very much appreciate the truck that they've provided me, it's been both a gift and a curse. The original agreement was that my parents would help me with gas, but once I started getting a good savings going they decided to cut off support for that altogether. I'm in charge of both gas and maintenance at the moment.

As for not letting my parents know about my finances, this again is a result of my age. I called multiple banks and all of them said I needed a legal guardian to also be on the bank account for me to open one. My dad is a printer, so he encourages that I always get a paper statement sent to the home whenever possible.

My parents do give me a lot, and I'm not complaining about how I'm treated in my family. It's rather the fact that I get the bigger expenses in the home, and they're the ones I have no control over. My dad recently upgraded the internet which is why it's at $70 a month. It used to be $50, but my dad fell for the whole "We get a whole extra 8 mbps!" thing and he upgraded. I've tried to help my family cut in other places, like getting rid of my data plan (wi-fi all day), but my dad never actually gets around to calling the service provider and cutting us down. Suggestions such as cutting the cable or moving to a slower internet package have yielded no results, and again added tension to the family. My family gets super defensive about their spending habits, and although painful I let it go after the first week or so when I realized they weren't willing to budge.

On the topic of driving me crazy, I guess I used the wrong term. It's not that my family drives me crazy, it's just that it withers my mustache a little whenever I see them buying the newest iPhone or going out to dinner every night and things of that nature. My parents have about $10k in 401(k)s right now (and he plans on taking a loan out on it soon, too) and I feel like every choice they make right now is something I'll have to pay for later on in my life. They're already in their early 40s.

Again, thanks to everyone for their point of view. I guess venting helped me out a little, and I see that my situation could definitely be a lot worse if I were to be on my own. I guess I've fallen to the know it all syndrome that seems to plague my age group and generation.

Ouch, already in their early 40's?  (sorry, I'm almost 44, but my kids are only 8 and almost 2).  Well, they are in the earn-and-spend years.  The "I deserve it" years.

RootofGood

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #58 on: June 14, 2014, 07:04:50 PM »
From my perspective as a 33 year old father of 3, I'd say you're getting a pretty fair shake.  My parents let me keep my money from part time employment during HS, but I saved it up and was financially independent (from them) during my first year of college.  But my parents were financially pretty well off back then ($100k combined salary in the 1990's IIRC). 

Your parents probably think it's time you help out with some bills around the house since you're able to make money on your own.  As you said, they aren't very good with money, so they view you as old enough to give back after all their years of giving to support you.  Nothing wrong with that.  At some point, I'll probably ask my own kids to contribute some cashola if they want things like cars filled with gas and cell phones with pricey voice and data plans. 

As for your financial relationship with them, you might try to work out a flat fixed amount you pay each month to cover your share, acknowledging your earning potential today is a lot less than what your parents can make.  If they think you are trying to hoard your $2500, just be evasive about what you have.  Hide that shit if you have to!  Or tell them you're saving it up to buy a fuel efficient car, or new computer, or to pay for the first semester of university of community college or whatever. 

My parents had a lot of strong ideas about what us kids should do (they were actually very frugal and good with money FYI), and they got a veto vote when they are footing the bill.  Once you are paying full freight on your own, you get to make your own choices. 

Oh, and welcome to adulthood!  These issues you are facing right now are issues you'll face the rest of your life. Whether it's between your parents as they age and hit you up for money, or your siblings asking you for help, or asking you to help your broke ass parents.  Or your own kids one day.  Or friends/extended family.  You have to let others make smart or dumb decisions on their own and you take care of running your own life.  It's possible to think people are total fucktards with respect to money, yet genuinely good, caring (but financially misguided) people overall. 

Letj

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #59 on: June 14, 2014, 07:38:20 PM »
Iím going with my gut on this one and suggest that the current relationship with you, your parents, and money is NOT okay.  Your parents are not savers, they are parasites.

That's kind of harsh. They do seem to be providing everything that a normal teen should have (or more... I never got a free car from my parents, just a hand shake and a "good luck"). Obviously we are only getting his perspective, but even then, I don't think his parents are rising to the level of a parasite just because they asked if he wanted to go 50/50 on a boat, or they make him pay for the gas he burns driving around his own vehicle (?!).

Agreed. The OPs parents do not come across as parasites at all. Pushing boundaries of what a child will/can pay for is a reasonable way of preparing a kid for life outside the home. I agree that asking OP to go in on a boat sounds quite ridiculous, but he was allowed and did put his foot down on that one. Since his assets don't technically belong to him, as a minor, his parents do have a right to ask him to contribute to the household in whatever way they see fit. They are providing him with more than the bare minimum, (I.e. Shelter and food, clothing) and are going beyond that to provide a car and more from the OPs comments. It seems reasonable that he should pick up some $30 groceries here and there, and pay for the gas in his (otherwise free, parent-insured) truck.

Many families, when they are financially able, provide all they can for their children and allow the kids to keep the money they make from working, hopefully encouraging them to save for college or another larger goal. This is probably the OPs peer group. So it must seem particularly unfair that, compared to his peers, his parents are sucking him dry. However, many families expect kids to work at a certain age in order to contribute to the household. The kids income goes entirely toward the household. With one year left in high school and it sounds like the possibility of another year or two living at home to keep expenses low during college, maintaining a happy relationship with his parents here is crucial. Not to mention the 40++ years they still have on this planet together.

Don't forget, if the situation here was flipped and it was his parents posting on this board for advice- "son who refuses to pick up occasional groceries"- "we have a son who is 17 and lives at home. We take care of all his living expenses and even provide him a truck to drive to work in, which we insure ourselves- he gave us a hard time about picking up a few groceries the other day, saying it was his money. Posters on these boards would go nuts. The leech! The parasite! The ungrateful SOB! You pay for his car and he gave you a hard time about $30 groceries and paying for his own gas?!?

Homeymama, this is the most sensible post on this issue. As a mother of a 15 year old and with a comfortable upper class family income, I most certainly expect my child to contribute by doing chores and taking over small and reasonable household expenses if working. In fact, I have refused to hire household help although all my children's peers have it just so my children can learn the lesson of self-sufficiency and not paying for stuff you can do yourself unless of course you cannot do it yourself. First off, that's the way I was raised and I think it taught me a great life lesson. I had to help out around the house as a member of the household and contribute in a small way financially. My parents did it because they were poor and struggling and expected their working teenagers to help out. In fact, just about everywhere outside the United States, teenagers are expected to help out the family; it could be contributing financially, helping out in the family business, etc. I think every parent should have the same expectation I have and the poster's parents.

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #60 on: June 14, 2014, 08:12:24 PM »
Here are some more suggestions for you

1.  Make yourself a personal goal to cook for the family once or twice a week.  For instance pizza, a soup or pasta. It will help your family and help you learn a valuable skill.  The internet is full of copycat recipes, vegan, and so on, whatever you want. So you have to buy a few ingredients.  I'm the long run the payback from knowing how to cook is astronomical. Your future SO will be very happy that you have this skill believe me.

2.  Learn how to do routine maintenance on vehicles. Through the years this has saved us a ton. Routinely check the oil, look at the tires and check pressure, and so on. Cars and trucks come with manuals that tell you what to check so read them.

3.  Are you able to get college credit in high school?  Testing out, taking AP classes all can help. And definitely think about what you enjoy most.  How do you envision your full time working years?

ampersand

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #61 on: June 15, 2014, 09:08:22 PM »
Kudo's for learning about money. As several others have said, simply understanding the key concepts puts you far and away ahead of most of America. Even better is you're about to get the chance at the best possible investment ever: yourself. While its frustrating to feel the pinch of paying family obligations (right or wrong) you may want to focus on the big future game: College. Statistically speaking its the way to make larger amounts of money in your life. From Kansas you have great access to local state schools that are affordable and are certain to pay back your investment. Now is the time to polish the applications, and look to apply for scholarships. I was an out of state school kid in Missouri, and managed to get school to pay me to attend (Rolla). Sign up to be an RA and they'll pay your room and board. Nail the scholarships and get a couple grand, grade papers for your professors etc... Get internships that pay you over the summers. A lot of high schools actually have programs for seniors to study at the local universities for free.

These are some of the ways to get the bang for your buck that will reverberate throughout the rest of your life more than your current home expenses.

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Re: 17 year old, stuck in antimustachian home.
« Reply #62 on: June 16, 2014, 04:50:16 AM »
That money is money you should be planning on spending soon to start out your life. Move your savings to a CD if you have a 3 months to a year to stay at home. Help out your parents, they take care of 95% of the things you will have to do on your own. When you start getting bills after you move out, you will be grateful for what they have provided, if they aren't the most frugal.  I can tell you're already principled, this will benefit you more over the next four years than it will this year.