The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: onemorebike on March 13, 2015, 08:00:26 PM
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Just coming from several visits with in laws and friends where my family and I have stayed with them for an extended period of time. During this time our kids (and us) have had the opportunity to appreciate other people's belongings that have led to many a crazy comment about things we really need. I thought i t would be fun to start a thread of unmustachian things that friends and family think we "need" and I'll start, let's include the impetus for the comment and why someone else thought we needed said thing.
Two this week:
Kids riding FILs horse on our visit to the farm, FIL's girlfriend tells us we need a pony for the girls (in spite of living in the city!)
Packing our minivan for the long trip with two kids, two adults and a dog, we're told what we "need" is a RV. (I told them I was too busy saving for a pony to buy an RV. ;)
I'm sure there are some great ones out there, what do you got?
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Someone today to.d me I needed to buy the apple watch.
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Been told I need a new phone for the last 7 years...
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I am often told I need a television - how could anyone survive without one? My neices tell me I need an iPad, iPod, iPhone and whatever else there is out there starting with an i.
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my fairly frugal dad told me I needed to hire a house cleaner a couple of times a month. I have teenagers who SHOULD be able to clean up after themselves, sigh. DD doesn't want her friends to come over because the house is "a mess." Couple of these friends happen to be of the male persuasion, my dad thinks if the house is clean, they will all hang out over here where I can keep an eye on them. May not be such a bad idea after all.
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Cable - "what do the kids do without cable?"
Name brand food - "why do you all buy all of that off brand stuff? You should go to Kroger they have great sales!"
Lawn service- "you cut your own grass?! But it's huge!" ("And you're a girl", although that is usually only implied
A pool - "oh my god. You guys need a pool! I would come over all the time if you got one!"
I could go on and on... It seems like everybody is always telling us what we need/should buy...
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A pool - "oh my god. You guys need a pool! I would come over all the time if you got one!"
Perhaps they are secretly mustachian. If I thought they could afford it, I would totally encourage my friends to get a pool so I could come use it!
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I live in Texas and I definitely need a pool.
FWIW we have a 3 day rule for staying with family. After 3 days we are outta there. You'd be surprised how many fights and arguments start after 3 days with family, and how few you have if you follow this rule.
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I need another child. My only child is certainly just going to end up depressed and spoiled unless I pop out another one. ;-)
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FWIW we have a 3 day rule for staying with family. After 3 days we are outta there. You'd be surprised how many fights and arguments start after 3 days with family, and how few you have if you follow this rule.
Totally agree - I have the three day rule too!
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A big ass tractor, mower, truck, atv, etc...
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There is hope (I think?)
I wracked my brain on this, and couldn't think of anything to add. Perhaps, after several decades of seeing DW and I as "cheap," our friends/family just don't bother anymore. Or, worst case, ignoring vehicles, cable, clothes, and pools, maybe they think we've already got it? :-)
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Apparently I need a spa day and a fancy vacation. These would help me "just relax" which would in turn cure my infertility.
Also I need an SUV for the one child my husband and I hope to have or adopt.
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Apparently I need my DH "with the job he has" to buy me "some sparkly things." According to the source, I "deserve some diamonds."
I'm not a jewelry person & I guess coworkers are tired of seeing me wear the same pair of pearl stud earrings every day?? Expensive jewelry just makes me nervous I'll lose it, not to mention the price & add'l cost of insurance. No thanks!
DH knows me better though. Normally we don't do gifts (prefer experiences together), but for Christmas my sweetie totally surprised me & got me a new bike! I cried over the thoughtfulness of that gift!!
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Surprisingly, considering how cheaply we live, we almost never get this from family or friends.
I wish we could keep to the 3 day rule, but we only see my in-laws once a year, and my kids represent 75% of their grandkids, so my wife always wants to stay longer. Even though, every year as we drive away, we regret staying that long. I try to remind her of this fact each time we plan the new trip, but oh well...
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I drive a 20 year old car. I have been told that I need to get a new car. Forget others saying it, my own family says it too. What is real amusing is how people find different ways to tell me I need a new car :-)
To be frank, I would like to drive a new car too...sometimes peer pressure gets to me and I go browse cars online and even build my dream configuration. But, after seeing the price, I realize that I like to be free more than I like driving a new car. I will push as long as I can...surprisingly, it has been 7 years of owning this car..the car has beaten even my most optimistic expectations and it is still running...touchwood! Wish me luck to keep making smart car financial decisions!!
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Nursing student, will graduate in June. My instructor came up to me at clinicals and goes "isn't it exciting, your gunna need a new car?" And I go "I don't think I'm going to get a new car, I just put 500$ into this one to keep it running" she goes "what kind of car is it?" Me"a 2005 chevy" her "yeah, your gunna need a new car."
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Hm, interesting question!
- We obviously "need" a television--I've been getting that for years, since I've never bought a television. It used to be way more crazy (pre-Netflix, etc., etc.) than it is now. One of the biggest thrills about meeting my now-husband is that he didn't have a television either!
- Truth be told, the biggest thing is that we "need" to just spend more money in general! I think some people assume we can't possibly be happy with our spending habits. It's like everyone assumes we're living hand-to-mouth. Perhaps it's because we don't have an expensive hobby besides traveling. If we had even one really expensive showpiece (like a really expensive car), I wonder if this judgemental behavior would cease?
I must admit it's mostly from relatives, my mother and my husband's parents and their friends, although there are definitely some acquaintances of ours from whom I've felt this kind of looking-down attitude. And then they have to go off to their job in the morning!??!
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Not very many of these for us. Mostly our friends keep their opinions to themselves, as do we. The only two I can think of are that we "need" a minivan now that we have three kids, and that I "need" a smartphone. Otherwise, nothing.
I will admit that I have told my 75 year old father that he "needs" a riding mower. But, in my defense, they have a big ass front and back yards, and I worry about him keeling over in the 100 degree heat. I want him around for a while. His compromise? He finally got a self-propelled mower last year.
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A real house for the kids. We own a condo, it's cheap so we can afford for mom to work part time while still saving, going on small vacations, paying for sports, etc. a regular house would bump our payment up by 1k accounting for taxes and all that comes along with taking care of a house. But hey, we have a community pool so we don't get that one!
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I was telling a coworker how I want a used pop up camper someday for 1-2k and I would just fix it up with new mattresses or paint or whatever. He told me not to mess with that "junk" and just buy what he has. He said I need a big fifth wheel camper and a big truck to pull it.
In a later conversation he said he will never be able to retire because he has no savings. Ha
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New/newer car.
Apparently buying a nice vehicle is a rite of passage after starting work fulltime...
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My mom keeps telling me that I need to have my hair chemically straightened. Um, why? This is the way you made me! (That is...with wavy hair, and without the gene that makes one care about fashionable hair)
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ex gf said I needed a cashmere sweater.
As a man, I didn't feel the need to pamper myself with softness for $500
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The retirees across the street who have one tell me I need a big RV instead of a tent. They also tell me Obamacare is bankrupting them. Couldn't be the RV, of course.
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I "need" to go out to bars and drink. This is coming from friends who spend more on alcohol than income taxes.
Now granted, I do go out to bars and socialize with my friends. But I don't buy alcohol at a bar.
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I need a way for my Wife's fabulously expensive horse to suddenly and inexplicably drop dead!
I used to spend less money on my 200mph airplane!
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Aside from the sparkly diamonds that DH should be buying me :eye roll: (already mentioned up thread)
I also, apparently need a new car. My 14 year old VW Jetta is simply not good enough to get me to/from work & hauling my dog around for destination hikes/ swims/ trail running.
Why would I need a new car just to make it smell like wet dog too?
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On the main forum page it looks like the question is answered by your username.
"You know what you need?"
onemorebike
Would be fun, but I don't really need one.
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Apparently I need my DH "with the job he has" to buy me "some sparkly things." According to the source, I "deserve some diamonds."
I'm not a jewelry person & I guess coworkers are tired of seeing me wear the same pair of pearl stud earrings every day?? Expensive jewelry just makes me nervous I'll lose it, not to mention the price & add'l cost of insurance. No thanks!
DH knows me better though. Normally we don't do gifts (prefer experiences together), but for Christmas my sweetie totally surprised me & got me a new bike! I cried over the thoughtfulness of that gift!!
Suze Orman often points out her earrings on her show. She only wears one pair which are gold-tone costume jewelry!
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An air conditioner, which I've never really liked. Also, a dishwasher (I'm happy to do that by hand).
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Not really someone telling me I need something, but a coworker told me she NEEDS a new car because she needs something reliable to drive to work. I drive further than her in a car with 100,000 miles on it. To me it is just broken in!
Miss Prim
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A gun and a RV. I also don't need to worry about where to store them as my FIL has graciously allowed them to be stored at his place! :)
Of course his recommendations were in jest, but probably some truth in there.
For the posrer about the minivan and 3 kids, what do you drive now? Wife and I are looking at a minivan with planning #2, as most vehicles are cramped as is...
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Apparently I need my DH "with the job he has" to buy me "some sparkly things." According to the source, I "deserve some diamonds."
I'm not a jewelry person & I guess coworkers are tired of seeing me wear the same pair of pearl stud earrings every day?? Expensive jewelry just makes me nervous I'll lose it, not to mention the price & add'l cost of insurance. No thanks!
DH knows me better though. Normally we don't do gifts (prefer experiences together), but for Christmas my sweetie totally surprised me & got me a new bike! I cried over the thoughtfulness of that gift!!
Suze Orman often points out her earrings on her show. She only wears one pair which are gold-tone costume jewelry!
Good for her! I agree. My jewelry rule of thumb is if it's expensive I have to be able to look at it to admire it while wearing it. Earrings and necklaces should never be expensive. I do have a weakness for pretty rings.
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A gun and a RV. I also don't need to worry about where to store them as my FIL has graciously allowed them to be stored at his place! :)
Of course his recommendations were in jest, but probably some truth in there.
For the posrer about the minivan and 3 kids, what do you drive now? Wife and I are looking at a minivan with planning #2, as most vehicles are cramped as is...
We have a Ford Fusion and a Kia Rondo, both of which easily fit our three kids. We're going on 10 months with three in car seats in these vehicles and no plans to upgrade to a minivan. The key is to choose your car seats wisely. In the Rondo, we can still carry my MIL in addition to the five of us.
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A gun and a RV. I also don't need to worry about where to store them as my FIL has graciously allowed them to be stored at his place! :)
Of course his recommendations were in jest, but probably some truth in there.
For the posrer about the minivan and 3 kids, what do you drive now? Wife and I are looking at a minivan with planning #2, as most vehicles are cramped as is...
We have a Ford Fusion and a Kia Rondo, both of which easily fit our three kids. We're going on 10 months with three in car seats in these vehicles and no plans to upgrade to a minivan. The key is to choose your car seats wisely. In the Rondo, we can still carry my MIL in addition to the five of us.
Yeah, we did 3 kids in a Subaru Outback for quite a while too. A minivan is our sole vehicle now, though, because of the extra cargo capacity when hauling project materials around and for capacity on long drives. Not a need by any stretch but minivans are arguably the most useful type of vehicle as long as you don't care about the inside getting dirty when hauling things. Ours is 15 years old so I could care less about that :P
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Thanks
I like my space and so does the wife. I think vans carry a ton of utility and space which makes it an attractive option for us. Going to just feel around to see whats out there that may work for us.
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FWIW we have a 3 day rule for staying with family. After 3 days we are outta there. You'd be surprised how many fights and arguments start after 3 days with family, and how few you have if you follow this rule.
Certainly a 3-day rule (both at their house, and ours) would cut out arguments with my parents. But I just take it as a given that there will be discord during the week+ visits and roll with the punches. In my mind, the joy we get from extended visits outweighs the strife. I'm not sure if DH agrees :-)
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Oh gosh. Well, lets see...
-a new car. When my old one died last summer I had ppl on fb telling me how I should just buckle down and buy a new one.
-go out to either bars, night clubs or dinners every weekend.
-go to the mall more often (I only go when Im feeling fancy to browse the books at barnes and noble while I drink a coffee)
-my sister feels/acts like my family is starving because we dont have a fridge and freeze full plus a seperate freezer (that never seems to go down btw) like they do. We are a family of 3, they of 4.
-I was a single mom for almost a decade during which I was self employed cleaning because it payed the most without a degree and the flexible schedule was great and I had people telling me all the time how I should be a bank teller so I could "dress up".
-another kid.
-get my nails/hair done (I used to and feel like such a fool for all that wasted money!)
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Oh gosh. Well, lets see...
-a new car. When my old one died last summer I had ppl on fb telling me how I should just buckle down and buy a new one.
-go out to either bars, night clubs or dinners every weekend.
-go to the mall more often (I only go when Im feeling fancy to browse the books at barnes and noble while I drink a coffee)
-my sister feels/acts like my family is starving because we dont have a fridge and freeze full plus a seperate freezer (that never seems to go down btw) like they do. We are a family of 3, they of 4.
-I was a single mom for almost a decade during which I was self employed cleaning because it payed the most without a degree and the flexible schedule was great and I had people telling me all the time how I should be a bank teller so I could "dress up".
-another kid.
-get my nails/hair done (I used to and feel like such a fool for all that wasted money!)
Wait really? People tell you you need another kid? Everything else on your list seems like the standard consumerist fare, but I found this one to be rather nosy.
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"You know what you need?"
onemorebike
Yup!
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A house.
I have zero down payment, a net worth of -$60,000, and have only lived in this state for 7 months.
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the big one i hear about is a TV. also, a microwave.
in fact, I've been offered several free TVs by people who pity me....
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Strangely enough, coffee and alcohol.
I have no religious/moral issues with them or anything, I just think both of them taste like an old boot. I tell people this. They then tell me how I could gradually develop a taste for them by starting with very sweet and flavoured coffee drinks or mixed sweet alcoholic drinks. I ask how that would benefit me over my current system, where I pay a fraction of the price to buy some drink I actually enjoy (juice, soda, etc). "Oh... I guess it woudn't..."
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in fact, I've been offered several free TVs by people who pity me....
+1
I don't drink coffee or alcohol, so I understand the problems
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A new TV - the one I currently have is a big old one and the colour is blue three quarters of the screen...this seems to upset a few people
An upgraded phone - it's only 2 years old
An ipad (this, from a friend who bought a second ipad so she has one upstairs and one downstairs!)
An ipod - a guest was positively amazed I still have CDs and DVDS
A microwave
A dishwasher
Actually, a dishwasher would be nice but since I live alone and my kitchen is tiny I have neither the need nor the space.
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When we were first married, we took the advice of some good friends and didn't have a TV. This was unacceptable for some people. Eventually we were given an old 19 inch by a family member who took pity on us. I guess they all thought we couldn't afford to pay for one? I don't know. I do know they were totally confused how newlyweds could get by without a TV. LOL.
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Apparently I need a spa day and a fancy vacation. These would help me "just relax" which would in turn cure my infertility.
Also I need an SUV for the one child my husband and I hope to have or adopt.
I've also been told I need to join a fancy country club so I can hang out all day in the spa and relax.
I explained that that is what my house is for. I relax there for some time every day! Every detail of it is planned to give me maximum satisfaction and peace of mind. Including the fact that it was cheap, and I'm not stressing myself out trying to pay a huge mortgage, that I then have to pay the country club to help me forget about...
(PS Sorry about the infertility. People can be such idiots)
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When we got married a few months ago there was no shortage of people telling us what we needed and should ask for via the wedding registry.
a shortened list:
decorative china (I hate owning things rarely used),
new flatware (ours is stylish, not very old, and bought on clearance. Should last 10+ more years)
expensive decorative glass bowls. (pretty, but useless and fragile)
'specialized' kitchen trinkets like lobster crackers, gravy-boats, brandy snifters, grapefruit spoons and other things "because it's the one time when people will buy it for you"
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Hmm..I think I have a few..
My father keeps telling me I "need" to buy more Apple stock, because it's going to take off and I'll be sorry that I didn't get in now.
Mother telling me I "need" an MBA so that I can make tons more money.
And then the assorted friends telling me I need new clothes/new accessories/expensive dinner/lots of drinks to treat myself, because I've "earned it".
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A few people also think I need a driver's license and possibly a car. I'm 28 and have managed fine without either so far, given that I have two fully functional legs with feet attached.
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Are we exaggerating, though? Or getting caught up in semantics? Are people actually just saying that we might enjoy these things and not actually asserting that we need them? If the language is, "You should get a fancy coffee.....", it could perhaps go either way.
I'm just playing the devil's advocate.
Having said that, I think my friends actually thought we need a minivan, since they said we were stupid for not buying one.
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Are we exaggerating, though? Or getting caught up in semantics? Are people actually just saying that we might enjoy these things and not actually asserting that we need them? If the language is, "You should get a fancy coffee.....", it could perhaps go either way.
Particularly in the case of alcohol, a lot of people seem to feel threatened or uncomfortable when one person in the group doesn't drink - they genuinely want everyone to drink alcoholic drinks rather than soda, regardless of whether you actually want to.
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This is all a lot like how people treat food. I'm on a restricted diet because I don't want to be fat. I've been on this diet for 5 years; to me it's just the way I eat. It's worth it to me to healthy and look awesome; I'm happy to give up sweets and fatty foods. But as soon as I eat with someone else I get the "just one won't hurt you" and "you can have that, it's not that bad for you". Also -- "wow, you've lost too much weight" was big when I first got my act together. Like I hadn't talked to my doctor, an actual health professional . . . . What they are really doing is trying to get me to eat the crap they eat so they don't feel so guilty about eating it themselves. If everyone around you is eating fries, then fries aren't that bad, right? If everyone is overweight, I can be too.
I think this is similar. If everyone around me is in debt, then that's normal, right? So I don't have to feel guilty? If you have a big screen TV, it's alright for me to get one, even though I can't afford it.
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Particularly in the case of alcohol, a lot of people seem to feel threatened or uncomfortable when one person in the group doesn't drink - they genuinely want everyone to drink alcoholic drinks rather than soda, regardless of whether you actually want to.
I'm pretty happy I haven't had this problem. Actually on a work outing, I wasn't drinking anything at all- and on the third round, a guy who got up said "do you want something soft?" It was nice that they noticed.
Lots of people though tell me I just need to practice to aquire a taste for craft beer, fine wine, or scotch. I'd rather just NOT aquire the taste and save a ton of money*
*This savings does not work in Mexico where bottled water costs more than beer.
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Are we exaggerating, though? Or getting caught up in semantics? Are people actually just saying that we might enjoy these things and not actually asserting that we need them? If the language is, "You should get a fancy coffee.....", it could perhaps go either way.
Particularly in the case of alcohol, a lot of people seem to feel threatened or uncomfortable when one person in the group doesn't drink - they genuinely want everyone to drink alcoholic drinks rather than soda, regardless of whether you actually want to.
That's a good point. I have also encountered that, and I find it very offensive for another person to pressure someone to drink. This isn't necessarily a financial issue, but the same thing occurs with dancing at parties. I have actually had a large man pull me onto the dance floor, despite my protestations. Let's just say, I did not dance with him. He got an earful instead.
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Your response is priceless.
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My experience suggests alcohol-pushing fades with age - I don't think I've ever had someone over about 25 find it personally offensive that I don't drink.
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My friends say I *need* a PS4. We all the play the same game together online, they use their PS4s but I use my old PS3. The fact that I'm using an older console bothers them for some reason. $400 so I can slightly upgrade the graphics for ONE game? I don't think so!
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The working mothers at the office tell me "you need a live-in nanny". Apparently everyone has one.
And I "need my eyebrows threaded".
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A few people also think I need a driver's license and possibly a car. I'm 28 and have managed fine without either so far, given that I have two fully functional legs with feet attached.
Well I mean, having a form of ID to carry around is pretty handy. Though of course, basically all states provide non drivers license ID's.
And I "need my eyebrows threaded".
Lol I don't even know what that means
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This is all a lot like how people treat food. I'm on a restricted diet because I don't want to be fat. I've been on this diet for 5 years; to me it's just the way I eat. It's worth it to me to healthy and look awesome; I'm happy to give up sweets and fatty foods. But as soon as I eat with someone else I get the "just one won't hurt you" and "you can have that, it's not that bad for you". Also -- "wow, you've lost too much weight" was big when I first got my act together. Like I hadn't talked to my doctor, an actual health professional . . . . What they are really doing is trying to get me to eat the crap they eat so they don't feel so guilty about eating it themselves. If everyone around you is eating fries, then fries aren't that bad, right? If everyone is overweight, I can be too.
I think this is similar. If everyone around me is in debt, then that's normal, right? So I don't have to feel guilty? If you have a big screen TV, it's alright for me to get one, even though I can't afford it.
I think you hit the nail on the head. A number of years ago, I discovered exercise and, though I didn't really lose actual pounds, I did tone up a lot. Since I wasn't really fat to begin with, it looked as though I had lost weight. Add to that the fact that I was also eating very healthily, and good God almighty, did I hear about this from people. Literally, to the point where more than one person point blank told me that they thought I was anorexic.
It really started getting me down, to be honest. Like, I would look in the mirror, asking myself, "Do I look that bad?" Which bummed me out because I felt great and would have thought I looked good, too, except for the people nagging me. I actually ended up going to a sports doctor about it. He told me I was healthy as a horse, and even wrote it down on as a kind of patient diagnosis, weirdly. I showed his "leave her alone, she's healthy" note to more than one person. Ended up shutting them up.
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Anyone that truly knows me well has stopped that...it's only 'acquaintance' types who are so sure they know exactly what is missing from my life.
At the checkout at Costco yesterday they asked, "Did you find everything you need?"
I said no. "I'd like a new job, a new car, a cabana boy: what aisle are those on?"
Apparently none of that is in stock though.
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As we have started telling more people about the pregnancy, I'm being told, I "need a safer car". I drive a 2012 Ford Focus Hatchback, a couple of people are trying to tell me I need something bigger and safer. I just reply back that the safest feature of any car is the person sitting behind the steering wheel.
Edit:
Oh and since we are buying a house with 6 acres of land, I've been told I need a horse, despite my lifelong fear of them, everyone is sure I'll "just get over it"....ummm no.
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I just reply back that the safest feature of any car is the person sitting behind the steering wheel.
Not really sure that's true. My nightmare year last year happened while I was sitting still at a stoplight. I couldn't have done anything different. (But it's not like a Focus is a tiny smart car... nor do I know if having a bigger car would have done me any good.)
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As we have started telling more people about the pregnancy, I'm being told, I "need a safer car". I drive a 2012 Ford Focus Hatchback, a couple of people are trying to tell me I need something bigger and safer. I just reply back that the safest feature of any car is the person sitting behind the steering wheel.
*sigh*. Misconceptions. Bigger does not equal safer in all situations. Basically, your change in momentum is going to be proportional to the force experienced.
Yes, it's true a bigger car is better in a collision with another car. Assuming the cars are going at equal speeds, the heavier car is going to push back the smaller car, meaning the smaller car has a much higher change in momentum (velocity went from positive to negative) than the bigger car (velocity went from positive to zero).
But a smaller car is better in a collision with another (unmoveable or approximately unmoveable) object. Both the big and small cars will experience the same change in velocity, but momentum is mass * velocity. Hence, the bigger car will experience a larger change in momentum and a larger force.
Then the question becomes, well what is more likely? A collision with another car or a collision with another object? That I don't know the answer to.
However, regardless of which type of accident is more likely, knowing that doesn't really help you that much, simply because a car accident is thankfully a rare enough event that you won't be able to apply the law of large numbers and actually realize the long term probabilities of car accident rates b/w other cars and other objects.
So I say screw the whole big vs small car for safety debate. Just buy a car according to your needs. If it happens to be a big car, that's great. If it's a small car, that's great too.
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Oh gosh. Well, lets see...
-a new car. When my old one died last summer I had ppl on fb telling me how I should just buckle down and buy a new one.
-go out to either bars, night clubs or dinners every weekend.
-go to the mall more often (I only go when Im feeling fancy to browse the books at barnes and noble while I drink a coffee)
-my sister feels/acts like my family is starving because we dont have a fridge and freeze full plus a seperate freezer (that never seems to go down btw) like they do. We are a family of 3, they of 4.
-I was a single mom for almost a decade during which I was self employed cleaning because it payed the most without a degree and the flexible schedule was great and I had people telling me all the time how I should be a bank teller so I could "dress up".
-another kid.
-get my nails/hair done (I used to and feel like such a fool for all that wasted money!)
Wait really? People tell you you need another kid? Everything else on your list seems like the standard consumerist fare, but I found this one to be rather nosy.
yeah!! Can you believe it?! Nevermind that I've recently finally gone back to school and my hubby and I are in our first year of marriage...we NEED a baby! Because you know, what else are we going to do? Lol
and apparently my kid will have the worst life ever without a sibling.
The craziest thing is ppl would ask me about the next kid while I was single even! Thats some crazy shit.
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Are we exaggerating, though?
Maybe on some things. Though what's the internet for if you can't exaggerate? :)
One thing that's struck me lately is that people aren't necessarily precise in their language when they're making these kinds of recommendations. I have a number of friends who repeatedly told me I needed to buy a house... but when I moved last year from an apartment to a rented duplex, they all shut up about it! When they said "you need to buy a house," they actually meant, "the idea of someone living below or above me makes me uncomfortable, and I assume you feel the same way." No one really cares whether or not I have a mortgage. Similarly, all the people who told me I needed a new car were delighted when I swapped my old car for a five year old Toyota. I used to get irritated at a friend who always proposed going shopping for new clothes... and then I discovered she was just as content when I bought a $4 sweater at Goodwill as when we hit the mall. Problem solved!
Obviously, I'm not recommending that everyone go out and buy things they don't want as some kind of compromise, and I admit that in some cases, people are just hopeless. (One old acquaintance, the friend of my then-roommate, was obsessed with the size of our TV. I finally had to tell her that we'd get a bigger TV the day she bought one for us.) But most people just want you to be happy and assume that you want the same things they do. If you just live your life and demonstrate by your own happiness that you're getting what you want, most people will either cut back on the advice or go find someone more fun to torment.
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According to my mother, I need a new car.
I think she is hoping I'll forget about the first five times she's said that to me, and suddenly see the wisdom in her opinion.
I would ask her if she wants to pay for it, but that would just get me lots of blowback. So I just say my 1998 Camry is part of my plan for financial independence. I only drive it to work now (my boyfriend drives everywhere we go together) so at least she doesn't "have" to worry about me breaking down somewhere remote.
My car is extremely reliable. The truth is my mother would like to brag to all her friends about something and if I bought a shiny new car, that would help her out for a month or two.
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All from my dear MIL who is 92, living off of $750 in SSI and the grocery money we send every month.
To DH: " you really should buy her flowers to celebrate her new job"
To DH and then me after he laughed at her:" you really should consider buying this house that is just about to be listed; its only $750K, and we could all live there together" Never mind that she lives 4 states away, and "all live there together" means our family, her, and my struggling BIL. Our current home in TX is larger than the one she wants us to buy, has more land, and costs 1/6th of her proposed solution.
About DS: " you need to buy him a toy from Grandma"
I'll just let you chew on that last one for a minute
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As we have started telling more people about the pregnancy, I'm being told, I "need a safer car". I drive a 2012 Ford Focus Hatchback, a couple of people are trying to tell me I need something bigger and safer. I just reply back that the safest feature of any car is the person sitting behind the steering wheel.
*sigh*. Misconceptions. Bigger does not equal safer in all situations. Basically, your change in momentum is going to be proportional to the force experienced.
Yes, it's true a bigger car is better in a collision with another car. Assuming the cars are going at equal speeds, the heavier car is going to push back the smaller car, meaning the smaller car has a much higher change in momentum (velocity went from positive to negative) than the bigger car (velocity went from positive to zero).
But a smaller car is better in a collision with another (unmoveable or approximately unmoveable) object. Both the big and small cars will experience the same change in velocity, but momentum is mass * velocity. Hence, the bigger car will experience a larger change in momentum and a larger force.
Then the question becomes, well what is more likely? A collision with another car or a collision with another object? That I don't know the answer to.
However, regardless of which type of accident is more likely, knowing that doesn't really help you that much, simply because a car accident is thankfully a rare enough event that you won't be able to apply the law of large numbers and actually realize the long term probabilities of car accident rates b/w other cars and other objects.
So I say screw the whole big vs small car for safety debate. Just buy a car according to your needs. If it happens to be a big car, that's great. If it's a small car, that's great too.
true we don't know when or if the next car accident will happen. My last car accident happened when I was not in the car, someone in the parking garage dented my door.
I consider myself a safer driver, considering I don't drive a ton. I drive at or just below the speed limit and always keep a good distance from the car in front of me. There isn't much I can do to control other people but I can control me.
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About DS: " you need to buy him a toy from Grandma"
I'll just let you chew on that last one for a minute
I can't even wrap my head around that one.
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I forgot that my husband was lectured by his mother on how he needed to buy my an engagement ring, even though I had expressly told him I didn't want one.
I've tried for years to wear a wedding ring, and I just don't like it. The $200 one didn't work and now is too small. The $40 sterling replacement sits unused as well. I just hate rings or jewelry of any kind.
An engagement ring would have been a colossal waste.
When we go out in public together, we joke that I am his mistress, since he wears a ring.
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From both of our mothers, and various other family members: children. No thanks! Wife's mother says wife must be preggo by end of year, she just laughs it off. My mom has finally stopped asking about it every holiday. I see the sadness (only son in the family), but having children isn't something to do for the sake of others.
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yeah!! Can you believe it?! Nevermind that I've recently finally gone back to school and my hubby and I are in our first year of marriage...we NEED a baby! Because you know, what else are we going to do? Lol
and apparently my kid will have the worst life ever without a sibling.
The craziest thing is ppl would ask me about the next kid while I was single even! Thats some crazy shit.
Well apparently there's nothing else to do during the aftermath of a hurricane but make babies http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/27/nyregion/preparing-for-hurricane-babies.html (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/27/nyregion/preparing-for-hurricane-babies.html) ;)
Heh. I'm probably preaching to the choir here but I had a great life without a sibling! Didn't need to share anything (then again, maybe it made me more selfish than one who does have siblings...). But it certainly made it possible for me to graduate from an expensive private university with no debt because my parents paid for everything!
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From both of our mothers, and various other family members: children. No thanks! Wife's mother says wife must be preggo by end of year, she just laughs it off. My mom has finally stopped asking about it every holiday. I see the sadness (only son in the family), but having children isn't something to do for the sake of others.
One of the advantages of being long lived... if my child did not provide me with future grandchildren, I plan on procuring another child and trying again. Suggest that plan to the parents.
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From both of our mothers, and various other family members: children. No thanks! Wife's mother says wife must be preggo by end of year, she just laughs it off. My mom has finally stopped asking about it every holiday. I see the sadness (only son in the family), but having children isn't something to do for the sake of others.
One of the advantages of being long lived... if my child did not provide me with future grandchildren, I plan on procuring another child and trying again. Suggest that plan to the parents.
Mom had her tubes tied, though there is always adoption. I'll bring it up next time.
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yeah!! Can you believe it?! Nevermind that I've recently finally gone back to school and my hubby and I are in our first year of marriage...we NEED a baby! Because you know, what else are we going to do? Lol
and apparently my kid will have the worst life ever without a sibling.
The craziest thing is ppl would ask me about the next kid while I was single even! Thats some crazy shit.
That went away somewhere around year 7 for us.
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When they get them in stock, please let me know ;-)
At the checkout at Costco yesterday they asked, "Did you find everything you need?"
I said no. "I'd like a new job, a new car, a cabana boy: what aisle are those on?"
Apparently none of that is in stock though.
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the big one i hear about is a TV....
in fact, I've been offered several free TVs by people who pity me....
+1
I even had a TV mysteriously show up on my porch one day. We promptly gave it to a friend who wanted it because it was bigger than the one they had.
My car. It is a very nice Toyota Yaris, but I have been told that as a mechanical engineer I need something else with a bit more oomph. Otherwise I'm not a real engineer.
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My car. It is a very nice Toyota Yaris, but I have been told that as a mechanical engineer I need something else with a bit more oomph. Otherwise I'm not a real engineer.
One time I found my mechanical engineering friend hunched over his car engine.
Me: What's up with your car?
Friend: The check engine light, the most undescriptive and unhelpful diagnostic in every car, is on.
Me: You're a mechanical engineer! Fix it!
Friend: I'm a mechanical engineer, not a mechanic.
The same logic could be applied to electrical engineer vs electrician =P
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My mom hounded DH and I relentlessly a few years ago about the fact we "needed" a Smart car. Nevermind that I was hugely pregnant with our 2 child. Even she couldn't figure out where 2 adults and 2 kids in carseats would fit in the thing.
Strangely, they don't make roof racks for car seats . . .
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Strangely, they don't make roof racks for car seats . . .
That sounds like a great idea! I wonder if anyone has a patent on it...
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Apparently I "need" a new car since my green 1992 Honda Civic with 351,000 miles and a white fender isn't fancy enough for someone who works for a high end German auto dealership.
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One time I found my mechanical engineering friend hunched over his car engine.
Me: What's up with your car?
Friend: The check engine light, the most undescriptive and unhelpful diagnostic in every car, is on.
Me: You're a mechanical engineer! Fix it!
Friend: I'm a mechanical engineer, not a mechanic.
The same logic could be applied to electrical engineer vs electrician =P
People assume that mechanical engineers deep knowledge and ability to repair of how everything in the entire world works.
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People assume that mechanical engineers deep knowledge and ability to repair of how everything in the entire world works.
I think this happens with a lot of disciplines. I have a history degree, and my husband asked me what year trousers were invented.
Um, dude, they don't teach us the date of like... everything.
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Been told I need a new phone for the last 7 years...
Been told I should get a cellphone for more than 10 years.
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I've been told I need a smart phone for several years now. When I dig down and prob for reasons it falls apart pretty quick.
The big downsides I see are cost, environmental impact, and the expectation of being available at all times - right now people do not expect me to immediately respond to emails or Facebook messages, which is fantastic! When I'm not home I don't WANT people bothering me with non-important stuff, and if it's quite important they can always call me. My generation really hates talking on the phone, so I only get calls for important reasons.
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I've been told I need a smart phone for several years now. When I dig down and prob for reasons it falls apart pretty quick.
The big downsides I see are cost, environmental impact, and the expectation of being available at all times - right now people do not expect me to immediately respond to emails or Facebook messages, which is fantastic! When I'm not home I don't WANT people bothering me with non-important stuff, and if it's quite important they can always call me. My generation really hates talking on the phone, so I only get calls for important reasons.
I'm almost ten years older than you and feel similar pressures. People look at me like I have two heads when I give them my landline number rather than a cellphone. I do think that it has put a damper on some new friendships, but I figure, if someone will write me off because they can't text me, I'm not really sure I want to be their friend anyway.
Mind you, I have a cellphone, but it is a pay as you go that is really reserved for contact with my family. If I hand out the number it will quickly become much more expensive than the $10 a month I pay now. I am very, very often checking my computer at home, so someone can IM me on Facebook or e-mail and usually get a response pretty quickly.
I really struggle with the smartphone issue. I actively do not want one for valid reasons similar to yours, but I feel like I am being pushed into getting one by the culture of others.
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I've been told I need a smart phone for several years now. When I dig down and prob for reasons it falls apart pretty quick.
The big downsides I see are cost, environmental impact, and the expectation of being available at all times - right now people do not expect me to immediately respond to emails or Facebook messages, which is fantastic! When I'm not home I don't WANT people bothering me with non-important stuff, and if it's quite important they can always call me. My generation really hates talking on the phone, so I only get calls for important reasons.
I'm almost ten years older than you and feel similar pressures. People look at me like I have two heads when I give them my landline number rather than a cellphone. I do think that it has put a damper on some new friendships, but I figure, if someone will write me off because they can't text me, I'm not really sure I want to be their friend anyway.
Mind you, I have a cellphone, but it is a pay as you go that is really reserved for contact with my family. If I hand out the number it will quickly become much more expensive than the $10 a month I pay now. I am very, very often checking my computer at home, so someone can IM me on Facebook or e-mail and usually get a response pretty quickly.
I really struggle with the smartphone issue. I actively do not want one for valid reasons similar to yours, but I feel like I am being pushed into getting one by the culture of others.
Funny. People almost never call or text me, and those that do text I insist on having them use Hangouts, which I enable only when on WiFi. So my smartphone averages less than $10/month and that's our only phone cost, as the wife gets a free phone via work.
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I've been told I need a smart phone for several years now. When I dig down and prob for reasons it falls apart pretty quick.
The big downsides I see are cost, environmental impact, and the expectation of being available at all times - right now people do not expect me to immediately respond to emails or Facebook messages, which is fantastic! When I'm not home I don't WANT people bothering me with non-important stuff, and if it's quite important they can always call me. My generation really hates talking on the phone, so I only get calls for important reasons.
I'm almost ten years older than you and feel similar pressures. People look at me like I have two heads when I give them my landline number rather than a cellphone. I do think that it has put a damper on some new friendships, but I figure, if someone will write me off because they can't text me, I'm not really sure I want to be their friend anyway.
Mind you, I have a cellphone, but it is a pay as you go that is really reserved for contact with my family. If I hand out the number it will quickly become much more expensive than the $10 a month I pay now. I am very, very often checking my computer at home, so someone can IM me on Facebook or e-mail and usually get a response pretty quickly.
I really struggle with the smartphone issue. I actively do not want one for valid reasons similar to yours, but I feel like I am being pushed into getting one by the culture of others.
Funny. People almost never call or text me, and those that do text I insist on having them use Hangouts, which I enable only when on WiFi. So my smartphone averages less than $10/month and that's our only phone cost, as the wife gets a free phone via work.
Good to know. That's probably what I'll do as well when I get a smartphone. And I know it is when not if. One of my main reasons for not wanting a smartphone is the phone itself, which you have to charge more and appears to be much more fragile. I drop my $15 flip phone all the time and it is fine. The number of people I see using cracked smartphones implies to me that they are easy to damage.
Our total cellphone bills are $10/month too, since my husband have a work phone as well. But then we pay $20 for the landline, which I do actually use daily. I am okay with $30 a month total. We have an archaic phone on the wall still, but I like it in the event of an emergency. My young children know where it is and how to dial 911. I can hardly locate my cell phone most of the time; it's unlikely in the event of an emergency that the kids could find it.
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From my mom who know the fire numbers are working out.
My mom "so when is your husband getting a new job" he's been unemployed since the new year
Me"well with these numbers looks like he does have to if he does want to"
My mom" but you know he NEEDS to work the last 5 quarters to get full social security benefits and Medicare"
Me "well if he wants to work great but no way will he be working anouther 20 years just for that" subject change
I really really don't think she gets the whole point of early retirementment.
Also why we need a second car How will he drive to work? Lol
Oh and I need a new phone to she doesn't like my tracphone either.
Oh and I need to house cleaner too.
Eke where does it end
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I need another child. My only child is certainly just going to end up depressed and spoiled unless I pop out another one. ;-)
Oh I get this one all the time. We should chat!
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Apparently I need a spa day and a fancy vacation. These would help me "just relax" which would in turn cure my infertility.
Also I need an SUV for the one child my husband and I hope to have or adopt.
This is horrible. I'm sorry. Those people are idiots
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Oh!!!... was just reminded of another one...
I get told constantly that I "NEED a Facebook account". At times I feel like the only person under 35 in the western world who's not on Facebook.
The reasons why I need them seem so forced. 1) I don't know what's going on with you (then call/email/skype/text me, or just stop by). 2) I can't coordinate plans with you (then call/email/skype/text me, or just stop by). 3) but I want to show you photos of ____ (then call/email/skype/text me, or just stop by) 4) but it's so hard to keep up with you (well, I guess you don't really care that much).
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I told my co-worker I'm not on facebook because I don't need to see peoples selfies, cats, crap they ate etc. Co-worker said "yes you do."
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Oh!!!... was just reminded of another one...
I get told constantly that I "NEED a Facebook account". At times I feel like the only person under 35 in the western world who's not on Facebook.
The reasons why I need them seem so forced. 1) I don't know what's going on with you (then call/email/skype/text me, or just stop by). 2) I can't coordinate plans with you (then call/email/skype/text me, or just stop by). 3) but I want to show you photos of ____ (then call/email/skype/text me, or just stop by) 4) but it's so hard to keep up with you (well, I guess you don't really care that much).
They want to share all of this information with you but in the most generic way and least effort possible. "I want this to seem like it's meaningful."
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Apparently I need a spa day and a fancy vacation. These would help me "just relax" which would in turn cure my infertility.
Also I need an SUV for the one child my husband and I hope to have or adopt.
This is horrible. I'm sorry. Those people are idiots
Ha. Don't get me started.
"Studies have shown that stress and worry actually do affect one's chances. You are adding to it, stfu if you're wanting to see me have one."
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Aside from the sparkly diamonds that DH should be buying me :eye roll: (already mentioned up thread)
I also, apparently need a new car. My 14 year old VW Jetta is simply not good enough to get me to/from work & hauling my dog around for destination hikes/ swims/ trail running.
Why would I need a new car just to make it smell like wet dog too?
Hah! My family and their friends have been telling me to replace my 19 year old Jetta for at least a decade. Though, nobody tells me I need sparkly diamonds. :(
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Jesus.
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Jesus.
as my friend says: I found Jesus... nice guy, but we just never really clicked.
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Most of my friends think I need to move to Phoenix.
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People are always telling me I need a tan. It's not an obvious expenditure suggestion, until you start to figure in the price of skin cancer down the line.
Plus, I disagree; I like pale skin.
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My personal favorite from well-meaning friends who know I like investing:
"You need to buy X, I hear its doing really good right now."
Where X = whatever fad investment stock/fund/precious metal/etc. This one bothers me even more when they don't actually own any of 'X' themselves.
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Ugh, I get this from my mom all the time. My parents both grew up in homes where money was tight and have done very well financially in their adulthood. So they (in my opinion) way overvalue having stuff and services provided to them. They want me to continue to have the same standard of living they provided to me in my teens, but that's not really feasible since they had to work for many years as a dual income couple to acquire the level of wealth they have now. I am a stay at home mom because I personally value being home with my kids more than the money I could get from working right now. Also my husband and I being thirty have only had the opportunity to be in the workforce ~10 years so far (a lot of which was spent in a economic downturn so we didn't do as well as we could have done with jobs, promotions and our early investments.)
When I was looking for a place to live recently I NEEDED 4 bedrooms so that my son could have a room, we could have a nursery for the upcoming baby, and also have a guest room for her to stay in when the baby was born. Also it needed to be a house and in a fancy neighborhood despite the fact that my husband and I had to keep our expenses down. We are renting a two bedroom condo in a good but not fantastic area now and it drives her crazy.
She also tells me that I NEED:
-New furniture/decor for the new place
-To declaw my cats (to save the aformentioned new furniture that I need)
-To go to a hair salon to have my hair trimmed once a month
-To use fancy shampoo/conditioner. (Paul Mitchell for a number of years, though now she is pushing WEN)
-To buy new clothes and shoes more often and from department stores. (In part so she can enjoy shopping with me more)
-To buy and wear makeup
-Fancy preschool/daycare for my 2&1/2 year old son
-To start working again so that I can afford more things
-A new and big car/SUV to drive the kids in so they will be "safe"
At least they have backed down a lot from my college days when they basically wanted to map out my entire life for me. I have gotten a LOT of bad financial advice from them over the years because they forget that I don't always have the resources yet to make certain investments. I had to stop getting advice from them after they talked me into buying a house in 2007 with 0% down. At least I settled on a starter home rather than the huge house they were gunning for, but based on the timing of my purchase I'll leave you to guess how well THAT investment went.
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I just realised that my mother has always said I need - a spare bedroom (complete with a proper queen sized bed), a bigger car, and to do something with my hair.
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If someone ever tells me that I'm going to respond: "What I *need* is to retire."
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My favorite response when someone says I need something is 'why, what will happen if I don't get it?'. Used this every time someone would tell me I needed a smartphone, never got a response back.
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I forgot the craziest ones! According to my mother I also need several elective surgeries including:
-Lasik
-Tubal ligation
-A cesarian for my current pregnancy
-A tummy tuck to correct the minor diatasis recti that occurred after my first pregnancy (and will likely be worse after my current one).
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I forgot the craziest ones! According to my mother I also need several elective surgeries including:
-Lasik
-Tubal ligation
-A cesarian for my current pregnancy
-A tummy tuck to correct the minor diatasis recti that occurred after my first pregnancy (and will likely be worse after my current one).
Ask her to pay for it as a new baby/mommy makeover present.
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Ask her to pay for it as a new baby/mommy makeover present.
Maybe she just wants me to be constantly recovering from surgery so she can get more grandkid time. :-)
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Ugh. Speaking from experience, what you do not need in your life is recovery from a C-section.
Then again, I haven't experience a vaginal birth, so who knows whether it is worse? Likely it is all bad, just different.
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We need to buy a house! Despite the fact we have the best deal on the most beautiful a rent controlled 1 bedroom apartment you have ever seen in your life. Paying a mortgage on the current place we rent would be double. Crappy fixer upper houses in this town (San Francisco) are a million, easily. No, not buying a house any time soon, thanks. I plan on raising 4 kids in this apartment. (I'm kind of kidding?)
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A contractor!.. My Dad was horrified that my Wife was helping me frame the house extension (we doubled the size of our 650 sq ft house).
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A contractor!.. My Dad was horrified that my Wife was helping me frame the house extension (we doubled the size of our 650 sq ft house).
It's OK as long as she was just bringing you iced cold lemonade. /s
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To stop wasting my youth and party more. And by "party" they mean go to over priced clubs and drink myself into a stupor on $15 drinks. I'll pass.