Author Topic: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents  (Read 67346 times)

SwordGuy

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #150 on: January 07, 2017, 10:08:51 AM »
My dad would ask my advice about personal computers and then do the exact opposite of what I said to do.

After doing that a couple of times, I just changed the subject and refused to give more advice.

RetiredAt63

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #151 on: January 07, 2017, 04:05:57 PM »
My dad would ask my advice about personal computers and then do the exact opposite of what I said to do.

After doing that a couple of times, I just changed the subject and refused to give more advice.

I'm sure you gave him good advice, and I am not aiming it at you, just a general comment.  This reminded me of something I read once - "if you are not sure which way to decide something, ask someone whose opinion you do not respect, and do the opposite of what that person recommends."  I think it was for politics (who to vote for), but it could apply in a lot of areas. 
The measure of civilization is how people treat one another.

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clarkfan1979

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #152 on: January 07, 2017, 10:14:00 PM »
They probably don't ask for advice because they know they would not like it. I assume that is why no one in my family asks me for advice, even though I have a PhD in economics and have an obviously well-organized personal financial life.

I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I don't think a PhD in economics is a credential that speaks in favor of your financial acumen. ;)

I have a Ph.D. in Applied Social Psychology. We covered some of the basic research that supports behavioral economics and behavioral finance. I've been out of grad school for about 6 years. Based on my circle of friends with 4 year degrees (20 people), I'm probably in the top 5-10% in net worth and hourly wage.

Over the past 6 years, our net worth went from 50K to 450K. My hourly wage for my day job is $60/hour. If you factor my rental income and time spent on the rental houses, it's more like $75/hour. If you consider that I'm taking 12 weeks of family leave this year with pay, I'm actually at $120/hour this year.

Getting a Ph.D. does not guarantee success in personal finance. However, for me specifically, it helped me out a lot. If I live to be 80, I should make it to 10 million. I don't think I would have a chance at that number without my grad school experience.



I am curious what the basis is for this comment. Is it based on actually knowing any people with economics PhDs?

From a purely financial perspective, I'm pretty sure the opportunity cost of a PhD outweighs any future financial benefit in almost all cases. Of course there are many great non-financial reasons to get a PhD, but again, then it remains the opposite of a financial credential.

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #153 on: January 07, 2017, 10:31:52 PM »
Quote
they assume I'm a dumbass and can't possibly know anything and even when they do ask my opinion in areas where I AM and expert actually (not boasting, thats just fact!).. They usually do the exact opposite.

I don't know about you but when I give somebody consultancy for free usually that person usually takes the advice. But not my folks, they will ignore me because clearly I know nothing.

So here's my shoe-on-the-other-foot story.

DS had trained as a mechanic and had all the fancy tools etc. He and his wife move into the family home and he begs me to service and do repairs on my car. I say ok, when they need doing ...

In the mean time we disagree about a home improvement that we implemented to benefit said son and wife. DS refuses to continue work on agreed project, leaving DH and I $15,000 into it and only half way finished. Son and wife continue to live with us, not contributing anything to food or bills as per original agreement.

Months later when my car needs new brakes, and the quote is for $1000 or $2000 - I forget which, I ask DS if he could do my brakes? A flat no.

So what did he do that same weekend in our backyard? Fixed his friend's brakes :(

Exflyboy

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #154 on: January 08, 2017, 12:19:44 AM »
Quote
they assume I'm a dumbass and can't possibly know anything and even when they do ask my opinion in areas where I AM and expert actually (not boasting, thats just fact!).. They usually do the exact opposite.

I don't know about you but when I give somebody consultancy for free usually that person usually takes the advice. But not my folks, they will ignore me because clearly I know nothing.

So here's my shoe-on-the-other-foot story.

DS had trained as a mechanic and had all the fancy tools etc. He and his wife move into the family home and he begs me to service and do repairs on my car. I say ok, when they need doing ...

In the mean time we disagree about a home improvement that we implemented to benefit said son and wife. DS refuses to continue work on agreed project, leaving DH and I $15,000 into it and only half way finished. Son and wife continue to live with us, not contributing anything to food or bills as per original agreement.

Months later when my car needs new brakes, and the quote is for $1000 or $2000 - I forget which, I ask DS if he could do my brakes? A flat no.

So what did he do that same weekend in our backyard? Fixed his friend's brakes :(

And I assume said offspring will be moving out next weekend?.. If not he (and she) bloody well should be!!!

chrisgermany

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #155 on: January 08, 2017, 01:19:00 AM »
Send them a notice to leave.

Abundant life

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #156 on: January 08, 2017, 02:38:43 AM »
Quote
they assume I'm a dumbass and can't possibly know anything and even when they do ask my opinion in areas where I AM and expert actually (not boasting, thats just fact!).. They usually do the exact opposite.

I don't know about you but when I give somebody consultancy for free usually that person usually takes the advice. But not my folks, they will ignore me because clearly I know nothing.

So here's my shoe-on-the-other-foot story.

DS had trained as a mechanic and had all the fancy tools etc. He and his wife move into the family home and he begs me to service and do repairs on my car. I say ok, when they need doing ...

In the mean time we disagree about a home improvement that we implemented to benefit said son and wife. DS refuses to continue work on agreed project, leaving DH and I $15,000 into it and only half way finished. Son and wife continue to live with us, not contributing anything to food or bills as per original agreement.

Months later when my car needs new brakes, and the quote is for $1000 or $2000 - I forget which, I ask DS if he could do my brakes? A flat no.

So what did he do that same weekend in our backyard? Fixed his friend's brakes :(

And I assume said offspring will be moving out next weekend?.. If not he (and she) bloody well should be!!!
Already happened two years ago. Not with an attitude of gratitude I must say, but with instructions not to visit him interstate. Also if he and wife were to have kids, they didn't want us to have anything to do with them. (Not likely, currently separated intending to divorce this year)

Send them a notice to leave.

They actually spent time in Germany 2015-2016. DS is back in the country, but vowed he'd never live with us again. (He's right there)

EricNYC

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #157 on: January 08, 2017, 11:40:51 AM »
My dad's not Mustachian by any means, but he's got a decent level of financial sense and generally listens. We go out running in the park and he usually wants to go to a diner or something afterwards. I've started suggesting we eat the leftovers instead (there's always SOMETHING at his house) and he's gotten more open to that, and spending less money on take out, has started cooking again, etc. I think that if God forbid, something happened to me and I wasn't around to provide any sort of support (we've had the talk), he'd make do.

I'm trying to convince him to not get a new cat after his current one dies. Not out of a cold, cost-analysis type of argument, but because it's been so emotionally devastating for us when a pet dies. I'm really worried what that'd do to him, especially considering he'd be in his mid to late 70s when the next cat dies.

The only thing I really want to say to him is this: Not everyone needs a car!!! Sure, if we didn't live in a city with a comprehensive public transportation system, I would have one and try to be as sane as possible with my car usage and expenses, but I've lived in this city for nearly 30 years without one, I've never felt deprived and I don't think I ever will. Even if we lived in some sort of bizarro world where friendship didn't exist and I had no one to bum rides off of, I don't think my life would be terribly impacted.

Cassie

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #158 on: January 08, 2017, 07:24:50 PM »
Eric:  I know your hearts in the right place about your Dad having a cat but a pet can be so important as you age. I am 62 and as you age your friends start to die, your spouse may be gone and for some older people a animal might be the only thing they touch on a regular basis that is alive.  We have 4 old dogs and as they die we will only have 1 dog so when we die it will not be burden for my son to take 1. I grieve terribly when one dies but it would be worse to not have 1 pet.  When I was a social worker we would actually encourage older people to get another pet for the company. At our age we still have lots of friends, social contacts but by the time my Mom reached her 80's she had outlived all her friends. 

EricNYC

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #159 on: January 08, 2017, 07:49:04 PM »
That's something I never thought about. Thank you for that perspective!

Cassie

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #160 on: January 08, 2017, 08:18:30 PM »
Really glad that I could help:)) I never thought of any of this stuff when I was  young either.  It wasn't until I became a social worker  in my 30's working with older people that I learned about the issues of aging.  Even though we are not that old we have lost some of our friends already.   You sound like you have a great relationship with your Dad and are a good son. 

EricNYC

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #161 on: January 08, 2017, 08:55:56 PM »
I try! In my first post I was thinking of how down he was when our last cat died, and I mostly don't want him to go through that again. I didn't think of the benefits of a companion animal -- probably because of what you said, and because my grandparents weren't really pet people. Again, thanks for providing a point which I hadn't thought of.

Tasty Pinecones

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #162 on: January 09, 2017, 04:48:12 PM »
My point is, they assume I'm a dumbass and can't possibly know anything and even when they do ask my opinion in areas where I AM and expert actually (not boasting, thats just fact!).. They usually do the exact opposite.

I don't know about you but when I give somebody consultancy for free usually that person usually takes the advice. But not my folks, they will ignore me because clearly I know nothing.

Anyone want to start a poll on this topic? I'll bet it is pretty normal. Certainly in my family...

bridget

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #163 on: January 09, 2017, 05:33:28 PM »
I try! In my first post I was thinking of how down he was when our last cat died, and I mostly don't want him to go through that again. I didn't think of the benefits of a companion animal -- probably because of what you said, and because my grandparents weren't really pet people. Again, thanks for providing a point which I hadn't thought of.

I've also read that having a pet is really good for old-age longevity.  Having a living thing to care for (assuming it's not an animal that needs an awful lot of physical activity to be happy) gives elderly people something to do and something to connect with.  Lots of long-term care facilities keep pets or have visiting comfort animals.  https://www.nps.gov/goga/learn/management/upload/Comment-4704-attachment_.pdf 

Fish Sweet

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #164 on: January 12, 2017, 02:05:50 PM »
Mom, stop buying crap you don't need, just because you "like" them and they're "on sale."  Shoes on sale, jackets, pretty plates and dishes, kitchenware, bullshit to fill your already filled home full of crap you can't bear to part with and never use.   You complain about money all the time, you've borrowed seventeen fucking thousand dollars from your twenty three year old daughter because of your lack of it, and then KEEP ON SHOPPING.  And then you have the gall to get on my case for buying things-- well, until I also owe you over ten grand for bullshit reasons, you can just keep your mouth shut.

I've already given her the sanitized, mother-friendly talking to version of this shpeal, but my mom loves shopping and seems to have no concept of causation-correlation when she complains about how little she has and how boohoooo she has no money, and the piles of unused crap she buys.  And then tries to foist on me.

Shieldmaiden

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #165 on: January 12, 2017, 02:19:49 PM »
Dad: leasing is not a good deal. Ever. And upgrading your cellphone always drives up the bill- although considering he's not paying said bill, he probably doesn't care about that last one.
Also, you have a ton of 'fixer upper' boats and cars that you bought at bargain prices and proceeded to let rot in our driveway. Sell them already!

Mom: You need a budget and stop buying shit for the apartment. You deserve nice things, but now is not the time.

Reynold

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #166 on: January 12, 2017, 03:34:05 PM »
I've met many people who spend double to triple the amount on an item due to simple lack of planning, and who therefore think nothing of dining out several times per week. They invariably have nothing to show for it and are furious when they can't gouge the money for necessities out of others.

We are friends with a couple who do actually fit that first sentence perfectly, but they are actually very nice and have been eager to help us out with things, so at least I have one counter example.  Example; we were going to rent a power washer to clean up our house before selling it, the guy brought one of his over for us to borrow.  A tree fell on our yard, he brought one of his chain saws over to help cut it up, and actually did a lot of the work.  You may see one of their problems from my repeated use of "one of", despite near bankruptcy on more than one occasion last I knew he had 3 generators in different sizes, 2 arc welders, 4 older cars he was fixing up. . .   They hate to say no to each other on purchases, and have said they try not to think about their finances because they are too depressing. 

So despite the fact that they are both very bright, they just can't seem to get their financial act together.  We were hoping we could convince them to let us put a budget together for them, but we moved out of state and don't see them much now. 

DW and I are fortunate that our parents were financially responsible, and all our siblings are financially responsible, so the only thing I would have told my recently departed Dad was that he could easily afford newer than 40 year old sheets for the guest bed, and maybe even newer than 40 year old beds and some other updating, so that the house would be inhabitable and his kids would be more willing to visit.  He was a little too Mustachian in some ways, you really shouldn't re-use aluminum foil in the toaster oven for more than a week.  At least he did spend money on traveling, which he enjoyed. 

Better Late

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #167 on: January 12, 2017, 05:59:41 PM »
Dad:
Stop trying to get rich fast; You are 80 years old. Stop with margin calls for money you don't have. Just stop.

Exflyboy

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #168 on: January 13, 2017, 12:17:47 AM »
Dad:
Stop trying to get rich fast; You are 80 years old. Stop with margin calls for money you don't have. Just stop.

OMG you have got to be kidding me

Paul der Krake

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #169 on: January 13, 2017, 12:58:23 AM »
My parents have done extremely well for themselves, yet I will most likely retire before them (and they didn't have me at 16 or something).

I don't foresee any conflict or resentment, just surprise followed by the sound of pieces clicking together.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #170 on: January 13, 2017, 01:14:59 AM »
I wish my in-laws would understand that it isn't generosity when you run out of money, sob and borrow the money from one child and then give away gifts or charity donations.

Better Late

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #171 on: January 13, 2017, 04:02:08 PM »
Dad:
Stop trying to get rich fast; You are 80 years old. Stop with margin calls for money you don't have. Just stop.

OMG you have got to be kidding me



Not kidding. Last time I visited he got a margin call and was in a horrible mood for the remainder of my visit (which I manage to make once, maybe twice a year)

Laura Ingalls

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #172 on: January 14, 2017, 07:46:40 PM »
My mom is very mustacheian but her loyalty to"her" Edward Jones guy drives me nuts.  Mom do you realize you give this idiot 2% every year to lag the market (in her case ~$20k) when could be in low cost funds.  In other words you could fund college for your grandkids not this schmucks kids.

LeRainDrop

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #173 on: January 14, 2017, 08:35:50 PM »
Eric:  I know your hearts in the right place about your Dad having a cat but a pet can be so important as you age. I am 62 and as you age your friends start to die, your spouse may be gone and for some older people a animal might be the only thing they touch on a regular basis that is alive.  We have 4 old dogs and as they die we will only have 1 dog so when we die it will not be burden for my son to take 1. I grieve terribly when one dies but it would be worse to not have 1 pet.  When I was a social worker we would actually encourage older people to get another pet for the company. At our age we still have lots of friends, social contacts but by the time my Mom reached her 80's she had outlived all her friends.

Totally agree with Cassie.  There have been lots of studies showing that having a pet to care for can help to keep an older person mentally sharp, give them a sense of purpose, reduce the likelihood of depression, etc.  Obviously at some point, an older person may no longer be able to care for himself or a pet, but as long as the child is keeping a good eye on the parent's condition, this should be caught around the right time.

prettypaperwork

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #174 on: January 14, 2017, 08:38:36 PM »
To my mom who I love dearly:

Please do not ask me for money so you can entertain out of town guests (I agreed to split costs with her and possibly one other sibling so they could do tourist-y theme park trips) and in the same conversation tell me I am cheap because I don't want to spend the money to attend my nephew's 16th birthday party 400+ miles away.  She told me I need to live a little (in my head, i thought if I am going to spend money on a trip, it's going to be someplace fun for me not my teenage nephew's bday party.  I know, I am a bit of a poohole.  I know what I want).  Seriously, he will be 16 and I am pretty sure he'd be happier with $50 from his cranky aunt than his cranky aunt at his party.

I did tell her that and reminded her again that I contribute monthly to his and his three siblings' 529 accounts, that I do give money when she asks for money for x, y and z, that I have a budget and I am sticking to it.  And she needs to lay off the calling me cheap sh*t because I'm not.

To my dad:

STOP BUYING SH*T YOU DO NOT NEED AND STOP CHARGING THOSE THINGS ON YOUR CREDIT CARDS AND PAY YOUR F$&@ING BILLS LIKE A GROWNUP!!!

I haven't said that to him because he is a mega backdoor poohole  and can't take feedback.

Thank you for starting this thread.  I really needed to get that out.
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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #175 on: January 15, 2017, 03:13:50 PM »
I guess I'd tell my Dad that I wish he wouldn't have stopped my mother from traveling. They had the money, and my sisters and I didn't need an inheritance. Also, I'd tell him that he should have maintained the house instead of letting it go to pieces. In a way, his behavior was unmustachian.


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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #176 on: January 21, 2017, 10:04:12 PM »
Dad:
Stop trying to get rich fast; You are 80 years old.

Well is unlikely to get rich slowly by now, isn't it?
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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #177 on: January 25, 2017, 08:07:04 AM »
FIL:  Thank God you are semi-capable. Its also great that you have some retirement and are satisfied to live your modest life of fishing and biking after you are done working.  Maybe you should consider cutting back on the cigarettes and beer so you live that long......Also, thanks for being the only parent supportive of us leaving town and not coming back.

MIL: Please.  Stop. Spending. Please consider learning to be an adult. Stop buying cigarettes so you can buy food.  Stop signing rent-to-own leases for tvs and furniture while we worry about whether or not you have health insurance and needed prescriptions.  I know you will never be able to "choose" to retire.  I know that you will be forced to retire due to health someday and will be alone in your drafty, too-big apartment, living on cigarettes and SS.......*sob*

Mom: You can clean out the hoards.....and I don't need to keep my way to big house for your once a year visits.  I will downsize and pay for a hotel room for you.....

Dad: You do alright for yourself.  You learned some hard lessons.  But I still don't understand your refusal to do anything yourself (and insistence on paying someone else to do things as simple as painting a room), your need to buy a 1,000.00 TV,  the and yo-yo of enabling and then criticizing of my sister (can't have it both ways.....).  Also, you can stop worrying...we learned our money lessons a lot earlier in life than you guys did.

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #178 on: January 25, 2017, 09:55:10 AM »
Mom:  I realize you had an unhappy childhood where "niceties" were scarce.  That doesn't mean you need to buy EVERYTHING now.  Nobody is impressed with the amount of decorative (and non-decorative) crap you keep around the house.  You also need to learn about money.  Whining to me that you think Dad has screwed up the finances doesn't earn you any sympathy when YOU are the shopper and simply switch to a different CC when the first CC is declined on a purchase.

Dad:  I know you feel guilty about your affairs and letting Mom spend whatever she wants helps assuage that feeling of guilt but you're in trouble (early 60s, almost no retirement funds) and need to stop now.  Stop calling me, asking to borrow money so you can "transfer investments" and then scream at me when I suggest that requiring $20k to "transfer investments" doesn't sound legit.  I lent, and lost, enough money to you as a teenager and in my early 20s...the Bank of Daughter is now closed.

Both of them:  Stop nagging at me to visit you all the time.  Stop chiding me and telling me I'm a skinflint.  Stop asking me for advice, only to stop speaking to me for months when you don't like my response.  Stop complaining about me to your other kids (younger brother is like me and more or less avoids our parents but much younger sister is very much like mom and thinks we should help her more...sister obviously can't because of her CC debt!)  I don't care that we're related by blood...genetics mean very little to me if I'm not being treated with respect.

To Mustachians:  Yes, I've seen about a million therapists. *tears out hair*
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Raenia

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #179 on: January 25, 2017, 01:42:43 PM »
My parents are fairly frugal, if not exactly Mustacian, but I did recently find out my Mom did something something that just about made my head explode.  I'd almost forgotten about it until I was reading this thread...

I recently found out that my mom has ~$40k in CASH sitting in a safe in her house.  She wanted to let me know about it in case I ever need money she can lend/give me...  Firstly, that's very sweet Mom, thanks for the thought, I really appreciate it.  But if I'm in a situation my own savings and investments aren't enough to resolve, your 40k probably isn't going to tip the scale.  Secondly, why are you keeping that much cash on hand?!?  Invest it somewhere safe where it's at least accruing interest!  If you don't trust the stock market, go with bonds.  Hell, even a basic savings account is better than holding it in cash.

Her answer to that?  The money is what's left of her inheritance from her mom, which she received in CD's.  She decided to cash them out because "they weren't earning much money in the CD's."  Uh, Mom?  You realize that the cash in your safe is steadily LOOSING value, right?  That "not earning much" is still better than "not earning anything?"  That literally anything else is safer, not to mention the risk of theft/fire/etc?  I tried to explain this to her, and she concluded that it "all sounded too complicated."  Makes me practically blow a fuse just thinking about it.

Finally, Mom?  Seriously, stop lending money to your starving-artist boyfriend's art studio business.  If he can't keep afloat on his own merit, doesn't mean you should risk your inheritance and safe retirement for him. (Also, please, please dump the boyfriend.  He's a massive narcissist who doesn't give a crap about other people's happiness, even if he knows how.  You know this, because you already went through it once, and I cannot fathom why you took him back after the shit he put you through.  I don't care that he's doing a better job pretending this time, people don't grow out of personality disorders on a whim.  But of course, this one's not financially related, so doesn't really belong here :P )

ETA: And thank you all for the stories, you've inspired me to call my Dad and thank him again for the financial literacy he gave me and my sister (even if we're doing different things with it, at least we got the education in the first place, which most never do.)
« Last Edit: January 25, 2017, 01:44:17 PM by Raenia »

Exflyboy

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #180 on: January 27, 2017, 01:08:18 AM »
Heck for that matter just put it on deposit with an outfit like Dime bank who currently pay 1.1% AND all funds are FDIC insured!

Cost is free and it can't be stolen...

MrsWolfeRN

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #181 on: February 07, 2017, 07:04:01 AM »
Mom: Stop buying cars. Her old car was perfectly fine, she lives 1 mile from work and stepdad is retired, yet they have an SUV and a truck with payments. (Her excuse: well, I can't retire for 2 years anyway because pension blah blah blah). Complains about her job all the time and how she would like to travel more, move someplace warmer, etc. Also just spent 20k on a kitchen remodel. Wants me to buy a new car because I need something "safer". Face palm.  Also stop giving me all your sentimental clutter.

Dad: seems to be doing well except refuses to invest because he doesn't want to fund socially/ environmentally irresponsible things that companies do. Keeps all his money in a checking account. Complains about his job all the time too. Sigh.

SpareChange

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #182 on: February 07, 2017, 08:38:36 AM »
Mom and dad: Pleeeease get out of debt, and stay out. Having 18k in CC debt when you are 71 and 68 is ridiculous (just learned this last week). Did you not learn anything from when I was a kid and those nasty collectors were calling us 4 or 5 times a day?

Tasty Pinecones

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #183 on: February 08, 2017, 08:00:51 AM »
To all of our elders: stop watching so much darn TV! There are other things in life besides FoxNews and made-for-TV movies. Get up and move. Go for a walk. The aches and pains are from sitting all the time. Go some place. Read a book. You're going to be permanently attached to the couch cushions soon.

Dave1442397

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #184 on: February 08, 2017, 09:21:48 AM »
To all of our elders: stop watching so much darn TV! There are other things in life besides FoxNews and made-for-TV movies. Get up and move. Go for a walk. The aches and pains are from sitting all the time. Go some place. Read a book. You're going to be permanently attached to the couch cushions soon.

OMG, yes! My MIL (87) has Fox News running constantly. She's constantly locking us out of the house when she's here because "someone might break in", and when our daughter announces that she's going to a friend's house we get the "she might be kidnapped" line. I often wish she'd read a book or something, as she wanders around the house like a ghost when she's not watching Fox News.

Vindicated

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #185 on: February 08, 2017, 11:33:37 AM »
This is one of the best posts I've read through!  It's helped me greatly in formulating my thoughts on my parents, and how their future is going to affect mine.

Dad - You've overcome a lot (years of drug addiction) to get to where you are now, but the backbreaking manual labor is wearing you out.  You're 59 now, and don't know when you'll be able to retire!?!?  Living paycheck-to-paycheck has worked for you so far because you've maintained your health.  I'm terrified for when you can't continue.  You've said that you'll get a pension in a few years, and with that and social security you and Mom will be fine.  But when I asked how much your pension will be, you had no idea!  You need to make a plan, and I'm happy to help.  Also, one year of your life insurance premiums would be more than enough to pay for a funeral.  Just save that money, and stop throwing it away.

Mom - Quit drinking.  Like, seriously.  You've had far too many serious health scares related to alcoholism, and you've seen this exact scenario play out before.  Both of your older brothers, your Mom and your Dad, all died for reasons directly related to alcoholism.  One or two drinks won't hurt?? Of course it does!!  Also, get a job.  You can't stand for long periods any more because you STOPPED STANDING EVER!!  You complain about not having money, and that Dad doesn't do enough around the house, but he's working 50+hr weeks EVERY WEEK!  He still makes dinner every time I'm over there visiting.  You sit on the couch and nap, sipping on drinks throughout the day.  I'm thankful that Dad does so much for you, but what happens when he can't anymore?  And quit trying to get disability benefits.  They're going to keep turning you down.  You're not disabled.  You're a lazy alcoholic.

MIL - You've been "renting" your sister's home for a decade, paying her less than the mortgage.  She's truly a wonderful Sister, and I know she's happy to help you.  Now, you buy a new car right after you've paid yours off, and you plan to retire this summer.  If you have the money for this new car, and the money to retire this summer, why are you ripping your sister off?  Oh, you're going to travel after you retire, so your sister can sell the house.  Great!  Wait... where are you planning to live when you run out of travel funds???  We don't have an extra room...

FIL & Wife - Thank you for offering to pay $4k towards our wedding.  I really wish you'd have actually paid half of that, so I didn't have to get an extra credit card a month before the wedding to pay for the things you said you were going to.  I guess it made it a bit more difficult when you had just spend $15k on your own wedding a year earlier.  Also, you really could use a car more fuel efficient than your monster truck.  Especially considering that you drive hundreds of miles each week.  Your new house is beautiful.  I hope it's cost reasonably matches your budget.

I kind of feel bad writing about my in-laws, because I obviously don't know their financial habits as well as I know my own parent's.  Who knows, the in-laws could have nest eggs that I don't know about.

I'm actually going to my parent's house tonight for dinner, since DW has dinner plans with one of her friends.  I'm going to show them my budget and plan for paying off debts.  Hopefully my Dad will let me make a plan for them.
My MMM Journal: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/my-almost-perfect-life-experience/

"Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. - Dalai Lama

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #186 on: February 08, 2017, 11:49:53 AM »
I'm actually going to my parent's house tonight for dinner, since DW has dinner plans with one of her friends.  I'm going to show them my budget and plan for paying off debts.  Hopefully my Dad will let me make a plan for them.

Danger Alert: My guess is they suggest ways you can use your extra income to help them.

Vindicated

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #187 on: February 08, 2017, 11:56:25 AM »
I'm actually going to my parent's house tonight for dinner, since DW has dinner plans with one of her friends.  I'm going to show them my budget and plan for paying off debts.  Hopefully my Dad will let me make a plan for them.

Danger Alert: My guess is they suggest ways you can use your extra income to help them.

Luckily (unluckily) I don't have any extra income, since I'm paying off the wedding debt on credit cards, and have $60k in student loans.  I'm hoping that they realize that they WON'T be able to count on me helping them, and will be motivated to get their finances sorted.
My MMM Journal: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/my-almost-perfect-life-experience/

"Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. - Dalai Lama

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #188 on: February 08, 2017, 12:11:10 PM »
I'm actually going to my parent's house tonight for dinner, since DW has dinner plans with one of her friends.  I'm going to show them my budget and plan for paying off debts.  Hopefully my Dad will let me make a plan for them.

Danger Alert: My guess is they suggest ways you can use your extra income to help them.

Luckily (unluckily) I don't have any extra income, since I'm paying off the wedding debt on credit cards, and have $60k in student loans.  I'm hoping that they realize that they WON'T be able to count on me helping them, and will be motivated to get their finances sorted.

Excellent. Unalert.

Kaydedid

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #189 on: February 23, 2017, 06:25:07 AM »
MIL- There's a big difference between reducing annoyances and something that actually makes you happy.  If the things you desire and scheme for don't make you happy after a week or two, maybe they weren't worth it?

FIL-No, investing in the stock market isn't 'gambling', unless you're buying penny stocks (which you do).  If society collapses, gold isn't going to be worth anything, basics like food and medicine will.  Muslims are not part of a ravening horde bent on destroying Western civilization.

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Kitsune

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #190 on: February 23, 2017, 09:47:38 AM »
MIL- There's a big difference between reducing annoyances and something that actually makes you happy.  If the things you desire and scheme for don't make you happy after a week or two, maybe they weren't worth it?

FIL-No, investing in the stock market isn't 'gambling', unless you're buying penny stocks (which you do).  If society collapses, gold isn't going to be worth anything, basics like food and medicine will.  Muslims are not part of a ravening horde bent on destroying Western civilization.

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... Considering that, historically, Muslims built up most of what is now considered to be Western civilization... yeah. Left to their own devices European Christians would have torched everything related to science, technology, education, and medicine, and god help them with getting out of the middle ages after THAT happened.

[MOD NOTE: I'll put a note here, since I put one on the more difficult post further down.  We need to get the sweeping generalizations under control here.  There was only a short period of scientific decline in Middle Ages Europe:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_science_in_the_Middle_Ages
]
« Last Edit: February 25, 2017, 02:21:02 PM by FrugalToque »

RetiredAt63

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #191 on: February 24, 2017, 09:59:43 AM »
... Considering that, historically, Muslims built up most of what is now considered to be Western civilization... yeah. Left to their own devices European Christians would have torched everything related to science, technology, education, and medicine, and god help them with getting out of the middle ages after THAT happened.

That explains a lot.
The measure of civilization is how people treat one another.

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/meetups-and-social-events/ontario's-own-camp-mustache-2017/ - MEET US THERE!

Tasty Pinecones

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #192 on: February 24, 2017, 11:54:05 AM »
Well, I'm pretty sure that a couple of my elders were actually participated in the Middle Ages... That explains their obsession with Muslims and Fox News.

One of them went to school during the stone age and rode a dinosaur uphill both ways until it began snowing. Then they had to walk through that snow uphill both ways b/c the dinosaur went extinct.

Edited: changed "s" to "ed"
« Last Edit: February 24, 2017, 02:52:37 PM by Tasty Pinecones »

ringer707

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #193 on: February 24, 2017, 01:22:43 PM »
Mom: I am not buying an AWD SUV for the two days a year that there is snow on the ground here. My work always closes without fail when it snows anyways. I'll actually be buying a smaller car after this one goes.

Dad: Please divorce your wife. You make decent money and she's spending it on pills and MLM schemes.

ETA: Mom and Dad are divorced and remarried :)

Abundant life

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #194 on: February 24, 2017, 07:32:24 PM »
Muslims are not part of a ravening horde bent on destroying Western civilization.

Perhaps it should be '(most) Muslims are not part of a ravening horde bent on destroying Western civilization'?

Really? 9/11, Isis, Christians beheaded on the beach in Syria, 'Death to America'? Even if these extreme measures do not succeed, Muslim birth rates in the west exceed the rest of the population whose birth rates are decreasing.

Many Muslims do not like the freedom afforded by Western civilisation (try converting from Islam to another religion or coming out).


[MOD NOTE:  We don't need this kind of sweeping generalization about any religion, race or other grouping.  Thank you.]

« Last Edit: February 25, 2017, 02:16:59 PM by FrugalToque »

Ayanka

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #195 on: February 25, 2017, 03:52:05 AM »
The followers of ISIS are not muslims :).

SweetLife

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #196 on: February 25, 2017, 03:15:27 PM »
Mom, I am sad that you didn't bother to teach me about money when I was young ... maybe I wouldn't have made such bad decisions about it young. I have no idea why you let me think you were broke all those years when I had nothing and would buy you food to be sure you ate. I have no idea why you loved my brother more than me or the other kids, that made me sad, but I learned to deal with it and all the rest. I wish you would have sold the stupid farm years ago so we wouldn't have to be dealing with it all right now. But I also understand it was something you bought and kept though my alcoholic abusive a@@hole of a dad tried to sell it out from under you. I am proud of the way you lived and I loved you so very much. And though there are some things I didn't like and wish you had done differently I would  care about any of it if you were still around to talk to!!! Miss you and I'm doing OK thanks to MMM !!! You'll see once the farm is sold the money will be used to pay off the last of my little debts and invested for my retirement and your grandson's future :)

That felt great!! Thanks guys for the opportunity to get that off my chest. Better than therapy!
Typos will happen, corrections appreciated, or just ignore ;)

Abundant life

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #197 on: February 25, 2017, 06:53:00 PM »
Quote
[MOD NOTE:  We don't need this kind of sweeping generalization about any religion, race or other grouping.  Thank you.]

Quote
[MOD NOTE: I'll put a note here, since I put one on the more difficult post further down.  We need to get the sweeping generalizations under control here.  There was only a short period of scientific decline in Middle Ages Europe:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_science_in_the_Middle_Ages]

Dear Moderator, thank you for your attempt to be even-handed. I agree with the sentiments expressed here, although I find it odd that the sweeping generalisations that prompted my post in the first place about European Christians are ignored?

I will desist from further 'difficult postings' on this topic.

Ayanka

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #198 on: February 26, 2017, 01:35:56 AM »
Abundant life:

I live in a country where the Muslim population from different countries is the second biggest minority group. The biggest minority group is the Wallonians, who historically have lived here. Yes, there are tensions. See the attacks on the airport of Brussels, the Bataclan in Paris the Christmas market in Germany... But the moment we lose the broader view and stop understanding that it is not all Muslims or all Christians or all whatever, we lose something valuable. If we give people less chances because they belong to a certain group you don't only punish the bad people but also the good. Do we have an integration problem inhere? Yes, absolutely and it should be a top priority. But not only for them but for all of us. If they are in a bad situation people are a lot more susceptible for options they otherwise wouldn't have chosen. And that isn't only true for Muslims but also a partial explanation for some of the more past and recent election results.
I can understand you struggle with accepting people who are so different of which their peers have made such bad choices. But sadly hating them isn't going to make things better. It is only going to make the problem worse.

The USA has 2% of the USA population according to my quick internet search. We have 3 times as much, though the number is a grip of air due to not registration laws after the 2nd WW. And no offense being both European and Christian, but saying there have been made some fairly poor decisions in the middle ages is kicking in an open door. Please note though that because of the copying of the monks, the abbeys in the middle ages were the centers of knowledge. Or please keep a broader view, there is more than black and white.

SweetLife

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #199 on: February 26, 2017, 05:20:34 AM »
Back on Topic Mustachians this topic is about What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents ... talk politics somewhere else please.

Thank you!
Typos will happen, corrections appreciated, or just ignore ;)